The Most Susan Sprattiest Birthday Ever

A few months ago my friend Susan texted me and said she was going to have a performance birthday and invite all her friends to come and sing and dance for her party. Susan is a big time Doctor, but her real passion is singing and dancing. I replied to her text in my normal flippant way, “I can’t sing or dance. I can only tell jokes.”

Susan took me seriously and when the invitation for the party arrived, I was listed as a comedian. Now I was in trouble. Susan is a very earnest person and she took me seriously. So I worked up a set, it was dirty, but some funny stuff.

So tonight rolls around and Russ and I go to the party with our friends Mack and Elizabeth and Hannah and Mick. We arrived as a little girl was playing the violin accompanied by a man on the keyboard. Oh shit, there are children here. I looked around and noticed quite a few kids. I couldn’t possible tell the dirty jokes I had planned.

Susan sang a couple of songs as well as some of her other friends, her son Max tapped danced with a girl and all the while I was racking my brain about what I could do now that I had to do a PG set. I couldn’t back out since this was Susan’s dream party. Her husband even said it was the “Most Susan Sprattiest Party ever.”

As we waited in line at the buffet, I looked around for material. I picked up a whole lime that was one of about six that were on a cheese platter. I wasn’t sure what the lime on the cheese platter was for, but I thought I might do some routine with the lime.

Then it was my turn to go. I went up to the front and just started talking. I told one of my stories about going to Saskatoon. It got laughs. Russ taped it and I listened to it afterwards and I was happy. I was especially happy I didn’t do what I had planned. I would hate to have parents have to explain why I was joking about a cat, using a different word.

I hope that Susan liked her performance birthday. It was right up her alley. A party I will never forget. Next time I agree to tell a few jokes I am going to get a little more info about the audience first.

Here is what Russ taped. You are missing a few visuals of me patting my self down, but mostly you can get it.

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