Advice for dieting travelers

Pack a belt. Ok, if you are thinking that is lame advice let me relate to you my story.

Since this is a trip that involves flying,I did my best to think strategically about exactly what I needed in the way of clothes so that I could fit everything I needed for a five day trip in my roll-a-board suitcase and one large purse. No one else was flying with me so I did not have the possibility of adding an extra pair of shoes or a hair dryer into a family members bag.

The roll-a-board five-day-plan only works when flying someplace with warm weather so no bulky coats or sweaters are needed. Lord knows it certainly is warm enough almost everywhere in the US right now.

I usually help myself by wearing all my most bulky clothes on the plane so they are not taking up valuable bag space. This trip that was not possible because my most bulky item was my bathing suit, what with it’s giant built in padded bra, full-torso-spanx-like-stretchy-inner-nude-liner, the patterned body hugging suit that covers the liner and the giant flowing, practically knee length, dress-like outer suit. So as not to scare the traveling public, I packed that and opted to wear the second most bulky item, a giant molded bra that sets off every security monitor the TSA ever invented.

For the most part my packing was dead on. I wore everything I brought, except a white linen skirt. When I went to dress this morning for my return flight I looked at my clothes to determine what was clean enough and what was needed to be worn because it would not fit in my suitcase and nothing went with the white linen skirt. I only had one green tunic blouse as a top and paired with the skirt the outfit made me look like a sister-wife with a little better haircut and lipstick.

I should not care what I look like when I am getting on a southwest flight between Houston and RDU, but even I could not bring myself to wear that combination. It did not help that my bulkiest shoes are a pair of Dansko clog-like sneakers which are sure to be best sellers in the sister-wife community once they discover them.

So I pulled out my next cleanest pair of white pants, No problem. A cute outfit with the green tunic and foot-happy sneakers. So I thought, until I took two steps and my pants practically fell to the ground. Quickly I went from potential Utah loving Mormon to the whitest-middle-aged-woman-hip-hop-artist with my drawers not covering one bit of my underpants in the back.

Just days ago these pants had fit adequately, but my strict living and great diet supportive friend Jan had shrunk my butt just a little more than anticipated in five days. A belt would have solved the problem, but no, that extra item of clothing was not considered in my absolutely-nothing-more-than-I-need packing plan. So two giant safety pins and three inches of gathering the waist later I was off, with pants securely in place. That was until I reached security and between the giant molded bra with its metal super structure and the giant safety pins, the TSA agent patting me down was sure I could assemble some sort of weapon from all these parts. Thank goodness she was a large woman herself and when I explained the pants falling down situation she smiled and said,”That’s a problem I would like to have.”

Next trip I’m not going to take my chances on having such an understanding TSA agent and I’m going to go on and horrify the rest of the flying public and wear my bathing suit.