How It Looks or How It Feels



Today I took my car into to get washed and have the inside cleaned. Yes, it did start to rain within an hour of my laying out good money to get a professional clean up my car. Am I an idiot for not looking at the answer machine I have with me at all times that has not just one, but four different weather apps, before I pulled into the car wash? Probably. The thing about the rain is that it may make the outside of my clean car look dirtier faster, but the inside is still pristine and that is the part that was making me unhappy when it was dirty.


To the world I really don’t care if my car is dirty so cleaning the outside is the least of my issues. I want to part of the car I live in to be nice and not feel gritty and no one else really sees that. That is also the way I feel about myself. I really don’t care what I look like to you, but to me I want to feel good.


My hair is a perfect proof of that. Last week while I was with a group of friends I see regularly the subject of hair color came up since a couple of friends were going off to get their hair done. I announced that I had never colored my hair and was met with disbelief. My evidence is my hair and the argument that no one would ever pick mousey brown as their color of choice.


Having grown up in a family of not the best hair my reason behind never coloring is that I want to preserve what little poor quality hair I have. Since I don’t have to look at my hair color it does not really bother me, but I do like that it feels as fine as it does. There it is, not the way it looks, but the way it feels to me.


Now I do want thinner thighs, not for the way they look, but that they don’t rub together when I walk and that feels better. I like weighing less, not to be thinner, but because being able to zip and button my jeans feels better. I like my house to be clean, not so it looks better to someone who walks in, but because I like the way a clean floor feels to my bare feet.


If there were a preference for how things look to others or how they feel to you which way would you go? It is clear to me that I am not going to make anyone else happy but myself and I feel fine about that. I hope you don’t mind seeing me in my dirty car with my mousey brown hair with the greying temples, just know I am happy in there.

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