Women Friends

This morning a handful of us at our reunion had breakfast together before we bade each other farewell. We had enjoyed two wonderful days reminiscing, sharing and rekindling friendships started forty-two or forty-three years before. One of the women at the table said, “I realize I just don’t have that many women friends now, and I miss that.”

This woman is one of the kindest and most fun people I know. She went on to say, “I really like my husband and spend time with him.” She also has three twenty something children, a farm full of animals, a successful business with lots of clients and is a published expert in her field.

Earlier in my trip a friend’s college age daughter asked me how she is going to make friends when she is out of college as well as keep her old friends. I hate the idea that friends of mine are worried about having friends.

There is one wonderful rule about friends- to have a good friend you must be a good friend. Well, that is easier to do once you actually have a potential friend in your universe. First you have to find a person you might want to be friends with. In today’s world this seems to be the start of the problem. How do people get out from behind their screens and actual meet live people and get to know them?

At breakfast I suggested to my friend that she learn a game with a group. I have taken great joy in my many Mah Jongg friends. Some come and go from the game, but the friendship is sustained over the tiles whenever people are around the table. The wonderful thing about Mah Jongg is you can talk to each other while you play. It is the same for people who golf together or play tennis, although yo can’t really share a funny story while serving at tennis.

Facebook has given people the allusion that you are friends, but there is not a lot of give and take in that being the only facet of a relationship. In the end you need to actually spend time with people to truly be a friend.

I suggested to my breakfast mate that she consider visiting old friends if she feels the need to spark her friendships. Don’t visit for long. One night is usually enough with people you haven’t seen much of over the years. First you have to see if you still like them, have anything much in common and sadly, now-a-days, can stand to be in the same room with them if politics come up.

The thing about friends is it is not the quantity, but the quality. Try and not hold friends too close, but instead share them. The friends of your friends usually make a great match. The one thing I have learned over the years is if you remember someone fondly as an old friend, they probably feel that same way about you. It is never too late to reach out, but never stop considering new people as friends. You just can’t have too many, but you don’t want to end up with none.

One Comment on “Women Friends”

  1. Stori Cadigan says:

    I just have to say that this weekend I felt so many friendships that I truely miss. I am not a crier but as I hugged Mary goodbye and left Dana at the airport I was a mess. This just means that I need to see these people more. They made me feel whole and made me be happy to be me. Thank you everyone for such an amazing weekend!

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