Hand Washing 101

I hope Dogs can’t get CoronaVirus because I don’t see a way I can keep Shay from licking my hands. When I go to pet her she often returns the favor by holding my hand down with her paw and licking it. It doesn’t matter if I have just washed them or had them inside a turkey carcass, she thinks my hands need to be simonized.

It is hard enough to keep myself healthy by washing my hands for at least twenty seconds. I am so sick of singing happy birthday twice to make sure I wash long enough. I need to come up with a new song to sing that is the right length. Unfortunately one of the only songs I know by heart is American Pie and that is like nine minutes long. I wouldn’t have any skin left if I washed my hands to that entire song. Maybe I could sing it just until the Chevy gets to the levy.

With the ridiculous run on soap and hand sanitizer I am thinking that no one was washing their hands before. Why didn’t they already have soap? We are those really old kind of people who still use bar soap. Do you know how long a bar of soap lasts? It would take years of me singing American Pie and sudsing up for me to make a dent in all the soap we have in our house.

I have a set of fancy soaps with my monogram engraved into the bars. It takes about 400 washings before I wear the soap down to the place that you don’t know my initials.

I hope all this hand washing takes hold and people continue after Mike Pence has proven he doesn’t know shit about viruses. If you run out of soap I think Shay would lick your hands for you, but then you have dog germs and you will need to wash your hands anyway.