North Carolina State Fair Canceled

Agriculture Commissioner Troxler took to the airwaves to announce that he was not allowing the fair to take place this October. Despite obvious observation of Coronavirus as the reason we can’t go to the fair he failed to mention the real reason — North Carolinians have already gained all their fair food weight during quarantine.

Commissioner Troxler could have talked about the loss of fried Oreos, fried turkey legs, fried Ice cream or fried butter that people will be missing at the fair, but it was clear to him that everyone had already tried to make all those things at home when no one was watching. We may not have put corn dogs on sticks at home, but it looks like corn dogs have been consumed nonetheless.

When Troxler said he was considering the health of citizens when considering holding the fair he easily could have meant, “Everyone is already too fat. We don’t need to add to our public health problems by tempting everyone with NC Pork Council pulled pork sandwiches.”

So no caramel Apples, just eat an apple without the caramel at home. No corn on the cob soaked in butter, running down your hand as you walk mummy style among people who are missing some of their important teeth. You can buy Kettle corn at the grocery store, but sorry there is no substitute for a fair funnel cake. If you are really craving that “Only at the fair food” you can make your own Krispy Kreme burger, by buying two donuts and a cheeseburger from Cook Out. Replace the bun of the burger with the donuts and have at it. I suggest you only do this if you have not already gained all the weight you usually gain going to the fair.

For most people, the Covid 19 weight gain means we might have to cancel the fair for a couple of years. Thanks Commissioner Troxler for looking out for us.