Three Handed Mah Jongg

Of course Mah Jongg is most fun with four people, but sometimes that just doesn’t work out. The National Mah Jongg league says that when you play with three people you just omit the Charleston. That is no fun at all.

There have been many rouge ways developed to play three handed and still do the Charleston and this way is the best in terms of keeping the game most like four handed.

Build the walls the way you always do. I will call the empty seat wall “Ruth” in honor of the past long time president of the National Mah Jongg League.

You determine one real player to be East and deal the tiles out to the three live players just like you always do. When needed you push Ruth’s wall out for her. One thing to keep in mind with three players is after everyone has taken 12 tiles, East does not take “One and three” because the “three” tile would not be their 14th tile. So when you get to the point of needing to take your 13th tiles, East just takes one, the person on her right takes one, the person on her right takes one and you are back to East and she takes one more making 14.

You do not give Ruth any tiles in the deal.

So the real players rack their tiles and find three to pass to the right as in a normal Charleston. You pass them to the wall directly to the right of you including Ruth. That means that the person to the left of Ruth puts her tiles in front of Ruth’s wall. The Person who would be receiving tiles from Ruth does NOT take the tiles that were put in front of Ruth, but instead takes three random tiles out from a Ruth’s wall.

That is the only time more tiles are taken from the wall. The tiles in front of Ruth now get used in every passing. In other words you pass to Ruth and you get tiles from Ruth.

Now it is time to pass across. The player across from Ruth puts her three tiles in front of Ruth and takes the three tiles that are already there, having been put their by the first passer.

Next pass to the left, works the same way. The person receiving from Ruth takes the ones in front of her and the person passing to Ruth leaves her three tiles in front of Ruth. This continues all the way through both Charleston’s.

At courtesy the person across from Ruth can exchange up to three tiles with the three tiles in front of Ruth.

If you play garbage, Ruth’s three tiles get included In the garbage. At the end of garbage, or courtesy, if you don’t play garbage, Ruth’s three tiles get placed back in her wall randomly and the play begins.

To make the game as fair as possible after three games the person who was East first moves seats to sit give a new player the chance to pick the first three tiles from Ruth’s wall. There is the smallest advantage to be that person because you have the opportunity to pick a joker, but the chances are so small it is not much of an advantage.

Enjoy playing three handed and feel free to pass these instructions on to other players. It would be much easier if we all played the same way.

I am available for questions and lessons.

Dogs Aren’t Getting Botox

I love what researchers study. I can imagine some graduate students sitting around trying to figure out what to do their thesis on that hasn’t already been studied. This week a study was released explaining that dogs developed the ability to use their eye brows to make their eyes more expressive and thus communicate with their humans.

This “puppy eye” effect is like a silver bullet to the heart. A dog can get their owner to do almost anything when they give them that puppy look.

Researchers say it is all in the eye brows. The eye brows control that pitiful look that both humans and dogs make to get their way. That being said, humans should think twice about getting Botox and losing the ability to use their eye brows in an expressive and effective way.

No one is looking at any wrinkles on your forehead or between your eye brows, but they certainly are noticing that you can’t plead your case with your eyes. Dogs know the power of the eye brows and are never going to do anything to guilt you into giving them a treat. Proving once again, Dogs are smarter than their owners.

Let’s Confess Our Failures

As I was driving over to Chapel Hill to meet my friend Hannah and her mother for lunch I heard a story on NPR about the perfect lives people put out on social media and the harm it is doing. I’m not exactly sure that was the gist of the whole story because my mind started wondering about my life on social media.

As an eight year daily blogger I put a sh#$ load amount of stuff about me out into the universe. It started as a way to raise money for the Food Bank and turned into, “what the hell did I do today?” I don’t write this to try and make my life seem perfect. That would be a futile exercise.

I do it for accountability and to be real. Granted I don’t often write about the absolute worst thing that happened that day unless it was very funny. I never publish my real weight or if I found an unwanted hair someplace on my face.

I get that many on social media touch up their photos or use flattering lighting wanting the world to see them at their best. So to combat this fake social media world I am going to publish what I fail at as often as I can to show that life goes on exactly the same way. Actually life is better if you fail at something regularly. Not the same thing, but something different every once in a while.

You really only learn from your failures. If you did everything perfectly the first time you tried you would not have any reason to keep doing that thing. You would not have the satisfaction of improving.

I did not try anything new today so I don’t have a big failure to confess. But I didn’t put my clothes away for the last three days and have let them pile up on my vanity. I spent two hours in the middle of the day watching you tube videos trying to figure out what brand of primer I need to use when I paint the kitchen cabinets next month. I purposely avoided running into someone I saw out of the corner of my eye when I was out today and I didn’t cook any new food and just made my family forage in the fridge for leftovers for dinner. Not big failures, but nothing to be proud about.

Let’s turn social media into the place people can come and feel good about themselves because they were way more productive today than somebody else. Tonight, more unproductiveness, Needlepoint and Netflix, but boy am I happy.

My Next Year

After five very Presbyterian years my church’s congregation approved the last detail needed to build a new fellowship hall. The amount of work to get to that vote yesterday is hard to measure, but Dave Pottenger, Chris Tuttle and I had a huge sigh that we jumped that hurdle.

Now after five long years I have a fast four weeks to get the old fellowship hall emptied so we can begin the tear down. This is going to involve all the volunteers I am able to get as many groups store their “Stuff” or another word that begins with SH, in that building.

It is confirmed that my next year is going to be spent working on building this building, although I will not be the one picking up a hammer. This clean out is the hardest part.

If you go to Westminster and want to help with the great move out please let me know. The kind members of the La Nueva Church have volunteered to help which is so kind. This will be helpful for the actual moving, but many decisions and organizational things must get done first.

Watch this space as I post progress. It will be an exciting year and I am so thankful for all the people who have worked so hard to get us to this point. The new space is going to be so much better than the old. I think this means I will be doing some cooking in the new kitchen in the future, but first, where to keep 300 plates?

Father’s Day Honesty

Poor fathers. Your day is not close to the pampering that Mother’s Day is, at least not around here and I am guessing not at most houses. If someone has an amazing father’s day, I can bet that their wife had a doubly fabulous Mother’s Day.

Now this is no reflection on how much I love my father or what a great father Russ is too Carter. It is just the way it is. Last night I asked Russ if I could make him a special breakfast this morning. “No, I already set the coffee up and have a plan for the the egg bowl I want to make.” Then not only did he get up and make his own food so he could have it exactly the way he wanted, but he made my breakfast and brought it to me in bed.

I had told Russ his father’s day gift from me was my taking his shoes to be repaired. That is all the credit I could get since I used the money he earned to pay for fixing them. Then Carter told him we were giving him the gift he really wanted, a load of gravel for the driveway, with a card that said, “love you a ton.” Russ liked the joke, but Carter didn’t even realize she had made one.

Getting gravel is no gift at all. It is almost worst than giving your wife a vacuum. But around here, on father’s day that gift rates. Getting you old shoes fixed and some rocks, special day for sure.

As far as my own father goes I got him no gift at all. At 81 you just need to be getting rid of stuff, not accumulating it. I did call him to wish him happy Father’s Day and we had a good long talk about his health. Now that’s the gift I keep on giving.

Sorry father’s for not making such a huge deal about your day. Nothing can compare to growing a baby in your belly for nine months and then pushing it out. Us Mother’s milk that our whole lives. Yeah, I know you go work everyday and provide for everything everyday, for the rest of our lives as well as being great father’s. Maybe we should give you a “good providers day.” Then you might get the celebration you deserve.

Carter Adulting

I keep hearing about children’s failure to launch. In some cultures it is worse than others. Like Italian men who refuse to marry because nothing beats their mothers. Yes, we all want our children to like us, but only so much. Eventually they need to fly the nest and succeed on their own.

Carter is only home a couple more weeks before she goes off to London for a summer program and some Scandinavian travel she has been working hard to pay for. She knows her time with parental attention is short so today she cornered the two of us to teach her some adult things she has been wanting to know. This is nothing new, she is constantly asking me financial questions and other things adults need to be responsible for.

The first thing Carter wanted to learn today was how to drive a stick shift car. I truly believe it is an important life skill. You never know when you are going to be stuck in an Eastern European country and need to rent a car and the only thing available are manual.

Russ described the theory of driving a stick and then I pulled the Morris Minor out of the garage to take her on the road and give her the practical. The only problem is that our only manual car is British, 52 years old and you have to shift with the wrong hand.

With Carter in the passenger seat we drove all around Hope Valley with me explaining how you feather the clutch out as you gently push the gas in. It is not easy on a modern car with a good clutch, but on a Morris it is even harder. We pulled into the St. Stephen’s parking lot and switched places. She tried to start the car three times and the third time she let her foot off the clutch and the car jerked forward slightly. I thought she was laughing about it, but she was crying.

We switch seats again. So we drove around some more, this time with her hand on the gear shift with mine on top and she got the hang of shifting. Tomorrow we will try driving again.

When we got home she wanted to learn how to use the weed wacker. So Russ got her safety goggles and taught her. She was quickly successful at that adult task and cleaned up the side gardens.

The third thing she wanted to learn was how to make a tomato pie. This was something she already had all the skills for, but she had never put them together in one pie. So we made homemade crust and she made two beautiful pies. I wonder what other life skills Carter is going to want to master in the next two weeks? How about cleaning out the attic?

Why I Gave Up Shopping

At the start of the year I made a commitment to not buy anything new unless it is a consumable, like toothpaste or milk, or a gift for someone else. Nothing new for me all year. I have succeeded so far with the one caveat that is if I was given a gift certificate I could trade it in for something new for myself. That being said, the only new thing I have gotten are two needlepoint canvasses. So I have not bought any clothes or shoes or things for the house and I have not missed it one bit.

Today I had to make a trip to go to Crab Tree Valley Mall to take two pairs of Russ’ shoes to a store so they could be sent off to be repaired. Since this is the only shoe maker who makes his size shoe I am not going to name them here because it is important for us that they stay in business, but that is the only reason. Russ mainly orders online since no stores carry size 14AAA and that is a good thing because if we had to go in this store again I might lose it.

I entered said store with a big canvas tote carrying the two giant pairs of shoes. There was an elderly man trying on shoes and a middle aged man with his teenage boy looking at shoes. Another well dressed man loitered and there was one clerk, who strongly resembled a straight Cam from Modern Family, with an untucked checked shirt, khakis and casual shoes from this manufacturer.

At first I thought the well dressed man might work there because he had the nicest shoes on. Turned out he used to work there and was just stopping in to say hi. I waited by the counter since I was at least third of fourth in line to be helped. I understand the hierarchy of helping customers and took note of my place. That being said I was not used to being completely ignored to the point that it was very difficult for the Cam-like clerk to not look in me in the eye, let alone just say, “Hello, I will be with you in a minute.”while he looked things up on the computer at the front counter where I stood patiently.

I stood waiting quietly and you know how hard that was for me for over three minutes, I know because I started my watch timer as soon as it was apparent that the sole clerk was not interested in my business in the least. I just waited in the same spot. There were times when I could have asked as question like, “Should I come back later,” but I didn’t. I just wanted to see if I ever was going to be acknowledged.

Did I have a big blinking sign on me that said, “She’s not buying anything this year?” I think not. I was well dressed, clean, had a nice pocketbook, good shoes and jewelry. Nothing about me screamed, homeless person. Eventually the clerk turned to me and asked “Are you looking for something.” I made no comment about his superior skill at not looking at me until that moment. I did not want to jeopardize getting these valuable shoes repaired. I did my business with him, which took less than two minutes, paid with my platinum card and left the store. I was going to look for a father’s day gift there, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I walked in the store next door because I saw something I thought would be a good gift for someone I was looking for. I picked up the item and went to the counter to ask a question. One clerk was checking out another customer, but a second clerk was talking to her. I waited, again patiently. The free clerk did everything possible not to look me in the eye. WHAT THE HELL. Two stores in a row. She walked right in front of me skillfully adverting her eyes. I had my eyes right on her, As she bent down, I did the same mirroring her body hoping to get her attention, or at least make her feel like the ass she was for not even speaking to me.

Eventually after she turned her back on me twice she spun around and said, “Do you need something?” HONEST TO GOD? I looked at her and said in my sweetest voice, which you know is so hard for me. “I was considering buying 10 of these, but I have had plenty of time waiting here to decided I don’t think I ever want to buy anything in this store. So I guess I DON’T need anything.”

Oh lord, I am not sure I will ever go back to shopping again. Being away from stores for six months I have forgotten how horrible they are.

I Should Have Bought The Pattern

I like aprons. I cook enough that I wear aprons often. Most of them are what are considered Chef’s aprons. They have a strap that goes around your neck and they tie around your waist. They are fairly good at keeping me clean, but I often find that my neck hurts after wearing one for a long time.

I saw a Japanese apron in some show that is made of one piece of material that criss crosses in the back with no ties or extra straps. The weight of the apron is carried on the shoulders rather than the neck and I decided that would be an improvement.

I set out to figure out how to make such a garment. Of course I found lots of help on Pinterest and you tube with many entrepreneurs offering patterns for the simple apron. Some patterns are simply downloads which you then print out on your own computer and tape together. Think of printing out 50 papers and taping those all together.

I decided I could make this apron without a pattern. It seemed simple enough. One large piece of material that is only sewn at the shoulders. I laid the material out and cut the first prototype out freehand. I basted the shoulder seams and put the apron on. It was much too big. I cut some of it down before I ironed the raw edges and sewed them twice turning them I to prevent unraveling. I also put some pockets on the front.

I tried the apron on again, too big. And the pockets were in the wrong spot. Carter walked in as I was trying it on and declared it a fail. I should have gotten a pattern. Now this prototype will serve as a pattern for what not to do. Oh well, I can always wear this one when I paint the kitchen.

Blue and White Striped Shirt Salad

We have no Mah Jongg Uniforms. No memos are sent telling players what to wear, but this morning the first three players to show up, Deanna, Christy and myself, all showed up wearing blue and white striped shirts and white pants. A little while later Carol showed up in a blue and white striped shirt and jeans. Without coordination it became blue and white striped shirt day!

Sunday I saw a recipe in the NYT for farro, mint and goat cheese salad. It was my inspiration for the salad I made for lunch today. It was deemed a top favorite by those who had lunch today. In fact, Morgan, who had to take her lunch to go just texted, “That May Be the best salad I have ever had.” Well, Morgan can be known for hyperbole, but it was good enough that I need to write down how I made it now, or it will be lost forever.

So now it is called Blue and White Shirt Salad – That Name won’t mean a thing to you, but for those at Mah Jongg we will remember.

1/2 cup of Farro

1/2 cup of orzo

2 bay leaves

2/3 cup dried cherries

15 Oz. Baby Spinach leaves

30 fresh mint leaves, chopped

30 fresh basil leaves, chopped

3 stalks of celery, chopped

1/3 cup of thinly sliced red onion

1/3 cup of chopped cashews

3 Oz goat cheese, crumbled

3 pan sautéed chicken thighs, chopped after cooking (or any rotisserie chicken)

Dressing

Zest of two big lemons

Juice of two lemons

1 T. Salt

1/2 T. Fresh ground pepper

1/2 t.red pepper flakes

1 1/2 T. honey

1/2 cup olive oil

Cook the farro and orzo as directed on packages with a by leaf in each pot. Drain, remove bay leave and put in a Tupperware together with the dried cherries and 1/3 of the dressing. Mix well and chill. Can be done the day before.

Mix all the other ingredients with the chilled farro and orzo and dress. Serve immediately while wearing a blue and white stripped shirt.

A Real ID

For the last few months Russ has needed to get a new real ID driver’s license. North Carolina had an online license renewal, but if you did it that way you could not use your driver’s license to get on a plane. Since Russ’ passport is running out of time he needed the real ID so he could fly while he sent his passport back for renewal. This whole system is such a pain in neck.

Russ does not have a social security card so we had to find something official with his social security number printed on it. Now a days nothing has your whole social , just x’s with the last four digits. Then we had to have an official piece of mail addressed to Russ. We no longer get any bills in the mail, not that they were ever addressed to Russ. We are paperless on most statements so I really had to work to find the required documents for Russ. Finally we had gathered everything and he is ready to go tomorrow morning to renew his license.

After finding all this documents for Russ I went to the bank to cash a bunch of checks. I hardly ever go to the bank anymore since I do mobile deposit, but I just wanted to cash these to have some mad money. I signed them all and waited in line with my bank card and driver’s license. The very young teller took everything I shoved under the bullet prof glass. She scanned all the checks and then informed me that my license had expired last month and she couldn’t cash the checks.

What???? All this work on Russ and I paid no attention to the fact that my license was more than a month out of date. Thank goodness I wasn’t trying to fly somewhere. I gathered all my documents and got up at the crack of dawn and went to the DMV this morning. It opened at 7:00 AM. I arrived at 7:15 and was 25th in line outside. All the chairs inside were full and the clerk only called one person. From theout door line as a chair became available.

I had brought needlepoint to do while I waited, but couldn’t do it standing up. Instead I talked to the people in line with me. A nice woman who had moved from AZ to be closer to her grand children, a young man from Nigeria who works at GSK, a young girl trying to get her first license who was alone and a family of from India, who just moved here. It was a very interesting group.

Good thing I like to talk to strangers because it took over two hours to get my license. It would have been quicker if I were inside from the start because I was my normal bossy self making sure when they called a number to be served people paid attention and went to their appointed station to be served. It really irks me that people waste time when they finally get called. It is not just the DMV that makes the process so slow, it is the customers. I have suggested to Russ to go an hour before they open so he can be first in line. He doesn’t like to talk to strangers.

Hope For The World

Two things happened today that give me hope for the world. One involves Carter and I am not going to disclose what she said, but it involves helping have a smaller carbon foot print and making decisions that help the planet overall.

The second happened at a meeting I went to in Raleigh. I was invited to speak to a group of women in non-profit leadership. They invited me to dinner before my talk. As a I took my seat at the table I noticed I was the only person who did not show up at the meeting with my own reusable cup to drink from. These women came from Chapel Hill, Durham and Raleigh and were all younger than me. Most of them did not know each other, yet still they all independently showed up with their own cup.

Truth be told, I had my reusable cup in the car, but by the time I realized that everyone brought a cup in, my hostess had already gotten me a disposable cup filled with my drink. I felt like I was being bad for the planet.

I didn’t point out the cup issue to the group, but certainly took note that bringing your own cup with you wherever you go is now the thing to do. I wonder if I could drive through a fast food place and hand them my cup and ask them to fill it rather than having them give me a new cup? It might make filling my order take a minute longer. I almost always have a cup in the car. I just don’t want them to make the drink in a disposable cup and then just have them pour it in my cup and then throw their cup away. That would defeat the purpose.

It may be a small thing to not create cup waste, but if I consider how many cups I could throw away in a year, especially plastic ones I feel bad. Now I need to go on a crusade to get restaurants to use my cup as my to-go option.

The World

Two things happened today that give me hope for the world. One involves Carter and I am not going to disclose what she said, but it involves helping have a smaller carbon foot print and making decisions that help the planet overall.

The second happened at a meeting I went to in Raleigh. I was invited to speak to a group of women in non-profit leadership. They invited me to dinner before my talk. As a I took my seat at the table I noticed I was the only person who did not show up at the meeting with my own reusable cup to drink from. These women came from Chapel Hill, Durham and Raleigh and were all younger than me. Most of them did not know each other, yet still they all independently showed up with their own cup.

Truth be told, I had my reusable cup in the car, but by the time I realized that everyone brought a cup in, my hostess had already gotten me a disposable cup filled with my drink. I felt like I was being bad for the planet.

I didn’t point out the cup issue to the group, but certainly took note that bringing your own cup with you wherever you go is now the thing to do. I wonder if I could drive through a fast food place and hand them my cup and ask them to fill it rather than having them give me a new cup? It might make filling my order take a minute longer. I almost always have a cup in the car. I just don’t want them to make the drink in a disposable cup and then just have them pour it in my cup and then throw their cup away. That would defeat the purpose.

It may be a small thing to not create cup waste, but if I consider how many cups I could throw away in a year, especially plastic ones I feel bad. Now I need to go on a crusade to get restaurants to use my cup as my to-go option.

Out to Dinner

Carter and her friend Ellis went to the movies and dinner tonight leavening me and Russ home alone with the same leftovers we hav eaten the last three nights. Actually, Russ has been eating those leftover the last seven nights. So to escape the chicken Shwarma at home Russ invited me out to dinner.

I was not exactly dressed for dinner and didn’t feel like changing. He suggested a new Indian place and said I could go in my shorts. Since I love Indian, I agreed.

We drove up to ninth street and parked the car. We were quite sure where the place was, but ninth street is not that long. After walking the length of the street it turned out we parked at the totally wrong end. We moved the car to be closer since it was going to rain and when I got out of the car the second time I said, “I can smell an Indian restaurant. We must be close.”

As we rounded the corner I saw the sign for Lime and Lemon. If I had known there was a restaurant called Lime and Lemon I would have gone there the first daytime opened regardless of the kind of food. Lime and lemon anything are my favorite.

Just before we got to the door Russ said, “Don’t tell Carter we are going here. She has been dying to try this place.” Wait, how did she know about it and I didn’t and you want me to lie to my daughter? I convinced Russ that it would be OK that we came because she went to the movies without inviting us.

We ordered our standard Indian fare so we could judge the quality. The Bhindi Masala was not as good as Sitar’s, but the butter chicken and lamb vindaloo were better. Russ texted Carter a photo of the the food. Her response was “What the f#*&.” No worries we hardly made a dent in it and brought it home for her for tomorrow.

From now on I guess I have to check with Carter before picking a place for Russ and me to go alone. I can’t imagine we are going to find a place she doesn’t care about going to, but it is just too bad, we are going anyway.

Dana’s Childhood STUFF

Since yesterday I “raved” about Russ’ childhood stuff it seems only fair that I out some of my own “stuff.” My mother was not half as sentimental about any of her children’s junk, due most certainly to the many moves my parents made over the years. The things my mother did save were special notes, drawings, photographs and other ephemeral bits of paper. Many of these things are framed and displayed in her various bathrooms where guests can linger alone and laugh.

Two items in the powder room at the farm are things from my childhood that seemed to foreshadow my future self. One is a check for a dinner I cooked at Pawley Island when I was probably about ten or eleven. The items served to my parents and Uncle Wilson and Aunt Janie-Leigh are written on a paper plate, with my poor spelling in full display. I was cooking for other people for money at a very young age, the plate proves it. My sister Margaret was the waitress and so my uncle wrote us a “check” on the “bill”. Too bad I did not also know that I could have cashed that check, but I am glad now that my mother saved it all these years as I find it much more valuable to me than $14.00.

I do noticed that I reduced the price of the slaw. I remember those negotiations with my Dad and Uncle on the pricing. What I don’t remember is if we got any tips, despite the plea right there at the top of the plate.

The second bit of stuff my mother saved was a carbon copy of my family Newspaper, “The Carter Star.” I had been given a typewriter that Christmas and liked having something to do with it. True to oldest child status I am listed in the masthead as, Dana Carter- Everything. My sister Margaret did make an appearance as a guest poet in this issue. I can’t imagine I was giving away any jelly beans other than the black ones.

What I really liked was the “Society” section. We had quite a few guests that day with the Lawsons and the Huggins and my sister Janet’s five year old friend Nancy.

Again the spelling and the grammar leave a lot to be desired, but the idea that I was producing a publication at such a young age foreshadowed my future self.

Quite frankly I never would have remembered doing either of those things if my mother had not saved my “Stuff.” I hope I have saved the right stuff for Carter. It will be interesting to see what she becomes and see if her stuff holds clues to her future self.

Russ’ Childhood STUFF

This morning my neighbor texted me that a big box had been delivered to her house yesterday by mistake so she left it on my front porch this morning. I went to retrieve the unexpected package from the outdoor table. It was addressed to Russ from his father.

I asked Russ if he was expecting a box from his father. Apparently Russ had been holding out on me that his father was cleaning things out in his house and was paying good money to send this stuff to Russ.

Tonight I opened the very skillfully and precisely pack box. You might have thought that the items were hand blown glass of great value. The first thing I opened was a separate box with a string art boat wrapped first in acid free tissue then newspaper for padding. Russ thought he might have made it one weekend in the Poconos when it probably was bad weather.

Then I opened another box marked “SKULL”. It was a skull from Walt Disney World still with the $4.99 price tag on it. Just the memento you want from a fun family trip.

There were boxes inside boxes with trash and trinkets, a small unopened package of archer fuses, a penny, an unused .20¢ stamp, a compass, two locks, Two liberty bells, one Russ made out of wood and foil, the others cast metal replica. Russ’ Dad was cleaning out his house, just to make Russ decide what to do with these “treasurers.” Now they sit on the kitchen counter. I am not sure how long that will last.

Half and Half Day

I awoke this morning in Morehead to hold my last Mah Jongg class. Three days of class is really the best way to learn to play this game and three days in a row is a big bonus. After reviewing important facts about the game they began to play. As a teacher it made my heart feel good that so many students made Mah Jongg. The beginners can officially say they are Mah Jongg Players. Now they just have to keep playing.

After so many hours of teaching Reba determined I needed a very Morehead special lunch. So she took me to El’s drive-in for a shrimp burger. El’s is a kind of drive-in like nothing I have ever seen. There are no designated parking places in the half paved, have dirt parking area. Reba pulled up under a large live oak tree and magically a young woman sauntered over to our car and took the order, along with three other vehicles orders on the way.

My shrimp, slaw and cocktail sauce burger was divine. Thanks, to Reba’s husband Jim for suggesting she take me to El’s! After that lunch it was time for me to hit the road for home. It had been a great week at the beach, but I needed to get home to be with my people, and by people I also mean Shay.

My drive home was not as exhausting as my drive to the beach and I got home just before Russ. Shay greated me at the top of the stairs with her happy shake and took me to find Carter who was napping in the play room. It was a good reunion.

When I went up to our bedroom I found a very special present left on my pillow under my quilt…three different old socks. Clearly Shay missed me because socks are her favorite hoarding objects. When she steals them she carries them around the house crying looking for a place to hide them. I guess I was missed.

Mah Jongg Boot Camp

I have spent the last 48 hours teaching 24 women how to play Mah Jongg. Granted I have not taught all 24 at the same time. We have had two classes, absolute beginners and people who have played before, broken into morning and afternoon groups. Mah Jongg is a joy in my life and I love sharing it with others,

With the exception of my friends Anne and Reba I did not know these women before I started teaching them. Many in the non-beginner class came to my beach Mah Jongg class last year, so I have met them, but I don’t really “know” them. That also means they don’t know me, so having me as a teacher can be some what a shock to those who might be more delicate.

Learning anything new is tough, especially something like Mah Jongg which is a little like learning a foreign language. You have to learn the vocabulary and the structure before you actually get to play the game.

I tell all my new students it takes three classes for it to click. The first class is a mess and they leave confused and not that excited. The second class is much more fun as concepts start to reveal themselves to the, but the third class is the time when it all comes together and they usually get hooked.

Today being day two the students actually played a few games and we had some people win. It was so sweet how the other table mates would cheer when an opponent would beat them, making Mah Jongg for the first time. I love how supportive these women were of each other.

Tomorrow is the last day of the lessons. I am exhausted from teaching for so many hours so many days in a row. Today after class I came back to Reba’s place and passed out on my bed and took a quick cat nap. I look forward to making sure everyone who plays tomorrow wins a game and catches the Mah Jongg bug. It is my joy to spread this love around.

Potatoes and Cole Slaw

Day one of my boot camp of teaching Mah jongg is in the books. This is not boot camp for the students, just the teacher. Reba would schedule me to teach morning, noon and night if I would let her. Thankfully I stopped her at just morning and afternoon and she let me have a break at night. I will report on the classes at the end of them, but for now I would rather relay the story of our dinner.

After a long day of sharing my love of Mah Jongg with two dozen women Reba, and my star beginner student Neppie and I went out to dinner at a place called Full Moon on Atlantic Beach. The weather could not have been more perfect to sit outside on a deck overlooking the water. We had a table in the corner in the sun and with the steady westward breeze and absolutely no humidity it was heaven.

Reba had told me that on a previous visit to this same restaurant she had seen people enjoying bread with their dinner and had asked the waitress if she could have some. The waitress had told her that bread came with pasta meals and instead of bread they served potatoes and cole slaw. Reba, just wanted bread that night and not liking the answer about the potatoes and cole slaw went without. Neppie, Reba and I laughed about the idea that potatoes and cole slaw were a bread substitute. Have you ever heard such a thing?

After we had our drinks our waitress tonight took our orders for dinner. We each ordered a seafood salad. “We don’t offer bread or hush puppies here, in place of that we bring potatoes and cole slaw,would you like that?” Our waitress asked us. We had ordered salads for dinner and potatoes and cole slaw didn’t seem to go with that, but purely for blog purposes we said yes. We just had to see this for our own eyes.

Fairly quickly she was back with plates with two small bowls of each item for both of us. Still somewhat in disbelief that this is what the restaurant gives away instead of bread we took a photo of it. Since we were hungry after our long day of Mah Jongg we each took a bite. I didn’t want to say out loud how good the potatoes were, it Neppie did. We tried the cole slaw. Also good. Surprisingly the combination was a hit.

Suddenly we found ourselves eating our potatoes and cole slaw and loving it. Bread would have been cheeper, but we decided not as good. We had become believers. Sometimes you just have to trust.

Extrovert’s Curse

I can not imagine being anything but an off the scale extrovert, but every once in a while I wouldn’t mind a little balance. Today I spent most of the day alone trying to unstop the clogged drain at our house. Not the most scintillating exercise. By 2:00 I was not sure if I had fixed it, but I had to get on the road to come to the beach for my week of teaching Mah Jongg.

Between being alone all day and driving three hours in the afternoon it was all I could do to stay awake. I arrived at my friend Reba’s exhausted. Reba is my best Beach Mah Jongg agent. She gets me students, hosts me to stay at her home, cooks my meals, provides snacks for the classes and entertains me in style. I can hardly ask for anything better.

After dropping my suit case in my most beautiful and comfortable room I had a little time to visit with Reba before the guests arrived for dinner. Reba had invited two of my students from the beginners class to dine with us this evening. One was my friend Anne Eberdt from Durham. I still can’t believe she has never taken Mah Jongg from me at home, but I am thrilled to have her in class here. The second was a lively friend of Reba’s named Neppie from Smithfield.

Now that I was with people all my energy returned. We enjoyed drinks on the porch over looking the water in the rare perfect cool of a June evening. Then we went inside to have Reba’s yummy clam dinner. The highlight was a lemon and lime panna cotta like dessert Reba had made. Neppie and Anne are fun as they can be. I am certain this is going to be a great class this week.

After so much fun at the table we hardly noticed how late it was. Everyone needs sleep before classes tomorrow, especially me since I have a three hour beginner class followed by a three hour advanced class. I know I need to go to sleep, but now that I have been with fun people I am all wired. Certainly tomorrow will be even worse after being with thirty people and talking the whole time. Oh, the curse of the extrovert.

Too Many Sunday Events

I used to say that May was the busiest Month, but so far June is kicking May’s butt. This morning Russ and I went church. Technically that is not an event, but we had to stay after church so I could present at the fellowship hall information session. Russ was a good egg at setting up chairs and being a general cheer leader.

These info sessions are important because we have a vote in church on June 16 to borrow the balance of money to start the fellowship hall project. So far the people who have come to the sessions have asked good and thoughtful questions. I will be away Wednesday when the last info session will be held, but Dave Pottenger can represent.

After church I had to finish cooking for the Intern dinner. There are four new summer interns, one six month intern and one new hire, along with the rest of the company who comes to the dinner. It was nice to see three past interns who are flourishing as full time employees. I did not have time to get all the cooking done and I had to depend on Carter to do the bulk of the work while I went to my next event. Thank goodness for Carter.

Around four I went over to Chapel Hill to a Food Bank event for generous friends. I met a number of interesting people who are very supportive of the work the Food Bank does. God Bless these good souls. I could only stay an hour, because I had to get home for our own party.

The interns we right on time. I only had one surprise extra guest who I was not expecting. The dinner was well received, the conversation lively and by the time dessert was over I was dead. Carter and Russ got to work on the dishes and I washed the silverware. I thought I heard water running, but Russ said it was the dishwasher. It was not. The sink in downstairs bathroom had gotten clogged from food in the upstairs sink. Water ran all over the bathroom. I was done. Carter and Russ are now cleaning that mess up. Too many events, planned and unplanned today.

Cooking Ahead

I have spent the whole day cooking for the intern dinner tomorrow. The summer interns for a Russ’ company have been coming for dinner on the first night of their summer program for the last few years. It always proves to be a fun evening. The interns’ managers also come and it is a night of young people who make me hopeful for the future.

This year there are fifteen coming and I really wanted everyone to sit at the same table. Since I can only squeeze 14 around my table I had to improvise by adding a card table at the end. Russ calls it his kid’s table and volunteered to sit at it. I am yet to decide who else has the honor to sit there with him.

Usually the interns are a diverse, well traveled group so I try and make an interesting meal. Since the managers come year after year I don’t want to ever serve the same thing. I have learned that they eat a lot at this dinner, as if they haven’t had time to eat for a week, so I make lots of food.

This year we are having a Mediterranean dinner – Hummus, moussaka, chicken Shawarma, Greek salad, orzo and feta, homemade pita bread. The only non-Mediterranean thing is dessert. Carter asked me to make the cheese cake I took to the river last week and Russ bought the most fabulous strawberries at the farmer’s market.

Since a couple of the interns are underage I wanted to make a fun non-alcoholic drink. Even if they are of age I am not sure how much they want to drink at the boss’ house on the night before their first day of work. I decided on a watermelon cooler. I puréed watermelon in the blender and mixed it with lime juice and ginger simple syrup. I put that in the blender with seltzer and lots of ice and blended it into a slushee. To add a little kick I sprinkled the tiniest bit of cayenne pepper on top. I loved my sample I tried. I hope they will too.

Thankfully Carter is here to help with the last minute cooking since I have a busy day tomorrow. At least the majority of things are prepared today.

Women of Achievement

Today I had the pleasure of attending the Women of Achievement lunch at the Carolina Inn. The lunch is the time to publicly acknowledge the women who are honored in Chapel Hill, Chatham and Durham Magazines Women’s issues. This is the seventh year of this event and by far the best program they have ever had.

There were two fabulous speakers, Katie Loovis , the Vice President for External Affairs for the Chamber of Chapel Hill- Carrboro and Jesica Averhart, the Executive Director of Leadership Triangle. They could have not been more different, but equally impressive. One thing Jessica said stuck with me, “Pay attention, be astonished and tell about it.” Perhaps it resonated with me because I have this blog where I am constantly sharing the things that astonish me, both the good, bad and the weird.

My two favorite winners from Durham Magazine this year were Susan Ross and Mary Moss, partners in Moss and Ross. Susan and Mary spend their time helping non-profits and organizations raise money, improve their operations and learn to be more effective. Something I am passionate about myself.

At most lunches of this type I am usually ready to bolt when the lunch is over, but not today. I stayed and visited with the always fun Treat Harvey and a number of other women I met for the first time. This group gives me lots of hope that the world my daughter will be entering in a few years is supportive and kind.

Celebrating Christy

May is certainly the month of birthday celebrations around here. My dear friend Christy had her birthday on Memorial Day. That certainly doesn’t stop us from celebrating. First we had special lemon cake Carter made for Christy at Needlepoint last week. It was our fourth citrus dessert to celebrate a birthday in six weeks.

Then today Mary Lloyd and I took Christy to the WaDu for her birthday lunch. Her birthday was a great excuse to wile away the afternoon enjoying salads, telling stories and laughing. Sadly the time together is never enough and we all had to return to the real world.

We had so much fun we forgot to take a new birthday photo, but since we celebrate each other’s birthdays together every year we had more than one old one to chose from for this post.

There is nothing better than good friends. Christy and Mary Lloyd may be younger than me by quite a bit, but I cherish their wisdom and points of view. I’m sad that the month of birthdays is almost over, but August will come soon enough when we start all over again with Mary Lloyd’s.

Northern Neck Crab Made Into Cakes

One of the benefits of going to the Northern Neck of Virginia was our ability to buy fresh local hand picked crab meat. Finding American crabmeat is a not the easiest thing around here. It is also very expensive since it is such a labor intensive product. After our breakfast on Memorial Day Russ and I stopped at the Jim Dan Dee seafood market and picked up a pint of Oysters and a pint of lump crab meat and a pint of special crab meat.

We ate the oysters that night because the fresher the Oysters the better, but the crab night was coming.

Last night I made crab cakes using half lump and half special crab meat, but only half of each. Tonight I made corn and crab chowder using the left over crab. Boy, they really have some yummy crab up in the Northern Neck. Tonight I am doing the crab cake recipe , later will come the chowder recipe.

Crab cakes

1/4 cup of mayo

2 T. Lemon Juice

1 egg

Squirt of Sriracha

Glug of Worcestershire sauce

Mix these ingredients well.

1/4 cup of oyster crackers well crushed.

Add cracker crumbs to the sauce and then gently fold in the special crab meat followed by the lump crab meat working so gently as to not break the lumps. Set the bowl of crab cake mixture in the fridge for at least 30 minutes.

Scoop out crab mixture and form into patties about an inch thick.

In a non-stick fry pan, melt 2 tablespoons of butter on medium high heat. Add the crab cakes to pan and cook on one side for three minutes and gently flip and cook on the other side for two minutes.

I like a real horseradishy cocktail sauce with my crab cakes, or just a good squirt of lemon. Nothing better. But then there is the chowder …

Raw Salad

Yeah, I know most salads are raw, but not usually the Brussels sprouts. This salad may be a little out of season, but I made it for dinner tonight and I want to remember what was in it because it was so yummy.

Dressing

1/4 cup lemon juice

1 large garlic clove grated on micro plane

1 small shallot minced

1 T Dijon mustard

Black pepper

1/3 cup olive oil

Salad

10 big black kale leaves with the stems stripped out, chopped

10 Brussels Sprout, shaved

1 Apple, cut into thin slices

1/4 cup hard Italian cheese, like Romano or Parmesan

Pumpkin Seeds

Mix the dressing ingredients up to the black pepper in a small jar. Add the oil and place the top on tightly and shake it up well for a whole minute. It’s longer than you think.

Put the kale, Brussels and apple in a bowl and toss with just enough dressing. After dressed sprinkle with cheese. Can keep the salad this way only add the seeds at serving.

Memorial Day Adventure

Russ and I woke up in Irvington after our fun weekend with friends. Russ went off to the local Ace hardware to buy some tools to use to put together David’s bike he had won five years ago and was still in the box. My old Dickinson friend Blair and her daughter Isabelle departed our little shared house. It was great to see her after so many years. After Russ finished the bike assembly we bade farewell to David and John who had been the best hosts.

Russ and I made our way to the next town Kilmarnock, to have breakfast at the Car Wash Cafe. Exactly as named it was a tiny cafe attached to a working car wash. Luckily we timed our arrival perfectly as there was one free table and then a long line of waiting diners soon after us. After a yummy breakfast of soft shell crab we stopped in the seafood shop two doors down and bought some oysters and crab meat to bring home. It is always a good idea to travel with a cooler.

We headed back towards Irvington to make our last stop of the trip at Christ Church. It was built in 1735 by King Carter, certain relative of mine. The glorious brick church was very impressive and Russ and I lucked into a private tour just before the Memorial Day service was to begin. We saw very old men who still fit in their uniforms come in for the service and the local high school ROTC honor guard followed by a bag piper. It was fitting to spend a few minutes remembering those who served and gave all.

We tooled home to Carter and baby Shay. We finished up the evening with oyster tacos made with the bounty we brought home from the Northern Neck. A lovely reminder of a great get away. Thanks to all the friends, Karl, Brian, David, Blair and John who took this photo for a fun weekend.

Life of the Party

My old, old friends John and David are always the life of the party. As such they have made a fun eclectic group of friends here in Irvington. Last night their darling house, Sunny Mac was filled with people from age 15 to 90. People arrived on foot, by golf cart, bike or Rolls Royce. It has been such fun getting to know their rivha friends.

This morning the core group of nine who are visiting from far off places gathered back at David and John’s for some slow scrambled eggs and toast. It was a nice easy start to our day on the rivha. Their sweet neighbors Ellen and Jeff were taking us all out on their big boat to see Irvington from the water. It was clearly the best way to get your bearings as there are many coves, creeks and fingers of water.

Jeff was a great captain and narrator of the history of the town and waterways. Ellen a former Miss. Virginia, was just all about fun. So for three hours we toured as they served us drinks and snack. Such hospitality for people they had never met.

After our time in the sun on the water we needed a little lie down and then it was back to Sunny Mac for a reboot dinner of the night before. It was been such a fun time to be with old friends and make new ones. Now, exhausted we are falling into our little beds with sunburned noses and happy memories.

To the Rivha, For a Party

My friends David and John have a darling house in Irvington, VA. They have invited us many times to visit and it just hasn’t worked out that we could make it, until this weekend, for a big party they were throwing. So off to the Northern Neck of Virginia Russ and I drove.

We arrived after lunch to join my old college friend Blair Phillips and her daughter in a house two doors down from John and David. As we drove down King Carter road I recognized David and John’s house from the many photos I had seen on Facebook. We stopped first at their house to see how prep for the party was going and drop off the cheese cake I made for them to serve.

John said everything was ready except for those last minute food prep that couldn’t be done until an hour before the party. Then he pulled four bags of frozen shrimp from the freezer, “When should I thaw these?”

“Honey, you should have called and asked me that question yesterday,” I told him. There was still time to do a quick thaw. Russ and I went off to explore Irvington and I promised to return at five to do the last minute catering.

At the appointed time I came back to lay out the cheese trays with the special cheese David had brought back from his last trip to Belgium. John showed me the now thawed shrimp. “How do these smell?” he asked. I told him I would smell them after they were cooked.

“They are cooked, aren’t they?” I looked at the bowl of giant raw shrimp and said, “Umm, no.”

“But I ate one already.” Thankfully, John is still alive. So are all the other guests because we cooked those shrimp and iced them down before serving dinner.

The party was quite fun with a mix of Irvington folks and friends from DC and a Charlottesville. The cheese spread was a hit, the dinner delicious with us sitting on the lawn at tables in the cool evening air. The dessert spread was orgasmic. I didn’t eat any of the Belgian chocolates because they were too pretty to disturb, but other raved about them.

It was a delightful evening and a good start to what is certain to be a fun weekend at the rivha.

I’m Addicted to James

If you have been living under a rock for the last two months you have an excuse not to know who James is. James Holzhauer is the current reigning champ of Jeopardy and has been for the last 27 shows. That in itself is impressive, but not close to breaking Ken Jennings streak of winning 74 days in a row. It’s not the streak, but the amount of money that James has won, $2,065,535 in those 27 days or an average of $76,501 a day. Jennings won a total of $2,520,700 for an average of $34,063 which is less than half James’ daily average. I worry that James is going to bankrupt Jeopardy, but then when you think about the ratings of that he is getting for the show, I hope they are charging more per ad minute as long as James keeps winning.

James is exciting to watch as he jumps all over the board looking for the daily doubles and betting odd amounts. I knew I liked him early on because after he had won a few hundred thousand dollars Alex asked him what he was going to do with the money. He replied that he, his wife and child were going to take a year off and rent a place to live in a different city each month all over the world. Now that is a cool thing to do with a few hundred thousand. I wonder what he is going to do with two million plus?

I am not sure how long the Jeopardy Season lasts. We did have to suffer through a boring two week hiatus for James while the teacher’s tournament went on. Now I love teachers, but they were not as exciting as James. Can he win until there is a summer break and then have to come back in September?

I pity to poor contestants who have to go up against him. Eventually he will lose, but I bet he will break Ken Jennings money record first. When are they going to do another champions tournament? I would love to see him versus Ken Jennings. James is a game changer.

Drawn to Fellowship

Last year I was on a church committee to help raise money for the replacement of our over fifty year old fellowship hall. Rising money is something I do naturally. I thought that would be the end of my job on this project. Then in a meeting to find people to be on the building committee I found myself volunteering to be part of that committee, “As long as I don’t have to chair it,” I gave as my caveat. After recruiting a fabulous team of construction professionals from the congregation it was clear that I was the least qualified to be on the committee so I was appointed to be the chair.

Our committee has spent the last six months working with the architects, designers, contractors and engineers to bring a plan to the congregation we loved and could afford. Yesterday, I went before our governing body, the session, to ask them to approve the going forward to build this building along with my partner, Dave Pottenger, who chairs the committee doing the financing. The session passed the plan. Now we have to inform the congregation about the details so next month they can vote to borrow the portion of the money we did already raise.

I spend a lot of time thinking about this building and one thing always comes back to me, it is called the fellowship hall for a reason, it is where we celebrate being friends. The building could be called the all-purpose room or the community center or the dining room, theatre, play room, gathering room, but no, it is the fellowship hall.

It will house our largest kitchen, which will be a huge improvement on our old one. We will share meals together there as well as prepare food to serve to others elsewhere. We will, for the first time, have a large covered outdoor area so we can gather outside and eat, something that you should do often if you live in North Carolina. There can be plays or musicals preformed here as well as lectures. Of course the building will be perfect for meetings of all types, from adult, to scouts to pre-school, but all of them involve friends or people who come as strangers and leave as friends. It is all about fellowship.

Perhaps I was called to do this project. From the start of raising the money to completing the building I will probably spend three years doing it, but I am drawn to fellowship so it will be time well spent.

I pray that in the next few weeks I can communicate everything the congregation needs to know to approve the financing. We already have two-thirds of what we need and a solid plan on how the money portion should work. I just want people to feel the love of friends whenever they enter the fellowship hall because that is what it will be for.

Love At First Sight

I know I already reported on Shay’s birthday present stuffed dog, which she picked out for herself at Pet Smart, but the total adoration continues. She has had this blue dog two days and it has hardly left her side. I took these pictures all at different times.

She snuggles with it night and day.

It has squeakers in the ends of the paws and Shay has not done her usual precision undoing of a seam and removal of the plastic squeaker. Instead she has wrapped the animal around her snot and kissed it.

I have never seen her fall so totally I love with an inanimate object so quickly, but of course she did pick it out for herself.

I don’t feel like I am personifying her at all, just recognizing her own autonomy, likes and desires. I wonder what else she would chose for herself if we let her? I don’t think we should take her car shopping with us.

Farewell Susan

The first time I met Susan she was a senior at U Maryland. I can’t even think of how long ago that was. She thought I didn’t like her. She was wrong. Eventually she realized I was on her side and we became friends.

I was by her side when she first went into labor with her first son George. In fact I am credited with slowing down her labor because I was making her laugh too much. Who knew laughing did that?

We have lived through many parts of life together. Children, wives of working husbands, travel together. For many years we have lived in towns next to each other so we saw one another regularly, but were not always in exactly the same circles.

Today I went to have lunch with Susan as she waited for the moving van to come and take her furniture to Denver. She is setting out on a new adventure. I know she will be successful wherever she goes. It will not be the same to not have her in the next town, but our intertwined lives will keep us together somehow.

Susan, the one thing you can always count on me for is a good laugh. And to paraphrase Sally Field, “I like you, I really really like you.” Good luck, old friend. You always have a place here with me.

So Many Birthdays

Today Shay Shay turns eight. It is hard to remember what our family was like without her. She is definitely the princess and we are the ladies and gentleman in waiting for her. Carter took Shay to Pet Smart so she could pick out her own birthday treat. Carter reported that Shay looked all around the store and picked this ridiculous blue dog. Carter tried to entice her with other toys with more squeakers, she would have none of it. She tried to give her the pink version of the blue dog and absolutely not! She kept picking up the blue dog.

When Carter took the blue dog and Shay to the checkout, Carter told the lady it was her birthday. The clerk asked to give her a treat. Carter said, “You can try.” The lady asked Shay to sit and she did, then handed Shay the generic dog biscuit. Apparently she took it gently from the clerk and laid it on the floor at her paws. “No, thank you.” PRINCESS.

In a less princessy, but equally Royal scene, we had Christy’s needlepoint birthday today. Needlepoint Nancy came to join us, at Kathi’s. Our birthday celebrations are turning into critiques of lemon or lime desserts. Today we had a lemon cake Carter baked for Christy with some yummy berries and whipped cream from Karen.

It is the beginning of Christy’s birthday pageant month as her real birthday is not until Monday. It would be so much easier if Shay and Christy shared the same day. But I am not going to take Christy to pick out her own stuffed toy for her birthday.

My father’s birthday was last Friday. I was at my reunion and all my boarding school friends wanted to wish him a happy birthday. He was always very popular with the Walker’s girls. We called him Friday and he didn’t answer and his voice mail was full. I texted him, but did not hear back. We called Saturday morning, same scenario and again Saturday night. I still haven’t wished him a happy birthday, but not from lack of trying.

So happy birthday to Shay Shay, Christy and Dad.

Women Friends

This morning a handful of us at our reunion had breakfast together before we bade each other farewell. We had enjoyed two wonderful days reminiscing, sharing and rekindling friendships started forty-two or forty-three years before. One of the women at the table said, “I realize I just don’t have that many women friends now, and I miss that.”

This woman is one of the kindest and most fun people I know. She went on to say, “I really like my husband and spend time with him.” She also has three twenty something children, a farm full of animals, a successful business with lots of clients and is a published expert in her field.

Earlier in my trip a friend’s college age daughter asked me how she is going to make friends when she is out of college as well as keep her old friends. I hate the idea that friends of mine are worried about having friends.

There is one wonderful rule about friends- to have a good friend you must be a good friend. Well, that is easier to do once you actually have a potential friend in your universe. First you have to find a person you might want to be friends with. In today’s world this seems to be the start of the problem. How do people get out from behind their screens and actual meet live people and get to know them?

At breakfast I suggested to my friend that she learn a game with a group. I have taken great joy in my many Mah Jongg friends. Some come and go from the game, but the friendship is sustained over the tiles whenever people are around the table. The wonderful thing about Mah Jongg is you can talk to each other while you play. It is the same for people who golf together or play tennis, although yo can’t really share a funny story while serving at tennis.

Facebook has given people the allusion that you are friends, but there is not a lot of give and take in that being the only facet of a relationship. In the end you need to actually spend time with people to truly be a friend.

I suggested to my breakfast mate that she consider visiting old friends if she feels the need to spark her friendships. Don’t visit for long. One night is usually enough with people you haven’t seen much of over the years. First you have to see if you still like them, have anything much in common and sadly, now-a-days, can stand to be in the same room with them if politics come up.

The thing about friends is it is not the quantity, but the quality. Try and not hold friends too close, but instead share them. The friends of your friends usually make a great match. The one thing I have learned over the years is if you remember someone fondly as an old friend, they probably feel that same way about you. It is never too late to reach out, but never stop considering new people as friends. You just can’t have too many, but you don’t want to end up with none.

Old Girls

There is something special about relationships you make when you attend and all girls school. There is a deepness to your friendships and a shorthand of shared experiences even with acquaintances. After forty years apart it is comfortable to fall back into those patterns of fun-times and deep support.

This reunion was a blow out in terms of numbers of people who showed up, depth of conversations, laughs bellowed, kindnesses shared, dances done, songs sang, photos taken, memories relived and made.

Thanks to Miss Polcer for her hard work nudging so many to return. Kudos to Cathy Terry for coming in a wheel chair with two broken legs and a broken arm.

Big shout out to Karen Appel Brown for driving Cathy Terry and Mary Derbyshire. Thanks to Mary for teaching us how to walk.

Well done Kelly O’Leary for redecorating Beaver Brook Lobby and getting a plaque in the lobby to commemorate it.

Loved having Nancy Mack as my roommate again and always.

Thanks to Stori Stockwell for hosting me and driving me here and back to Boston and being a great friend.

Sarah Brand, whose laugh is always with me was rivaled by a Cynthia Reed. Sally Peck, wins furthest distance and was oh so beautiful. Thanks to the dinner gang, Lisa Danforth, Ellen Gerry, Karen O’Callahan, Dar Reiner, Lela Schaus, Ashley King, Mae Hurkert, Nila Hollfelder and last minute show up, Kemi Lickle.

Always good to see Angie Heughan and first time back at reunion Elizabeth McKee, Henrietta Cheng and Anne Haviland. Good job Dina Cathey and Bristol Voss for making it today.

While at Walkers my friends Kar, Anne, Nancy and I were known to each other as the shadows. Kar found a photo in the yearbook of the four of us taken at my parents house and we updated it to the fothy year later version. So glad we’re were all together again for the first time in so many years.

It was also wonderful to spend time with Kit O’Brien who was a freshman when were were seniors. We knew then that you would go far and heading up the board of trustees does not surprise us in the least. You go Girl, ‘cause Walker’s girls can do anything.

Love you all. Next reunion we need to have jointly with the classes of ‘77, ‘78, ‘79, ‘80 & ,’81.

Forty Years, Are You Kidding?

Forty years ago and forty one and forty two, on this very weekend, as a Ethel Walker student I remember seeing all these old women come back to school for their reunion. My friends and I would look at these preppy old women hugging and laughing having the time of their lives and wonder if we would ever be that old.

Fast forward and at least a third of my class returned to Ethel Walker school for our 40th reunion. Suddenly we are the old ladies laughing and hugging. But we are not old, we are still our youthful selves. This is a big turn out for a boarding school reunion. Friends came from California, Florida and North Carolina, oh that’s me.

Thanks to our class agent, Miss Polcer, we had many people come to the reunion who have never come before as well as the cohorts of friends who show up every five years. A huge group of friends rented a house and volunteered to have our class dinner at their house. It was so generous of them to bring enough food to feed the whole school three times over.

The best thing about a 40th reunion is how loving we are all with each other. People who hadn’t seen each other in all this time told stories, shared photos and caught up. Two of our teachers, Paul Davis and Warren Erickson also joined us at our dinner.

The funniest story came out when Ashley Smith, looked at Warren and said, “You taught Religion, right?” He nodded. “The first day of class you asked us which religion we were and I said, ‘prostitute.” The roar came from the whole crowd of reunion friends. Ashley continued, “You nicely told me the right thing.”

I can hardly wait to see all these friends in the light of day. More stories, more love.

Walker’s

Tomorrow is my Dad’s 81st birthday. Last week my Mom e-mailed me to ask me if I was going to be surprising my Dad on his birthday. I wrote this back to her. “Sorry Mom, I am missing Dad’s birthday. I have my Walker’s 40th reunion this weekend.”

Later she called me to remind me to call my Dad. “I’m going to be at My Ethel Walker’s reunion.”

“Oh, that’s what your Walker’s reunion is,” she said. “I thought you were going be with a group of people walking.”

She only sent me to that school for three years. Granted it was 40 years ago.

So I flew to Boston today and my friend Stori picked me up at the airport along with her wonderful daughter Sam who was coming in from college in Colorado. We have had a gr at day together and tomorrow we will drive down to Walker’s together. We might do some walking, but that is not why I am here.

Say happy birthday to my Dad tomorrow if you know him.

Boycott Alabama

I am outraged about what the Alabama Legislature has done. Twenty five white male republican Alabama state senators voted in the most restrictive women’s reproductive health bill ever and only three woman had a vote in the bill. There was less than two hours of discussion.

For years I have said that women should be the ones to make decisions about our bodies and not men. But in Alabama today men decided that even in the case of rape or incest, women must carry on with a pregnancy against their wishes. So if a family member rapes a thirteen year old child she must carry on. What were these 25 men thinking?

If someone does not believe in abortion they never have to have one. There is no law that makes people have to get one. Anyone who is pro-life can always be pro-life for themselves. But why is it that people feel they should have a say in what someone else decides is best for them.

It amazes me that the party that believes in smaller government with fewer regulations wants to regulate the most intimate and life impacting part of a woman’s life. If this were something that was about men I can’t imagine they would ever enact a law to regulate men’s bodies.

The only way to punish a state who feels they can take this kind of action against women is to boycott the state and things made in the state. It worked in North Carolina when the archaic legislature here enacted the stupid bathroom bill and that was just about where people could pee.

Making Alabama feel this in their pocketbook is the only thing people outside Alabama can do. Of course, I was probably never going to Alabama, but there are plenty of companies that make things in Alabama and I am going to let them know I am not buying their products as long as they manufacture in Alabama. For instance Mercedes, Honda and Hyundai all have plants there. The one thing that makes politicians nervous is the loss of big manufacturers.

I am tired of old white men thinking they can make decisions about women’s bodies . We have to stop them now. Let women decide for themselves.

Garden Club Year End Picnic

One of the very few clubs I have elected to stay in is my favorite, Garden Club. It is a group of fifty neighborhood women, some of whom actually like gardening and all of whom like to get together and chat.

Our year goes from a September to May and culminates in an evening picnic with our husbands. Tonight was the perfect night to spend outside at a Pokey’s house with her beautiful tented terrace and lush gardens.

The picnic is pot luck and is the best food you will have. Anne Bradford always brings her patio beans and I made sure to have them as they are a favorite. Anne was celebrated this year for being a member of the club for 51 years. Somehow we missed celebrating her fiftieth last year. I am not sure I can live long enough to make fifty years in Garden Club.

Missy McLeod was also honored for being our treasurer for the past ten years. If she ever decides to retire from that job we will have to disband. This year we were within $30 of our proposed budget. That is practically a rounding error.

The hostesses did a fabulous job with the floral center pieces— We are a garden club after all. The food was delicious and the company divine. Garden club is such an easy club to be in, not much work and lots of fun and really good company. I think I’ll stay.

2557 Blog Posts And Counting

Today is the birthday of this blog. I have written a post everyday for the last seven years. It started as my accountability for my weight loss challenge to raise money for the Food Bank. It worked for that. I lost weight, have gained weight, have lost some again. All along the way I have used this blog as my place to be answerable for my actions. I have also used it to justify things, thank people, be my memory, hold my recipes, retell inspirational things I have encountered, tell funnies, rant and encourage.

When I finished my challenge to raise money I thought about stopping the blog, but some friends encouraged me to continue. I know that the title of “Less Dana” is tongue in cheek as the whole thing is way more Dana than anyone really needs.

I appreciate you, the readers. I have days where a hundred people read and ones that get thousands of eye balls. Very few things I write about deserves that much attention, but once in a while something happens that draws people in.

For now I am going to continue. This is my second strongest habit, after drinking iced tea. If you told me when I started that I would write a few hundred words everyday and post it for the world to read I would say, “Forget it. That sounds too hard.” The act of writing something when nothing might have happened that day is a discipline I have come to enjoy.

Sometimes I write things that make people mad. I often wonder why people continue to read if I piss you off. Just know I am not trying to be controversial and I really write only for myself. I need constant motivation to do the right thing. That doesn’t mean I do it, but holding myself accountable and laying things out in public is good for me.

When I was looking back at the stats on the blog I laugh about things that get searched on which brings new readers as am amazed at all the countries they come from. I just hope that they figure out that sometimes what I write is satire.

So happy birthday to “Less Dana.” I know that I wrote yesterday that the celebrations about me are over. I consider this blog to be more than me, with a life of its own. Thanks to all of you who inspire me to write about you. After 2,557 blog posts I need new material.

My May Celebrations Are Over

I hate that I have my anniversary, birthday and Mother’s Day all in a ten day period. By the time Mother’s day comes around everyone is sick of me. I am embarrassed to have any more celebrations about me, so we didn’t. Six months from now I wouldn’t mind a little pampering.

Carter was at Cheerio working this week so she was not home until late this afternoon, so I didn’t have the person around who caused me to be a mother anyway. To replace Mother’s Day I had confirmation day at a church with my mentee Allison Prebble. It was a lovely way to spend the morning. After church we took some pictures and since I had been both Allison and her older brother Jack’s confirmation Mentor I wanted a photo of the three of us.

After church I called my Mom to wish her happy Mother’s Day. No gifts, flowers or cards, just a call. That is always how Mother’s Day has been with us, except maybe breakfast in bed when I was younger. This was not much of a gift, but it was all the was.

Carter is cooking dinner tonight and the three of us will be together. All the celebration we need. And then the month of me is over. Everyone will be glad.

Finally Aged Into My Hobbies

“Why are you friends with all the grandmothers?” Asked two year old Carter when I took her to preschool.

“Well, the grand mother’s are my friends because we like to do the same things.”

“Like what?”

“Play Mah Jongg, Bridge, make scrapbooks, do puzzles, arts and crafts, gardening, cooking. You know all the things I like to do with you.”

Carter was a little confused that the things that pre-schoolers liked were similar to the things that the grandmother’s liked and also what I liked.

For my birthday one of my younger friends gave me a beautiful puzzle. I really like to work on puzzles, but I do it on my game table in the living room. This means I have to wait until Mah Jongg is done on Wednesday afternoons before I start a new puzzle and I have to finish it by the following Tuesday afternoon.

I started this one Thursday afternoon. Despite being 1000 pieces I have made good progress. I am so happy that I have finally aged into my hobbies. No one asks me know why I like to do the things I like. I figure I am set with all the hobbies I need for the rest of my life. My young friends are finally aging into my likes.

I Can Do It Myself

Oh the glamorous life I lead. From my Harvard Non-profit group yesterday to landscaper/handy-person today. My yard guy quoted me a crazy amount to mulch my garden. I wasn’t looking to much our entire property, but the amount he said should cover every foot of our yard three inches deep.

Since I was not looking for four truck loads of mulch I told him I would do it myself. Last week Russ and I picked up ten bags of mulch from Home Depot for $20. It only took me an hour to spread it in my herb garden. Granted I could use another ten bags, but the important work was done.

I continued inside doing lots of handy jobs myself. I am gearing up for my big project of the summer- painting my kitchen cabinets. I have studied, gotten paint samples and have set aside July. This will be no mulch job, but I am certain I can do it myself. Oh the satisfaction!

A Surprise New Job

I have been fairly good at not getting a real new job. I am busy enough with my volunteer jobs that there certainly is not time in the day for a paying job. Plus I like to have time in my day for my real job, Shay, friends and family. Oh yeah, and games, puzzles, Needlepoint, quilts and cooking.

Today was a good example of my average day. I had a meeting at church and Shay went with me. Shay loves to go to church. She likes meetings and all the people there who worship Dogs.

I then had a long birthday lunch with my friends Mary Lloyd and Christy. We could easily stretch lunch from mid morning to mid afternoon and still not have covered all the topics we need to discuss.

I came home and started my new birthday puzzle that Michelle gave me. I got the whole boarder done minus one piece and divided all the pieces into color groups.

By then it was time to make the long trek to Raleigh for a Harvard 100 dinner. The trip, which in non-rush hour would take 30 minutes took and hour and a half. When I got to the Renaissance North Hill’s the ballroom where the dinner-meeting was being held was full with over 200 triangle nonprofit leaders.

One of my friends there gave me the heads up that I was being named the VP of Programs for the newly formed executive committee of the Harvard 100. It was a surprise new job for me that I had not run for, but one I am happy to work on since I love this group and it’s mission to help Non-profits in the triangle work together and improve. I was esciall

At the dinner I was lucky enough to sit with my favorite Janice McAdams, from SECU Family House. The new website for the Harvard 100 was launched. If you have a non-profit and are looking for information it will hopefully be a resource for you. Of course, that is once I populate it with some programs. Visit harvard100.org If you are a triangle non-profit interested in training let me know.

A good day— friends, puzzles, meaningful work and Shay. Sorry Russ, I didn’t see you much. I promise not to get anymore jobs.

Re-Entry

It’s Mah Jongg Day. I got a call from my friend Morgan this morning saying she wanted to try re-entry back into life and Mah Jongg felt like the safest place to start. Morgan is the aunt of Riley Howell who was murdered at UNNC while he took down the gunman. Morgan had returned yesterday from her home town where she has been for the last week with her family holding the funeral and being together. “Of course,” told her, “Where better to ease back than Mah Jongg and your friends here.”

It would have been nice to stop playing and welcome her with open arms, but as it would happen, Morgan came into my house as one table of friends we playing and I was frantically on my computer trying to buy Carter concert tickets since she is in the mountains without good connectivity. Instead of stopping everything and focusing on Morgan, she jumped in and helped me manage multiple devices, and communicating with Carter via text, while I kept refreshing the web site.

Eventually that project was completed and Morgan got some hugs and went to join a table. Our friend Kim, who had been away for the last two weeks did not know about Riley and Morgan explained the story to her. I was sorry I had not briefed everyone and apologized to both Kim and Morgan, but Morgan said it was a good way for her to practice how she is going to tell people who don’t know the story.

Morgan is a consummate story teller so she was able to share lots of anecdotes about Riley, the service and her family. She tasked me with asking anyone who had newspaper clippings if they would share them with her. Morgan is putting together a book of the stories for her family. She has all the digital media, but would love any hard copies. If you saved something from a newspaper, I am collecting them for Morgan.

In a life goes on moment, as we were about to have lunch a text came out to all the Middle school parents that the school lost power and they needed to pick their kids up. Morgan at least had lunch before she had to go pick up a Suburban full of kids. Nothing like kids to get you back into regular life.

So, Morgan is back and is able to tell you a good tale of her nephew. Mah Jongg was a safe re-entry, but I think it will be a little up and down as with all things in life, nothing is a straight line.

Pie For Lunch

There were five of us in our neighborhood needlepoint group. Four of us have birthdays in a less than two month period. That is turning our group into a “dessert instead of lunch” needlepoint group.

Today was the celebration of my birthday. Christy made a most spectacular key lime pie with ginger snap crust. As the lover of all things lemon and limes it was right up my alley. We are getting quite spoiled at our gatherings the last three times that we stitch a little, bitch a little, share tips a little and eat a decadent dessert and open gifts.

Next meeting is Christy’s birthday and then we take the summer off. Good thing since we don’t have any summer birthdays and Karen’s is in September. I am going to have to find something unusual to bake for their birthdays since they give the best of gifts.

The other day someone asked me if I missed having Carter in school in Durham and all the commitments that went along with that. I honestly said, “I really don’t miss that at all, I just miss Carter.” It is nice to get to pick what my “committees” are now, rather than doing things out of a sense of obligation. Neighborhood needlepoint is so much better than fundraising.

Not to say that I don’t have responsible things to do, like build the new fellowship hall at church. Since I have church meetings four days in a row this week I feel like Needlepoint is justified. Of course I have a Ph.d in rationalization. That’s how I got away with key lime pie for lunch today.

Baptismal Babes Birthday Lunch

OK, for alliteration we should have gone to brunch. Elizabeth Aldridge’s Birthday was a couple of weeks ago and mine was last week so we joined together with our friends Hannah and Lynn to celebrate together. Since our daughters were baptized in pairs at Westminster or Duke we now call ourselves the Baptismal sister group.

There is nothing better than having lunch with your friends and outside at the Wadu on a beautiful day is even better. The best part about being my age is the birthday celebrations go on and on. This week I have three birthday events and next week I have two. So much better to string it all out rather than have one big party and be done with it.

Russ and Carter gave me a Ring door bell for my birthday. Since our house is old they had to fabricate a very special box that fit around the curved molding around the door to mount it on. Now I can see a video of anyone at my front door. The best part is I can also speak to them through my phone, or “voice threaten then away” as they say in the home security system ads. It is the best birthday present.

So the birthday pageant continues, but today I had the honor of sharing it with Elizabeth. What a treat. I wouldn’t voice threaten her away.

Blessings

One of the joys of belonging to my church is being asked to be a mentor for a confirmand. For a thirteen year old to commit to spending nine months to weekly confirmation training is a big ask. Being ask to mentor someone through this journey is easy in comparison. This year I had the pleasure of being Allison Prebble’s special grown up. I had done this job with her older brother, Jack so I was thrilled to be asked again.

Allison is a stellar young woman, kind and compassionate. She is thoughtful and a good friend, especially to those who need one most. As a mentor I often learn more from my confirmand than I think they learn from me.

I was honored to walk this faith journey with Allison. I hope that what she learned this year will guide her through her whole life as faith is something that grows and changes as we do.

Today was the final confirmand examination by the session and the blessings ceremony. Next weekend is the dedication Sunday where the confirmands make their promises and are welcomed into the church. I am proud of Allison for making it through. I loved the times we got to spend together and hope she knows I am always available for her. My commitment as mentor does not end here, but just begins.

I love all the Prebbles and hope I am still around when Wright is thirteen. Maybe I can make it a clean sweep of all the Prebbles.

Double Celebrations

Today was a day of two big celebrations. First, was the retirement party for Carol Van Hise after 50 years as the director and then the financial director of the Westminster school for young children. Second was the big Derby Party.

I got pulled into the committee to celebrate Carol probably for my publicity connections and catering background. It has been many years since Carter was a student at Westminster. Turns out that there was a very fun group of people on the committee and I had a great time working with them.

It seems like you can hardly do enough for someone who is retiring after 50 years. We did a lot. The teachers at the school had each of the 125 students do a life size outlines of themselves and those dancing children lined the walls of the fellowship hall. We had finger sandwiches of every southern type, hundreds of cookie and the two biggest cakes on earth.

The committee members were all part of a skit depicting all the hats Carol wears. I had to be the square dancer. The only thing about it is it was better than being the Mother Goose that Jennifer Feiler had to be. The turn out for her celebration was wonderful and I hope she felt the love from all her fans.

From that party I had to turn around and go to a Derby Party out at Kathryn White’s. Lynn had gotten me a fascinator to wear so I was dressed appropriately. It was a good chance for Russ to wear his white bucks. After working the retirement party it was nice to just be a guest and enjoy the party. Stephanie Perun did a great job organizing it. Thankfully the rain held off until after the race.

Two parties in one day a lot for me, but thankfully Russ only had to go to one. Now I really would like to go to sleep, but a neighbor is playing music so loudly it is like being at third party. I am partied out.

My Birthday Sisters

Today is my birthday. Birthdays are so different now with Facebook. Back in the day, you wondered if anyone remembered your birthday. You came home from work hoping there was a message on the answering machine from someone who remembered. You were happy if you got a card in the mail. It didn’t matter how many good friends you had, they certainly all didn’t know exactly when your birthday was, or in my case what today was. Now with social media we are reminded when our friends’ birthdays are and then we can easily send a message of good wishes.

Back in the day your birthday could be a productive day, like any other day. Not now. Facebook has changed the whole day. You spend your day reading nice things from old friends you might not have seen in forty years. It is practically overwhelming how many people reach out.

One of the things I have always been able to count on is messages, calls or cards from my birthday sisters, those people who I share this birthday with. My cousin Sarah was born on my fifteenth birthday and it is great to share this day with her. I got a message from her today and sent one right back at her.

My bridesmaid Tricia Reilly who went to college with me was born not just on this day, but the same year. She messaged and called today. We never have enough time to catch up, but I always try to connect on our birthday.

My friend Gussy, who is my best friend from college Suzanne’s next older sister and one of my favorite friends was born today, just nine years before me. She and I e-mailed back and forth all day and she included a very extensive horoscope for our year ahead, which sounds like it’s going to be a great one.

All these birthday sisters were at my wedding which was the day before our birthday. That was quite a gathering of May 3 girls.

I also have a Durham friend, Beth Sholtz, whose birthday is also today. That’s five friends all with the same birthday. I am very happy to share the day with people I love so much.

Thanks for all the well wishes and kind words. I am not always good at remembering people’s birthdays, not because I don’t love you, just that I don’t know what the current date is. I will try to do better because I certainly appreciate the sentiments from you all, especially my birthday sisters.

Happy 27th Anniversary, Russ

The other day I wrote in this blog that my 26th anniversary was coming up. Russ told Carter he was sad that I had chopped off a year. In my defense it was not that I wish one less day of being married to Russ, just that I don’t know what year is currently on the calendar. The only way I can figure out how long we have been married is to subtract 1992 from the current year. When I wrote that we were going to have been married 26 years I thought that this year is 2018. He should be more worried that I don’t know what year it is right now!

26, 27 or 47 years, they are not enough. Russ should never worry that I am not appreciative of what a wonderful husband he is, because I am. I have witnessed plenty of other husbands and there is hardly a trait anyone else possess that I wish he had. I am not saying he is perfect, just perfect for me.

So on this day 27 years ago I am thankful that he went against his mother’s advice and married me anyway. It has been a beautiful partnership and I hope continues to be for at least the next 27 years. I probably won’t be able to tell him then that it will be our 54th anniversary because by then I will have no idea what year it is. What I will remember is why I married Russ and how every year has been better than the one before.