Sick BenefitsPosted: January 18, 2013
OK I have whined all week about my child having the flu and my having a full-on respiratory take over which has turned into a post nasal drip cold and cough. Enough already. We certainly are not the only sick people on earth. But I think what ever is going on here might be something other people just might want.
What? Why would I ever think you would want my illness? Well, how’s your New Year diet going? Having a little trouble now in week three keeping off the Cheezits? My particular type of sickness is the answer. I have lost nine pounds since the first of the year and none of that was water weight, since I sucked all the water out of me months ago.
It’s not like I’m not eating. I am opposed to starvation. Even though I don’t feel like it I am putting food in me, not much, but still enough to not throw my metabolism into some kind-of Bangladesh-style famine. Still every morning I get on the scale and another pound is down. This is the karma I pray for. I’ve been good and now I feel like the stuff that comes out of the non-cute end of my dog, so some higher being is rewarding me for this suffering, Thank you Baby Jesus.
My friend Hannah reminded me of the greatest quote from The Devil Wears Prada, “I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” Well I’m at least seven flu’s away from mine, but I’m not going to look this gift horse in the mouth. I do have the feeling that this weight loss can’t go on like this so I would just prefer to get well.
For those of you desperate enough to get your diet back on track I am thinking of leaving some used drinking glasses on my front porch. Feel free to come by and borrow one, but just excuse me if I don’t come to the door. I really don’t look my best and of course I’m already in my Lanz nightgown under the blanket and the sun is still high in the sky.
I have not revised my goal to lose eleven pounds by March 1 get because I want to see what happens when I get better. I’d hate to be all cocky like this is real fat gone and up my goal number and then find out that as soon as I am better five pounds magically reappears. I’ll keep you posted, like I have anything else to do stuck in bed.