If You See This Man, Stay Far Away

If I weren’t so excited about getting to Carter I might not be in such a good mood after all that has happened trying to get to her. Our trip started yesterday with snow in Durham which certainly causes panic on the roads. We were taking a Lyft to the airport and it took three times as long it should have.

After waiting in crazy long lines, due to 1,000 Delta flight being canceled due to snow in Atlanta, we finally checked our bags. Once in the club I Facetimed with Carter, so excited that the day to get to see her was almost here. The man sitting next to me told me that the Paris flight was delayed half an hour. He had a tight connection to Lisbon and we agreed that it might be OK due to excellent tail winds. Optimism is always my default.

Then we went to the gate. Half an hour late was not even close. We loaded an hour late. Still in the window to make our connection. We pulled away from the gate, I was ever hopeful. The flight attendants made a very pointed announcement about no smoking, vaping or anything else in the bathrooms. Who doesn’t know this?

Then we sat. We sat some more. Not sure if it was de-icing or what. After a good while the pilot said there was something “little” that needed a mechanic so we pulled back to the gate. After a guy in a neon yellow vest came on an airport official appeared at the door and summoned a shady looking man outside the plane. Russ and I were sitting by the door so we had full view of this exchange.

If we were pulling back to the gate to throw this “vaper” off the plane I was going to be really mad. Well it was both the “vaper” and a mechanical issue. Three hours later we finally took off. We were certainly not making our connection.

Thankfully when we landed in Paris we found that we had been rebooked on a noon flight. Just three and a half hours late to get to see Carter. Russ and I walked the mile and a half from our arrival gate to our new departure gate and stopped at a Paul Bakery to get coffee, something we needed badly after our three hours of bumpy sleep. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention the good news. Since we were in the front of the plane we were in one of the three rows that got dinner before the service was discontinued due to turbulence. The rest of the plane never got dinner.

Anyway I am about to get to the cream of the shit crop. While we were sitting at the very crowded Paul enjoying our coffee, right after we got another announcement that our noon flight was now 12:55 a man who was trying to beat someone else to a seat on the other side of a pony wall from us leaned over me with his tray full of coffee and spilled it all over my coat, bags and me. I said every American swear word fast and loudly. The little man had no remorse, except for his lost coffee.

A very nice Paul employee came over with paper towels to help. I was wishing she had brought a stun gun with her. The little shit man just went around the wall and sat down in the seat he so badly wanted and ate his food. The whole place was silent, watching this big disaster. As I was wiping the cafe au lait from my suit case I started to laugh, not just any laugh, but my big belly laugh. Everyone looked. I looked at the little man and laughed right at him. He got a little indigent and asked what we wanted him to do. Nothing. Nothing. Just be a little more embarrassed.

Now we sit at the crazy crowded gate waiting for our next late plane. How much longer until I get to Carter?