Deer Damage

Someone close to me, who must remain nameless, had a deer run out in front of her relatively new vehicle and do a boat load of damage to the front end. It must have done a lot of damage to the deer too, but it limped off. Thankfully my person was not hurt. The animal did not go through the windshield and the vehicle was still drivable afterwards.

Another person close to us, who also must remain nameless, had the same thing happen to his new vehicle at this same time of year last year. Thankfully he was Ok, but the deer did $12,000 worth of damage to his car.

Deer are idiots, no matter how cute you think they are. Cars are quieter than they used to be and I think that some deer are running with their AirPods in their ears.

It’s mating season. Does are running away from bucks. Bucks are running after does. Yearlings are acting just as you would expect teenagers to act and are running all over the place, trying to find a place to fit in. It’s dangerous out there.

There is not a lot you can do about a deer sprinting out in front of you. Just make sure you are paying attention in case you can stop in time. But if you can’t you are better off hitting the deer than swerving and possibly hitting another moving car. The physics are more in your favor. Also leave plenty of room between you and the car in front of you.. if they stop suddenly for a deer and you hit them your insurance pays. Sadly deer are not yet required to have insurance.

We definitely need some thinning of the beard, but not by car. Stay safe.

Fall Back…The Perfect Excuse

It’s everybody’s favorite thing, an extra hour of sleep, but it reeks havoc. I really wish we didn’t change the time. Let’s pick a time and just live with it. Since I don’t control that I just had to spend the day doing something that helped me adjust. Well, not exactly adjust, so something decedent.

I chose to spend the day working on my very, very complicated quilt. Since I was already spending time in the sweat shop where it was cozy and warm, rather than being outside in the freezing cold I thought I had the perfect excuse to binge watch Dopesick. If you haven’t heard of it, get to your Hulu station now and start watching the really well done story of the Sackler Family and the Opioid crisis.

Recently I have had encounter three people who all lost a young man in their family to opioids. All three young men were college graduates with jobs, but were found in their beds dead. When I was a kid the people who died of drug overdoses were not people we knew. We thought of them as people who did not resemble us. Not now. One interesting small point in one of the early episodes was that Ronald Reagan cut so many jobs out of the FDA, leaving the job of drug oversite up to the Drug industry themselves. Discuss among yourselves.

Anyway, quilting for five hours and watching four episodes of Dopesick I have whiled away my Sunday. I have no guilt whatsoever. I feel productive and educated.

End Of Summer

It’s November 6, the day I finally pulled out my summer garden. We have not actually had a frost yet and my tomatoes and peppers were still producing, but I know the frost is coming. So rather than wait for the cold to kill what was left from my warm weather vegetables I picked everything that was left and pulled out all the plants.

I planted my first things on April 6 so I think I did fairly well to get seven full months out of the garden. My yield was fantastic. I wish I had weighed every basket, but I did photograph most of them.

Todays’s final basket was over flowing with red and green tomatoes, seven different kinds of peppers and two last lonely eggplant. My garden does not get much sun in the winter months, but I have some arugula, kale and Swiss chard in it now with some herbs. I am not growing any thing else during the winter. So the boxes will rest and I will replenish with compost as fast as I can make it.

Just dreaming of what I will plant next spring and planning my crop rotation. Thanks summer garden. You were lots of fun.

Saddest Loss

When Carter started playing basketball there was a lot expected from her as the tallest girl on the team. No one should ever equate tall with talent, but Carter loved her teammates and the families that came with them. Early on it was apparent who the outstanding players were. The cream of the crop was Liz Roberts who was a year ahead of Carter. Liz was not only the hardest worker, with the most superior skills, but also the kindest. Those are qualities that don’t always go together in a star player.

Carter’s first year on the team we got to know the Roberts family well. Liz’s parents, Bennet and Angie were not the only family members who would show up for every game, but also sister Madison, Twin brother, Nick, grandmother Snow and often other family members. The Roberts family were the best cheering section a team could ever have, sitting right on the front row paying eagle eye attention to the game.

It became quickly apparent that Liz’s kindness was an inherited trait. Her father Bennet quickly became the best sideline coach Carter could ever have. He was excellent and building up her confidence when she needed it most. It is normal for a family to cheer when their child scores, which happened often for Liz. But the visiting team must have thought that the Roberts family were Carter’s people because no one screamed louder for Carter than Bennet Roberts. Bennet made every game a celebration for Carter, regardless of her actual outcome. He cheered especially loudly when she would have a foul called on her for ripping the ball from an opponent’s hands by flinging the girl across the floor.

Sadly, Bennet, at the very young age of 54, passed away yesterday after a valiant fight against pancreatic cancer. This is a loss that is felt deeply by everyone who ever met Bennet, but most profoundly by his loving and tight knit family. All the Lange’s hearts are broken for the Roberts loss. Bennet was just the kindest and most generous person. His smile and support will be missed by us all. We send our love to Angie, Madison, Liz and Nick.

Rosie the Riveters Needed at the Grocery Store

Russ went out to work today and stopped at Harris Teeter on his way home. He was talking to a guy who works in the produce department and casually asked him how things were going. The guy said, “The assistant produce manager quit today. And another employee came into the store and quit and another didn’t show up for work yesterday, so most likely he’s not coming back. It’s bad.”

Russ came home and relayed this story to me. I looked at him and said, “I think we might be getting into a Rosie the riveter situation. All the Hope Valley House wives are going to have to each take a shift once a week to keep the store going.”

I wouldn’t mind doing a half a days work doing, physical labor as a way of exercise, once or twice a week. I don’t want a full time or even part time job. I would be happy to take my pay in groceries. I certainly know where everything in the store goes. I wonder if employers would be willing to take people who worked that little?

I have little time as my Mah Jongg lessons keep expanding. This week alone I have scheduled 13 distinct classes, which are all three sessions each. I am not going to have much time to even play myself.

If you are a business owner having a terrible time getting workers, consider recruiting house wives for half shifts. They wouldn’t get benefits, which would be a bonus to the business. I don’t want the places I shop to not be stocked because they can’t get workers. It might just be easier to do it myself.

Clam Chowder

Today is the intersection of my looking at houses in Maine and the weather finally got chilly here today, so I made a clam Chowder. I realized that I never put a clam chowder recipe on the blog, so here is mine that is made with canned clams, which really aren’t bad when you are putting them in a chowder. Mine is also not so thick that a spoon will stand up straight in the bowl. If you like yours thicker, add a little more flour and a little less stock. I made mine with a quart of seafood stock I had left over from making lobster rolls. You can use chicken of vegetable stock, but no matter what you still need clam juice.

This will make a big pot, probably five quarts. So feel free to halve the recipe if you don’t have enough people to share it with.

Six slices of thick bacon, diced

2 T. Olive oil

2 large yellow onions diced

3 stalks of celery diced

3 leeks, well washed and just the whites sliced thickly

4 T. Flour

2 T. Thyme

4 bay leaves

2 t. Hot sauce

15 baby potatoes, quartered

1 quart of stock

1 bottle of clam juice

20 Oz. Of canned clams(whole baby or chopped) in clam juice

1 quart half and half

In a big stock pot put the olive oil and the bacon and cook on medium heat until the bacon is crispy. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon and place on a paper towel to drain.

Add the onions, celery and leeks to the pot and cook on medium high for five minutes. Add the flour evenly across the veg and stir and cook for another minute. Add the thyme, bay leaves, hot sauce, stock, clam juice and potatoes and bring to a boil, cover and deuce to simmer and cook for ten minutes, until the potatoes are just fork tender.

Add the clams and a juice from cans and simmer for a few minutes. Turn the heat down and add the half and half, salt and lots of black pepper, heat slowly. Do not let the soup boil again, but if you want it to thicken up you can keep it at a simmer for a while.

Serve with Oyster crackers and the cooked bacon.

Proud of Dickinson College

I went to college at the tenth oldest college in the country, Dickinson College. It was a fabulous place for me and I met so many of my life long friends there. A place that was founded in 1783 most certainly has a checkered past when it comes to race. It was not talked about much when I was there, but then again it was a ridiculously white place when I was there. Not that it was not diverse in other ways, just not so attractive to African Americans, which was a shame.

Today I read about Dickinson’s House Divided Project which commemorates the 150th anniversary of the civil war and Reconstruction. A big part of the project includes the Dickinson and Slavery Initiative where the college is facing injustices of the past and doing their part to right wrongs.

On November 20 they are having a renaming ceremony for a gate and a building to honor four different African American people who worked around Campus in the nineteenth century, Carrie and Noah Pinkney and Henry W. Spradley and Robert C. Young. The college also has an extensive walking tour to illustrate the college’s history with Black People. I am happy to see this as such a large initiative to bring to light histories we are not always proud of and to learn from them.

One of my friends, and classmates, Eric Wittenberg, is a distinguished Civil War historian and prolific award-winning writer is the keynote speaker at the events on November 20 at Dickinson. He will be talking about some of the myths about the battle of Gettysburg.

Dickinson, as a true liberal arts institution, is doing exactly what I would expect, and examine history from the points of view of many and not just the authors of the history books. We all know that the one who tells the story gets to insert their point of view, but that is never the only points of view. Truly educated people are constantly learning and adjusting their thinking based on more information.

Congratulations to Eric for being invited to speak at this important occasion. I am sorry I won’t be there to witness it.

Celebrating So Many 60th’s

Today was a big day to celebrate two different friend’s 60th birthdays. It started with my friend Nancy. We gathered to needlepoint, since she is our Needlepoint dealer. It was nice to be in person with a small group of friends. We caught up on all that each other was doing. Nancy opened her thoughtful gifts. We ate the most delicious Victoria Sponge cake made by Karen. It was adorned with raspberries, strawberries and fresh figs and just the right amount of sweetened whipped cream. Mary Berry would have given it high praise.

Then this evening I had a Zoom with my book group and It was Rose’s 60th today. So no Zoom cake, but lots of fun hearing about her adventures for her birthday, having just returned from San Diego.

Since all the friends in that book group are also all born in 1961 Rose told us about a Japanese word for turning 60, Kanreki. This means that in your sixtieth year you are reborn because you have lived through five cycles of the zodiac. Apparently when you turn 60 you are starting a new phase of life, and in a good way.

I love the positive spin on 60. I agree it should be nothing but celebratory. So here’s to all my friends who have made it to this excellent birthday. You all are so much better. Live long and happy lives.

No Candy Here

The neighborhood Halloween parade is back this year. Cars are parked all along our property as princesses, super heros and scarecrows walk by. We have not one Halloween decoration. No pumpkins, ghosts or spiderwebs adorn our front porch. We are not celebrating Halloween this year. I can’t take having the candy in the house, nor having to sit by the front door and wait for kids to ring our bell. Shay is not a big lover of people in costumes, let alone throngs of people walking by our house.

So now Shay, Russ and I are sealed in our bedroom, curtains drawn as the rest of the house sits dark. When it comes time for dinner we will slip down the stairs without the aid of lights and quickly eat in the dark so no little ghouls or goblins see a speck of light and come and ring our doorbell.

We are lucky that we have a long walkway and a huge magnolia tree that makes our darkened house look undesirable to mine for candy. If I could be sure that no little kids were be scared for life I would scream through the ring camera to go away if anyone dared to push the button.

Thankfully the big trick or treat street is St. Mark’s just at the end of my street, so most parents know to waste no time on Westover where the houses are further apart and back from the road. You can get a lot more candy in a much shorter time up on St. Mark’s. Thank goodness we did not consider buying a house there. We never could have pulled off a non-participation if wives there. It’s just not our year for Halloween. I’m a little too close to a spirit right now. That is scary enough.

Taking The Day Off

It’s been a long month. My sisters and their spouses stayed with my Mom for the weekend, but Russ, Carter and I came home to have a little quiet, small family time. It was a real treat to just hang out together today and not do a thing. Carter and I did our favorite activity to do together and looked at real estate online. She is dreaming of her next move when she has graduated and is working. We study listings and look at Google maps comparing transportation options and potential noise situations. It’s a rabbit hole, but one we like going down together.

The most frustrating thing is when we find a really good apartment and we know it won’t be available another hour, let alone a few months. At least we have narrowed down neighborhoods and types of places Carter likes. It all depends on where she ends of working and potential commutes.

Concentrating on things in the future really helps. I am tired about thinking about things in the past. I need a few days of regular activities, like quilting and tending the garden to get my rhythm back.

Sadly Carter flew back to Boston late this afternoon. So Russ, Shay and I settled in for a quiet night. Tomorrow we will not be participating in Halloween. I haven’t gotten candy and I just want to turn all the lights off and sit in the dark house.

I’m looking forward to November. A time to give thanks.

Nothing Better Than Family

I love having a big southern family. When it comes time for a funeral they really come through for you. Tonight my Aunt Janie Leigh had our closest relatives for a big dinner at her house to celebrate my Dad. We gathered on the porch of Hom-agen farm where my grand father grew up as we have for every year of my life and many years before.

We had plenty of drinks, as my father would have liked us to do. Stories were told and laughter could be heard across the farm. Eventually we went inside to have a lovely dinner, people sitting in every room of the first floor, plates in their laps. It was just wonderful to be together and hear my cousins tell stories about my Dad.

One of my favorites was my cousin Brooks telling us my father gave him his first record album, Elvis’ Greatest hits. Brooks went on to have a band in College so that first record album had a special place in his heart.

Each person told a story with the same theme, that when my father was talking to them there was no one else more important in the room to him than they were. That’s exactly how he was and it was so sweet to hear it from so many people he loved.

Tomorrow will be a celebration of his life. Just as it should be.

Helping Others Helps Yourself

In the last couple of days I have received some lovely flowers from friends and family in memory of my father. I have gotten so many cards from dear friends, near and far and all of them have been comforting and appreciated. The funeral is Friday and I am ready to be with my family and send my Dad off with stories and laughs and lots of good drinks, as he would want.

Having a service a month after a passing is too long. The limbo I have been in is not helpful. I know a service does not change the day to day reality, but I need to not have everything revolve around this loss.

Today, when a friend told me she was making some food for a common friend, who has a very sick family member, I asked if I could bake something for them. They are in the throws of something much harder and sadder. It made me feel so much better to do something for them and not have it be about me.

There are always people around who have it worse than you do. Doing something for someone else is really the best way to heal yourself. I am looking forward to getting back in that rhythm. It’s time to care for others.

Mah Jongg Connections

It is so strange when I meet a new person who not only looks, but sounds and acts exactly like a dear friend. It makes me feel like I know that new person so much better than I do. Tonight was my last class of the four beginner Mah Jongg class I taught in Raleigh. One of my students, Katherine,is the doppelgänger of my friend and Mah Jongg compatriot Mary Lloyd. They not only have similar faces, but are the exact same size and sound the same.

Katherine was an exceptional student so I kept thinking, “Mary Lloyd, why are you taking beginner Mah Jongg?” It was so surreal.

I am hoping that at some point I can introduce them because ai think they would like each other.

On a different note I have to give a shout out to Marty, my Mah Jongg agent in Raliegh. She did an extraordinary job pulling together five different classes for me to teach. Now I hear that there are friends of the beginners who did not get into the first group of classes and want me to teach them. So I think there will be another round of beginners and then a big strategy class in January.

To Kate Taylor, I need say, that Trina Blanton was in this last class and she asked me if I was going to teach at CCCC next summer and I told her you had talked about it. So the two of you need to put your heads together for a class there before Coral Bay signs me up for the whole summer.

There are so many overlapping Mah Jongg Connections. I look forward to creating more devotees.

Pay Attention to Your Friends

Right after my dad died I got an email from my friend Sally who lost her father just four days after mine. Sally’s Dad was in his nineties and had Alzheimer’s, which didn’t make it any easier to lose him. But Sally had just gone through a shoulder operation and a major move and downsizing all at the same time. I was so sorry about all she had to deal with all at once and especially sorry that I had been so busy that I did not know how much she was dealing with.

Today my friend Jan and I went to see Sally’s new house and go to lunch with her. Actually I was trying to take Sally to lunch and Jan grabbed that check saying that both of us had lost our fathers and she would pay. Hardly fair since Jan lost her father long before I knew her.

Keeping up with people during the pandemic has been horrible and I feel guilty about not being a better friend. So many times I wonder how someone is and I think, “No news must be good news,” but that just isn’t always the case.

To my friends out there who I might have neglected, I am sorry. If you have had any difficulties and kept them to yourself, I’m sorry I did notice or inquire.

Lunch with Sally was so great, despite not having the use of her dominant hand she is still as fun as always. I promised to get her over to play Mah Jongg, just once I get through the services for my Dad. We all aren’t getting any younger and we need to keep up better. And we always can play more Mah Jongg.

I Messed Up

It’s been so long since I have been invited to a party. The pandemic ended parties and I have gotten out of practice. Today after church Russ and I went to vote and when we came home I said, “I’ve got to write my Dad’s eulogy.” I have been putting this off for a while, but as his service is this Friday it was time for me to put words on paper so that my sister can see what I am saying so we compliment each other.

I sat down in the sun room and started writing. Since we had gone to vote I got a later start than I imagined. After a long while my iPad started beeping that it was down to 1% power so I went up to my room to plug it in. I looked at the time and my mind skipped a beat. Wait, what day is it? I have a Wedding shower to go to. I looked at my calendar and sure enough I was an hour and a half late for Tatum Pottenger’s shower which thankfully was being held at my neighbor Mary Eileen’s house.

I put on some real shoes and ran over apologizing for being so late since I was writing my father’s eulogy. Really, what better excuse can I possibly have?

The bride to be, her dear mother and all the hostesses could not have been nicer. I haven’t seen most of them since my father’s passing. It was a great break from thinking about my father and I am so happy I got to spend a little time at the lovely party on the patio.

Life goes on and people have parties and get married and all that makes me so happy. After spending time there I came home and continued writing and sent off my first draft to my sister. I have been in this limbo place waiting for the service to actually happen. Life has to go on and there are things to celebrate.

I Don’t Know Nuthin’ ‘Bout Beans

I grew pole beans this year, mostly because my Dad loved them. Sadly he never got to see or eat them. After I came home from Maine they we’re getting a little tough so I just left the pods on the vine. That meant the pod got inedible, but the beans inside grew. When I went to pull them out of the garden I pulled all the beans off the vines and laid them out in the garage to dry.

Some dried well and some molded. That’s the part I don’t know anything about. I have never dried beans before and I didn’t even lookup what to do with them. So today I gathered all the dried pods and went to shuck them. I threw away anything moldy and In the end I was left with about two thirds of a cup of dried beans.

I am leaving these out to see if they change at all and if they do I will just throw them away. If not I might make a little soup and throw them in. I wish I had an enemy I could serve them too first to see if they are dangerous, but alas I don’t. (I actually do, but that person doesn’t know me. And I don’t want the secret service after me.)

No matter what, I am not going to grow beans for drying again because the yield is so poor and dried beans you buy at the store are cheep. I am sticking to Tomatoes, which are so much better right off the vine than anything you can buy anywhere, including the farmer’s market.

I am still getting a few tomatoes, but my baskets are getting smaller. I put in a few kale and Swiss chard plants and lots of arugula. Farewell summer garden. Winter is on its way.

A Month in Maine???

The other day I found Russ looking at rentals in Maine on his iPad. He floated the idea that we might go for a month next year since Carter will have graduated from college and no longer be on our payroll. It sounded like the perfect idea to me. So I started searching for the right house that Shay could come to and Russ could work from. It’s a big job to scour the Internet looking for that right place.

We love Bayside, but it appears that dogs are not welcome in most rentals there. I wish there was some kind of dog interview process so owners could see she is more of an animated stuffed animal than a dog. She does not like to swim or go in the water and really doesn’t even like to get her feet wet. No shedding or dander, she is cleaner than a baby.

I want to stay in the mid-coast so we are near our friends and the places we know we like to go. Somewhere between Owl’s head and Belfast. I think we want to be on the ocean, but have not ruled out a big lake, like Megunticook. The most important thing is good wifi and cell service since Russ will work a lot of the time. I wish he had thought of this idea when we were there in August and I could have looked at a few places, but I’m not complaining.

I’m open to suggestions if anyone has recommendations. I want to get something in the books sooner rather than later.

Send The Coyotes After The FedEx Guy

It seems our neighborhood list serve has blown up over two completely different issues. The first being the coyote/deer explosion. The second is about the total break down of FedEx to deliver packages to the right houses or even the right neighborhood.

The deer have been an issue for years now, with no real action on trying to control the heard. Now that the coyotes are here to do the job and we have to worry about our pets and small children. My back door neighbor, who has three little people, alerted me that she saw a coyote in her back yard today, as she was concerned about Shay. I appreciated the heads up, but I was concerned about her children. It certainly seems like it is time for our neighborhood association to take this issue on and figure out what our options are with the city.

The FedEx problem is most likely a few poor employees. Everyone needs to bombard Fed Ex with complaints. If you don’t get your packages you need to complain to the company you bought stuff from and tell them that you won’t continue to shop with them if they continue to use FedEx. I have gone so far as calling places and asking if they use FedEx before ordering. Apparently Amazon gave up on FedEx and that likely hurt them more than anything else. Imagine that now the USPS is a more reliable shipper than FedEx.

I am trying to find a way that we can use the deer/coyote problem to solve the Fed Ex problem, but for the life of me I can’t come up with anything even hair brained. The one thing we don’t want to do is let the Fed Ex people know about the coyote’s because then they will use them as an excuse why they do not bring the packages to your door.

That Childhood Training Pays Off

Carter called me today to tell me about her Religion Seminar class she had today. They were talking about the three types of capital in the world: economic capital, social/networking capital and cultural capital. The professor explained that cultural capital has to do with things like manners. Since it is the tiniest group in this seminar Carter revealed that she had been forced by her mother to take etiquette class when she was four years old. I’m not sure she said forced, but Carter references this experience often to me.

The professor asked Carter what she learned from the class that she still uses. She said that she always put her fork and knife together on her plate to indicate she is done with her meal. Carter also said she noticed when other people don’t do it. The professor asked her if she ever brought it to anyone one’s attention. “Oh no!” Carter told her. The professor told her something that make a mother proud.

“You not only learned the etiquette of what to do, but also the manners not to make someone else feel bad that they didn’t have etiquette.” Apparently that is Culture Capital.

I am very thankful to Connie Kearny for her etiquette class that made such a huge impression on Carter at the right age. Carter might not have loved them at the time, but most certainly they are paying off now.

Carter has mentioned that when she went out to a meal with a work superior she notices when they do the wrong things in social situations. At first she just thought that they must not have been brought up in the south, but soon realized that no matter where they were from they should know some basic etiquette.

It is never too early to teach your children good manners, but it most certainly can be too late to teach them. One thing that was drilled into me by my father is that you always look someone in the eye when you speak to them. From my mother I got that there was no eating until your napkin was in your lap. Who knew it was something as important as Cultural Capital?

It’s Scary Out There

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse I learned that we have a family of wild Coyotes living in the neighborhood with a litter of pups. Apparently the coyotes have moved in due to the abundance of deer that makes for good hunting. But it’s not just deer they go after, pets are fair game. My neighbor Mary lost one of her small dogs yesterday.

Now we are not letting Shay out by herself to run around to the back of our house as she likes to do. We have a deer highway that runs behind out house and I am worried that the coyotes will discover the highway. One neighbor reported a ravaged doe in his front yard.

As if things were not bad enough with Covid, now we have to be on watch for Coyotes. Apparently our whole neighborhood has to do something called hazing to scare Coyotes off. That involves screaming at them while waving your arms in the air. I am sure my loud voice, often described by Carter as the “kind of voice that voice threatens robbers away” is my best tool. The internet experts say that it is important for everyone to do this or the hazing is ineffective. The one caveat is not to haze a hurt animal or one that is with it’s pups.

Since Shay is only a 23 pound dog she is a perfect target for a coyote. There is no way I am letting some predator get her, so if you hear me screaming outside my house I am probably just warding off animals I don’t see. I may look and sound batshit crazy, but it will be for a reason.

Old Memories

Today I was going through old photos. Once in a while when I look at a photo I can’t remember exactly where or when it was taken, but sometimes just seeing an imagine brings me right back to when I took it. That was the case today. The picture is one of my sister Janet from when she was five years old. We lived in Wilton, Connecticut where spring never came. Since we did not really live in a neighborhood we often had to make our own fun since our friends were a car ride away.

I came home from school and Janet was playing by herself out in the snow covered driveway. She had on her Osh Kosh striped jean jacket, and a red bandana and was holding a plastic water pistol. I caught the photo of her acting out the death scene in a cops and robbers game she was playing alone. I will never forget how much fun she was having playing both the good guy and bad guy role at the same time. I am not sure who got shot, but the death scene was very dramatic.

I laughed so big as she went down. I thought she could not possibly have more fun if she had an actual friend playing this game with her. Certainly without the photo I would have forgotten this small moment forty seven years ago.

As I went through more photos I forwarded many of Carter and my father together through the years. I am so happy that I have always been an avid photographer because capturing so many memories in a picture helps keep those memories alive. Thank goodness everyone has a camera in our pockets now. Do yourself a favor and take some photos everyday.

Surprise Harvest

I haven’t been spending much time in my garden due to being busy with other things. I went out today to work, thinking I would pull a lot of spent plants out. To my surprise I found I still had more things to harvest than I anticipated. I had only brought a small basket with me and soon it was overflowing with Japanese eggplant, tomatoes and six different kinds of peppers. I returned to the garage and got my biggest basket and filled it, adding globe eggplants.

I had cut down my giant okra stalks three weeks ago, but not pulled them out of the garden. Today I discovered new shoots with tiny pods growing out the side of them. My marigolds are overflowing with blossoms, at least four times as many as I have had at any one time this summer. Even my catnip is exploding and I don’t even have a cat. I grow it as a companion to the vegetables because it is a natural aphid repellent. If you have a cat and would like some please come by and I will be happy to cut you a few handfuls.

After harvesting I decided I was not going to pull out the plants I thought I might as they are still producing. I might as well continue to enjoy their bounty until frost is predicted. I hope the green tomatoes on the vines have a chance to ripen before the frost. I am thankful I was too distracted to pull plants out two weeks ago because I would have missed this surprise harvest.

All My Cooking is Not Successful

A month or so ago we invited some young friends for dinner for tonight. As the time got closer I learned that the husband does not eat fish. Russ does not eat meat so that left me with Chicken or Veggies. Since Russ got a new pasta maker for his birthday I decided I would try and make butternut squash ravioli. I had successfully made spaghetti with the new machine and thought how much trouble could lasagna noodles be?

I baked the butternut squash and mixed the flesh with eggs, nutmeg, salt and pepper for the filling. Then I attempted to make the pasta. It was not easy. As the wide flat noodles extruded they curled in on themselves. I cut them short and tried to make pockets of ravioli. They looked terrible and I was totally unsure that they would not burst open when cooked.

Russ usually has great confidence in my cooking, but even he thought we needed a plan B. So he went to the local Italian Pasta makers and bought some pumpkin ravioli. I was left with a big bowl of the butternut squash filling. Russ thought I could make butternut squash bread, but with all the black pepper in it I thought I should do something savory.

I couldn’t turn it into soup since it had raw eggs in it. So I decided to make a savory butternut cheese cake. It was a good way to turn a fail into something edible.

From the photos they both look like fails.

Crust

1 cup panko bread crumb

1/3 cup Parmesan Cheese

4 T. Butter melted

Cheese cake

1 large butternut squash

5 eggs

1 c. Ricotta cheese

16 Oz. Cream cheese

2 t. Nutmeg

Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350°. Halve the butternut squash and remove seeds and strings. Place face down on a butter foil covered cookie sheet. Bake for 1 hour until a fork goes in easily.

Set aside to cool.

Butter a large spring form pan.

Mix panko, Parmesan and melted putter together and press into the bottom of the pan. Bake for ten minutes in 350° oven.

In a mixer beat cream cheese with eggs. Scrape out the flesh from cooled squash and add to cream cheese and beat. Add ricotta, and spices, lots of pepper and 1 T salt. Pour mixture into spring form pan on top of crust.

Wrap the bottom. Of the spring form pan in foil so water can’t get in to it.

Place pan in a oblong backing pan and fill the pan with boiling water until it is half way up the sides of the spring form pan. Bake in 350° oven for one hour. Can be served hot or room temp.

Bridge is a Life’s Work

One of the things I gave up all through the pandemic was bridge. Not being able to play in person meant I had to play online. I did not like playing online with strangers who “chatted” not such nice comments. So I just stopped playing all together. My best bridge mentor/friend Deanna asked me if I would come back and play and she would play with me twice a month. So tonight was our first game, which was still online, but with people from our bridge club.

I was very nervous, having forgotten so many of the “new” conventions Deanna had been working with me on learning two years ago. We had a refresher call before the game and then got online. The first few games were a little rocky and then I got back in the swing. We made top board twice and finished above average, gaining me some master points.

I still don’t love playing on the computer, but it was not as scary since I was playing with Deanna. I look forward to doing it again in person, but this means I have to study. Bridge is a life’s work.

A Shower and a Shave?

It’s been a while since I commented on the news, but today I just can’t help myself. Across my scroll came news January 6th Congressional committee plans to vote next week to hold Steve Bannon in Contempt of Congress for not cooperating with their subpoena.

Allegedly, Bannon, who was not an employee of the executive branch since 2017, is claiming executive privilege, a laughable claim.

My thought is perhaps the committee is pleased with Bannon’s refusal. If they do throw him in jail until he agrees to testify in front of the committee perhaps Bannon will be forced to shower, wash his hair and maybe shave while he is in lock up. The January 6th committee might prefer a clean Bannon to the one we normally see on the news.

If Bannon does change his mind and testifies without being sent to jail it is a good thing for the members of Congress that they wear masks. Just sayin’.

Get Your Christmas Shopping Done

In case you haven’t noticed, the supply chain is very broken. It is hard to find products on the shelves. I wanted to buy some white pillow cases this morning and there were absolutely none to be found at my local Target today. If I wanted brown or beige all would be good, but I am not a brown bedroom girl.

So it’s time to get your Christmas shopping done. You are in luck if you have anyone on your list who cooks, has a kitchen or a workshop because my sister’s Any sharp Product will be featured on Good Morning America’s Deals and Steals tomorrow. The segment will air in the eight o’clock hour along with a bunch of other good kitchen wares.

Order early and ensure you have some stocking stuffers. My sister is really appreciative of all your orders.

A Little Bit Back To Normal

Life is getting a little bit back to normal, yet I am still sad. This morning Carter flew back to Boston with Russ taking her to the airport at 4:40 in the morning. It was sad not to have her around today, but she has lots to do to graduate this semester so throwing in all these funerals and celebrations of life and it means she is flying back and forth a lot.

Russ flew off to Annapolis this afternoon for a work meeting for the next few days. I went to work in the memorial garden for garden club this morning. It was real normalcy for me. Only six people showed up so I got a lot of digging in and doing that kind of work is good for the soul.

I went back to teach a night Mah Jongg class in Raliegh today. Had a group of 12 new students who caught on fairly quickly. Teaching at night is not my best teaching, but getting back into a routine is good for me. In between those people activities I did a lot of planning work on my Dad’s services and parties. He loved to throw a party and I wish he had planned all these things, but that would have meant he knew he was not invincible.

One thing hit me today as I was driving by a house in my neighborhood that my father had commented on a few months ago. He asked me if this particular house was abandoned. I laughed and said, no that it actually had been recently renovated. His comment back was, “Those people were robbed.” I really wish my Dad was with me today because as I drove by the same house I noticed some tiny trees, really barley sticks, that had been haphazardly planted a while ago in the front yard and they still had the big white paper tags attached with elastic to one of the two tiny branches of each trees. My father would have gotten a big laugh at these people for not bothering to remove the tags as well as not planning their landscaping any better. I know my response would have been to him, “What do you expect from an abandoned house?” He would have just said, “dopes.”

I do miss sharing the absurd with my Dad. We had the same sense of humor. He particularly did not have any patience for dopes. When Carter and I were up at my mom’s on Friday we came across brand new t-shirt in my Dad’s closet. It said on it. “I will try and be nicer if you try and be smarter.” I really wish I could ask him if he bought it or it was given to him because there is no truer statement about him.

Even my normal days still remind me of my Dad.

The Best Daughter

Carter came home for a long weekend to spend time with my Mom and us. It has been so great to have her home. She had today off from school because it is indigenous people’s day in Boston. Unfortunately I did not have the day off. It was my last day of morning and afternoon Mah Jongg classes in Raleigh so I left Carter home all day.

After my long day of work I got home and found that Carter had polished the silver service for me, cleaned out the dishwasher, fed Shay, and planned dinner. I would have been thrilled with cleaning out the dishwasher. Polishing the silver was way over the top and so appreciated. Sadly she leaves so early in the morning and I am going to miss her.

I can’t spend another moment on my blog today because I have to enjoy the last fleeting moments with Carter.

Pomodoro Sauce for Ed

Two big things I got from my father are my love of gardening and cooking. My mother has never cared about cooking or eating so as soon as I could reach the stove my father had me cooking. I actually was cooking eggs for myself before my parents even knew, because they would be asleep late on weekends and I had things to do and places to go. Thankfully I never burned the house down.

My Dad loved to cook, but was a recipe follower, until he mastered something. Quite the opposite from me as a cook. Still I am sure I never would have become the cook I am without his influence, especially in taking me all over the world to taste different foods in their home cultures.

As my garden is still producing tomatoes today I picked a basket full and made a Pomodoro sauce my Dad would appreciate as one we used to eat in Italy on family trips to his favorite Amalfi coast.

3 medium Onions- peeled and quartered

12-14 ripe Roma and Campari tomatoes quartered

6 cloves of garlic peeled

3 T. Olive oil

1 T. Balsamic vinegar

1 1/2 t. Basil, dry

1 t. Marjoram

Salt and Pepper

Preheat oven to 375°

Place everything on a big sheet pan mixed together.

Cook at least 45 minutes until the onions are starting to brown.

Let cool slightly and pour everything on pan into a blender and blend just until not chunky.

Freezes well.

Healing Thoughtfulness

Thanks to the dear friends who have done things for us over the last week. Jan brought us food and flowers the night we came home and it was so nice of her to go to all that trouble. We have been fine and there is almost never a need for anyone to bring us food. In fact I know most people are intimidated to do so, which is just crazy. Except for the superior chef Carol who brought a cake, even if the bundt pan is unforgiving, it is beautiful. Anna also brought chocolate saying it is a Chinese traditions to have something sweet so you have sweet memories.

The flowers that have been brought have been spectacular. Stacey’s are an artistic wonder. Kim’s Hydrangeas will keep me smiling for weeks as will Lynn’s orchid. Carol’s roses are beautiful, but nothing compared to her cake.

The cards and notes of condolence have been so thoughtful and sweet as well as all the other messages of love. So many dear people have reached out with offers and really we don’t need a thing, other than to know you care, which I do. Thank you dear friends, I appreciate you all so much.

Carter Makes Everything Better

Carter really wanted to come home to be with us and see her grandmother. I am so glad she did. We came up to Mom’s this morning to continue helping do all the random things that need to be done. The first thing we did was drive my Mom to Martinsville, 35 minutes away, to return my father’s band new, very expensive hearing aids. Nothing makes my mother happier than returning things, but it is all made better by having Carter here to help.

After we drove back to Danville and went out to lunch. What a novel and normal thing do. It was so nice just to be together and not be in the house. My Mom even paid so you know she had to be in a very good mood. After I went home to have a call and Mom and Carter went to the funeral home to pick my Dad’s ashes up and pick out a box for them.

My Mom put the box in his room right under one of his favorite paintings she did of the Tour de France. Her neighbor Barbara texted Mom to see if she was OK and my Mom texted back, “I’m fine, sitting on the porch, Dana and Carter and are outside and Ed is up in his room.” Barbara texted back, “What?” Mom replied, “His ashes are up there.”

The grass is finally growing at the house, which I am certain makes my father most happy so things are looking up.

After dinner my Mom went to bed and Carter and I turned on the TV. The choice of stations here is hysterical. I saw “The Flip Wilson Show” on the guide and told Carter is was one of my favorite shows in the 70’s. She and I started watching it and about five minutes in we realized it was an informercial for an 18 DVD set of Flip Wilson’s greatest hits from Time Life. Carter loved the show, but wondered who had DVD equipment still. For me it was like going back to my childhood. Seemed appropriate. It was a great day.

Nothing Is Normal

Trying to get a day or two of normalcy I came home to rest before going back to my Mom’s. I did exciting things today like vacuum so I could ignore things I didn’t want to think about. Unfortunately vacuuming is not enthralling enough to take your mind off anything.

I had my first regular world Zoom meeting in over a week and then it was easy enough to keep my attention on a task at hand. So to continue that theme Russ and I went to Russell’s Pharmacy in East Durham, the place we got our vaccines from and got our flu and shingles shots. We really like this tiny family owned Pharmacy and Darius Russell the pharmacist so it felt good to go back there and support him. We were in good company as Dr. Mandy Cohen, the state health director, went to him yesterday to get her flu shot.

We got home and I prepped for dinner so I would be ready for the highlight of the day, when Carter came home. She was so sad at the loss of her grandfather and did not want to be alone all the way until the end of the month when we are having the memorial service. Russ and I went to the airport to pick her up and it was just the best feeling to get to hug her.

Tomorrow she and I will go back to my Mom’s for a couple of days. I think this is going to be a pattern for a while. Nothing will be normal.

Thanks Be To Friends

One of the best things to come out of losing my father has been the wonderful conversations I have been able to have with old friends. I am so lucky that I had the opportunity to work with my Dad’s company for about seven years in my thirties. While I did I worked with many wonderful people who my father had gathered up in the journey of his work life.

If you worked with my Dad you had to be a very special and strong person because he demanded brilliance and hard work. Not everyone could be brilliant all the time and so you worked even harder. That hard work created a sense of camaraderie among those of us in the trenches.

I stopped working when Carter was born because I couldn’t figure out how to do international travel with a baby and have a husband who was doing the same thing. I knew I could not just throw Cheerios on the floor and fly away. So I stayed home. Many of those work friends kept at it so we didn’t see each other much, but they were all part of my father’s big tribe and that is how we kept in touch.

I am so thankful for the chance I had to get to know and love these friends. They have gathered around at the passing of my Dad. I especially appreciate Ann and Mary Jo who are helping me with planning the celebration of my Dad’s life. All this event planning is not hard for me, with my years of catering experience, but the logistics of planning events where I am not physically present is made easier because of friends helping.

The conversations I have had with people who knew my father so well means we can talk frankly. Thanks to Julia for her realistic point of view. It makes me miss our times working together. I cherish the people my father gathered. Their loyalty and devotion to his imperfections is so appreciated by me.

My Father’s Obituary

Edward Willis Carter lived 83 full years and left this world on September 30, 2021.  He was born in Winston-Salem, NC to his parents Edward Wilson Carter of Caswell County and Margaret Michie Carter of Charlottesville, Va, where he lived his childhood until he left to attend Virginia Episcopal School for High School. From there he went on to the University of North Carolina where he saw Jane Henderson Wright across the quad and declared he was going to marry her.

He and Janie had three daughters, Dana Carter Lange, (Russ), Margaret Carter (Peter Tokar) and Janet Carter (Sophie Mitrisin) and one granddaughter, Carter Lange. All of whom to which he was eternally devoted.  He took great interest in ensuring his children learned all of life’s important lessons right up until the end, like never run one of your cars into another one of your cars.

Hard working, generous and funny were the three adjectives that described him through most of his life.  He was a successful executive at Avon, ending his career there running the European division.  From there he went on to Warner-Amex and then to MCI at the time when telephone was first becoming a competitive business in the US. Leaving MCI as the head of Sales and Marketing he went on to US Sprint. Realizing that he had a superior knowledge of the ever-changing telephone business he started his own telephone sales and marketing consulting firm, Carter Marketing Group (CMG).

In the 1980’s and 1990’s monopoly telephone companies around the world were facing competition for the first time and Ed was there to help either the existing telephone company or the new startup.  Taking his CMG team successfully into Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Mexico, UK, and many other countries to accelerate competition where little had existed before. He retired from CMG in 1998 and many of his employees went on to create spin off companies. Throughout his entire career, he was devoted to helping others succeed in business, just as he had.

After living in Wilton, CT, London England, Washington, DC and South Litchfield Beach, SC he and Janie retired to his long standing family farm, Hom-a-Gen, in Caswell County, NC. There they lived next to his only brother Wilson R. Carter who predeceased him.  Ed spent his time developing the land and reshaping the landscape to be the most beautiful property he could imagine. He loved nothing more than to drive his tractor over his rolling hills and meandering streams.

There will be private service for the family and a celebration of his life later in Washington, DC. Townes Funeral Home in Danville is serving the family. Online condolences may be made at http://www.townesfuneralhome.com.

The Grass is Important

I don’t know how people plan and hold funerals in days of losing their loved one. My Dad has been gone four days and we are just getting around to writing his obituary. Today my Mom and I went to plan the service with my mother’s sweet minister, John. Covid rules really make things tough. We are going to have a small private family service here and then a celebration of my Dad’s life in Washington at a later date. We haven’t even gotten around to thinking about the Washington event as we are so tied up with this one.

Today, when Mom and I got back to her house my Dad’s pool guy was here closing the pool. We told him of Dad’s passing and he was shocked since my Dad had just called him Tuesday to ask him to do the work. My cousin, who is my parent’s stock broker said my Dad had called him two days before he died and he was fine. You just don’t know when your time is up.

My father loved a beautiful green lawn. As a child he used to make all his girls cut the grass. We had a big piece of property and every year he reclaimed more and more forest and grew more and more grass. His farm could have been a Scott’s advertisement. When my parents moved into their new house it had no grass. My father kept waiting for someone to come and do his landscaping and they never came.

Finally last week my mother was fed up with looking at the red clay and she told my father to get someone else, so he did. The day my father died the landscapers must have had five or six guys out putting down seed and straw to hold the seed down. I am so sad that my father never got to see his new house with a green lawn. I am hoping that is will grow quickly so there will be a lawn of some kind before his memorial service. I can’t imagine his embarrassment of not having grass on the day of his service. Thank goodness we did not have to have it in three days.

Please, Leave Instructions

I’m back with my Mom in the land of no Internet and an over abundance of condolence food. There are just three of us here and people bring food for forty. Since my parents just built this house I don’t know where anything is and neither does my mother. Unfortunately my father did not communicate the things like where all the keys and remote controls are.

I know that in every couple there is one person who does some things and another who does the rest. The problem when you lose one unexpectedly no one knows how to do all the things they used to do. Please, someone write down all the information for all the things you do, like change the filters in the furnace or who you call to jump the dead battery for the Kabota.

When I get finished with my mother I am going home and start a log so Russ and I can keep track of these things. I know the name and phone number of our plumbers, but I don’t know if Russ does. He knows the tire pressure for the Morris minor, but I don’t. Neither of us know exactly what medication the other takes. I certainly don’t want Carter to have to try an figure things out by herself.

My father made sure I had his DNR and medical power of attorney, sending me a new one every year. My mother even found a note in his wallet about his not being resuscitated if he was found lying on the ground. With that kind of fore thought I wish he had left more instructions. I am unable to down load any user manuals since the internet here is like 4 mbps. The only thing we can do is eat some food someone brought us and pray we figure everything out.

Russ’ Poorly Celebrated Birthday

In the life goes on department, today is my husband Russ’ birthday. We came home from my Mom’s to get a small break and rejuvenate and celebrate his day. Not that it is much of a celebration for him. The time I had planned to prepare for his birthday was lost, but Russ never complains. He has stepped up to help me and my Mom with things related to my Dad’s passing. This has been a role Russ knows well. Russ has been a stalwart when it comes to dealing with my Dad. So death is little different than life.

So there was little fan fare today. We went to the new downtown library and voted as it was the last day of early voting. Then we toured the new library, which was really beautiful. We had a salad outside for lunch then Russ did some work for a Committee he is on. Someone else was supposed to do the work, but they failed, as they consistently do, so Russ did it. So like him, even on his birthday cleaning up other people’s messes.

Tonight he gets his favorite pizza dinner. Little celebration for the husband of the century. Tomorrow it is back to my Mom’s and dealing with all that. At least my Dad did not die on his birthday. My Dad owed him that.

Three Baby Aspirin, Four Kinds of Chicken Salad and a Random Child

There is so much that is surreal in those few hours right after you lose a loved one and you can’t share with them the things that you normally would have, because they are gone. Yesterday soon after discovering that my father had passed away my mother’s house was filled with paramedics, and paramedic supervisors and a Sheriff and other official people who we don’t know and don’t really want to have to talk with. I found myself having to hear about how the young paramedic might give my very newly deceased father a run for his money as far as being hard headed. Really, when did this become about you?

Then, when the Sheriff introduced himself to my mother and she asked him if he was from “around here,” he said, “No.” He waited a good two beats and responded “I’m from Alamance.” For those of you not from Caswell, you would say that Alamance is “around here” since it is just the next county over. I was thinking how inane my father would have found these conversations and he wasn’t there for me to laugh with about them.

As the morning dragged on and all the officials hung around in the driveway waiting for some sign off that the funeral home could come and take my Dad away I realized that I had not had any water, caffeine or food all day and a massive headache was coming on. I asked my mother for some pain killer and made myself a cereal at noon. She brought me three tiny yellow pills the size of the head of a pin and placed them on my napkin. “What the hell are these,” I asked in the nicest possible way. “Baby aspirin,” my mother replied. Now I am my mother’s baby, but I told her I think I need something stronger. She brought me two more. Another thing my Dad would have gotten a big roar out of.

As the day went on some really kind friends of my mother’s were already bringing food. Word travels fast when there are three paramedic vehicles, a sheriffs car and a silver funeral home hearse in your driveway for two hours. There were two kinds of chicken salad and two kinds of pimento cheese

before four o’clock not eleven hours after he had passed. My dad liked both pimento cheese and chicken salad and I kept thinking he could use a little King’s Hawaiian roll with some chicken salad.

This morning, when I came downstairs early in the morning, after reading all the wonderful and kind comments on my blog and on Facebook from so many friends from near and far, I met my mother’s new cleaning lady. My mother thought was a good idea to have her show up and clean while people are coming and dropping off more chicken salad, deviled eggs wanting to visit with my mother. The nice woman introduced me to her ten year old daughter and apologized for bringing her. She had stayed home from school today and had no one else to watch her. My mother wasn’t bothered by this as she really wanted someone else to clean my Dad’s room. So the cleaning lady told the child to sit down in the family room, which is open to kitchen while she went upstairs to work.

So as I was cleaning the kitchen and logging the food into the register for future thank you notes and answering the door and the phone, the child, who happens to have autism, was peppering me with random questions. “What’s your dog’s name? Who are you? Why are people bringing you food?” She was a sweet child, but on the bingo card of things you will deal with while grieving the loss of your father, having to entertain a random child was not on it. This was definitely something my father would have had a big scream about.

My Dad and I shared the same sense of the absurd. I already miss hearing him laugh that huge laugh. I am not sure who I will be able to call and tell him when crazy things happen and I feel like I am the only one who thinks they are crazy. So Dad, if you are watching, give me a sign when you think things are as weird as I do.

A Long Sad Day

When I was a kid, perhaps, nine or ten years old my Dad started many words of wisdom with the line, “I have to tell you this before I die.” It was very discomforting as a child because I often missed the wisdom and just worried that he might die soon. Today I can no longer get to hear his advice because he died in his bed at home.

My Dad was bigger than life in everything he did. People either loved him or hated him, no one was ever indifferent to him. And if he loved you, you knew it and you were the greatest, smartest or funniest. But if he hated you, you were the nothing more than a Cromag, or his favorite insult, “you were all you would ever be.”

He defied all the odds by living to 83 in spite of the hard and fast life he lived. He outlived all his contemporaries and that made life lonely. He suffered many ailments over the last few years, but beat every odd and kept living in a body that he had worn out years before.

Ever the optimist he had planned to have an operation on his elbow in five days so he could qualify for a knee replacement. He bought a new car two weeks ago, when he also had a truck and shouldn’t have been driving either of them.

Yesterday my Mom called me and said he was doing poorly. I drove up to their new house he just finished building and found him disoriented and in pain, but had no idea that his end was so close. I stayed in the room across from his last night listening to his pain and then he unexpectedly got out of bed and fell on the floor. It was hell. The paramedics came and checked him out and put him back in bed, saying he was safer here than at the Covid filled hospital. Apparently he wasn’t safe anywhere.

My Mom and I are still in shock, fueled by our lack of sleep. We aren’t having a service right away, but are waiting until all the people who were important to him can be together. It’s been a long sad day, one I am happy I did not have to suffer when I was ten, or twenty or even forty. I was so lucky to live sixty years with Ed Carter always giving me advice.

People Aren’t Mind Readers

I have to admit that I watch the Bachelor in all it’s forms. I am addicted to the editing. I love to see who the editors are going to make the villains and the angels. I love to see them build someone up, just to have them let us down. Sadly these are real people who suffer the consequences of the Machiavellian minds of the producers.

There is one constant in these television shows that I find to be as true on TV as it is in real life; Most people don’t tell people exactly what they want or how they feel, but expect others to read their mind. Then they are disappointed with the outcomes.

One thing I have learned in my sixty years is there are no mind readers. If you want something you better make it clear. Conversely, it is the same for things you don’t want. Holding back the truth or expecting people to pick up on subtle cues rarely gives you the result you are hoping for.

No one is thinking about you as the center of their universe. They are thinking about themselves. So despite how close you might believe you are to someone, don’t leave things to chance. Tell them what you need, or want and wait and see how they respond. You may not like what they are willing to do for you, but at least you’re not waiting around or being constantly disappointed by others.

Along the same route, if you feel slighted by someone, don’t take it so personally. Usually the slight is not about you, but is about whatever that person is dealing with in their own lives. Remember, you are not the most important thing to them. No matter how close you are, they still have other things on their minds and usually they did not mean to hurt your feelings or ignore you. If you aren’t that close, take a chill pill.

Jeopardy Matt

I have been loving watching Matt Amodio, the current 30 day winner on Jeopardy. Tonight he had a really impressive win of $70,000 bringing his total winnings to over $1,074,000. That’s a lot of money for 30 show’s work.

Filming Jeopardy is grueling as they tape five shows in one day. Apparently they are taping 15 shows in three days so if Matt continues to win like he has been it will not only be amazing for his breadth of knowledge, but his stamina as well.

He certainly appears to reserve as much energy as possible and answers all questions with “What is…” regardless if the answer is a person, place or thing. At first it sounded odd to hear, “What is Lincoln,” rather than “Who is Abraham Lincoln” as the answer to “was the president during the civil war. It may be awkward, but it is perfect legal in Jeopardy rules. Matt’s judicious use of words is a strategy that works for him.

Having a long running winner makes the show so much more exciting for me. Every night I have to watch to see if he can hold on to the title. The hard part is watching the other contestants whither as Matt is able to ring in before almost everyone all the time and get the answer right at least 96% of the time. Keep up the good work Matt. Your calm demeanor and humility makes you someone worth rooting for.

It’s “What to Wear?” Season

If you are lucky enough to live in the triangle of North Carolina you would have to admit that we have been enjoying some absolutely beautiful weather the last few days. The temperature has been hovering between seventy-one and seventy-eight with the smallest swing between the high and the low. There is little to no humidity and the sunny skies are the perfect shade of Carolina blue. The autumnal equinox officially arrived a couple days ago so it is officially fall.

All that good new being said I find this time of year to be the hardest for deciding what I should wear. Technically I should have put away my summer linens and spring pastels, but those are the perfect things to wear now given the temperature. There is this arcane rule about not wearing white after Labor Day, but I already make a big exception for that since summer runs into the end of September. But this fall’s entrance with perfect weather I still want to and think I am going to be wearing white.

Traditional “fall colors,” like brown, rust and gold are horrible on me. I don’t have a wardrobe of light clothes in dark colors. I have a wardrobe of colorful clothes, most considered more summery.

Until the weather actually turns reliably cold I am going to keep wearing my summer clothes. We should do away with the stuffy and ridiculous rules about what is appropriate for which season and wear what we want based on what makes us feel comfortable. Perhaps the pandemic has already done that. Maybe I should just buy a capsule wardrobe of all blue and white and wear it year round. If you see me out in white pants and a linen shirt in October don’t bother to remind me it’s fall, even if it’s 72 degrees. I’m not paying any attention to the calendar, just the weather.

The Slowest Quilt Ever

This summer I decided to make a scrap quilt with all the leftover bits of fabric I have leftover from previous projects. I can’t stand to throw away a six inch by 12 inch piece of fabric, when I know that EVENTUALLY I can use it.

This summer was eventually. I designed a pattern that uses tiny slightly wonky stars so that perfection is not an issue. I calculated that I needed 180 3 1/2 inch stars, but when I went to assemble the stars into bigger squares I discovered I needed 20 more tiny stars.

Making each tiny star is exhausting. They each use 17 little bits of fabric, which all must be cut, sewn, ironed and then squared up, meaning cut again. That’s 3400 pieces of fabric.

After a couple of months of that I finally started assembling the star squares into nine patch blocks with the stars making up five of the nine blocks and plain white material as the other four. That’s 800 more squares. More cutting, sewing and ironing, but so much faster than the tiny squares.

To get an idea of the pattern I had designed I laid out the nine patches on a design wall board. I will be adding plain white blocks between the nine patches. Only 30 more squares for that. More cutting, sewing and ironing.

I would have felt happier about my progress if I did not have to double back to making 20 more tiny star squares. Somehow having to do more of the tedious cutting and sewing makes me crazy, when I thought I was done with it.

All this and I will still have to design a border and back and then get it quilted. This project will officially be my slowest one ever. I pray I like it when it’s done.

Finally, a Wedding in Sight

It’s national Daughter’s day. Not a real holiday, just one that gets us to post pictures of our daughter’s. Now I have a great daughter, but since I am not with her I got to spend time with someone else’s wonderful daughter today.

To me, it was “spend time with your favorite bride and mother of the bride to be,” Tatum and Sara Pottenger. Tatum, like so many, has been a bride in waiting for years due to Covid. It used to be that one could get engaged and plan a wedding in six to nine months and have the day of their dreams. Then the time line got longer due to unavailability of wedding venues and the long lead times for things like dresses. So once people got engaged, if they wanted a big wedding, they had to wait a year and a half to two years.

Then Covid hit and brides who had planned their perfect weddings started postponing their celebrations. Tatum did that. She postponed everything exactly one year. So all her friends and family are very excited that her wedding is going to happen this winter.

I loved getting to talk about the plans and we are all hoping that there will be a lull in Covid activity around her date. After all the waiting she deserves a fabulous celebration.

But Covid also changed weddings for many who just went ahead with smaller, more intimate weddings. My sister got married on Zoom with just the clerk in Annapolis who performed the ceremony. It was not the wedding of her dreams, but she is happily married nonetheless.

I hope that Covid will not add more years to the timeline that people have to wait to have their weddings. Waiting a year or two is long enough. Thanks to Tatum and Sara for sharing the plans with me and letting me share some daughter time, when mine is far off.

Deceptive Advertising from L’Occitane en Provence

There is nothing I hate more than deceptive advertising. It is probably from my time of working in Marketing. I feel like lying to customers costs you so much more than you get in sales. Today I got a Facebook ad for L’Occitaine en Provence offering 20% off full priced items with a photo for a “Premium Advent Calendar” right under the banner. I have been a faithful l’occitane customer for many years.

I thought that the advent calendar looked like an interesting gift and I am a sucker for 20% off. Since I like L’occitane products I clicked the shop now. I signed into my account as I purchase from them regularly. I put the code of FRIENDS in the promo code and immediately was met with a red box, “This item is not eligible for this promo.”

Frustrated I dialed customer service and got a young man who told me that the website was right. Of course the website is right, but I wanted to register my frustration with the deceptive advertising.

The first young man passed me to a supervisor who was not interested in my point of view and just wanted to batter me with the mice type in the terms and conditions that “clearly” stated in the middle of the dense paragraph that Advent calendars were not eligible for the discount.

He did not get that I wasn’t trying to get the discount, but something bigger. I wanted them to know that I was most unhappy with the ad featuring the advent calendar as the first offering under the 20% off banner. They should have only put products that qualified for the discount in the ad.

The supervisor wasn’t listening and just kept reading the terms and conditions. I can read. I knew all that. It was not his job to create the Facebook ads, but it was his job to try and listen to my complaint. No listening. So now I complain to the world.

Companies need to be honest in their advertising. Yes I could get 20% off something else, and that is what they should show first. Poor form l’occitane. Too bad, I really liked your shampoo and hand cream that I have used for years. Time to look somewhere else.

Strategy

Thanks to my newest Mah Jongg class agent, Marty Peterson, I had another Mah Jongg class today in Raleigh. This one was a strategy class and was generously held at the lovely home of Amy Jo.

The class was made up of all friends who already play Mah Jongg together, although they have not been playing too long. That made teaching them very satisfying as they were eager to learn. A nice surprise for me was that two members of the class had been in my beginner class at the beach this summer, so I already knew they were more than competent players.

Devoting your whole day to learning how to better your Mah Jongg is the level of commitment that makes me happy and these women were excellent and attentive students.

After a full morning of lots of information we stopped for lunch. Everyone had brought a a “lunchy appetizer.” One women said she googled what a lunchy appetizer might be and only got chicken fingers as an answer. Amazingly, no one brought chicken fingers, but there was a huge spread of all kind of yummy finger foods. The winner was Jayne, who brought the cutest Charcuterie in a mason jar. It really could have been a meal all on its own.

After lunch it was back to work, learning and eventually time to play a game or two. For me it was a chance to spread the love of Mah Jongg to a group of new friends. I hope they remember all the tips and tricks I taught them and feel like they can take their game to the next level.

Detailing Day

The more and more I hear about supply chains issues, the better I want to take care of the things I have. Lord knows how long it would take to replace something. My friend Kate bought a new sofa. The original estimate to get it was 20-36 months. Thankfully that has been reduced, but really 2 years? I could build a sofa faster than that, and that was after I grew the wood and raised the sheep for the wool batting and the flax to weave into cloth and the plants for dye and the silk worms for thread.

The pandemic continuation of cleaning up and taking care of everything we own today was a big day. Shay went to a new groomer. Her last groomer, the mobile one, lied to me about canceling her appointment the day-of, saying the truck was broken and would take six weeks to fix. I found out it was a lie from a friend who also used them because they told her they were just dropping our neighborhood as part of their route. When the six weeks came around the owner called and told me the truth about dropping our neighborhood and I told him I had already heard and wished he had told me the truth six weeks ago. Lying never gets you anywhere. So I highly don’t recommend Indigo Spaw mobile pet groomers.

Shay went to a chain groomer, Woof Gang, today for her personal detailing. I had given her an at-home poor grooming this summer to make up for Indigo Spaw not showing up, the haircut was fine on her body, but not her feet. Apparently the hair grew all around her pads making her feet slip on our wood floors. I asked the vet if there was something wrong with Shay’s eyes because she stopped wanting to go the stairs on her own. Turns out it was her lack of groomed feet. Thank goodness it was not her eyes. Today we got all that cleaned up.

Continuing the detailing theme I also took my car to the Ritz to get detailed. I don’t think I have ever had it detailed before. It came back looking just as good as Shay. I had to wait a bit for an appointment, but it was worth it. Thanks Ritz car wash. You guys rock.

So things around here are looking good. We just need to keep everything in working order because we can’t replace things, especially Shay.

Cheating on Shay

Tonight I went to my friend Kate’s new house to play Mah Jongg with her, Nancy and Jeanne. They all just finished lessons and wanted to practice what they have learned. Such great students who have fully embraced the game and are getting addicted.

Since we were at Kate’s house I got to spend some quality time with her two labs, Lucy and Salty. They are big and friendly so by the time I left I was full of “other dog smells.”

Shay was so excited to see me when I got home. She is not used to me being out of the house at night. She jumped up on her hind legs and did her happy wiggle, waving her paws in the air at me. Then when I got closer she got a whiff of me and my “other dogs’ smells.”

Shay promptly dropped down to all fours and gave me a good sniffing over. “Who were you with? Why were you with other dogs and not with me?” The sniffs were down right accusatory.

I was cheating on Shay. I didn’t go to see other dogs, they just happened to be there. Sadly Mah Jongg has no smell, so I couldn’t prove that is what I was doing instead of playing with dogs.

Her unhappiness with me didn’t last long. As soon as I changed my clothes washed was better and promptly snuggled up to me and fell asleep. So sorry Shay. I promise I wasn’t cheating.

Mah Jongg Classes All Day

Some Mah Jongg Students take to the game bigger than others. This summer I had over a hundred different students at the beach. They were an enthusiastic and delightful crowd. One, Marty, really took to the game and asked if I would come and teach in Raleigh where she lives year round. No brainer for me,

When people ask me if I will come and teach in their town they don’t always follow up. Not Marty. She contacted me to ask me to teach at the Carolina Country Club. First it was two beginners classes, then a strategy class. Those classes filled and she said their was desire for an evening class. That filled and then a second class had to be added, all in two weeks.

In record time Marty had filled five classes for me, secured spaces to hold them and ensured that all the students bought their Mah Jongg Cards in advance. Between Marty and Reba (my agent at the beach) I have had a very busy few months.

Today was day 1 for the morning and afternoon beginner classes. I forgot to get pictures of the lovely women who came to learn. I took this photo by mistake during the break in the afternoon class.

Mah Jongg is so much easier than bridge. It can be learned in three three hour lessons. Then after playing a while you can take the strategy class to step your game up. Learning to play Mah Jongg by sitting next to people who are playing is no way to learn quickly.

I had some very enthusiastic learners today. Six of whom all bought mah Jongg sets before they left class. Spreading the Mah Jongg love makes my day. Thanks to Marty for organizing these classes.