Why Do You Need to Know My Occupation?

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Tomorrow I am going to get a massage. Considering the way so much of me feels I think it is overdue. Since I am going with a friend we had to pick a place that could take us both at the same time so I am not visiting my regular person. Today I received the Client Intake form to fill out before my appointment.


The request was for me to fill it out and bring it to my appointment. I often wonder why we don’t fill these things out in advance in case they read something that would prohibit them from treating me. Like in the health section under “Other” the list includes things like: Tobacco Use, Depression, Contact Lenses and Contagious Diseases. I can totally see that maybe if you have a Contagious Disease you might be rejected, depending on what kind of disease it is, but there is no place to specify what said disease is. On the other hand I am not sure what contact lenses have to do with getting a massage, but since I don’t wear contacts perhaps I am in the dark about these things.


One poorly worded question is “Are you currently under the care of a health care practitioner? Just answer yes or no. Well I take three prescriptions a day so I guess I am always under the care of a doctor. The follow up question was not who is your doctor, but “If yes, please specify:” I know they are not going to like my answer of “regular menopausal woman stuff,” but really what else do you need to know?


My least favorite question on this or any form is “Occupation.” Technically I have business cards that say I am an Editor at a magazine, but really that takes up the least of my time. I am not about to put “Blogger” down because I am too old to consider that a job, and it does not pay me anything. “Professional volunteer” is an oxymoron since being a professional means you get paid and volunteer means you do it for free. I also have Needlepoint Stitching Advisor business cards, which is probably what I spend most of my time doing, but since that card was created as a place card for a Christmas lunch and I pay to do needlepoint not the other way around that cannot be an occupation. Gambler due to my Mah Jongg addiction could also be high on the list of what I actually do and I make money at it. I just don’t know many respectable middle-aged women who list that as their occupation. Lastly there is mother. Again the pay issue. What I really want to write on these forms in the occupation slot is “Intake Form Editor” and see if anyone reads it and asks what that means.


As for now I know the real purpose of this two page form is to wear me down so that I pay little attention to the mice type at the end saying that if anything goes wrong it is my fault and that massage people are not doctors. No Shit. The very last line should be the very first line because it says, “I understand that any illicit or sexually suggestive remarks or advances made by me will result in immediate termination of the session and I will be liable for payment of the scheduled appointment.” Oh my goodness!


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