Lynn’s Obsession
Posted: September 24, 2013 | Author: dana lange | Filed under: Diet- comedy | Tags: Charlotte Jones, Lynn Toms, Pure Barre |3 Comments
Most mornings my friend Lynn can be found in her black workout pants with her ancient black cashmere sweater tied around her hips and a colorful workout shirt. This is her uniform for her addiction. Actually Lynn has a couple of addictions and this outfit is not required at her Green Tea Latte spot, but for her Pure Barre workout. Well, the outfit is not required, but Lynn’s appearance at Pure Barre is.
So many early morning calls Lynn has made to me start, “Honey, come to Pure Barre with me.” Since I have a place I workout I have not gone with Lynn. I would hear other women talking who are equally addicted to the ballet like program complaining about how crowded the classes were getting, so I always begged off going with Lynn. I have a lot of ballet traumas from my classes with my Russian ballet torturer, Martha Kruger who could have taught the Nazi’s a thing or two.
Months and years of Lynn’s praising Pure Barre and still I did not go. So what has Lynn done to get me to try her work out, but bought a Pure Barre franchise with our friend Charlotte Jones and is opening it up in Durham in December.
I’ve started desensitizing sessions for my aversion to anything ballet like by holding a broom handle and looking in a big mirror with happy music playing. I am counting out first, second and third position, but not in a Russian accent so that when the time comes for me to go to one of Lynn’s classes I don’t break out into a cold sweat and have flash backs of being hit on the back of the knees with a yard stick.
According to Lynn Pure Barre is nothing like my childhood dance class. I am looking forward to understanding why all these women are addicted, but first I need to go find a black, thread-bare cashmere sweater that fits around my backside so I can look just like Lynn in class. I’ve already tried her Green Tea Latte and know I will not become addicted to those, but I hope the Pure Barre is one addiction I adopt because it would mean not only would I burn more calories, but I would get to spend time with Lynn.
Less Dana, More Good 
Ah yes, thanks to Martha Krueger, I no longer see a swan without thinking of ballet torture! Rock the black cashmere and enjoy.
I wonder if we were in the same class. I was on Sat mornings in fifth grade
Dana,
I thought Martha Krueger was the meanest in the world! She used to take her pointer and tap my tummy in front of the whole class and say “You eat too much ice cream”.MORTIFYING!