The YouTube Calming

We haven’t had any stress during this holiday season since there have just been the three of us locked in the house. Nevertheless Russ and Carter are now watching their favorite calming ritual, Baumgartner Restorations on YouTube. If you ever have trouble sleeping and just want a soothing voice to lull you to sleep, Baumgartner is for you.

I’m not sure who discovered it first, but both Russ and Carter came to watching this YouTube show independently. It stars a second generation art restorer in Chicago painstakingly taking the viewer through the restoration of fine art paintings. If you thought watching paint dry was slow, watching the removal of dirt off old paint equals it.

I am not portraying the show for the interesting work that it is. Learning about the hard job of reversing bad restorations or just the years of grime that art can accumulate is actually very interesting. Baumgartner himself is quite an artist. He is able to emulate all other artists styles as well as recreating their original materials as he brings old works back to life.

After watching so many hours of this show, Carter and I walk through museums and pick out which painting would be greatly improved with a visit to Baumgartner Restoration.

Russ and Carter can happily cohabitate in the big room with the giant TV droning on about the use of Belgian linen to repair rips in canvas. I bet they will sleep well tonight.

Making The Best Of It

As horrible as global warming is for the whole world today there was a benefit for me personally. While it was in the high sixty’s today, yes December 27, I was able to go out work in the garden. I was just in a shirt and pants, gathering leaves from my backyard pile to spread thickly on my raised beds. The winter kales, Swiss chard and cabbage are doing nicely with no input from me. The parsley and chives have been going non-stop, and the arugula is banquet ready.

I turned and watered the compost. Trying to keep the right balance of browns and greens if difficult, but not as difficult as keeping it all moist so it can break down. We have hardly had enough rain this fall and I just forget to water it when I don’t have anything else to water.

I did some clean up in flower beds, cutting down withered lantanas and pulling out these plants that looked like something from Dr. Seuss, that I never knew the name of. It was great to spend time working in the garden after spending so many days hiding inside with Covid.

All three of us having Omicron at the same time was not that bad a way to go. At least we got to spend our time together and not be isolated. If you are boosted and not immunocompromised then you might want to go ahead and get it over with at a time that is convenient for you. I am not sure how you are going to avoid it. So stock up your pantry, and get a good book and movie list. Or just be like Russ and continue your full on Zoom work life.

If you are not vaccinated I have no idea how Omicron will hit you, but you too are going to have a hard time avoiding it, especially if you don’t wear n95 masks, as I guess you might not.

So I am looking at this day of post personal Covid and global warming as a glass half full one for me, but I would do anything to have neither of those things going on. While I was happy to get to work in the garden I was still worrying about my daffodils in the ground, not staying cold enough. There are some things I can’t do anything about.

Christmas Gift Metaphor

In August, when we were just half way through this terrible year we went to maine for a few days of vacation. It had been two years since we had been and we needed a little happy. Little did we know that the first half of the year was the good half.

On an overcast morning we went out to walk the breakwater in Rockport, my favorite walk. It is a good two mile walk in total from the car, out the giant stone walkway to the lighthouse in the middle of the harbor. You have to pay attention to your foot placement as the breakwater stones have big crevices between them.

On this particular day the fog strolled in as we walked out. When Carter got to the light house, she looked back at the shore just under a mile back and you could not make out the lush green hills of the Samoset golf course where the breakwater begins. She took this photo of the flag pole perfectly dividing the rocks of the breakwater. On the ocean side the water is rough and choppy and on the harbor side the same water is calm. The breakwater doing exactly the job it was built in the 1880’s to do, calm the waters and protect the harbor. But the photo is much more a perfect metaphor for the year. Carter enlarged the photo and framed it for me for Christmas.

We just learned of a friend’s 26 year old son passing in a car accident last week. Nothing prepares us for the loss of a bright and full of life young person. We just don’t know which side of the breakwater we are going to be on. I hope you have more days on the harbor side to buoy you up for the ones on the ocean.

Some Assembly Required

Over the years, between my childhood and my child’s childhood Christmas Day has been spent putting together one gift or toy or another or learning how to use it. Like the the big wheel for my sister Janet, where my father asked me to leave off the noise maker. The noise maker was the very first in a 38 step process. When Janet jumped on said Big Wheel and rode the length of our big barn living room she announced, “It’s broken! It doesn’t make the noise.” My father threw me under the bus, “Your sister can fix it.” Undoing 37 steps and redoing 38 and the Big Wheel clicked along the rest of it’s life. I will never get that sound out of my head.

I have assembled puppet theaters and American Doll bedroom suites. As Carter aged I thought I was finished with the learning curve of new toys. Until today. I received a Furbo, dog camera with the ability to throw your dog a treat. Russ thought this was what I needed when we take Shay away with us so we can have an idea what she is doing when she is alone.

The product is cool looking. I took the three parts out of the box, the unit, the usb cable and the plug. The instructions in eight languages were brief…”download the Furbo app to learn how to assemble and use.” How hard can it be, three parts.”

We down loaded, eventually got the unit paired with our wifi. Carter loaded a doggie treat in it. The camera worked and the microphone to talk to your dog. Shay was very interested in the treats inside. We pushed the treat button, the unit chipped, alerting Shay of the impending treat that would fly out of it. Nothing happened after the chirp. We gave Shay the treat anyway by hand.

Russ read the FAQ’s. It told us to turn the unit upside down to see if the throwing mechanism and trap door worked that way. It did. Only problem the treat can’t get to the thrower when it’s upside down. Russ went on the help chat line. Only 17 other customers in front of us. After 30 minutes help arrived. Turns out we were missing some fourth part and the unit probably never would work anyway so we should send it back. There was something to assemble.

Oh how I wished for a noise maker that I could just reattach. There is nothing I hate more than returning things. Russ said it cost too much not to return. I’m not sure we should try this again, but it was a present and I should give it another try.

I guess your days of presents that need to be put together or learned how to use are never over. For the record, puppet theaters are the easiest things to put together.

Merry Christmas to All

A friend asked if I would post photos of my needlepoint garland. It would be way too many photos to post. So instead I made this video while trying to recite “‘‘twas the night before Christmas.” I forgot a line and stuttered while trying to say it and film at the same time, but I am a one shot kind of girl. You get to see the warts and all.

I did not in anyway capture all the needlepoint but it is enough for you to get the idea. Each little ornament a treasure, whether stitched by me or by a sweet friend. Off season they live in a waterproof box under a bed in case the house catches on fire, they are the thing that gets saved first.

I hope you have a loved one or two near you on this Christmas Eve. Our table may be small tonight, but we are holding dear in our hearts all who we wish were around it with us.

Proof Christmas is coming

Everyone in our house is feeling better! So much so Russ and Carter got out the train and set it up around the Christmas tree. If you look closely you can see Carter helping Russ. They did a more complicated layout than normal, creating a train parking area.

Carter then took a little movie at train level.

After setting up the train it was time for a special Christmas drink. Russ pulled out his team building mixology kit, which he never got to do with his team thanks to client emergencies. So Carter is getting to bartend, “announcing it was the best gift ever.” And it wasn’t even really a gift.

I hope you and yours are safe this Christmas. Embrace your inner child this year. Play some games and if you have one, set up a train.

Covid-A-Rama

The last six Christmases have not been our best. Either I was sick or my father was in the hospital or the whole world was locked down. We were really looking forward to a family Christmas this year after the loss of my Dad. Well, best laid plans…all of us got Covid. We are fairly certain that we have Omnicom because it came on so fast. There is something to be said for all having it so we did not need any special quarantining in our own house. We all were in it.

Carter is over it. Her’s was short and light. I only jokingly told her to get tested after I started to feel bad. Russ and I were on the exact same schedule, but he has improved faster than me.

I am so thankful for vaccinations and boosters because our symptoms are not bad. Carter had a sore throat, which neither Russ, not I had. I had more body aches and post nasal drips. Being tired was the common symptom.

Those of us who are still positive have stayed in except for getting tested. Russ still worked his 12-16 hour Zoom days. In an abundance of causation we have canceled our Christmas Eve and Christmas plans. We let anyone we were in contact with know were had Covid and thankfully they got tested and were negative. Thanks to those people who offered to shop for us. Thankfully we had a full kitchen and could live a long time without leaving our house.

The bright side is now we all have new immunities. As soon as I get the all clear I am going to air out our house and do a top to bottom disinfection. Today I went to get a Covid test at the Lakewood site. I pulled in and there was this really long line. I sat in it in my car and after twenty minutes I realized I was in the food pantry give-a-way line. I pulled out of that line and went around the corner to the Covid line, which thankfully was much shorter. We have used the at home tests and the PCR tests and they say the same thing. Get home tests if you can because the results are faster. Probably plenty of people are just testing at home and therefore their positive results are not getting counted in the daily Covid totals. So consider that there is so much mor Covid out their than you read online.

Here are my take always from this whole experience. Omnicom is so contagious that you won’t know someone has it fast enough to stay away from them. If you are vaccinated and boosted, what you get is not so horrible. We all still had our sense of smell. We have a pulse oximeter and our oxygen levels stayed up around 95 the whole time. The vaccines make this a totally different game. Inevitably everyone is going to get it. That also means that immune compromised people need to be protected at all costs. So wear your masks and social distance . You might not know you have it, but may still be able to give it. And if you’re one of the fools who has not gotten vaccinated, well all bets are off on you.

A Game?

Since Carter has been home she has voluntarily offered to play a few games. We did Bananagrams more than once which made me very happy. My friend Mary Lloyd dropped off a Christmas game. It is a trivial pursuit like game with questions about Christmas history, movies, books and traditions.

Carter and I sat at the dinning room table as I pulled one card after another from the box. I read the first question, “What early seventies NFL Dolphin was born on Christmas Day, 1946?” Carter looked at me and asked, how do I know what the mascot’s name is? I explained the question is asking about a football player. “How is this a Christmas question?”

I was with Carter. Neither of us came up with Larry Csonka. Of course, Carter had not even heard of him.

The next question, “What does Weolych Swait mean in Poland? Oh lord. Even though we were in Prauge at Christmas four years ago we certainly did not learn any Polish. (My friend Stuart Write pointed out that Prauge is in the Czech Republic, no no wonder I don’t know any Polish.)

“What musical composition do the choir members try to perfect in A Christmas without snow?” Was that a hallmark movie? We had no idea. Never heard of that movie.

The next two questions were multiple choice, with two answers so we had a fifty-fifty chance. We still got one wrong.

The last question was about Scrooge and we missed that one.

In all I think we got one right. Carter asked me what year this game was made? I looked at the box and it had many copywrite years, starting in 1983. I looked at her and said even in 1983 I wouldn’t know these answers. We tried another card and it got a little better. We hope that some cards are more modern, but as we work through them we certainly are learning a lot, not necessarily about Christmas. But we are so appreciative of Mary Lloyd knowing how much I love a game.

No Christmas Cards From Us Again

I love that my friends keep me on their Christmas card list year after year. Since I have been writing this blog for twelve years I have given up cards. What could I possibly write in a card that any blog reader does not already know ad nauseam? Of course we get cards from friends who have no idea that I even write a blog, so for them I feel guilty. Then there are the ones who know I have a blog, but don’t read it. It’s that ad nauseam thing again.

I love reading Christmas letters. I find most are written by husbands and many ask the question, “Is this too long?” Absolutely not, I write a version of your Christmas letter 365 days a year.

I love learning about your children and now your grandchildren and of course, your dogs. I don’t even mind the letters that brag, but I especially like the funny ones.

We need Christmas letters. We need connection. I need your new addresses, even if I’m probably never going to mail you anything ever again. I say that, but maybe one day I will send out a Christmas card again. Maybe if we have grandchildren and I have given up the blog, but the chances on those two things are slim. So for today’s blog I am posting one of my favorite cards from back in the days when Russ traveled all the time so being together for Christmas was a real treat. Just keep your cards and letters coming and never ask me if your letter is too long.

The Mis-Named Lange Tradition

Even in families where cooking is not the Olympic sport it is here there are food traditions worth continuing. In Russ’ family it is the Christmas treat they call Chess Pies. Being a child of southern roots I was familiar with chess pies, but I was quickly told by my in-laws that what I knew was not these Philadelphia chess pies.

First these pies are tiny fruit and nut pies that must be topped by a candied cherry that has a four year shelf life. As I read the recipe I was happy to sit this tradition out. Russ and Carter picked it up. Today as they were making the annual pies Russ went through the ingredient list with me to see if we had the ingredients. Walnuts, check, raisins, check (although I was mistaken), eggs, check, sugar, are you kidding, check, box of pie crust mix… are you kidding me?

I told Russ we never used a box of pie crust mix in our house. He said they needed to go buy some. I convinced him we had everything they needed for a pie crust and convinced Carter to make that from scratch, which they did.

As I sat in the living room working on my puzzle laughing about the discussion about oven temperature and the worry if the pies were done or not coming from the kitchen. Without looking at them I called out, “less is better than too much.”

Russ and Carter proudly sent their photo of the finished pies to Russ’ father, “the king of chess pies.” The word came back, “You forgot a cherry.” Of course they did not, it just sank into the pie. So tonight we will taste the lange family tradition. Not a real chess pie, but a Lange chess pie.

Do Nothing

You might think that I was the college student who just came home for Christmas by the way I spent my day. I started off like any self respecting adult and got up at a reasonable hour and showered, but from there things went down hill. I watched two Netflix Christmas movies back to back while sitting by the Christmas tree, needlepointing. One was good, A Boy Called Christmas. I blame watching this on my friend Tom Spiegel who recommended it. The second one was something that probably got rejected by the Hallmark Chanel. So bad I don’t recall the name. From there I went right into the third episode of “And just like that.” I am not sure exactly where this Sex in the City sequel is going, but after the bad Christmas movie it seemed worthy of my time, little respect that I had left.

After all that needlepointing I moved right into working on a puzzle my friend Jan lent me. I don’t need to be lent any puzzles, as I have a cabinet full of ones I am yet to work. I decided this one was fine to start because it was not so big that it would be out all of Christmas. Plus it is a cool wooden one, so I didn’t have to spend half a day sorting pieces.

I sat in the living room listening to Christmas music working the puzzle. I should have been listening to my book club book, but I only thought of after after my eyes were so crossed from doing all this small work all day.

One would think I had better things to do to get ready for Christmas. I have wrapped most of my gifts. I didn’t have any laundry to do. It is too early to start cooking for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. So why not have a total slug day? My family hung with me during different parts of my activities, if you could call them that. I guess I was in solidarity with Carter in the normal “do nothing” day after exams. The only thing is I have not had any stress I need to recover from. I don’t even know how few steps I got today because I didn’t even bother to out on my watch. I think that is a first for the whole year.

I think I can honestly say this was my least productive day of the whole year and I loved it.

Best Hostess Gift

The world stopped having parties two years ago. We got out of practice giving hostess gifts. Although I am anti-gifts for most occasions for Adults I do like to show up at someone’s house with something special for them. If someone has gone to the trouble to cook for me then I like to return the favor.

I love a homemade treat to give; vinegar or vanilla extract is nice, but that is a long planned ahead item as I like my extract to sit for at least six months. Nuts are nice, especially if they have been transformed. A baked good is very thoughtful. All those things that showed you took some time.

If it’s not a homemade item, then a special consumable, like interesting mustard, or a special tea or spice. Something someone would not splurge on themselves normally or does not know about. Then there are the things that are hard to get, like a special Kringle flavor. All good hostess gifts. They don’t have to take up space forever in your house. You don’t have to try and keep them alive and you don’t have to find a vase and arrange them right as you are trying to make your guests a drink.

All these things involve planning, purchasing, and wrapping. But the very best hostess gift that my friend Anne has taken to giving is the one I love the most, a donation to the Food Bank. She also gave our friend Lynn a donation to Reality Ministries. It is the most thoughtful because she gives to the charity that means the most to us. She can go online and make the donation so no shopping was involved. She doesn’t have to wrap anything, although she does put a note in a box telling us of the donations and then wraps the box. That part is totally unnecessary.

So next time you have to go to a friends house for dinner, skip bringing the bottle of wine they may or may not like, and make a donation to their favorite charity. I promise that it will be well received.

Home Safe

Carter is home! She was supposed to be in NYC a visiting friends, but with Covid surging, and friends getting it, she made the decision to come home for hibernation. Thanks to Suzanne who offered Carter a place to stay. Hopefully sometime in the future when all the idiots get vaccinated and we can starve the virus from willing hosts Carter will be back.

For now I’m thrilled that she is with us. Nothing better than a grown child who can do the grocery shopping and cook the dinner. She was so thrilled when I told her I would do the dishes since she cooked the dinner. Suddenly cooking and not having to clean seemed like a good deal.

The total bonus about having her home was after dinner SHE ASKED ME if I wanted to play banana grams. I almost fell out of my chair. I have spent my life begging my family to play games with me. Now she wants to play? Where was this person twenty years ago? I am really having a great Christmas now!

I am praying that this variant does not ruin Christmas. I am happy that all my people are vaccinated and boosted, but still want to keep everyone safe. Carter told me of a friend of hers who is not going home for Christmas because a cousin’s husband is not vaccinated. When this grown child asked her mother to uninvite him for Christmas her Mother said no, because she took a lot of shit for canceling Christmas last year. So now the poor girl is not going home.

It’s time to tell unvaccinated people they are not welcome anyplace. Sure it is your decision to not get the vaccine, but that does not mean we have to let you in any place with vaccinated people. We spent way too much time coddling the “undecideds.” They were decided, they had decided long ago to be contrary and not follow science. We need some scarlet letters so we know who they are. Time’s up.

Stay healthy. Merry Christmas.

Christmas Cadet Forever

I’m tired of Covid, but am still playing it somewhat safe. That being said Lynn and I had a few friends for lunch which made me feel somewhat normal. I can’t have another Christmas with a fully decorated house and no one coming by to share in the spirit. As I was taking with a friend about my love of all things Christmas I recalled how I was a Christmas Cadet at Ethel Walkers.

At boarding school there were five Christmas cadets, who spread cheer during the horrible exam-filled dark days right before leaving for Christmas break. I had a full wardrobe of red and green wide whale corduroys and turtlenecks and fairisle sweaters. I carried a red and green croquet mallet with ribbons attached and I had flashing Christmas lights I wore and plugged in during classes. It’s amazing how accommodating my teachers were.

My biggest claim to fame as a Christmas Cadet were my “count-down hours cards,” where I displayed how many hours we had left until we were released for Christmas break. I certainly should have been studying harder instead of passing out Christmas candy to my weary classmates.

Today I realized after lunch I had worn my new holiday apron through the whole thing with my Christmas green sweater and red wool sneakers. Very reminiscent of my Christmas cadet years. At least I don’t have to count anything down this year as Carter will be home tonight. I’m ready for the cheer.

Hooray for Carter

Today was officially Carter’s last day as a college student with one final exam and two papers. Although she won’t have a ceremony until May of next year, she’s done. We could not be more proud of her Northeastern Career. She packed a lot in, finishing her five year program in four and a half years. She had two study abroad programs, one in Berlin and a second in London, which thankfully she got in before the pandemic shut down all foreign study programs.

One of the strengths of Northeastern is the Co-op program where students work for six months at a real life job. Carter worked full time at Bain Capital for twenty months, including one semester where she was also going to school full time, something that only could be done because of the pandemic. Starting in her second year she worked in the Explore program on campus, which was her happy place. Explore is the program for First year students who are undecided as to what they want their major to be. Carter team taught every semester she was not on Co-op. It played on her camp counselor strengths. She loved helping first years find their path and was even happier when they applied to work in explore too because they saw how much she enjoyed it.

Thanks to Lindy Fraser at DA, Carter discovered her love for psychology and that is what she majored in at NEU. She loved being the TA in abnormal psych because she loved trying to diagnose her family. Surprisingly to her parents she also had a minor in religious studies, studying every religion, except Christianity. She was president of the Psych club and was rolled out by the Psych department when they needed a student to present to prospective students or VIPs.

She made good friends and grew in so many ways. When Carter was in lower school and the school year would come to an end she would say to me, “I don’t want to go on to the next grade. I like this one.” She said the same thing to me recently. She has loved learning for learning’s sake. She had some outstanding Professors and would take classes just because of the professor, even if the subject was not her first choice. Her intellectual curiosity expanded exponentially. The same could not be said about me when I was graduating from college, so this make me extra happy.

I know that I am a bragging mother here, but I have to document and celebrate her college career, as this blog is my memory keeping place. So great job Carter. I know you will go on to do exciting things. I don’t think this is the end of your learning or your educational experience, but for now, you get a little break before you start your new job. You could not have made your parents more proud.

Nature Where It Doesn’t Belong

Shay and I went in the sunroom yesterday to play the “catching game” where I throw Shay toys and she tries to catch them. I guess I should say that I throw Shay carcasses of toys whose squeakers and a majority of the stuffing has been removed. Seasoned cataracts Shay is fairly good at catching an avocado carcass in mid air or nose bouncing it back to me.

After tossing a baby beaver, a bottle of champagne, and an orange wedge I noticed out of the corner of my eye that some other thing bounced. Shay didn’t seem to noticed and stood at attention awaiting a dinosaur to come her way. I turned my head before throwing and saw some live animal on the window jam. I screamed a little and neither the thing, nor Shay seemed bothered. I got up from the sofa and went to inspect the live animal. It looked like some salamander or newt. I was never good at amphibian identification.

How the hell did this green thing get inside. I went to the kitchen for some Tupperware to catch it in. I was able to trap it, but when I went to move the Tupperware it was able to escape. This sucker could really jump. I trapped and lost it three times. The third time it disappeared and I was unwilling to move the heavy sofa to try and find it. So I opened a window and left the room for three hours. Shay was furious the toy throwing session was cut prematurely short.

I have no idea if the green thing found it’s was outside, or even wanted to leave the comfortable sunroom. Now I go in and scan the room before I sit down. I’m not sure how important it is to ensure it is gone. At least it is a festive color green.

Mother Nature Wins

I am so sad to watch the news of the tornados in Western Kentucky and the surrounding states. Tornados are scary anytime, but just not normal in December. The clash of warm air to cold air produces killing results.

As the poor people of Kentucky begin the grieving and cleaning up, so many others are coming to their aid. I can’t help but think about how much worse natural disasters are in the last decade than ever before. The Hurricane and tornado damage just keeps coming. Along with devastating droughts and fires.

I know there are plenty of climate change deniers out there, but I can’t help but draw a line between our worsening weather events and our warming earth. Man has certainly played a big role in the global warming. It is time that we all take seriously what we can do to slow the warming down.

We certainly can’t turn back the damage that has been done, but we must slow it down. This is not political, it is humanitarian. There is no place to hide from Mother Nature. She always wins.

Finding The Perfect Gift

With Russ away visiting his father Shay and I have been alone at home for five days. Shay has not been without Russ for this long in two years and she is continually going from room to room to find him. Shay followed me circling the house as I gathered gifts I had hidden throughout the year. Today was the perfect day to wrap.

As I wrapped the gifts I had I took stock of them. In most years I have the perfect gifts sourced well before Thanksgiving. This year I have been less than inspired. Between cleaning out all my parents homes to down size to 20% of their belongings and losing my Dad I am having trouble thinking of “stuff” people need. I lost months of being able to hand make things.

My friend Christy had given me the perfect gift this year; a pair of socks that said, “I’m not arguing, I’m explaining why I’m right.” That is the perfect gift. She said she saw them this summer and knew she had to give them to me. Why can’t I be as inspired this year?

Please, send me your ideas for gifts. I did not realize how behind the eight ball I was.

Too Warm for Christmas

Global warming is real. I used to be able to prep Christmas party food and put it in a cooler in the garage and it would keep for days. Not now. There is no nature’s fridge in sight. Today I made chicken, spinach, mushroom strudels and had a hard time making room in my freezer for the individual bundles. I also made a rum cake that needs to go into the freezer until needed and there is no way I can fit it in tonight. First job tomorrow is seeing what I can do away with to make room for the cake.

Used to be I could chill every party beverage outside before a party, but not now. It seems like investing in ice making companies is a good idea given that things will not be getting better any time soon.

For now I pray that my bulbs don’t start coming up just in time for Christmas. So much for the ugly sweater parties, it’s too hot to wear any sweater. I hope Santa has a nice red bathing suit. It looks like he’s going to need it.

Back and Forth

This fall I have spent a lot of time driving back and forth to Raleigh. The bulk of it has been to teach Mah Jongg, so it is a joy. Last night I was invited to be the surprise guest at a Mah Jongg Christmas cocktail party at CCC with many of the hundred and twenty people I have taught in the last four months. It was such fun to get to hear about how people are doing playing after their initial classes and answer questions.

I got home late last night and had to turn around and drive back to Raleigh this morning for a lunch with my Harvard 100 leader, Chuck ReCorr and two other friends to discuss non-profit board issues. As usual, Chuck made the reservation at the Capital Grille where he is such a regular that we all had, off the menu special items that Chuck recommend. I have learned over the years to just get what ever Chuck suggests because he knows best. Our timing was perfect because after lunch Santa arrived and declared that Chuck was on the good list, to which we all agreed.

Driving back and forth to Raleigh so much has given me to opportunity to listen to some great books on audible. Sometimes I arrive at my destination and I sit in the car finishing the chapter. Audible has been my godsend during this time of regular commuting. I have gotten to the point that I am very critical of the reader and their ability to do dialogue well in a voice of their opposite sex. Nonetheless, I am thankful for great books that make me not mind spending many hours in the car. January will find me spending double the time as my whole month is booked up with classes. The perfect thing to do in January, when I am unable to garden, just teach Mah Jongg, make new friends and listen to good books.

FriendChristmas

There is nothing more wonderful than girl friends. I feel totally blessed to have a small special neighborhood stitching group. We have been gathering together every month for the last few years to needlepoint together, share our expertise with each other and most importantly friendship. We can only have the number of people who fit around Kathi’s breakfast room table so we have had to remain a small tight group.

Last year we decided to do an ornament exchange like I do with my bigger needlepoint group, which has been a joy to me for so many years. With just six in my small group we also give each other gifts along with exchanging our specially made needlepoint ornaments for each other. If I ever want to know what the best of anything is I ask these friends. The gifts we exchanged last night made us all so happy because they were things we all loved, but did not know existed before we received them.

The highlight of the night was the giving of needlepoint. Each one had a personal meaning from the giver. The pressure is high to create the perfect ornament. At the end of the night we secretly picked our names for next year so I am already scheming what to stitch next.

For my non-needlepoint gift I gave everyone one of the special softest scarves my sister Janet sells at her company Youzey.com. I brought six different ones and had everyone pick numbers and they chose which one they each wanted. They chose the ones I envisioned would be perfect for each person and then they modeled them for me.

Thanks to Kathi for hosting the fun night of cocktails and yummy treats. I love our stitching group and all the fun that goes with it.

Carter’s Extra Great Day

Twenty-three years ago Carter came into this world, making her parents very happy. Russ wanted the birth announcement to read, “a day that will live in infamy.” And I wanted nothing to do with such disgrace. I am happy to report that Carter has changed what Pearl Harbor day means in our house. It is a day of celebration.

The happiness today is not just for her birthday, which would be good enough, but also that today she signed a contract for her post college job with a technology company in Boston. After spending 20 months working full time at a big finance company in Boston, while going to school she decided this summer that she wanted to pivot to something else. Why not? She’s young and curious.

Tomorrow is the last last day of classes for her undergraduate career. She graduates next week, although the ceremony will not take place until May. So she knows what she will be doing after college and is taking a month off to relax and recharge with no stress. It’s a big day for Carter and one I only could have prayed for on the day she was born.

So congratulations Carter. You make us proud everyday and we are so happy for you.

The First Monday in December

As has been the tradition for the last eight years the first Monday in December is reserved for my original needlepoint groups ornament exchange. Like the fourth Thursday in November is Thanksgiving and the first Monday in October is opening day for the Supreme Court, I always know what I am doing in on this day. It is one of the highlights of my year.

Last year we had Zoom needlepoint exchange, which was better than not having it, but nothing like our regular party. This year, since we have some seniors, we had the party and the lunch, but did not sit close together at the dining room table and instead ate lunch on our laps in my big Christmas room. It was the perfect answer to be together and still safe.

This year we had a special guest, Lucy Taylor, Kate’s oldest lab who came to have lunch with Shay. It made for a very festive party as we are all dog lovers.

The highlight of the festivities is the giving and receiving a special needlepoint ornament secretly stitched for a friend. There is no one more appreciative of a beautifully made work of art than a fellow stitcher. We all ooohhh and aaahhn over the darling ornaments, some with beading, other’s specially designed, all made with love for each other.

We had lunch and Needlepoint Nancy brought the dessert this year, totally lightening the load on me. It is always my favorite way to kick off the holiday season. Although there are not as many big parties this year, in fact Russ and I are purposely skipping one big one because I don’t want to risk Covid for a big party, I seem to have a lot of smaller get togethers. I count I still have five more events to throw at my house right up until New Years Day. Thank goodness everything is decorated and ready for a party. Not one will be more loved than today’s.

Queen of The Garden

Last month I picked the last of my tomatoes before the first front came and killed the plants. Many of them were still small and green. I brought them in the kitchen in a little garden basket and set them on the counter. There were probably about twenty five small fruits, most about the size of an apricot. A few were red or pink and slowly the others all turned red and smelled like a fresh summer tomato right off the vine.

Russ had some with his breakfast, as he likes to make a veggie mash up with eggs every morning. Tonight I noticed that a few had gone past their prime. Not wanting to let any of my hard work go to waste I decided to use up all the good ones for dinner tonight. We had some salmon that needed to be cooked so I figured we could have some cheese grits with a cooked tomato and pesto compote with the salmon.

While the grits were simmering in their own pot I halved the 15 small ripe tomatoes and put them in a skillet with a little olive oil and a crushed garlic clove. The pan was on a medium heat and I shook the tomatoes around while they gave way of their juices and small seeds slid out into the oil. While the tomatoes still held their shape I added two salt and peppered salmon filets to the pan next to them. The salmon barley needed two minutes and then I flipped them over. I added a frozen knob of pesto made this summer from the huge bounty of basil. It melted into the tomatoes, which by now had collapsed.

The grits had finished simmering. I slathered a shallow bowl with a spoonful of the yellow mush creating a well in the center. Scooping a heaping spoonful of the tomato and pesto jam into the center of the bowl I completed the tableau with two hunks of salmon.

The tomatoes were definitely the star of the meal. Releasing all their summer goodness long into this dark December night. Now we will have to dream of home grown tomatoes for the next six months until the soil can again gift us the queen garden.

It Hits You Suddenly

Today, while Russ was out on a walk with Shay and I was rolling up silver forks in cloth napkins, tying them with a red ribbon. The forks are for my annual Christmas Needlepoint exchange that will happen on Monday. I was listening to Christmas music with the tree fully lit, feeling the spirit of the season. One song ended and another began. At this moment I can’t even remember what the song was, just that it was one my father danced with Carter in the very room I was in, many years before.

I was so overwhelmed with the memory of them dancing I burst into tear and sobbed until I was interrupted by a text from my mother about her eyes. I was jolted from my sadness to the reality of the immediate. My mother’s texting is like a treasure hunt for meaning. Autocorrections and lack of punctuation almost always leads me to phone her and ask what she was trying to tell me. Thankfully it was not an emergency.

My tears had dried and the stab of missing my father had passed. It was a quick hit of the song breaking my heart just a little, but by the time the song had ended I could not even recall which song it was. I was left with the sadness of missing my Dad from a happier time.

Entering The Twentieth Century

My Mom came today because she had to spend five and a half hours at Duke eye center and then spend the night with us. She can’t drive after going to the eye center so she just hangs with me.

We are thankful for the Duke eye center with the best doctors who take care of her Macular Degeneration. Today she had to have a lot of scary stuff done, but she said her new doctor could not have been kinder.

The amazing thing that happened is that she figured out how to watch Netflix on her phone with the sound coming through her hearing aids. It was the best way to pass the time between procedures at Duke. She got so into the show she was watching that she continued watching at my house. Due to her dilation we couldn’t have many lights on so she sat in the dimmed room watching her show on her phone, which was better than watching on the giant TV that would be too bright.

Now if I can only teach her how to watch Netflix on her own TV at home we will really be cooking with gas, but I am not holding out hope that will happen. So perhaps she has one foot in each century, but at least she can watch in waiting rooms and that is the best thing ever.

TENS to The Rescue

We lived in London when I was pregnant with Carter. My access to pregnancy advice was therefore all British. I read articles that talked about writing a birthing plan and renting a TENS machine for the labor. When I came home to North Carolina to finish up the gestation I learned that American Women back in the nineties didn’t write birthing plans, which was a good thing for me since I had no idea where to start. I also learned that American women did not use TENS machine to relieve pain during child birth. At the time I thought, “Good, I have no idea what a TENS machine was.”

A few years after Carter was born I injured my back and went to a chiropractor who worked miracles on me. At my initial visit the first they did was attached two electrode pads to my back hooked up to a TENS Machine. AHHHH, that is when I learned the joy of the Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation or TENS for short.

When Carter had her meniscus surgery, a TENS unit was part of her rehab, but that was a decade ago and I had forgotten all about TENS. Last week when I hurt my back I tried foam rolling and pain killers and it imported some what, but not completely. Then one day ai woke up and it dawned on my I might need to go back to chiropractor, but before I did I thought I should try our at home TENS.

The tiny machine, which connects with electrical pads on my back is a godsend. It definitely has improved my back. I have not yet called the chiropractor, but am going to see if I improve with just the TENS. I may not have been able to use it during labor, but I am thrilled I learned what it was. I just wish I had thought of it earlier.

When Big Brother is Good

Idea of Big Brother watching your every move is one that most people say they don’t like. Sure, no one wants their every move to be monitored. But when you want to know where your package is, Big Brother reporting that it is only six stops away, just outside your neighborhood is a great thing. I am currently watching an Amazon package get closer and closer to my house. This is the kind of technology I just love.

When I was graduating from college I was offered a job at P&G in sales. I spent a day with their top sales rep in the New England region. Rather than spending her day talking to customers and selling them things I found out that she was manually counting cases of products her customers had on hand, and manually tracking every mile she drove and manually tracking every working minute of her day by one of thirty two different tasks. I turned down the offer because I knew that I did not want to spend half my day filling out spread sheets describing how I was spending the other half of my day.

Manual big brother was tiresome and cumbersome. Automated big brother may be no less the tattletale on the worker, but to the customer it is a wonderful and it does not take time away from the workers productivity as long as they don’t have to manually track themselves.

In the time it has taken me to write this I have watched the Amazon truck with my package on it go from being seven stops away to three stops away. This means I have to wrap up this blog so I can meet the driver at the door and thank him for getting my package to me in such an efficient way.

The Joy of Handmade Gifts

The news keeps blaring the same doomsday message about the shortage of Christmas gifts this year. Yes, the pandemic, and production woes in China, and shipping bottlenecks and lack of enough truck drivers has caused a shortage of somethings. I grant that if you want to buy an electronic made in China you might not find it this year, but is that such a bad thing?

As I think back on my memorable gifts, both those given and received, it is mostly the handmade ones that I truly remember and love. Some are true works of art, like a painting of my mother’s I was gifted rather than having to purchase (which yes, even I have to pay for her paintings.) or a quilt I made for my mother. Those are somewhat priceless gifts, but I’m not really thinking about those special gifts. I am thinking of little things, like this small Christmas Tree banner made by Carter in Pre-school, which I lovingly display every Christmas. Even though it was a school project, wrapped by her teachers so that each child had a gift for their parent’s at the tender age of four, I love it as much today as I did when I opened it nineteen years ago.

Last year Carter and Russ gave me a painted Christmas ball of our house. It was hand made by an artist Carter found on Etsy. It was not made by Russ and Carter, but is was a handmade gift from them that meant the world to me.

This year is the perfect year to make or support an artist to give a special gift that is hand made. You don’t have to worry about the world wide shortage of computer chips if you are going to sew someone a set of placemats. It helps if you are crafty, but if you are not look on Etsy and support a maker who is.

If you can cook or bake make something edible as a gift. A consumable gift is a green thing to give as it won’t take up space forever. The thing about it is you are giving your time instead of just your money to the person you are giving to. I will never forget the year my Aunt Janie Leigh gave us a quart of her homemade pimento cheese for Christmas. That gift was what turned Russ into a pimento Cheese lover. He still talks about it 22 years later.

Loved ones will forget gifts which are things they could have bought for themselves, but will remember the unique ones you create. So forget about the shortages and think about what you might make and give some of yourself instead.

Shay Trains Russ

When Russ is eating something Shay wants she just licks her lips, while looking soulfully at him, and he totally melts. Russ is Mr. Softy when it comes to Shay. It doesn’t matter how much he loves what he is eating. If Shay licks her lips he will gladly give her some of it. No matter how bad it might be for her, Russ gives her some.

Tonight, after Russ’ long, hard day at work he poured himself a drink and got a small ramekin of peanuts and sat down by the Christmas tree to enjoy his break. Shay immediately jumped up to sit next to him, licking her lips in the international dog symbol of “Can I have some?” Not only did Russ give her a peanut, he put it on the sofa so she could easily eat it.

Now I have to train Russ not to put the salty nuts on the furniture. I am not sure I can train him as well as Shay can. I think at best I can train him not to do it when I am looking.

Missing Her Girl

Shay gets very depressed after holidays when her girl goes home to Boston. Today she has been particularly mopey, looking all over the house to try and find Carter. After she realized she was not anywhere to be found she just hung in the gathering room with me, looking despondent.

Even though Shay went with us to the airport to drop Carter off, Shay thinks it is like taking Carter to high school and she will be back at home to sleep. It is so sad that I can’t explain to her that she will have her best girl home in three weeks. I am sure it will take a few days for her to readjust, but until them my heart breaks for this sad puppy.

She haven’t eaten anything all day, even Turkey Russ offered her. Oh, how a dog’s heart breaks.

Alexa, Bring On Christmas

While I was doing the low tech work of ensuring that no part of the tree could be seen through the thousands of ornaments another Elf was hard at work behind the scenes. It took me all day to go up and down the ladder with baskets of snowmen, Santa’s and snow flakes. I had silver bells and icicles to hang from the branches. While I worked, Russ was secretly setting up all the Alexa systems to turn the lights on all over the house and the Christmas music with just one command. No need for me to unplug any cords. The clapper is officially so last century. Now we have Alexa.

Not only can I turn it all on with one command just whispered in any room of the house, but Russ has it set to turn off on a timer so if I am too exhausted and just fall asleep Alexa will take care of everything for me.

On top of Russ’ tech work I had Carter in the best humor helping put away all the boxes. In years past just the appearance of the Christmas decorations put Russ and Carter in a sour mood because that meant they had a lot of toting things to and from the attic. But somehow this year the tide turned and everyone was cheery through the whole two day ordeal. This is the Christmas miracle I was hoping for.

Sadly Carter returned to Boston this afternoon. She is closing in on the last few days of her college career. But in the blink of an eye she will be back again for Christmas and she will be happy all the decorating is already done.

A few wreaths are the last things I am needing. Alexa, Bring on Christmas. Merry Christmas to all.

It’s Not Black Friday Here

Today has never been Black Friday in our house. The idea of shopping, let alone shopping when the masses are out shopping makes my skin crawl. I don’t know what I used to do before the internet. Oh yeah, catalogs. Today is perpetually reserved as the first day of Christmas decorating. I think this year I might have my decorating down to two days, which is a very manageable amount.

Thanks to my purchase last year of a new flip tree, the putting up of the tree is not the divorce inducing event it has been in years past. Thankfully Carter was very cheerful about helping Russ take the 42 boxes, half a dozen Christmas trees and 9 wreaths out of the attic. Russ had been dreading trying to carry the new 150 pound tree up from the crawl space, but Carter looked at him and said, “That’s only 75 pounds each.” It was a piece of cake for the two of them.

I was able to totally decorate the living room, dining room, breakfast room and entry today. The tree is ready to be decorated, but I did not see the need to impair the recovery of my back by spending half the day on the ladder. Russ has volunteered to hand me baskets of ornaments while I stand on the ladder tomorrow. I should be finished with the decorating well before it’s time to take Carter to the airport. It’s only about 5,000 ornaments that I have to hang.

Carter asked me when I started collecting Christmas decorations and I told her about how I had a real full size Christmas tree in college. She said, “It didn’t have as many ornaments as you have now?” Of course not, but I still have some of those ornaments I bought in college. It takes a lifetime to collect as many ornaments as I have.

So, perhaps today was Red Friday and tomorrow is Green Saturday. I love a year where Thanksgiving is early so I get almost an extra week of the Christmas season. Nothing makes me happier than coming downstairs to be treated by the needlepoint garland. No Black in my Christmas season.

Thankful Indeed

Thanksgiving was a glorious meal here at our house today. The best way for me to keep my mind off missing my Dad was to cook and cook I did. My mother, not the worlds best cook offered to bring something and I said, “Are you trying to start a fight?” Then my sister Janet, offered and turned her down too. We invited our friends Jan and Rex, as they were alone, and Jan offered too.

No, I didn’t need anyone else to cook. Jan, instead showed up with a yummy Pomegranate cocktail and wine.

So Carter and I cooked and cooked. Making Turkey, dressing, stewed tomatoes, mashed potatoes, corn pudding, Brussels Sprouts, arugula salad with oranges and pomegranate seeds, gravy, cranberry sauce, popovers, pecan pie and Caramel cake. It may have taken a few days. We might have used most of our pots and pans. We certainly pulled out all the serving spoons. But it was worth it.

Even if you only took a small spoonful of everything the plate was not big enough to hold the abundance of yumminess. We gathered in the dining room to say the blessing. I started, but chocked up as we all held hands around the table. Jan picked up for me saying the prayer of thanksgiving.

The sun shone in on us all at the dining room table. We ate, told stories and enjoyed the company of friends and family. It was a happy occasion, one that we all needed.

I hope you all had plenty to eat and much to be grateful. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Don’t Fight Tomorrow

Thanksgiving in my family has a history of being a day that involved at least one fight. It almost always involved my father saying something that he knew before he said it would make at least two different people at the table mad. Now he was not the only one. If my mother started a sentence with, “This is going to make you mad…” I always responded, then just don’t say it. That never worked. She always said it anyway, and she was right. It always made me mad.

Despite the guarantee of a fight, we almost always went to the farm to have thanksgiving. Lots of years we brought friends to help diffuse the conversations that might start fights. We warned them of the subjects that were sure to be argument starters. We pre-apologized for the inappropriate comments that were sure to be made. The guests came anyway. Somehow witnessing other people’s families fighting at Thanksgiving is more like watching a movie, than being “in” the fight.

One year, not so long ago, the fight was bad enough that I got up from the table in the middle of dinner and said I was going home. Napkins were thrown in the air and the conversation changed and I stayed, but it was a real low moment in the great history of thanksgiving fights.

Last year, due to Covid, Carter did not fly home for Thanksgiving and Russ and I did not go to the farm in fear of giving my parent’s Covid. Instead we ordered a take out Thanksgiving and did not have a cross word. It was a sad. Now it is made all the sadder because it was our last chance to fight with my Dad over the Turkey.

If we had known that we would last year was the last chance to be offended over politics while we passed the creamed onions we might have gone. You just don’t know when the last thing is going to be the last chance.

I know my Dad thought he was invincible. He certainly out lived every actuarial table of his life style. But if he knew he only had a few thanksgivings left, I wonder if he would have not started so many fights. Probably not, he really couldn’t help himself.

For me, I am looking forward to a fight free thanksgiving. That doesn’t mean it won’t be sad without my Dad. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. Not because he was thankful for all he had, which he should have been, but because he loved to cook for other people. There will be a moment or two of sadness for his not being here, but if my mother can not start a sentence with, “I know this is going to make you mad…” then this will be the most peaceful Thanksgiving I have ever had in my sixty years.

Don’t fight at thanksgiving. You want your relatives to be sad when you are not at the table.

The Unwanted Gift of Extra Fallen Leaves

It’s leaf blowing season. You can hear it all around, all day. My yard people came today and blew my leaves. It took them a couple of hours. I know because the sound was deafening as I was making Turkey stock for gravy and setting the Thanksgiving table. I know why they were here today…they wanted my house to be nice for Thanksgiving. For that I am grateful.

We are an oddity around here. We have natural areas on our property where I am happy for the yard guys to blow the leaves and leave for composting. We have trees and forest that we have kept natural, rather than a fully landscaped piece of property where one fallen leaf really sticks out. Not all our property is natural and where it is manicured I like it to be leaf free too.

Today after my yard guys finished the Herculean job of moving leaves I had an hour or two of quiet. Then the leaf blowers started up again. Neighbor’s yard guys were doing the same thing that mine had done. As I was cooking I looked out the window and noticed leaves being blown into my leaf free yard from my neighbor’s yard. As these are superior neighbors, who happen to be away I went over to talk to their yards guys myself.

I asked them not to just blow my neighbor’s leaves into my yard. They guy looked at me and said, “Our truck is full and we have no place else to put them.” I was not in the mood for that ridiculous kind of thinking and told him so.

So many times I am driving home and I see a yard guy blowing leaves across the street from the house they take care of to the one on the other side, which they do not. I am certain that this would be frowned upon by the person receiving the gift of extra leaves.

Please talk to your yard people and provide them with a place to put your leaves or ensure they take ALL OF THEM WITH THEM. Giving them to your neighbors is most certainly not what you pay them to do.

Why Now?

I am hosting Thanksgiving at my house. This is not really difficult for me as I will have my best sous Chef, Carter, here doing the bulk of the work. She gets home Wednesday and I can hardly wait for her to be in the kitchen with me. Carter called me this weekend to discuss what I was going to cook in advance and what I was leaving for her. She was happy for me to do the cranberry and stewed tomatoes in advance. The tomatoes are a two day cooking event and it is best to get them out of the way before the big production cooking starts.

I got up early to get the Dutch oven out and start the simmering of the tomatoes. Before I could get going I needed to get some clothes out of the dryer. As I bent down, before even picking up a single item,q I felt the horrible feeling of tweaking my back. I have no idea what I did, but my back was immediately a mess. I tried to straighten up, screaming just a little bit all the way up.

There would be no Dutch oven lifting for me. Thankfully Russ was home to fetch it for me. My back does not hurt while I am lying down or sitting still, but getting up is no fun. I am hoping that a good night’s sleep with some good pain medication will bring me back to normal.

Thanksgiving cooking is a sport. It requires me to be at the top of my game. Please let this be a one day event.

People Forget

One thing I feel like the pandemic has done is make some people feel like other people have lots of free time because they are not doing their regular stuff. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some people are busier than ever and it has nothing to do with the pandemic. Lives are going on, whether you see people living them or not.

Regardless of how busy someone may or may not be we all sometimes forget to do things. Apparently I forgot to follow up with someone after a short phone call. Exactly when this phone call happened, I can’t recall. I have been actually busy.

The person I forgot to follow up with is not someone I know well, but my not following up has caused this person to think less of me and tell others. That is how I found out I forgot.

If I ask someone for something and they forget I call them back and remind them. No big deal. People are busy. People forget. People have other things, like the death of a loved one which throws a wrench in everything.

I called and left a message admitting I forgot and asked for forgiveness. At this point I am looking for a little Grace. I have not heard back.

I am hoping I don’t act this way when someone forgets something I have asked for. I hope that I can extend Grace to others. I know the world does not revolve around me and I hope not to expect people to act like it does. We all forget things. I am truly sorry when I let someone down, but give me a heads up and let me try and resolve it.

If I have forgotten to do something for you, let me know. I may or not may not do it, but at least give me a second chance.

Scents of the Season

Smell memories are big to me. Of all our senses, smell is the one that gets the short stick, but the one that gives me the most emotional response. Yes, I would rather lose my sense of smell than my sight or hearing, but if I did the world would be a much flatter place.

Today I made the annual Cranberry sauce. I make mine with many aromatics, like ginger and orange zest and juice. As the cranberries come to a boil and pop, they release a fragrance that screams “the holidays are here.” I heard on the news that Cranberry sauce is the most disliked part of the thanksgiving meal. I feel like those people must be eating the wrong cranberry item. There are those people devoted to the canned jellied cranberry. To me that is a whole different animal.

I like the whole berry sauce, to which I add toasted pecans right before serving. Turkey needs the bright punch of the cranberry to bring the otherwise bland bird to life. Plus the smell!

I know lots of people think peppermint, or pine for the holidays, but to me the best aroma is my cranberry sauce.

24 Oz. Fresh raw cranberries (2 bags)

2 T. Grated fresh ginger

Zest of two oranges

Juice of three oranges

1/2 cup of water

1 cup of sugar

Place it all in a big sauce pan and bring to a boil and cook until the cranberries Pop. Cool.

Right before serving add cup of toasted broken pecans pieces.

Scary Bridge

My dear friend Deanna is a generous, expert bridge player. I love when I get to play with her. I practically gave up bridge during the pandemic. I don’t love playing on the computer. So my bridge skills declined over the last year and a half. Deanna asked me to play in this twice monthly mentor -mentee game. One game is in person and one is online, at night. That is two strikes against it for me. By seven PM I am not at my sharpest so playing bridge online then can be a real mess.

Tonight, thanks to my superior partner, we came in third out of twenty. That’s a very good showing for me, despite a couple of bad bids on my part. I just don’t have time to play bridge multiple times a week and really concentrate on it. Especially come January when I will be teaching Mah Jongg 80% of the month.

Honestly, I love Mah Jongg and I only like bridge. I just hate letting my partner down.

Stacey Abrams at DPAC

After many years of going to Broadway shows at Durham Performing Arts Center, Russ and I gave up our season tickets because it seemed like there were more shows we didn’t care about than ones we did. Then Covid hit, so we didn’t really miss anything. So after being away almost two years when my friend Mary Lloyd asked me if I wanted to go see Stacey Abrams at the DPAC I jumped at the chance. First it seemed like a very safe crowd. Second, the DPAC requires proof of vaccination and third, there was no singing.

I had no clue what the talk was going to be about, but I was highly curious to hear what she had to say. Melissa Harris-Perry was the host who asked Stacey the questions and was quite effective. It was billed as a conversation with Stacey and that really was what it was.

I had no idea that Abrams was originally a tax attorney and apparently I was not alone, because when Harris -Perry asked her first question about taxes the whole audience laughed.

Abrams parents and two of her five siblings were in the audience and the talk very much focused on her up bringing in Gulfport Mississippi. They were a poor black family, who spent their time helping people even poorer than they were, which certainly made an impact on Stacey’s life. She said her parents had three important pillars, Faith, School, and ensuring that they take care of each other. It certainly paid off. She has a sister who is a federal Judge, one who worked at the CDC before coming to work with Stacey, a brother who is a film maker.

Stacey was informative, funny and most of all so likable. She was not like most politicians. I did not learn anything about community organizing, or how to get the vote out, but I did come away more intrigued to learn more about Abrams. It was a fast hour and a half and was sad that it was over when I was just getting to know her. It was a good reason to be out in a crowd.

Silver Lining

The silver lining of losing a loved one is all the together time you get to have with the rest of your family. When Carter’s semester started I did not think I would get to see her until Thanksgiving. She purposely stopped her off campus job so she could enjoy her last semester of school. Unlike me, she loves school and learning and wishes that part would never end. Sadly her plan to have a fun last semester got hijacked by her grandfather’s passing. It also threw a wrench in her spending time figuring out what her next move would be. On the flip side I have gotten to see her three times in the last six weeks.

Thank goodness for good relations with her professors so Carter could miss classes and fly in for all the events. She did a quick 24 hours in Washington. Yesterday, my Mom and I went to the national gallery in the morning for a little culture. The plan was for Carter to get a cab from the airport and meet us at the museum. True to my parking good luck gene I got a coveted street space right in front of the museum and texted Carter a photo of where to come. Sadly, her flight was delayed so by the time she got there we had run out of museum time.

Instead, Mom asked Carter if she would like a tour of all the houses she used to live in so we drove around visiting my parents old haunts. At each place my mother lamented selling them when she did as they all had gone up in value ten fold. After the tour we went to old town Alexandria for lunch. Again, I got the number one street parking spot, holding on to my title. We walked up King street and found a lovely seafood restaurant with white table clothed tables out on the street. The sun was shining and the heaters were on making it a lovely spot for lunch.

By the time we were done it was time to go back to out hotel to meet Suzanne and get ready for the party. Our hotel was in a strange location Sandwiched between Arlington cemetery and the highway, but all our rooms had the most fabulous view of all of DC and the air force memorial in the foreground. While Carter, Suzanne and I caught up in my room the sun started to set bathing the memorial in a beautiful orange glow.

The party was wonderful, but it all went very fast. So this morning Mom, Carter and I went to a little coffee place for breakfast to get to squeeze those last few precious moments together before we dropped Carter off at Reagan to fly back to Boston. Mom and I drove back to Shady Side, remarking that it felt like we had been gone for many days, not just two nights.

We will all be back together in a week like everyone in America, to gather around the table and give thanks. Being the first thanksgiving without my father, who used to cook most of the meal, will be sad and different. At least there will be a lot less fighting, but some good togetherness.

The Last Goodbye

The exhaustion is finally seeping in from all the celebrations of my Dad’s life. Tonight was the final event…the big party where so many of my father’s best life long friends came to be together with us. My Dad spent his life curating a tribe. When I first got out of college and went to work he told me, “Always be nice to the people who work for you, you never know when you will work for them.” I thought that was so interesting because that had not happened to him at that point in his life, but certainly was true.

Beside my father’s work friends my two nearest and dearest, Carter’s god parents, Suzanne and David came to be with us. As Suzanne said to me once, “You always remember who came to your parent’s funeral.”

It meant the world to my mother that people came from far and wide to tell stories about my father and what he meant to them. He loved all these dear friends, Ann and Mark, Mary Jo and Dick, Julia, Knute and Siri, Debbie and Geoff, Nish, Rick, Tim, Tim and Jayne, Rich, Sally, Judy. The common theme was that he made everyone feel that they could be their best selves.

My sister Margaret spoke about how he was her biggest supporter. Russ talked about the lesson of never giving up and always striving to be the best that my father imparted on him. Carter, who was moved to speak talked about how he always pushed her out of her comfort zone, which was a good thing.

Thanks to Mary Jo and Dick for organizing the party at the Army Navy Country club. They did a beautiful job. Thanks to Ann who helped me find all the contact information for all these friends. My aunt Edie, who could come sent all the flowers for the tables and they were perfect.

In the end my mother thanked everyone for reminding her what a force my father was. He made a huge impact on many people’s lives. If you were strong and could learn from him, you grew in many ways. Not everyone could handle his tough love and brutal honesty. He was brilliant and sometimes that was frustrating for him when people could not keep up. There will never be another one like him, and everyone in that room tonight knew that. You made our last goodbye one he would have loved.

Driving Day

My family is doing one last celebration of my Dad’s life with many of his close work friends in Washington. The event will be tomorrow and my Mom wanted to make a little trip of it so I picked her up early this morning and drove her up to DC. We decided to detour to Middleburg for lunch was the most pleasant part of the trip. Middleburg remains completely charming and seems untouched by the woes of the world. They still have little privately owned stores on their Main Street and the horse farms are manicured and pristine.

Mom and I ate at the Oyster Bar and fittingly a girl dressed in jodhpurs, tall boots and a Burberry jacket waited in line behind me for the rest room. It was a beautiful day for that drive. After lunch we headed to Rockville to my sister Janet’s headquarters for all her businesses. I was on a mission to do some YOUZEY shopping for Christmas.

Two of Janet’s best employees, Katie and Jenna fixed me up with all my purchases. I can’t wait to start wrapping my gifts. I Hope I have enough room to get everything home in the car.

After my shopping trip Mom and I checked In our hotel. Figures we just sell the Washington apartment in May after decades of having it. Janet came and met us for dinner. it was rally good to be together and I can’t wait to see old friends tomorrow. But tonight I am going to pass out. Driving Miss Janie is exhausting.

Mah Jongg Etiquette

The last couple of months I have had the pleasure of introducing the game of Mah Jongg to over 100 new friends. Nothing makes me happier than helping people discover how fun Mah Jongg can be. I go over so much information in each of these classes that it is impossible for people to remember all of it. One thing that seems unimportant when first learning is the etiquette of the play. Thinking back on the first year I learned to play I can remember just having a hard time playing attention to what hand I was playing.

So for the benefit of all my new players, and old players alike I want to remind everyone of the rules that make playing together more pleasant. No one wants to be the person at the table who is annoying, so it’s best to follow these rules.

Building the wall

Try and be quick about building your wall. It is the dull part of Mah Jongg so no need to drag it out longer than it has to be. That means learn to stack tiles with two hands and help your neighbor once you have finished your wall. You can build and talk at the same time.

Dealing the tiles

When you start getting your first four tiles from the wall, do not turn them over and put them on your rack, but place them as a stack of two-on-two on the table inside your rack. As one of my students said, “put your tiles between the rack and your rack.” Like In cards, you do not look at your tiles as they are being dealt, but wait until you have gotten all 13, or 14 tiles you are due, depending on if you are East or not.

The Charleston

Plan on spending no more than two or three minutes at the beginning of the Charleston to find the three tiles you are going to pass. Once the Charleston starts you should aim to spend no more than 15-20 seconds to figure out your next pass. Don’t hold the whole table up scanning your whole card weighing every option.

When you have the three tiles ready to pass, place them in front of the rack of the person you are passing to. Unless you are a very experienced group of players, everyone should wait until all players have passed their tiles before you pick yours up. This saves confusion about which pass you all are on.

The Play—After a Tile has been discarded

If anyone at the table thinks they are interested in the tile that was just discarded, make a clear indication you want to think about it by saying, “hold, call, wait…” you should not spend more than 10-15 seconds deciding. You can always say, “pass or never mind,” if you don’t want it, but if the next player picks up the next tile from the wall and racks it, you have missed your chance.

If you are a group of relatively new players, it is courteous to take a beat after a tile is discarded before the next player picks so that everyone at the table has a chance for the discarded tile to register with them.

Exchanging a tile for an Exposed Joker

The etiquette on this is very clear. If, at your turn, you have the real tile that is in another player’s exposed rack where a joker is acting as that tile you make make and exchange for that joker. The play goes, pick your new tile first, then make your exchange by saying to the person with the exposure, “I’d like to exchange my tile for your joker.” You hand the person your real tile and only they touch their rack and pick up the joker and hand it to you. Never put your tile on someone else’s rack and snatch back their joker.

If your hand goes dead

Never announce to the table your hand is dead. If someone asks you if it is, then you must tell the truth and stop playing. If your hand goes dead far enough into the game it is unlikely you will be able to change hands. Don’t slow the pace of the game down to a snails pace. Just pick up and discard tiles as if you are really going for something. You don’t want to be the person no one wants to play with because you slow the game down too much.

General Etiquette

Never discuss out loud what hand you think other people are playing. Just because you think someone needs a flower, it is very wrong to announce it.

Playing faster is an important goal for new players. If you are brand new playing a game should not take you more than 40 minutes. After playing a few months you should be able to get to 30 minutes a game. After a year or two 20 minutes should be your goal.

It is very generous of experienced players to play with new players and help them, but as a new player if you get terribly lost during one game, just pick up a d discard and ask for advice after the game is over. This is a game meant to be played fairly quickly.

If anyone has any other questions of etiquette, please send them in the comments and I will be happy to answer them. Happy playing.

The Half Year Quilt

I have been quilting as long as Carter has been in college. Actually I bought my first materials to make my first quilt in August before she went away. I thought it would be a good empty nest project. I think I finished it before she left, so it took about a month. I have gone on to make many quilts in these four plus years. Usually it only takes me two months to make one, unless it is for a baby then it takes a week.

I started my current quilt sometime in June. It involves making 200 three and a half in star squares, which each have fourteen tiny pieces of fabric. Those stars took many months of cutting tiny pieces of fabric and sewing them together. Once they were sewn they had to be “Squared.” That means I had to trim them on all four sides.

Then I had to cut out all the white squares and make nine patch bigger squares with five stars and four whites. Then I had to square the nine patch squares. Then cut bigger white squares and sew strips of star squares and white squares ten blocks long. Then sew the strips together. That takes me up to today – Five months. Now I have to design and make the framing pieces so the quilt is the king size I want it to be. That won’t take too long, as it will be a colored strip of every fabric in the quilt with two white strips around it. Maybe I can get it done tomorrow. If not, it will be another week as I am booked all this week.

I don’t quilt my own big quilts because I don’t have the right sewing machine to do that. So I will take my quilt top and backing to the very talented Tina who will quilt it. I have not altered her that I have a quilt coming so I have no idea what her turn around will be. Then I will make the binding and attach it, which involves machine sewing it on one side and folding it over and hand sewing it on the other. At least a ten hour job. So figure six plus months to make one quilt.

As much as I love this design, I don’t think I want to make another quilt with so many tiny pieces. I think I will love it when it is done, but probably no more than I love one that takes two months to make. Remind me I said this when I start on a much more intricate quilt.

Shay’s Golden Hour

This afternoon Shay Shay, the wonder labradoodle came over and stood on me while I was sitting on the coach. This is a sure sign she needed to go out. So I go up and we went to the front door. She didn’t seem to eager to go out so I went out first and she followed. She slowly walked out into the middle of the grassy area in the front yard and just stared up at the golden tree bathed in the sunshine of the golden hour.

Shay turned her head and looked back at me and gave a little nod from me to join her in the splendor of the tree. She never went potty, instead she sat down and looked up at the tree for a good five minutes. There were no squirrels or other entertainment, just the beauty of the tree. I tried to capture her looking up at the tree, up it when she caught me she ran into the herb garden and posed there. I think she felt like she could never compete with the glory of the tree. It was a sweet few moments I was happy to share with Shay.

Blast From My Past

Such a fun day today. My Pi Phi Big sister, Marlene “Bodene” Ostrow came for lunch all the way from Cincinnati. Her real little sister, who lives in Raleigh, turned 60 today so she flew in for that celebration and came to my house for lunch. If you ever knew Marlene you still know Marlene because she never changes. She brought a bunch of photos with her from “back in the day.”

The best ones she brought were ones she had taken at my surprise 21st birthday kidnapping trip to New York City with a bunch of college friends. It was a wild weekend, so I hardly remember all the details. Since I was one who was kidnapped I did not have my camera with me and I never knew there were any photos taken of the weekend. It was probably a good thing no photos were taken at the Trader Vic’s in the Plaza because I do remember some people getting so drunk that they lay on the floor beside the table.

Marlene had already graduated as had my friend Bill Hill. They both lived in the city and they came to the party. I guess this photo of Paul Adams, Bill Hill, Jonathan Sloan, me, Kyle Heisey and Dave Wolfe was taken the day after the party, although we look fairly fresh so perhaps it was before the party. I have not been in touch with these guys for years. I would love to know where they all are now.

It was a weekend to remember, if only I remembered more of it. It was one of those weekends that made me consider giving up drinking. It just took me two more years to actually do it.

Marlene gave me the photos she brought which makes me think of all the millions of photos I have taken over the years at friends’ important events. I need to go through all those photos and give them to the people who are in them. Thanks Marlene for the most fun,if way to short visit.

Don’t Be Lonely

I was listening to NPR in the car today and loved a story about people having a hard time making friends. The pandemic has definitely made meeting new people hard, but this story was about pre and during Covid times. It pointed out two major things. Loneliness is a head issue. There are people who have tons of friends who still feel lonely and people with few friends who never feel lonely. The second point was, people like you more than you think they do. Let’s take that point first.

Unless you are a true narcissist I find that to be more true than anything. Many people I have talked to over the years, both young and old, have said something along the lines of, “I don’t want to go there, the people there don’t like me.” Most people don’t dislike people they don’t know well and most of us like most of the people we know. If you like most of the people you know why would you think they don’t like you back. Second, if you like people once you meet them, why would you think that same in the reverse.

For me, I like most everyone I meet. It really takes me a long time of knowing you before I decide I don’t like you. I can honestly say there are only about a couple of people I really know that I don’t like.

The doctor being interviewed on the show was espousing the notion that people who complain they don’t have friends are holding themselves back because of this unfounded fear that people don’t like them. Honestly most of the people I don’t like think everybody loves them.

So if you are lonely, you need to push yourself to go out and meet people with the attitude that others are going to like you, because they are. Now if you are a jerk, eventually they will learn to dislike you, but chances are you are not a jerk.

Loneliness is a tragedy that doesn’t have to exist. You just need to put yourself out there and get out of your own head. Volunteering to help others is the best way to help yourself. You never will feel better than when you are doing something for someone else. Please don’t suffer alone.

Birthday Celebrations are Back

After another day of teaching Mah Jongg to my newest class in Raleigh, I came home only to turn around and head back out to celebrate Needlepoint Nancy’s big birthday. I was lucky enough to celebrate twice with her. Tonight was the first “out to dinner” birthday I have gone to in 20 months and it felt great.

Nancy chose Mateo for a fun tapas birthday and Kate organized it. Elizabeth came all the way from Greensboro. Jeanne walked from her downtown Pad and Deanna and Cindy drove over from Chapel Hill with Nancy and Kate.

We used to sit around the stitching table and visit regularly, but since that went away it has been hard to see each other as a group. I am so thankful for these dear friends and all their wisdom and fun. Happy Birthday to Nancy, “who says her whole year is going to be a celebration.” I love that attitude. We all need to see everyday as a chance to rejoice that we are still here, are loved and are lucky to have such dear friends.