I Am Mean

My father, who has known me my entire life, says that I am, “one of the toughest people he knows.” Sometimes he says I am one of the “meanest people he knows.” He is not wrong. When I worked with him I was a lot meaner. I was tough on everyone.

As I have had aged, had less professional responsibility and fewer hormones I have softened, just a little. People who get to know me superficially have no idea how mean I can be. They probably never will because I have no reason to be tough on them. My normal default is funny, which might mask meanness. So to some people I appear to just be fun loving. I think I need some sort of sign warning people, “I may appear to be all laughs, but don’t test me.”

Today, someone who does not really know me said something inappropriate to me in public and my natural tough demeanor shot right back at her. I used a bad word, which was unfortunate and I am sorry for that, because I think it took away from my making the point that what she said was inappropriate and out of place.

Earlier in life I hardly put up with anything without corrective action, but as I have aged my fuse has gotten longer. If the explosion is bigger now it might be because it usually includes past sins and not just the current issue.

I wish I was not so mean and so blunt. On the other hand, sometimes people need to be told when they are out of place. At least those who witnessed my reaction know I am mean.

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