Thank Goodness Michelle Had a Birthday

Four years ago on this weekend Russ and I went to the wedding of the century — That of our friends Michelle and Richard. It was a hot weekend in every way. When I got home I told Carter all about it. She said, “Mom, did you take notes for my wedding?”  
My response was, “Honey, we would have to win the lottery to have a wedding like that.”   
“Did you buy a ticket?”
I never did buy a lottery ticket, but tonight I felt like we won again because we just attended the best fiftieth birthday party for Michelle that anyone has ever had. Richard has been planning this Gatsby themed surprise party for over six months and he pulled it off. Michelle did not know that all her friends were gathered at the Graylyn Estate in Winston Salem, dressed in our flapper best.

The flowers, the decor, the food, the band, the dancing. We did it all like we were in our twenties, not our fifties. I am going to let the photos speak for themselves because I am too exhausted from dancing nonstop for the last two hours and I need to sleep in order to recuperate for the party in the morning.

I am hoping that these leap year celebrations are a trend because Michelle and Richard really know how to throw a party.

Happy Birthday Sista J

This is the week of happy. Yesterday Carter came home happy from senior challenge. Today is my baby sister Janet’s birthday, next Friday is my middle sister Margaret’s birthday. So much happy rolled into such a small time.
The thing about being the much older sister is that I remember everything about my sisters’ growing up during the time when they were too young to make memories for themselves. This is especially true for Janet since I am almost nine years older than she is.
I remember Janet when she was three and still would wear dresses, something she quickly outgrew as of about five. Janet should have been a child model she was so beautiful. Her big blue eyes and perfect nose made her a classic American child. If Ralph Lauren had made a Children’s line when she was little she would have been his type of model. But then was one major hinderance to her modeling potential, she hated to have her hair brushed.
Janet had thick beautiful brown hair. She could hardly tolerate it being washed under the faucet of our bathroom tub. As the older sister I think her washing was one of my responsibilities. Since she hated it so much I am sure I did a very bad job of rinsing all the shampoo out. And we had a life time supply of free shampoo since my Dad worked at Avon.
Once out of the tub Janet would run naked away from me and never, ever let me get near her with an Avon hairbrush to get the tangles out while her hair was still wet. This led to the original white girl dreadlocks. Janet would go to sleep with her tangled hair which meant that brushing in the morning was going to practically impossible.
Thank god for Dorothy Hamill, because by the time Janet went to elementary school short hair for girls was in fashion. That was also about the time that I went to boarding school and so there were two fewer hands to try and tame Janet’s wild hair.

In a big sense of irony, today Janet owns a beauty business where she makes gift boxes and collections of beauty products for major department stores. Her hair is still short, but she is quite a pro at doing it.
Janet’s busy season is Christmas, so sadly right now she is in California supervising the pack out of all her Christmas deliveries. I wish I was there to help her print labels for the thousands of cases she is shipping now.
Who would have guessed when she was out riding the mini bike in the woods that she would grow up to be a beauty mogul. Happy birthday to my Sista J. You are the best me I love you and am happy I never have to try and brush your hair while you are running from me again. You were always too fast for me.

Happy Ending to Senior Challenge

 
The buses bringing the kids back from the six days of camping, hiking and living in the woods for our seniors were late. Standing on the covered walkway by the auditorium in the humidity for an extra thirty minutes was killing me, waiting to get my arms around my girl and hear how the dreaded trip had been for her.
Not having any communication with or about our kids for six days was tough on the parents. Every once in a while this past week I got a random text message from a friend or two, “Have you heard anything?” Of course I had not. As parents we had no idea what groups, which route or how tough the week was going to be. The not knowing caused me some sleepless nights.
All day I was counting down the hours until I could go to school. I should have planned a busier day because these hours ticked by very slowly. I was not alone in my anticipation. The parents on the sidewalk were getting restless. We heard a loud vehicle coming down the road and were sure it was the twin buses, but sadly it was just a fire truck. At last we saw the big green buses coming from the wrong direction. They pulled up and as the door opened and the first kid emerged, wearing a clean senior challenge shirt and the gathered parent body broke into a spontaneous applause.
Carter came off the second bus and grabbed her pack, threw it up on her back and ran over to give me the hug I was waiting for. “It was wonderful,” she gushed before I could even begin to pepper her with questions. She was as happy as I have even seen her. As her friends gathered they mostly all talked about what a success it was.  
Then Carter’s spiritual sister E came up and said, “It was hell.” Apparently E’s group had hiked twice as far as Carter’s. They obviously were the advanced group, whether they wanted to be or not.
Normally E is the positive of the two sisters, so this switch in reviews was surprising. E’s mom Lynn and I took the girls to Chipolte to get some food. There they began the story telling of their different weeks. In response to the time of her life experience Carter had I said, “Everyone says this trip is the greatest.” In an emphatic tone I had never heard from E came, “No one says that, Mrs. Lange.”
I am sorry for sister E it was not the best experience. I am eternally grateful that Carter some how miraculously got the least hiking which meant the most bonding time. After eating, we parted ways with our friends so Carter could come home and take a serious shower, although I had to say she was not smelly nor dirty looking. She continued telling me the run down of all they did and how much she adored her group. 
When we pulled in the driveway she was still on day one. We stayed in the car for two hours while she finished telling me the whole story. It was a week with a lot of personal growth. It could not have been more worth it. Carter summed it up, “I’ll be telling these stories the rest of my life.” So glad it is such a positive one. I know that after a shower and a good nights sleep sister E will be singing the same song. Surviving something difficult is its own reward.

Afternoon Tea Addiction

Today my friends Christy, Mary Lloyd and I went to celebrate Mary Lloyd’s birthday with our favorite meal, afternoon tea. The timing on this was very bad planning on my part because I started back at Weight Watchers last week. The bad planning was actually that I let myself eat anything I wanted on all my many vacations this year. Either I need to curtail my traveling or I need to not allow myself to eat bad food away from home.
So I am back to monk like living thanks to the points program. I could do Weight Watchers with my eyes closed, but I need the discipline of weighing in every week, that and the group support.  
I read a really interesting story yesterday about addiction. A scientist in the eighties did a study where a rat was put in a cage with two bottles of water, one was plain and the other was laced with cocaine. The rat, after tying both, chose to drink the cocaine water until it killed itself. The scientist concluded that the cocaine was so addictive that the rat had no choice.
Recently another scientist, thinking that there is more to the story than just once someone has tried cocaine there is no way to stop, thought the flaw in the first study was that the rat was alone. So he created a rat park, with fun and games, a bunch of rats and the two types of water, plain and cocaine. Turns out the rats with lots of fun and playmates liked the plain water better and shunned the cocaine water after they tried it. The theory is that being alone and bored can lead to addictions, but having fun with friends is the best addiction.
I agree! Despite the fact that afternoon tea is my favorite meal, but that it is sadly the most fattening meal with the sandwiches, scones no desserts, I must abstain from it at all costs. So today since this birthday celebration had been planned for weeks and weeks I had to work out how to go to tea and stay on my program.
I decided that I would eat my regular breakfast, but save all my other points for tea and make it my only other meal. Since it was at three in the afternoon the timing on it was perfect. But even collapsing two meals into one would not be enough. So, I decided I would only eat one bite of the desserts since sugar is the highest point value item in all of weight watchers. That plan worked, but only because I was with friends and we were having a blast. I was able to withhold myself from my sugar addiction because I was in the equivalent of rat park. If I had been at afternoon tea all by myself I am sure I would have eaten every morsel.
So I’m calling you all out to get out of your houses, away from your screens and drop those devices. Gather together and have fun and you can overcome any addiction if you are with friends and never alone, except when sleeping, because you can’t do what you are addicted to when you are asleep.
I’m thinking of turning my house into the equivalent of rat park so I can have friends playing games all the time. That should keep me away from sugar permanently. 

Escapism Needed

I miss Downton Abbey. There is nothing on TV both day or night. With Carter on senior challenge and Russ away working I could watch TV guilt free if only there was something I wanted to watch. I also could sleep late, if only I had not woken up at five in the morning the last two days and not been able to go back to sleep. Seems like when I have the time to do something there is nothing to do.  
If Downton Abbey were still on I could watch it because; there would be no political ads since it is on public television, I would feel less guilt about watching since it is historical fiction and I am learning something and I really loved all the characters. Why can’t US shows follow the BBC’s lead and make big cast costume dramas? I am sick of reality (well, except the bachelor). I want fantasy, but not of the science, or space type. I am yet to see a British horror film. Seems to me that the English do not think that the only successful programming is the kind that appeals to teenage boys. Leave it to the British to cater to the older, better educated crowd.
I also have some questions I wanted answered by Downton Abbey before they went off the air. Like, why we’re married ladies served breakfast in bed while unmarried had to dress and go to the table to eat? I don’t even want to speculate on what the answer is. Also,I wish they had shown us more of the servants doing their actual work. I am very interested in how they cleaned all those fancy dresses without a dry cleaner. We often saw a ladies maid mending something or a footman polishing shoes, but I know how to do those things already.
I would like to see a spread sheet of exactly how much money the Granthams had and how much it cost to run the estate. They always were talking about things having to change, but I want to know by how much? Outside of room and board, how much did the servants get paid? They never seemed to lack for anything and had lovely things to wear to weddings that were not their uniforms. I still need details.
The new television season starts in a few weeks and without Downton there is just nothing I am looking forward to. I take that back, our friend Megan’s boyfriend Max Deacon is in a new Amazon show called The Collection about fashion house in postwar Paris. Sounds fabulous, but it starts streaming September second and I will certainly binge it and be missing it in days.
I guess I really should be reading, but it is not easy to do that while walking on the treadmill and I need escapism. I can’t dare turn on the regular TV and run the possibility of seeing any political candidate. That is the most unhealthy thing I can do.

Surprise Visit

I was working at my desk in my office this afternoon and Shay started getting restless. When I say working I am using that term very loosely. I actually was going through a box of old momentous, newspaper clippings, address book and photos. I was reading old letters from friends and looking at old camp pictures.
I did not find, but was reminded of a post card I received when I went to school in France. The first week of my summer in France was spent in Paris with my classmates. We stayed at a horrible little hotel in Pigalle, which was the red light district. Since we were young poor college students we tried to economize where we could. That meant drinking in the breakfast room of the little tourist hotel at night instead of going out.  
The night manager of the hotel was a young man named Rauole, from Tunisia and he used to buy us beers so we would stay up and talk to him. He wrote me a postcard and sent it to my parent’s house in London because that was the address I had in the hotel register, even though I was in Nantes, France at the time.  
My mother forwarded me the postcard with a little note on the side that said, “Who is Rauole?” No wonder because this is what the postcard said:
Hi Dana,
It is Rauole, your friend from the hotel at night. I hope you are well and will come back to Paris and see me. Hope to listen from you soon.
Post cards were like the texting of our time, except there was no privacy. No wonder my mother wondered who Rauole was. It was a much more provocative post card than was the reality.
As I was looking at this box of artifacts laughing about what my mother must have thought my door bell rang. I went upstairs with cell phone in hand so I could pretend I was on a call if it was the guy selling magazines who had come by earlier, but to my surprise it was my parents. They were in town to go to the doctors and just stopped by. Suddenly I felt like I was in school again and my parents were checking up on me. 
Of course nothing could be further from the truth. In reality my mother really wanted to discuss Thanksgiving plans because she likes to know what is going to happen in the future. I guess the good report from the doctor made her want to make many plans. It was fun to relive the things I saved, but even better to get to see my parents in real life today.

My Senior Challenge

With the kids away on senior challenge the parents are having a great time. Last night we went to dinner with our friends Kelly and Mark who are empty nesters because their twins are on the trip with Carter. Tonight we had dinner with Michelle and Richard because their oldest is at college and the young one is on senior challenge. So far us empty nesters are getting along just fine.
Since I had the whole day to cook for them I made some Spanish style Gazpacho for dinner tonight. I had a bunch of farmer’s market tomatoes that had to be used. I threw them in the vita mix with cucumber, a sweet red pepper, onion and garlic. After a few pulses I tasted it. Apparently I used way too much garlic. I added the vinegar, oil and a little bread and tasted it again to see if I had tempered the garlic. No.
Shucks to darn! I did not have enough tomatoes, cucumber and sweet peppers to add to the vita mix to lessen the garlic overload. I did not want to add more bread or oil and make it an unhealthy soup. I poured the soup in a pitcher and put it in the fridge resigning myself to serve something to guests I felt was sub-par.  
I went on to cook the eggplant I was going to serve. As I was looking in the fridge for the eggplant I saw a bunch of green grapes. Huh, maybe if I add the grapes to the gazpacho the sweetness will counteract the garlic without compromising the calories.
I threw two handfuls of grapes in the vita mix and poured a touch of the gazpacho from the pitcher to be the liquid. Pulse, pulse, pulse and I added the two concoctions together and gave it a taste. Just the right amount of garlic! Miraculous.
You can’t usually remove something once you have added too much of it to a recipe, but you can counteract it. That is what the grapes did. I consider this my own form of senior challenge. I may not have to carry a pack with all my belongings, hiking 13 miles a day, and sleeping outside under the stars, but I can come up with a food fix on the fly with what I have on hand. Seems like a life long skill to me.
Wonder what us practice empty nesters are going to do tomorrow? Maybe I could try and change the oil in my car or maybe I could just go to lunch with another empty nester.

Do Think Twice

The senior challenge excitement had us all up early at our house. Before seven I was up, showered and had made Carter breakfast so that she could go off to the woods nourished. The whole family, including Shay Shay piled in the car to get to school to meet the coach busses and all her classmates.  
We were a little on the early side and the only kids that were there were the ones whose parents had dropped them off and been instructed to leave. Carter told us that we did not need to come stand with her and wait for the bus, that we were free to leave, but we didn’t. We stayed a respectable distance away with the other parents who were banned from being near their kids. Eventually we all found excuses to to get closer to our own progeny and say goodbye. 

Russ and I were back home before long and looked at each other in that, “what are we going to do now way.” Russ tried to walk Shay, but it was already too hot and she sat down in protest just one street from the house. When Russ walked back in the door just ten minutes after he left I knew it might be a long day.
He suggested we go to the movies. Wha$#%! Russ never wants to go to the movies. He offered up two choices, Florence Foster Jennings and Don’t Think Twice. I really wanted to see the Florence movie, but thought it more of a chick flick so I opted for the comedy with Keegan Micheal Key. Russ verified that it got a 99% rating on rotten tomatoes which is an unheard of high score. So we went.

It was playing at the Silverspot in Chapel Hill, where they have big giant leather seats. I was so hopeful for an afternoon of belly laughs. The movie is about an improvisational theatre group who has one of its members make it on to the Saturday Night Live equivalent show, thus leaving them. It was the saddest, most despising, joyless movie ever. To top it off the improvisation was not even that funny.  
“This is why I don’t like to go to the movies,” Russ said. “At least at home we have Shay Shay.” So much for finding something to do while Carter is off in the woods with no communication for five nights. We are going to have to practice weekends alone for when she goes to college. Perhaps Russ and I could join an improvisation group. We would not be any worse than the professionals on the screen.

Senior Challenge

For as many years as Carter has been at DA, and that is 14 now, she has heard about Senior Challenge. When she was in pre-school and lower school it was from baby sitters, by middle school she knew some classmates who had siblings who had gone and by upper school she got to witness the seniors returning from the five day outdoor leadership program.
The folklore of this iconic trip has both terrified her and intrigued her. Every year as underclassmen each grade goes on an outdoor trip to help prepare them for senior challenge. But in reality going on a hike in ninth grade does not in anyway prepare you for hiking up a mountain and living outside without even a tent for five days.
We are not a camping family. Yes, camp is Carter’s heart home, but she gets to sleep in an air conditioned cabin and eat meals prepared by real cooks. But this is bigger than just living outdoors. This is a true chance to stretch and discover what you can handle.
I can imagine that for Carter the hardest part is waiting to hear who she will be paired with for her small group that goes off alone for the whole trip. I am hopeful that she discovers she likes people she does not know very well. Certainly surviving a difficult situation is a bonding experience.
Today, Carter packed her pack with all the required equipment, most of which was foreign to us. I sprung for the spray that turned her clothes bug repellent since she is such a mosquito magnet. I hope she remembers to reapply bug spray often. It might also help with the smell since they are not allowed to bring deodorant because it attracts bears. I guess that body order is not a bear attraction.
At least it should not be a problem for Carter to carry her pack since she is as strong as an ox. I am a little worried about some of her tiny friends, but then they will have a much easier time with the rock rappelling. Please God let Carter be her least clumsy self for just the next five days. 

Carter’s Future

Earlier this summer we had our front lawn torn up when Google fiber was coming through the neighborhood installing underground lines. Then just as that grass was healing from its assault AT&T u-verse came through and tore up the same line to put their underground system in. I swore and cursed at the installers who had no idea what I was saying. Furious over the whole thing I vowed I would never subscribe to either provider.

We have been Time Warner customers since we moved in this house twenty-three years ago and it was just fine with me. Fine that we pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars for cable and Internet. Fine that it did not always work. Fine because they never tore up my yard.

Then this weekend our Internet went out. Actually I did not notice at first, but my IT department was right on it. Russ contacted Time Warner who said we were not having an outage in our area that they knew of. But you were, Blanche, because we were out. They were sure it was our equipment and they could send someone out 48 hours later.

Miraculously, a few hours later they discovered it was their mistake and it came back on. Then my IT department went on a business trip. And sure enough the Internet went out again. The only problem is I can’t get the number to call them off the Internet. So I had to bother my IT department on his trip to get the number. Suddenly the other providers are looking better.

Earlier tonight Carter told me it was her objective to piss people off. Seems like we should skip sending Carter to college and start her right off in a career at an internet/cable provider because they are her kind of people. I think she really has what it takes to rise to the top job at Time Warner.

Neighborhood Pig Needed

Back when Carter was younger we used to take a week’s vacation at family camp in Maine. It was summer camp for grown ups who just happen to have kids. It was the perfect vacation for a family with an only child because there were other kids to play with and all the activities were set up and ready to go.  
For me it was a true vacation because there was no cooking, or thinking about meals. I loved that they rang the bell and we went to the dining hall and ate family style with all our new friends. After a meal was the only work we had to do, which was to clear our own plates.  
Our camp was owned by a family who were “green” before green was in. So clearing our plates was a very precise operation. First you had to scrape your plate of any leftover food that was good for pig consumption, which was everything except lobster shells and the like. Then you had to put into the trash anything that could not be eaten, like tea bags. If you had recycling, that went in another bin. Lastly you dumped liquids in a bucket and stacked your plates in a rack for the dishwasher.
Nothing that could not be reused went to the trash. The best part to me was the pig food. The pig would eat almost anything, cooked, raw, old, spoiled or perfectly good. It made me very happy to know that nothing that ever was edible, but was not fit for human consumption would go to waste.
Today I found a cantaloupe in my fridge that somehow got over looked. It was a whole melon, never cut into, never enjoyed. But when I found it, it resembled a brain more than a melon, with dimpled wrinkled skin. Clearly it was no longer something anyone in my house would want to eat. Wah!  
Now it did not cost that much. It is mellon season after all, but still it is a waste. I imagine that it was once a juicy, yummy fruit, but I will never know. I had to throw it away. This is when I really wished we had a neighborhood pig I could feed it to.
I am sure I am not the only house in the neighborhood who throws away once perfectly good food. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could alleviate some of our guilt by feeding it to someone, a pig perhaps, instead of adding it to landfill where it will make methane.
Yes, I can compost it and turn it into dirt, but I am not so good at composting and it would be much easier to bring a bucket to a pig everyday. I am not sure what Hope Valley regulations are on home pig keeping, but if anyone in the neighborhood has one penned up out back and is looking for good pig scraps, please let me know. I hate throwing food away.

Last First Day

Carter said to me tonight, “How did I get to be a senior?” I am wondering the same thing. Not that she has not worked hard through the years and put in the time, but a senior, really, that’s old. Even the word means old.
She put on her senior shirt, with the traditional hiking boots as homage to the senior challenge she and her classmates are about to embark on. We came out front of our house to take the traditional first day of school photo. This time she did the art direction and after vetoing my first two tempts, and moved to a new location so I could get her in better light.  
That used to be my job, to present her in the best possible light. Now it is is her responsibility. She came home from her summer job three days ago and spent her time working on her college applications and summer assignments. I asked her about the common app and she told me it was already turned into her college counselor, no need for Mom’s help.
This year will be about weaning me as much as it will be about her finding her next move. At the end of last school year I wrote some blogs about being sad about Carter doing some things for the last time. My father called and asked if I needed to see a therapist because he was worried that I was so sad about Carter leaving. I told him no therapist needed, that is what my blog is for. I added, Carter reads this blog too, what if I was writing, “thank goodness my job as a full time mother is almost over.” He got the point.
Yes, I am sad that today was the last first day of school I will share with Carter at home. But that does not mean that I am also not excited for her and all that she has in her future. Carter is worried what I am going to do when she is gone. I jokingly tell her, “I am buying an apartment where you go to college so I can have lunch with you everyday.” She looks nervously at me, trying to judge what the chances are for that to happen.
I am not about to start worrying about what I am going to do when she is gone. I am just enjoying these last lasts. When she is at college I will have plenty of time to think about what is next. I consider that a huge luxury.
Yesterday we got some very tragic news that my trainer Tiffani, who I had worked out with for three years until she had a baby girl eight months ago, lost her sweet daughter Gena. Three weeks ago she was a happy and healthy little girl, then they discovered she had a rare liver cancer. Eight months old and then gone. It makes me so thankful for my sweet girl. As tightly as I would want to hold on to her I know that is not what is best for her. I am cherishing these precious days.  

Shrimp and Feta

Back to school and healthy eating inspired me to make this easy dish tonight. We ate it on riced cauliflower from Trader Joes and I swear my mind thought it was rice! Even Russ said so.

2 large Vidalia Onions chopped

4 coves of garlic grated on the micro plane

3 -16 oz. cans of chopped tomatoes – Italian style

2 pounds of raw shrimp, peeled

Big handful of chopped fresh dill weed

1 cup of crumbled feta cheese

Squeeze of lemon juice

Put the onions in a non-stick fry pan and cook on high heat for five minutes, stirring every once in a while. Add the garlic and cook another minute. Add the tomatoes and continue cooking for ten more minutes and think about stirring every two minutes.

Spray a casserole dish with pam and preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Pour the onion and tomato sauce in an the casserole dish and add the dill, raw shrimp and feta cheese and sprinkle the whole thing with salt and pepper.

Place in the hot oven and bake for ten minutes, until the shrimp are just opaque and the feta is soft.

Remove from oven and squeeze some lemon over the whole thing.

Thanks Olympians

I watched the men’s basketball final, not because I thought it would be a close game, but because it was Coach K’s final game as team USA coach. Well, and it was the last event in this year’s Olympic Games that I have been addicted to. 
I know there had been controversy about Brazil not being ready for the games. But I have to say as a spectator of the television kind it was fairly fabulous. The only thing that I saw that was a real mess up was the diving well that grew algae because they “mistakenly” ran out of the chemicals to keep it at the right PH. Hmmmmm. Seemed fairly fast to turn so green.  
Thank goodness the games of Olympic sitting are done for me. I could hardly find another excuse to stay on the sofa. These games ended just in time for school to start Tuesday.  
Between two political conventions and the sports I have watched more TV this summer than ever. Not to mention watching our friend Megan Ketch star in The summer hit American Gothic. Summer is normally a time without TV since it used to all be reruns in the summer. Well, those days are over. This is not good.
For now I just want to thank the American athletes who trained their hearts out for years and years so I could feel bad about being a slug watching them. No really, the Olympics is the most impressive event. Athletes compete for medals, but that’s not the same as doing it for pay. I hope that they all can come home and feel the love. So many times after big life events depression can set on when they are over. Hopefully these Olympians won’t deal with that.  
I on that her hand might have a bit of a let down now that the competition is over and I don’t have any skin in this game. It was a great two weeks. Now back to regular life. How boring.

Failure

Eleven forth eight and I haven’t written my daily blog. Wish I could say it was because I had such a busy and fun filled day that I did not have time. That would just be a lie. I don’t have anything written because I spent the spent the whole day catching up with Carter. That is absolutely not true. She worked all day doing her common app and summer assignments that were assigned late in the summer. I hardly saw her.
Nothing was written earlier because I was on the couch watching the women’s volleyball and basketball In the Olympics. I am an addicted sloth. The only good part was I almost finished my needlepoint ornament that I have to turn in on Tuesday.
I should have written my blog before we went to our friends’ Kelly and Mark for dinner. I had way too much fun and stayed much too late at their house and now I am up against my midnight deadline with nothing new or exciting to write about.  
Tomorrow I’ll do better. I’ll watch the news and have some opinion about what crazy people are doing, or I’ll invent a new healthy dish that will be sure to revolutionize the lives of those of us who would like to drop a few pounds. I promise tomorrow will be better. Maybe I can come up with a cure for cancer or at least a new way to whiten your teeth.  
It’s just that after five and a half years of writing everyday some time I just don’t have anything to say, or anything I can say publicly. I’m sure if you were sitting here I could tell you some fabulous, but embarrassing story, but not in the one minute I have until it is tomorrow. Consider this a failure to entertain blog. It happens.

My Girl Is Home, For Now

Six weeks of Camp Cheerio camp counseling is over. Carter waited all year for this summer job to come and now in a blink of her eye it is over. For me it was a long six weeks, especially the last two. I could hardly wait to see her. Shay and I went and stood in the driveway waiting for her little car to come down the road.
She pulled in the driveway and Shay went running to jump on her as she got out of the car. She was tan with legs covered in bug bites like she always was when she came home as a camper. I don’t know why I thought that once she was a counselor bugs would stop liking her. It was so good to hug my girl again.
Now we are on the three day sprint to the start of her senior year. It is hardly enough time to get all her laundry done, her car unpacked and all her camp stuff put away, her school books readied, her senior portrait taken, and get caught up on sleep all at the same time. Not to mention making sure she has all her hiking gear for her senior challenge, a five day outdoor survival trip that starts in a week.
I have hardly gotten her home when she will leave again. It seems unfair, but it is all just getting me ready for when she leaves next year. I had lunch with my friend Stephanie this week whose daughter is going to college next week. She was filling me in on all the things I need to do this year, like do a year book page for Carter and get reservations for graduation night dinner.  
It is happening too fast. I want a little more time to enjoy with Carter. I know that time will be precious with all she will have on her plate this year. For now I guess my job is to get to work on the laundry. Carter could do it herself, but I know she has been sleep deprived for the last six weeks doing the hardest job she loves the most. The least I can do for her is to wash her clothes so she can sleep a little more. There won’t be much sleeping once school starts.

A Cautionary Tale

The news about Ryan Lochte and his fellow partying swimmers who claimed to have been robbed in Rio is trickling in and it’s not good news. Perhaps the timeline started something like this. The four men go out partying after they have finished competing- nothing wrong there. Needing to use a bathroom, they vandalized a gas station bathroom and paid for the damage – ok, not good, but they made restitution for their bad act.
They go back to the Olympic village and don’t say anything. But it seems like Ryan talked to his mother, and for whatever reason told her that they had been robbed and she called NBC. That’s when the the lying to the world started. Now these four athletes who had a chance to be role models, and perhaps make some money doing endorsements have ruined their reputations over a ridiculous lie.  
Everyone lies. Sometimes we do it so as not to hurt someone’s feelings — “No,you don’t look like you’ve gained any weight.” Other times we do it to make ourselves seems better than we are — “I two putted that last hole.” Sometimes we do it just because we were lazy — “What do you mean you didn’t get my RSVP, I left you a message.”
Maybe Ryan didn’t want to tell his Mama that he had spent all his money partying, paying for taxis and paying off the gas station for the damage he had done. Maybe he was calling her for money and the excuse he gave her was he lost all his money in a robbery. Seemed like a good idea at the time. He didn’t want his Mom to be mad at him. Wrong!
Telling one lie led to the next and the next and now he has an international incident on his hands, Brazil didn’t like being portrayed as a dangerous place, even if it is true and countries that don’t like America use this as an example as what is wrong with us.
The lesson here is that lying is probably going to get you in trouble, especially if you lie to the police. Lochte should have taken his chances with his mother and told her the truth. Moms may get mad, but they are your most forgiving advocate.
As I always remind Carter, Martha Stewart did not go to jail for insider trading, she went to jail for lying to the police about it. If you do something wrong, own up to because the lie you tell to cover it up is going to get you in a whole lot more trouble that the original bad act.

Needlepoint Christmas is Tuesday

I know it is still hot as a devils ass outside, but nonetheless Christmas is fast approaching, Needlepoint Christmas that is. If you are not a stitcher, stop reading now, for you won’t care a cat’s whisker about this blog. But for all you needlepoint friends, this is fair warning that the deadline to turn in your stitched canvases to be finished into ornaments at Chapel Hill Needlepoint is Tuesday by 4:30.
I know you thought you could turn a canvas in closer to the holiday and get it back in time to display on your tree, but no. Finishers are inundated with thousands of other peoples work all wanting the same deadline. 
You still have time to finish up that canvas you are working on. Between the heat and the Olympics there is no better time to stitch up a storm. I will be among you trying to get one or two more ornaments done in time to make the Christmas deadline.
I have not participated in any stitching contest this year so my numbers have been lower. After making 68 ornaments last year and still losing to my friend Christy who made 73, I gave up competing. Instead I turned my attention to some bigger pillows at my decorator’s suggestion. It is nice to see my handiwork year round and not just the month of December, but I really like doing ornaments best. There is a great sense of accomplishment to completing a canvas every few days. I also like changing what I look at, so a small project affords me that luxury.
I know that come Christmas I will wish I had more new ornaments, but I think I’ll appreciate the few dozen I did do. My only sadness is that I have a stash full of yummy canvases I am dying to make and I am not sure that I will get them all done for next Christmas.
If you never have stitched a thing it is never too late learn. It is like coloring with yarn. Relaxing and satisfying. When you get that beautifully finished ornament back you will be so happy when your kids ask, “Did you make that?” The answer is always yes, even if you don’t do your own finishing.  
Needlepoint ornaments make the best heirlooms. They don’t take up much space, they are gorgeous and the choices are endless. One of my favorite things to stitch are reminders of the trips we took that year. Then again, a good old jolly Santa is always good.
Merry Christmas to all, now get stitching.

Why is Recycling So Hard?

I have a cousin who works for Waste Management. His wife put a link up to an article about recycling that was written by someone at his job. Turns out that not all things that have the little recycling triangle on them are actually recyclable.  
Here are the big take always I learned from the short article.  
No plastic bags in your recycling bin. They get tangled up in the sorting machine and stop up the whole process. You can take your bags back to the store and they recycle them, but for goodness sake don’t put them in your blue bin.
Everything must be clean and dry! If you have one yogurt container with the smallest amount left in it, when you put it in the bin with a stack of newspapers it drips on the paper and wet stuff can’t be recycled. The sorting people have to throw everything that is wet or greasy.
Those clear clamshell containers that berries come in are not recyclable despite the markings on the bottom. Just put them in the trash. Along with the foam trays that fresh meat comes on.
Household items that you think are still good should go to a thrift store, not recycling. Bowling balls can not go in the bin. Yes, people have done it.
Broken glass is not recyclable. Glass has to be sorted by color and usually by hand. Broken glass is just thrown away at the Recycling center, so don’t put people in harms way by adding shards of glass to your bin.  
We owe it to our children to be better at recycling. That does. It mean putting more in our bins, but making sure he what we are putting in can be handled. That also means that if the lid on your bin does not fit tightly and it is raining everything inside gets wet. And you know now that wet anything is no good.  
I know this blog is a little off topic, but consider it part of the “more good” in the less Dana way.

Olympic Delusion

Olympic Delusion
My addictive personality has latched onto the Summer Olympics in a big way. Watching top athletes in everything from dressage to synchronized pairs swimming makes me wonder if I could have ever been good enough at anything, not just sport, to compete at the international level.
I guess that having Donald Trump being the GOP nominee for President has given me hope that pure armatures with no actual talent can compete. Then, while I am trying to get my steps in while watching the sporting events, and almost kill myself for lack of walking skills, I come to my senses.  
I think there must be other people who watch these world class athletes doing amazing things and think we could do that. Like the open water 10k marathon swimmers who are out there for two hours and look as strong at the end as they were at the beginning, making swimming in the ocean look easy. I think it would make the whole thing feel as hard as it actually is if they would have a regular person try and compete side-by-side with the Olympians so we could have some yardstick at which we could measure their feats.
I am even more impressed with the athletes who are old by athletic standards. Like the 40 year old gymnast vaulter last night. How do her bones not snap as as she lands hard after flying through the air?
The other thing I have enjoyed this year is the addition of new sports. How is it that golf has not been at the Olympics for the last 106 years? It is an actual sport? Since the Olympic officials are constantly considering new sports to add I am hopeful that it is not too late for me to become an Olympian. If they ever add speed needlepoint I may have a chance to make the games. If the Chinese were to lobby for Mah Jongg I might have a chance to make the USA team, of course we would have to fight it out for which version of Mah Jongg would be the official game. Maybe if I can’t make it as an Olympian I could be a Mah Jongg coach.  

The Olympics make me ever hopeful.

It’s a Dog’s World, Kind Of

I think I need to change the name of this blog from Less Dana, More Good to Less Dana, More Shay Shay. Anyone who has read ten or more of the over 2,000 posts has met Shay Shay our beloved labradoodle. I am not alone in the love of my dog.  
Today I looked at Facebook and saw a post from my boarding school room mate Nancy, celebrating the birthdays of her two dogs, Boo and McGee with homemade meatloaf cupcakes with mashed potato frosting. She implored her college aged daughter Sarah to “get home soon. We’re becoming crazy dog people.” Too late, Nancy, but you are not alone.
Earlier this summer a friend, who had a son graduate from college, told me he was looking for a job with the only criteria being someplace he could take his dog to work. I was a little skeptical, but am clearly out of touch. He got a fantastic job in a week and a half, taking his dog on the interview to make sure he liked the place.
I was talking to my new editor, Amanda and she said I should bring Shay into the office so I could meet some of the young new hires. I told her about my friend’s son and his job search. Amanda quickly quoted the stat she had just read that 17% of businesses are dog friendly offices. It is a cheap perk for a business to offer its employees and I think everyone is happier with a well behaved dog around.  
This morning as Russ and I were about to go out the door to church Shay stood at the top of the steps and looked at us with that, “Please take me” face. Why don’t churches have dog friendly services? God loves dogs, that’s why “dog” is “God” spelled backwards. Certainly when I think about beings that are most spiritual dogs rank high; they love their neighbor as themselves, they honor their mother and father and they never take the Lord’s name in vain.
With more and more people looking for jobs that allow dogs I hope that dogs will be welcomed in more places like restaurants. The idea that it is unclean to have a dog in a place where food is being made and served is ridiculous. Everyone with dogs at home usually makes and eats food in the same place and none of us have died from it yet. All those people with service dogs get to take them in everyplace, why not let the rest of us?

Happy Birthday Jean

Sometime many years ago I met my beautiful friend Jean when she chaired a charity gala and auction. I worked for her as the writer of the program. It was my first foray into volunteer work in Durham. I was just getting used to not working for money, but still expected everyone to work as if they were the CEO. It was not always the case with everyone, but it was with Jean. I knew I liked her right away.
Jean was passionate about making sure we got everything could donated so that the money raised from ticket sales and auction items could go right to the charity. This was not easy, but as she said, “Give people a chance to be generous.” She was more right than wrong.
I learned a lot from her about running a gala and continued writing the program for many years. It was the ultimate in creativity to write descriptions of every donate item that was offered in both the live and silent auctions. Sometimes I had to make something odd sound fantastical, but most importantly I had to tell the truth.  
From those first days Jean became my dear friend. She was thoughtful and kind while still being strong and determined. I got to know her dear husband Bill and her darling sons, John and Alan. They would have us to their lake house or come sit at our dining room table.
No matter how busy we are Jean always calls me to celebrate my birthday with a lunch and I try and do the same on hers. She is much better at planning in advance for these things than I am. Since Jean has an August birthday sometimes vacations get in the way, but not this year.
Today Jean turned 60! And her loving family threw a beautiful party for her. Her oldest friends from childhood came from Michigan where they grew up together and all her Durham friends came out to celebrate. It was a gala in honor of Jean.  
So happy birthday, dear friend. I’m so happy that fate threw us together all those years ago. You taught me so much and I cherish you always.

My New Editor, Amanda Mac Learn

A few years ago at Durham Magazine I met a new hire who had recently graduated from UNC Chapel Hill school of journalism. She was young, smart and had a wicked sense of humor. She was also a hard worker who had her priorities straight. Her name is Amanda Mac Learn.  
In those early years she often had to share an office with the then editor Matt Dees who could quote many a line from a movie as the perfect retort to a serious question. Despite the fun that could be had by going down the movie track, Amanda, never let that derail her getting work done.
Altogether I rarely came in the office, preferring to work at home, when I did, Amanda always took time to quiz me about Durham so she could learn more of the city she now was covering. She did not see me as the old lady at work, even though she could be my daughter, just as I did not see her as the kid in the office. She was much too professional to not be taken seriously, while still being fun.
Last month when my most recent and long time beloved editor, Andrea Griffith Cash moved from the magazine to head Chris Rosati’s Inspire Media Network I endorsed Amanda as the right person to be head editor of the magazine. She knew the nuts and bolts and all the players and had proven herself in the trenches, issue after issue. Thankfully she got the job, so I did not have to brake someone new into what it is like for me to “work” for them.
I usually do my magazine meetings with my editor over lunch and today was my first official meeting with my new boss. It was so exciting to sit across from the smart young woman and see how far she has grown in her years I have worked with her. Now it is time for Durham to get to know her as the leader of Durham Magazine. If you have an event or story idea consider contacting Amanda. She has her finger on the pulse of all the good things going on in the city and is great at show casing it.
For me, it is a pleasure to have such an easy transition from an editor I loved to another I love just as much. As my father always says, “Be nice to the people who work for you, you never know when you will be working for them.” As it should be. Let the young lead you.

Successful Hair Transition

Two months ago I got news that no grown woman ever wants. My decade long hairdresser, Kathy, was retiring from the hair business and moving away. NNNNOOOOO! Finding a compatible stylist is sometimes a life’s search. I know people who fly a two-leg trip to see their stylist. I know people who drive two hours away every month to have someone who they consider magic with scissors cut their hair. I even have one friend who considered traveling to Dubai when her hairdresser moved there. 
Luckily, Kathy, who had cut my difficult hair for all these years set me up with Suzanne who she felt would be a perfect match for me. Blind dating is easier than changing hair dressers. If you go on a bad date you only have to endure the pain as long as you are out with Mr. Wrong. A bad hair cut can have months long repercussions. 
Suzanne was not an unknown commodity to me. She had bought the Salon from Kathy last year and renamed it Blue Print hair design. I had seen her cut other people’s hair. She even cut a few of my very good friends’ hair and I always thought they looked nice. But some people have good hair to start or are a whiz with hair styling tools — something I am not.
Two weeks ago I had my first visit with Suzanne. We talked about my double crown, something I actually never understood until she showed my how my hair grows from two different spots on the back. I told her of my requirement to have a no-styling-needed-from-me haircut. Whatever she did it would have to do on its own when I get out of the shower. I think that is a lot to ask of a haircut, but something I have come to expect.
Suzanne told me she did not want to change my style and get a chance to get to know how my hair grows. I was good with that. Given how short my hair is right now I don’t think there are many options for change without going shaved on one side.
I was happy with my hair when she was done, but the real test would be in the subsequent days to see if it is a do it yourself do. I am happy to report that I am thrilled with my hair. Maybe thrilled is a strong word. It is after all still my lack luster hair. But I will say that Suzanne was able to give me a worry free self doing do.
I am interested to see what ideas she has for my future. The real test will be if she can come up with something new that I like even better. The best thing is her salon is only five minutes from my house so no trips to the airport are necessary.  

Use It or Lose It

In the insurance world there is a rule that if you are not living in a house your home owners insurance is more expensive than it would be if you lived in that house. The reason for this is things go wrong with stuff that is not being used, or when things go wrong and you are not there to stop it quickly it causes more damage. For example, if your hot water heater sprung a leak in a house you are living in you would notice and fix it right away. If you weren’t occupying that same house and the hot water heater sprung a leak and water went all over your whole house for days and days without notice it could destroy the building.
Cars that aren’t being used develop problems that cars that are being driven don’t get. The batteries run down, the tires get flat on one side, the rubber parts get dry rot, all things that could be avoided with regular use.
Humans are the same way. If you hurt your shoulder and don’t get it looked at right way you could develop something called frozen shoulder, that could make your shoulder useless in the future. Same is true with your brain. If you stop doing basic math skills you forget what twelve times eight is fairly quickly. The old adage, use it or lose it is so true.
I find that summer living has interrupted my routine of healthy living. I have sat more, eaten more, thought less and produced less and now I can feel that my high living has taken its toll on my brain, my body and my out put.  
I wish that I had been required to pay more to be so unproductive like a homeowner with an empty house. If I had I would have done better on my up keep. Now it is time to try and regain my mobility, elasticity, productivity and self control. Yes, summer has been fun, but expensive. I need to stop the leaking hot water heater that is my body and go back to a more efficient life. Does not sound fun. Reliability is my not be sexy but it certainly has its advantages.

Stuff

This weekend while we were at our friends house on the coast we got to talking about what we would keep in our houses if we were offered a lot of money to sell our houses furnished. It was an interesting exercise to think about how attached we may or may not be to our stuff.  
Interestingly, both Russ and I said the same thing. We agreed that the only piece of furniture we would absolutely not want to sell was our dining room sideboard. Yes, it is probably our best antique, but when you think about it, it probably is not the most necessary thing we own. Many people are doing away with dining rooms. Our own child may never own a home where it will fit. It is much more formal than Russ usually likes. Without a big dining room table and a dozen chairs we would have no need for the sideboard. Despite all that we are attached to it.
Russ went on to add that he also would not sell my Morris Minor Traveler station wagon. This is very funny because it is stick shift and he does not drive it. I, on the other hand, would consider selling it if the price were right. The Morris is just a toy. We went to drive it the other day and it would not start which is very unusual for the little three cylinder car. We had to call our private British mechanic who makes house calls, Simon, who came over to it to get it working. The uncomplicated sewing machine of an engine usually doesn’t take much to fix. In fact I think I heard it start up in the garage just now not ten minutes into Simon’s touching it. Of course he usually works on Porsches so this is like Lincoln logs to him.
As I looked around my house the only other things I would not sell are my mother’s paintings. I know that someday I am going to have to pare down our belongings and I guess I am going to have to move into a house with no windows so I have enough wall space to hang my mother’s art. It will be a strange house. Lots of walls, no windows, a big dining room and garage and nothing else. Of course no one is going to come to my current house and want to buy it completely furnished so this dream is one I will never have to live out. I am happy to think that we are not so attached to stuff. It is a burden I don’t need to carry. I wonder if these imaginary people who want to buy our house fully furnished know about what’s in the attic?
  

Great Olympic Sitting

We were away for the start of the Summer Olympics. I missed the opening and the start of Olympic fever. Seems like I have made up for that now.
Last night we got home at 9:30 and I wasted no time getting to my bed to get sucked into watching sports I care little about except during these summer weeks every four years. Despite being exhausted last night, I stayed up until midnight watching Micheal Phelps win his 19th gold medal. Now that was not outside my knowledge level since I did swim as a kid and was a meet director when Carter was younger.
I should have turned off the TV then, but then the women’s team gymnastics came on. I know the peripheral amount about gymnastics and the expert commentating of the NBC crowd kept me watching. I got an six hours sleep since I had to get up early to work out myself.
I made it almost all day with turning the TV on, then I made the mistake of switching it on to see where the storm was going after lightening just missed my house. Lightweight women’s rowing was on. Whoever heard of light weight rowing? Doesn’t matter, I watched. Then four man rowing, men’s beach volleyball. I was now hooked.  
The programming ended on the main NBC channel to show the news and I switched over to some minor NBC station to find women’s seven person rugby. I had no idea how many players usually play rugby, but apparently it is not normally seven. I have no idea what I’m watching but somehow I can’t look away.
I wish that watching these great athletes was actual exercise. Somehow the Olympics is an exercise suck for spectators. I am not at all inspired to try any of these sports I have discovered over the last twenty four hours, least of which is seven’s rugby which I still don’t even understand. Yet I am still excited when a team scores, even though it means these women are sliding on the grass wearing very short shorts. Seems like it is a grass burn sport on purpose. There has been no mention of zika. Looks like these women’s rugby players can outrun all the mosquitos. Me on the other hand is not even walking.  

Free Food Is The Best Food

Our friend Jon, whose house were stayed at on the coast this weekend, loves living on the water for so many reasons, but I think the biggest is the free food. His wife Lane was instructed to pick up a bag of free fish heads from the fish market on Friday, which we did.  

The fish heads were not the free food I am referring to. Those fish heads were the bait that Jon puts in his crab traps he throws off his dock. The first morning after throwing the trap out not only did Jon get some blue crabs, but also stone crabs and a flounder. Jon, being a good coastal citizen measured the blue crabs and only kept the ones of legal size. The stone crabs he took just one of the claws and threw back the animal to grow another. The flounder was big enough to keep. No filet and release here.

This morning Jon pulled up another crab pot and this one had at least a dozen blue crabs and two stone crabs. I watched as Jon threw back to small ones, wondering how many times he caught the same ones over and over again.

At lunch today, Jon not only ate what he he caught, but also some of the four dozen clams given to him by his neighbor who had collected over 500 clams yesterday. Not only was it the freshest seafood, but the sweetest since it was free.  
When my parents lived at South Litchfield my mother liked free food more than anything else too. She never complained of time my father spent fishing as long as he brought back dinner. Of course we used to joke that every fish actually cost $600 if you amortized the cost of his boat over all the fish he ever caught. But then it makes the fish less tasty so we tried not to do that.
I wish my garden had been more productive this year. The amount of “free” food I got from it was not as satisfying. What I really wish is that I had a wild neighborhood goat who would just stop by r house and drop off a log or two of already made fresh goat cheese. That would be my idea of good free food.

Blank’s Navy

Today was a fabulous day on the water. The Blank’s have three water loving dogs. Petunia, the pirate with the underbite, is like a little tug boat in the water. She may not be much to look at, but she can really swim. Petunia is also Jon’s first mate. She paces on the bow of the boat with a sure foot even as the boat crosses other boat’s wakes.  

Shay was happy to ride on the boat, but as predicted did not love swimming. At least she did try. Swimming was made much easier with the addition of a dog life jacket so there was no panic in Shay that she was going to drown.  
After a good swim and tour of the inner coastal waterway we headed home just in time to ride through a huge down pour. It was the perfect way to rinse off the salty water that had dried on our skin.

Before the sun was setting we tried to get a good photo of the four dogs on the boat in their life jackets. The old adage, never work with children or animals could not have been more true. Trying to get four dogs to stay in one place at the same time and look towards the camera was next to impossible. Shay just wanted to jump off the boat fearful that we were going to make her swim again. Petunia wanted to rule from her perch on the bow as designated first mate. Swizzle, the 13 year old with a cataract was not sure where he was and Winston, the other 13 year old could hardly keep his eyes open since it surely was nap time.

I’m not sure Shay will make it as a navel recruit. At least she did like to ride in the boat when it was going fast because it was like riding in a car, but with your whole body out the window. For my money Petunia the pirate dog is the winning water dog. It does not matter if you have different color eyes and teeth that could greatly benefit from braces if you can rule the boat from the front perch.

That Dog Won’t Hunt

If you are a southerner of the red variety you are familiar with the phrase, “that dog won’t hunt.” Not a literal saying, it means whatever that is, it is not going to work.  
Today’s theme here on the coast is, “that dog won’t swim.” Not all dogs, just our dog. After a day of mostly big giant rain, when it finally cleared up Lane and I put on our bathing suits to jump in the back water. Lane’s pirate dog, Petunia, the one with one blue eye and one brown, put on her life preserver and jumped right in the water. Shay looked jaunty in her red life preserver but was a nervous wreck on the dock and had no intention of getting in the water. As Lane, Petunia and I frolicked in the water Shay paced back and forth from the dock to the sea wall.  
After our swim and a few games of Rummy Kube our husbands and lovers of these girl dogs arrived from the triangle. The dogs were besides themselves with anticipation of getting to snuggle with their Daddy’s.
John could not wait to get out on his boat so we packed up all the dogs, including the two thirteen year old boys with the young Shay and Petunia and went out on the water. Shay rode the whole trip shaking in Russ’ lap, fearful that we might have expectations of her swimming. We did not.
Tomorrow, as long as the weather holds, we are going to the swimming hole where grown ups can stand around in the water and drink while the swimming dogs go round and round the boat. Whether Shay will swim is doubtful, ’cause that dog won’t swim.

Friends With Benefits

At my age friends with benefits means a friend who has a beach house they invite you to. My friend Lane and her husband Jon invited me and Russ for the weekend to their house. The bigger benefit is that Lane and I got to come today with all the dogs. All the dogs are her three and Shay.  
Lane is a tender hearted animal lover so her crew is a thirteen year old Maltese type sweet dog with a diaper, another thirteen year old who is deaf and just had cataract surgery and a three year old rescue with one blue eye and one brown eye and a serious underbite. Shay was very well behaved in Lane’s car on the way here because she is unsure if her host dogs are making eye contact with her or are actually just looking out the window. Hard to tell.
We arrived at the beautiful house that Lane tells me was built by a drug dealer because it is on the inter coastal waterway so boats could make deliveries right to the house. Unfortunately I have to wait until Jon gets here tomorrow to learn the whole sorted drug dealing story, but it makes staying here much more exciting. So far no boats have stopped by.
We went to a nice dinner and then to her local Harris Teeter to stock up for the weekend. I could tell I was at the beach because the listings to show what was in each aisle were different than at my store. One of the most popular aisles was the one with the mixers, cookies, crackers and new age drinks. I’m not sure what is the biggest seller on that aisle. Actually I’m not sure I even know what new age drinks are. Probably at my age there are no new drinks at all. I am happy to stay with tea. If I did have a new age drink it might lead to eating some cookies or crackers and that would just be bad.
For now Shay and I are snuggled in our beautiful room over looking the water. Shay likes the benefit of having a friend who lets dogs visit. Me too.

Hug Your Siblings

Yesterday I got a terrible email from my friend Carol saying she was on her way to her youngest sister’s because she had fallen down the stairs and was on life support for hitting her head. Carol was asking for prayers, which I readily got on my knees to send, but sadly was not enough. Her sister Mary did not make it.
Carol is one of three girls, like me and we often discussed life growing up with in a house with three girls. Carol is the middle and therefore was the piece maker. Mary, was the baby and since she was about my age, much too young to leave this world. It especially feels wrong that she did not just sprain and ankle or twist a knee falling down the stairs. Hitting your head is one of those freak things that makes this all seem impossible.
Hearing this story reminds me of my Aunt and Uncles good friend Ann, who used to go to Pawleys Island with us when I was a kid. Ann fell off a step ladder when she was in her forties and hit her head in just a way that killed her too. She was a tiny woman who was in excellent shape. The freak accident was just that, a freak. But now that is two women in the prime of their lives that I have known who died from an accidental fall.
Please be careful walking, especially on stairs. We all have gotten much more distracted with phones and the like. If you wear reading glasses, take them off when you are walking. You just don’t know what horrible thing can happen.
I am holding Carol her sister Barb and their family in my heart. They only just lost their mother a bit ago. To add real heartache to Carol’s very bad day she also lost her beloved dog, Duchess on the same day. Maybe there is some solace that Mary and Duchess are in heaven together, but that is awfully hopeful of me.
I am sending love to my sisters today. I can’t imagine losing them at too young an age. They are the ones who have known me longer than any friend. They are the original playmates, confidantes or people you fought with first. They know what life in house really was like, what you all used to laugh about and what really makes you crazy. Hug your siblings today. We just don’t know how long we have together.

In a Fig Jam

One of the best things about writing this blog is that sometimes I post something and people answer my requests. Such was the case after my fig and goat cheese blog. My friend Christy not only brought me figs from her tree, but she invited me to come pick this morning. Lucky for me her youngest son, Micheal volunteered to climb the tree and pick as high as he could reach. He thankfully, is light enough to be supported by the tender thin branches of her well established tree.
I came home with a basket full of figs and the promise to return some in the form of jam. So I got to work cutting the figs. I had a recipe for fig jam that called for fresh figs, sugar, lemon juice and water. I did not have enough lemon juice so I made a lemon, lime orange juice mixture. I cut the sugar back since the figs were sweet and the juice not as tart. The one problem with doing that is the sugar acts as the glue in jam. I should have cut out the water all together. The Jam I made is tasty, but not quite jammy enough. It is more like a compote.  
All the same it will be good on cheese, or on pizza. It also would make a nice base for a salad dressing. Toast is better with this thin jam than dry so it still will work as a breakfast item. The thing it might be best is as a mix in to yogurt. All the same I learned some things about making fig jam and will do better next time. Now that I think about it it will be the perfect topping to pork tenderloin. Oh the many uses of fig jam.
Here is the recipe as I think it should be.
2 lbs of figs quartered

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup lemon juice
Put all the ingredients in a non-reactive pan (that means stainless steel). Bring to a boil and turn the heat down to simmer. Cook about half an hour, stirring every so often. Place in clean jars and cool on the counter before putting the the refrigerator. Will keep for 3 months, but use it more quickly or you will forget you have it.

When You Are Wrong Don’t Make Excuses

When I was in college my good friend Hugh and I used to talk about writing a book entitled, “Excuses, Excuses.” We were excuse experts. We had many excuses about why we never wrote it. As we got older we both stopped using so many excuses and learned that honesty and apologies got us further. Today I encountered a young guy who is still in the excuse stage of life and it was my interaction with him that reminded me of that book idea.  
This morning as I was trying to get out of my driveway to go to the gym my line of sight was completely blocked by a giant dump truck with a trailer that had pulled up right to the edge of my driveway. Since the name on the truck indicated they were a grading contractor and the trailer was empty I assumed they were working at my next door neighbor’s house. Since it is the only house having any work done right now I thought they would back the truck away from my driveway when they had a chance since it was blocking my mailbox. They were the only vehicle parked on the street as far as the eye could see.
I returned from the gym and the truck was still there, but I had to go right back out to take Shay to her check up. I got home and the truck was still there. When I went to lunch, it was still there and I had to roll all the windows down in my car so I could listen for any cars coming down the street since I could not see that way the truck blocked my view of the road.
When I came home at three-thirty I had a terse note from my postman about the truck. Now not only had the truck made me mad, but it had pissed off my most important civil servant. I walked down the driveway to find the men who owned the truck. “Are you going to be working here tomorrow?” I asked the two of them.

“Yes, Ma’am.” The older of the two men replied.
“Then, can I please ask you not to park in front of my mailbox and so close to my driveway? I could not see to pull out of my driveway and the mailman is mad.”
The easy answer could have been, “Yes, Ma’am.” They already knew those words. But the twenty something spoke first. “It was the only place to park, ” he foolishly said to me in a defiant tone. The older one was getting nervous. “I’m moving the truck.”
I gave the younger one the “what kind of fool do you think I am look” as I gestured to the completely empty street, save their truck, and said, “Really?”
“It was all parked up this morning,” he back peddled.
“I live here, I know exactly how parked up it was all day.”  
The older one, knowing they had not excuse and fearing that older-woman-going-to-pick-a-fight-you-will-never-win tone in my voice said, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
I looked at the young one and said, “That’s how you respond.” I turned to the older one and thanked him as I walked up the driveway. As I walked out on the completely empty street except for their truck I thought this young guy was a total amateur in excuse department. Never make an excuse where the truth boldly refutes you with one glance.  

Recovery Day

We awoke early at our happy Kimpton home at the Cardinal Hotel because Carter had to get back to camp to prepare for today’s arriving campers. Shay had become a popular dog at the Kimpton. Even at seven in the morning as I was taking her down the elevator and out the front door to use her facilities it took a while because she had to stop to be pet by the friendly staff at the hotel.
Shay easily could have stayed and been the hotel ambassador. She is happy to let anyone love on her and her soft coat and friendly smile brought joy to all who encountered her. After our early walk she and I stopped at the hostess station of the restaurant to ask if dogs were welcome there. Sadly the answer was no and the outdoor patio is not yet finished.
Since we did not have time to get room service before Carter had to go at 8:30 we decided to tag team breakfast with Carter. Carter and I got a table and ordered and then called Russ to come down with Shay when his food came. The idea was for him to come in and eat with Carter and I would go sit in the lobby with Shay. Instead the lovely hostess brought Russ his breakfast out at the sofa in the lobby. So Carter and I finished our short time together over our eggs.
Afterward we hugged goodbye and I told Carter it was great to see her after just three weeks and I was glad we had done this. She said, “It was nice to see you, but I really just needed to come sleep in a good bed for a night.” So much for a tender hearted reunion.  
Russ, Shay and I went back to our suite to lounge the morning away while we still could. As we tried to depart the hotel different staff came out saying we could could not go, or at least Shay could not go. Fans, I’d say she’d made a few.
We were off to Hanging Rock State Park to do a little hiking and waterfall viewing. On our way we passed a sign for Vade Mecum, which I think is the camp my father worked at as a teenager. Hanging Rock is a lovely huge state park. The steep steps down to the lower cascades falls were easy for Shay, not so for me. A hot summer Sunday makes the pools at the falls a popular spot for parents of little kids. Those kids don’t mind climbing the rocks to get there. I, on the other hand, was worn out after the climb back in the heat, especially since we did not swim.
We took back roads through towns I had never even heard of, like Danbury and Glen Cove to wind ourselves to Saxapahaw for lunch because we knew we could eat outside with Shay there. Home by three, we were wiped out. Despite hardly doing much today all three of us passed out for a little nap. I was rudely awakened by Shay trying to bury one of Russ’ socks in the bed. If only her fans at the hotel knew of this affliction she has for socks they might not want her to greet guests at the hotel in fear she would try and steal socks from their luggage.
Carter has three more weeks of camp. We got her text, “I’m back on the mountain!!” So we know she is at her spiritual home. Glad we could provide a good bed for one night, we know she would rather be at camp.

Camp Half Way Point

Before Carter left for her six weeks as a camp counselor I asked her if she wanted us to visit her during any of her session change overs? “It’s just six weeks Mom. I don’t think you need to visit.”  
This weekend is the twenty-fifth anniversary of when Russ asked me to marry him. So I planned on going to San Fransisco with him on a business trip and spend the weekend out there celebrating. That was until I got a call from Carter asking if we could meet her in Winston-Salem on her night off between sessions and bring Shay Shay. “Sorry, honey, we’re going to California,” I said. “That’s OK.” And she was off the phone back to taking fish off hooks or leading horses around the ring.
I called Russ and said, “Could we go to Winston rather than California?”  
We did this last year, when Carter was just a CIT and needed a good night’s sleep in a comfy bed and a really long shower. But a couple of wonderful things made this year different. First a Kimpton Hotel opened in the old Reynolds Tobacco Headquarters and they are a dog friendly hotel. Second,Carter has her car at camp so she drove down the mountain and met us cutting out driving time for the weekend down from eight hours to three hours. Third, Carter’s two great friends from home, Ashley and Cait drove out and surprised Carter at lunch today.

As far as I am concerned this is a much better trip than going to California. Thanks to Russ being a superior Kimpton customer we have a giant suite that Shay is having a blast in and Carter has her own lovely room right next door. Shay thinks coming to stay at hotels where lots of people bring their dogs is way fun. There are dog treats, and water bowls and even special dog beds if you want one. Shay of course says, “Beds, that is what I have with Daddy right now. Why would I sleep any place else.”
Winston-Salem appears to be a very dog friendly place. This afternoon while Carter, Cait and Ashley were catching up Russ, Shay and I went for a long walk. It was terribly hot and after a few miles we decided to stop for a drink a a coffee shop in the west end that had tables outside with a dog dish full of water. I went to sit down in the shade as Russ went to order and the lady at the counter told him Shay was welcome to come in the store. It was welcome relief to drink our treats in the air conditioning. They even gave Shay a glass of ice water. They must have noticed that she would not drink out of the communal bowl of warm water.

After dinner at a place with outdoor tables so Shay could be with us we drove around Winston Salem and I showed Carter where my father grew up, went to elementary and high school before going back to the Kimpton where two little girls coming out of the hotel with their parents loved on Shay for a good five minutes. Shouldn’t all hotels be dog friendly?
Spending our twenty-fifth anniversary of the beginning of our family should be spent with our whole family. It was a much better day than I ever could have designed.

Smoked Paprika – A Dieting Bacon Lover’s Best Friend

Loving bacon is almost considered a sin these days. What, with the fats, nitrates and salt content if you were trying to kill someone the most humane way might be with a few dozens pounds of bacon. I know vegans who say the one meat they really miss is bacon. Who can blame them? For that reason (and the cheese and ice cream issue) I could never be vegan.
There is one zero calorie substitute I have found that gives you that question, “Is there bacon in this?” Smoked Paprika. It is not quite the complex flavor of a great quality well cooked slice of bacon, but it does add that hint of smoke and slight exotic flavor to perhaps trick your brain into thinking bacon is included in the dish you are eating.
Tonight I looked in the vegetable drawers of the refrigerator and stumbled upon two small bags of Lima beans and black eyed peas I bought from one of my favorite farmers at the market last weekend. Since I was home alone all week I just ate leftovers so these items went over looked. I hate wasting food, especially beans that someone else has shelled. The bugs were the sandwich size so neither held a huge amount of beans so I decided to make one dish with both of them together.
I also found two poblano peppers and had a few tomatoes that were on the wrong side of ripe. I put the beans in a pot covered with water and boiled them until they were soft. In a fry pan at the same time I put a chopped onions, chopped peppers and chopped tomatoes and cooked it until everything was soft. I added a teaspoon of smoked paprika and the drained beans and a little water and cooked the whole thing together until the water had boiled out and the smokiness had permeated the whole dish. Salt and pepper finished it off and when I tasted it I would have sworn it was full of bacon.  
Trompe l’oei means to trick the eye in French. I think we need a phrase that means, “to trick the tongue.” If we were to use French to translate it literally it would be “trouper la langue.” I’m not sure it will catch on as a phrase, but as a dieting concept I’m sure it is big. For now I am looking for other zero calorie tricks, maybe one for pizza. If I can do that the phrase will follow.

Friend Impressions

My dear college friend Suzanne texted me today that she was playing golf with a girl who grew up in Wilton, the town I grew up in. Although her golf friend was two years younger than I am, she listed a bunch of names of people she thought I might have known back in the day.

When I say back in the day, I am talking about the time before man walked on the moon -Ancient history.
As I read the names a couple sounded somewhat familiar, like maybe I did not know that exact Spangler, but perhaps a brother whose name I could not remember, or those Earle girls, twins maybe, I just can’t place their faces. Since I left Wilton after ninth grade and went off to the unheard of thing of boarding school I more or less forgot everyone I went to junior high or elementary school with. I did not have those high school bonding experiences with the people so they probably don’t remember me and I don’t remember them.
With the exception of a few names of people who did outrageous things, like were horrible bullies, or the mean girl I saw hitch hiking pregnant, or a boy I might have had a grade school crush on, I doubt I can recall any of those kids from my childhood. How different that is from people I went to boarding school with. Not only could I look at a picture of them today and tell you who they are, where they were from and where they went to college, it would not matter if I had not seen them in thirty years, their face would still be familiar to me.
I am eternally grateful that my father noticed how bored I was in ninth grade and suggested I go to boarding school. It was a fabulous time in my life where I made so many life long friends whom I still cherish. It really hit me today, as Suzanne was listing of names of people who grew up in my same small town as me and I probably went to school with for ten years, yet they made little to no impression on me, that I really learned to be a good friend in boarding school.
When I went to college in my freshman year, my floor mates used to joke that I could not go anywhere where I did not know someone. That came from my far flung boarding school friends. I see that same phenomenon with Carter and her camp friends. Wherever we go in North Carolina she is sure to know someone who went to camp with her. It is nice to know people who you grew up with, but it is much more useful to be able to go many places and find and old friend wherever you are. I guess if I went back to Wilton I would be OK since I know an old boarding school and college friends who live there now, but as for people I grew up with, probably not, they just did not make that big a friend impression on me.

What The Fig

When I was a kid the only way I ever knew a fig was on the form of a Newton. Not that we ever got cookies in our house, but I do remember going to Gayle Hemingway’s house and enjoying the cake like seedy cookie. It wasn’t untilI was out of college that I think I ever even saw a fresh fig.  
I might have been introduced to them in Martha Stewart’s Entertaining cookbook, but still had not met one personally. I have some recollection of eating a fresh fig at the restaurant at the Domain Chandon winery in Napa valley on vacation with my family. It seemed very sophisticated, yet so familiar, from those first Newton days, but was so much better fresh.
Figs remained fairly elusive to me in the fresh form, probably because most varieties are fairly thin skinned and don’t travel well. It wasn’t until I moved to North Carolina that I discovered that figs grow other places than Napa valley, in fact right in my own town.
I have neighbor’s who have fig trees and sometimes I am lucky enough to be the recipient of their fig crop. Sadly my best fig source, Mary, sold her house and the new owner took out her magnificent fig tree.  
That prompted me to try and grow my own figs. I bought a small seedling at the farmers market a few years ago. I was told that a fig tree needs three or four years of growth before it will produce fruit. I am in year five and although my tree is getting quite large I can only spot two figs on the whole thing. If next year I don’t get more fruit I may have to do away with the tree as it is taking over one end of my driveway.
Last week at the farmers market one of the stands had a few little boxes of brown turkey figs for a dollar a box. I bought two and brought them home so I could pretend in my own mind they had come from my tree.
I cut the little brown figs in half to expose the delicate pink seedy center. I smeared a button of goat cheese on the cut half and dotted it with a drop of honey which immediately oozed down the sides of the fruit. I brought the small plate of figs up to Russ in the gathering room to enjoy as an appetizer before dinner. We both agreed we could skip dinner and just eat figs with goat cheese and honey if only we had more. Maybe next summer my tree will come into its own and provide us with a bounty that will make us sick of figs. Until then I am going to go out me talk to my tree to encourage fruiting.
I  

Historic Day

Love her or hate her, you have to admit that Hilary Clinton becoming the first woman to be nominated by a major political party for President is a historic glass ceiling breaking that is long overdue. It is hard for me to believe that women got the vote less than a hundred years go and it has taken this this long to even have a serious woman candidate.
So many Americans think of this country as progressive and a world Leder, yet we have never had a female leader. Fifty other nations have had at least one female leader and when you read the list you see they are some of the better countries in the world. Places like Australia, New Zealand, France, Germany, Switzerland, Canada, United Kingdom, Denmark, India and many more have elected a woman. The list of countries who have never had a woman are less impressive; Afghanistan, Congo, Cuba, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Russia, Uganda and so many other places I don’t want to visit.  
I am not implying that having a woman leader makes someplace better, but the collective success of the countries who have at least broken through that barrier probably beats that of the countries who have not, save the USA. It is high time that this barrier is broken and the only way it can happen is to at least have a woman candidate.  
Today that has happened now that the Democrats have nominated Hilary Clinton. I don’t care if you are a Republican, Democrat or Independent, now that Hilary has broken down that door I hope that many more woman will follow suit in all parties. It has not been easy and I am thankful for her tenacity so that my daughter and all girls across American can imagine themselves as the leaders they can be.  

Blog Excuse

This is not going to be much of a blog. My excuse is my air compressor for the front of the house is not turning. That’s my expert mechanical diagnosis. Of course my electrical engineer husband is in San Francisco where it is a chilly sixty-three degrees.
Things in our house only break on the day that Russ leaves for a work week away. I was able to reach him to discuss my changing the air filter in case that was the culprit, which of course it was not. I tried the “turn the breaker on and off” trick to no avail. I am obviously not alone in this problem during this excessive heat wave because my HVAC people can’t come until tomorrow.
I must have sensed that I should stay home and take care of things here because I passed up going to the west coast with Russ. It would have been a total bummer to come home to this problem so I guess the gods were kind of looking out for me.
For now I am going to pray that Shay does not sleep snuggled up to me. I might sleep in the back of the house on the sofa because I can’t bring myself to sleep in Carter’s cave of a room.  

I guess I really should be praying that this is a minor problem, but experience tells me it won’t be and a new compressor might be in my future. So much for getting a lot done on this week off.

Just Got Engaged Vegetable Pasta

Before I knew Russ Lange, I had a catering business on the side. The majority of people who worked for me at catering jobs were my gay male friends in Washington, DC. They were the best educated waiters and bartenders, who were lawyers, doctors and business men during the day, but loved the fun of working one of my parties at night.
More than one of those men used to tell me that whomever was going to marry me would do it for my cooking. They were gay, what did they know about who would marry me.
This week twenty-five years ago Russ and I had a whirlwind romance where for the first ten days I did not cook one thing for him. On the tenth day, at last the time came for me to cook him something. He had no food in his house so we went off to the Acme supermarket and before we could get out of the car, in the heat of the July night, he said, “I can’t wait anymore, will you marry me?”
That night I made a pasta dinner of many summer vegetables cooked up in a fry pan.  
“Oh my god, this is the best meal I have ever eaten,” he said after his first bite.
It was probably the endorphins of love that made him feel that way, but one thing was for sure, he wanted to marry me before he knew I could cook.
Today I made a pan of similar vegetables, but since we rarely eat pasta anymore we just have them over chicken. Holding out for a man who married me for me and not my cooking was a great thing. That being said, love comes and goes, but good cooking lasts forever. 
You can use whatever vegetables you have. His just happens to be what I had today.
1 red onion- chopped

20 mini eggplants – cut in half

20 okra – cut in thirds

1 sweet red pepper chopped

2 pints of cherry tomatoes- halved

3 cloves of garlic-minced

Crushed red pepper flakes

30 basil leaves – chopped
Heat a big nonstick fry pan on medium high and spray with cooking spray. Add the onions and cook for two minutes, tossing it twice. Add the eggplant and spray with a little more cooking spray. Cook for two more minutes – stirring only once. Add the okra and cook for three more minutes, stirring once a minute. Add the red pepper cook another two minutes.
Add the cherry tomatoes and cook another two minutes. Add the minced garlic and cook two more minutes, stirring a couple of times. Add a pinch or two of crushed red pepper flakes to your taste and salt and pepper. Turn off the heat and add the basil.
Delicious over pasta, rice or just as a side dish. It won’t get you married, but it will make your spouse happy.

Not a BLT

Summer Saturdays mean early morning visit to the farmer’s market. Usually our eyes are bigger than our table and I have to work hard to cook up all the interesting vegetables we buy. Since Carter is away Russ and I are happy to eat grazing meals.
I made a Spanish style Gazpacho adding some farmers market tomatillos today. That was a good healthy start on a dinner, but certainly was not enough to complete it. We had bought some pork side meat, which is kind of like thick bacon that has not been smoked. I cooked it in the oven and it felt like a decadent item to act as our main course.  
Russ had his weekly polenta bread from Loaf, the best downtown bakery so it seemed like BLT’s might be in our future. It was a good plan since I had bought so many vine ripped tomatoes.
After enjoying the soup I could not bring myself to eat the bread in a BLT so I decided to make BLT lettuce wraps with a little avocado for a treat. I washed the market lettuce and lay out three leaves, a half a slice of tomato went on top. Since I was skipping the bread I allowed myself a little touch of mayo on top of the tomato. Then added the bacon and avocado. Salt and lots of pepper completed my wraps. Looked like a good alternative to a regular BLT.
It was not. Yes all individual ingredients were good and together they were fine, but they definitely missed the bread. There is something about the way the juice from the tomato soaks into the bread and the crunch of the crispy bacon yields to the bread.
Don’t get me wrong. I normally would be happy to eat these items as a salad, but even a BLT salad is not a BLT sandwich. Even the addition of avocado did not make up for the loss of bread. Somethings are actually perfect in there simplicity and a BLT sandwich is one of those things.
I am going to have to work hard not eat something naughty due to my dissatisfaction with my dinner. I would have been better off just to eat the bread.  

Have You Had Your Mammogram?

Since most of my readers are women I think this is a public service announcement blog. If you are a man you might want to stop reading now. If you continue I want you to serve the woman in your life breakfast in bed once you understand what she goes through.
In my attempt to work through my “to do list” while Carter is off working at camp for the month I made a call to my radiologist to get my long overdue mammogram. To my surprise they had an opening this morning and I knew I should take it, even though I would have preferred to postpone it even longer. The scheduler asked me if I wanted a new 3D mammogram. I asked what the benefits were and then forgot to listen to the answer, while I day dreamed that a 3D would be a less smashing procedure.
If you are a man who is still reading let me describe what a regular mammogram is like. A strange woman takes your naked breast in her hand and lays it on a cold plastic plate and then spreads it out to be as flat as possible, then while still holding your breast she brings the clear plastic top plate down to sandwich your breast between the two plates with what my tech says is 20 lbs of pressure. You stand there, naked and in pain as she walks behind the machine to take the image while you are holding your breath so that your breasts don’t move. Move? The 20 lbs or pressure is holding me by the t$t. Repeat on the other breast and then again with them both at a 45 degree angle. Four major mashings.
My imagination immediately thought that a 3D mammogram would be something like a cup I just hung my breast into and it took pictures all around it while it just hung there. What was I thinking? That a woman might have invented the new technology?
For the record the 3D machine works exactly like the old machine as far as the smashing part goes, but costs $60 more. Now I’m sure the picture must be better and hopefully the quality of catching potential cancers is improved, but the customer experience is exactly the same.
That being said, I encourage all woman over 40 to go have your mammogram no matter how uncomfortable. I know that insurance companies have been fighting about how often they will pay for them, but don’t be deterred.  
Now to all the women imaging engineers in the world, and I am sure there must be at least three of you, please consider inventing the machine my mind made up. Even if we have to lay on our stomach on a table with a hole in it with our breast hanging down to get a 3D image it would be better than smashing them. As it is my breasts already resemble two blue berry pancakes with one blue berry each and I can’t imagine the smashing is doing anything to help keep them perky.
Sorry Men, I warned you to stop reading.

Undescriptive

Yesterday I was with my friend Lynn Toms and we were googling her to see if we could find something. Today I can’t even remember what we were looking for, but I do remember something we found about someone named Sheryl Lynn Toms. The Google listing was for a ancestry.com site and it said “Sheryl Lynn Toms, mother of 0.” What?!
I have never heard anything so insensitive, except for maybe things that come out of Donald Trumps mouth. For the first thing to say about a person is that they were a mother to none is not the most descriptive way to characterize a person. If we were to do that you might say “Dana Carter Lange, never in the Army,” which really doesn’t say anything at all about me.
I wonder if Ancestry makes the same distinction about men who never had children. Of course with men you never really know if that is true because there could be children out there they don’t know about, as long as the man is straight and not celibate. 
I love being a mother and really like my child, but it is not the definition of me. I’m not sure I would want my listing to start, Dana, mother of one. I certainly think that anyone who does not have a child, for whatever reason does not want to be called out for it.  
Let’s try and be more thoughtful in our characterizations of people. There has got to be something better to say about Sheryl Lynn Toms. I don’t know her and I would bet you good money she has done something in her life that is more memorable than not having children.
I am thankful I saw this yesterday because it saved me from writing about the Republican convention and Mrs. Trump. Enough has been said on that subject, but I do wonder if Ancestry will list her as, “Melania Trump, mother of one, good quoter of Michelle Obama.”

Mah Jongg-a-Rama 

My friend Denise decided we should play Mah Jongg today at her house and asked us to all bring something healthy to share for lunch. It is amazing how many more people can make it out to play when they are invited to someone’s house rather than just showing up at the club to play.
The action was fast and loud as three tables of ladies kept the tiles moving. For the first time ever I am certain that my table was not the loudest, something no one who was not playing with me would believe. The room was so full of friends there was almost never an empty seat at the table.
My great friend Jan was visiting from Texas and came to play which makes me happy. Jan is one of my original Mah Jongg friends from when I started playing in Durham over twenty three years ago. I looked around the room today and was so happy to be with so many good friends, both new and old who love to play the game. The life histories we have shared over the Mah Jongg table could fill volumes. The support and laughter we share is hardly matched by any other group.
A new friend of Denise’s came and tried her hand, winning a game early on. Even with that win she thought she might want to join my next Mah Jongg class. I have talked to a few people who are interested in taking the three night class but of course can’t remember everyone who tells me that. If you are interested please send me a message so I can find a time that suits.
Thanks to Denise for opening up her home and encouraging such a healthy lunch today. I consider myself very lucky to have this group of women in my life. It also does not hurt that we all love the game so much. It’s days like today that keep us young.

Salmon Burgers

While I was away in Maine Russ was invited to some friends house for dinner. They served him salmon burgers which he raved about to me when I got home. I had never made a salmon burger before but thought I would try it as an alternative to regular old grilled salmon. I was a little skeptical that I could improve on the straight fish, but was pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
Salmon burgers are not exactly like crab cakes, there is no egg or mayo holding them together so they are a little healthier than a crab cake. I kind of improvised this, but was really happy with the end product.
The secret is to run half the salmon in the food processor for a few pulses just before becoming a paste. This becomes the glue that holds the whole thing together. They are a little like a blank slate so you can add any flavor you want to jazz them up. I made a basic one for my first try.
2 lbs of skinless fresh salmon 

1 slice of good bread

1 shallot

1 T. Dijon mustard

2T. Lime juice

1/2 t. Garlic powder

Salt and Pepper
Put the peeled and rough chopped shallot and the bread in the food processor and pulse until it is a fine crumb. Remove from the bowl, but don’t bother to clean the bowl.  
Cut the salmon into one inch strips and put half in the processor. Pulse about six times to chop up the salmon well. Add the bread crumb/shallot mixture, mustard, lime juice, garlic powder, a little salt and pepper and pulse two times. Add the rest of the salmon strips and pulse three times. You should still have some small salmon chunks, but everything should be well mixed.
Place the salmon mixture in a bowl and cover and refrigerate it for at least half an hour.
This recipe makes six nice size burgers, which you form just like a regular old burger, gently forming into a patty.
Heat a nonstick fry pan on medium high heat, place the burgers so they are not crowded. Cook for three minutes per side.
I served them with a remoulade sauce.   

Celebrating Sara

Seems like I spend a lot of time during the summer seeing old friends from far away. This is not a bad thing, but it means that sometimes I am not around home to spend time with my tried and true friends. I am trying to find a balance and still be productive in something other than just visiting.

My friend Sara had a birthday last week so I wanted to make sure that I got to celebrate with her soon after the actual day. Sometimes it stinks to have a birthday in the summer because your friends are often away and you get forgotten. It had to be worse to be a kid with a summer birthday because there were no cupcakes brought to school for you, or birthday parties with your whole class.  

At least now with Facebook your friends can wish you happy birthday on the real day. I was happy that Sara was free for us to go to lunch on a day I was home. True to her humble self when I asked her where she wanted to go she did not pick someplace fancy or extravagant, but instead just picked Foster’s Market. I asked her multiple times if that was where she really wanted to go, not that it is not good, but because no one would wait on her there.

With a simple sandwich and an ice tea we got to catch up on all the goings on. After lunch I got to visit with her grown daughters who both happen to be home. Even with a three plus hour visit I don’t think we actually caught up.  

I got to thinking about how hard it is to keep up with those we love. Yes, facebook gives us way more information than we ever used to have about our friends, but there is nothing like that face-to-face time to have real conversations, tell stories and be truly connected. The more I visit with my friends the more I want to see them and see ones I am missing. I guess there is not enough time in the year to spend time with the people we love, especially one-on-one. Today, I am just thankful that I got to celebrate Sara.  

Happy Birthday Logan

Today is our good friend Logan Tom’s birthday. Yesterday when his wife Lynn and I went to the movies I asked if they could come to dinner tonight. Lynn’s initial reaction was no, since it was his birthday. Then Logan heard it was possible for him to eat my cooking on his birthday so that became his birthday wish.
I love to cook for Logan. There is no human more appreciative of a good home cooked meal than he. Describing him as a gourmand is not too strong a representation. Since I had been away from Russ so long he too was happy that I was going to cook an entire meal that he would get to enjoy with Lynn and Logan.
Despite his love of good food, there is no pressure in menu planning for Logan because he truly loves almost everything I make. This quality puts him at the top of my guest list, so I was thrilled to provide his birthday meal.
To differentiate tonight as a celebration from any regular dinner I made a special drink in honor of Logan. It was a blueberry basil ginger smash. The good thing about it is that it could be made as a cocktail or a virgin and be just as tasty.  
Blueberry Basil Ginger Smash
1 pint of blueberries- washed

4 T. Lime juice

2 lemons sliced thinly

1 inch of fresh ginger- grated 

20 fresh basil leaves- chiffonade (that means cut finley)
Vodka-optional or Rum or tequila 

Diet ginger ale
Put the blueberries and the whole lemon slices in a jar and mash them all up, other wise known as muddling. Add the other ingredients and chill for at least an hour so the flavors can marry.
In a glass filled halfway with crush ice, add a jigger of vodka, two big spoonfuls of the blueberry mixture and top it off with the diet ginger ale. Stir and enjoy.
You can live the vodka out and it is just as good!
Happy birthday Logan. You are always welcome at our table.

No News Is Good News

One of the greatest thing about the vacations I have taken this summer is I did not watch any TV or read any newspapers and thus missed all the news that was happening in the world. Well, not exactly all the news. I still had Mr. Information, Russ Lange in Spain who let me know about the most important stuff like Brexit. Outside of him giving me the edited version I was fairly protected.
In Maine, not only did I not see a TV or newspaper, I did not even hear a radio or look at news on Facebook. Now that was a real vacation. None of my time or mind was taken up with unimportant information that I could do nothing about. I had no anxiety about the presidential race, which I don’t need since I already know who I am not voting for.  
Since I have been home I have not turned on the TV. I have continued my no news life and am quite enjoying it. When I was on my way home Russ mentioned that downtown Durham was taken over by Pokemon Go. Amazingly I had no idea what that was by just being out of touch for one week. How can something so new take over so quickly? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.
I am wondering how long I can go with this news moratorium. The only current event I looked at was on Weather Bug. Everything I needed to know about how to dress for or plan for a day I got from that one app. No superfluous data came into play. No celebrity gossip, no deals or steals hawking products I don’t know about and therefore don’t need, no super models making me feel inferior, no holy wars that make the world sound as if it is going to end tomorrow even though they have been going on for centuries, no misunderstandings blown out of proportion, nothing.
I know that at some point I need to reenter the world, but I am not sure why so I am in no hurry. I am happy just to play my game on my I-Pad and keep the room silent and free of talking heads, who are just too biased to listen to. If there were a puppy channel I might consider watching that, but that is as confrontational as I want to get. For now I am still on vacation.  
Yes, an old movie star may pass away and I won’t know about until the In Memoriam section of the Academy Awards, but I am willing to take that chance. I am also decreasing my chances for winning a trivia contest by not watching the news diligently everyday, but since I make no money at that kind of thing it is fine I forgo winning. I am embracing ignorance as a truly blissful state. I can only do this while Carter is away at camp because it is ultimately very irresponsible of me, but as long as she is gone I think I am safe.