Epic Zipper Failure Follow-up

Rarely do I do a follow-up blog, but if you read yesterday’s “Will It Zip Roulette” you only got half the story.  I reported that my main concern was fitting into my deal-of-the-decade-dress before going off to stand on the stage and raise money for my daughter’s school.  I wrote yesterday’s blog, jumped in my dress and Carter zipped me up saying, “You have lost more weight, it zips perfectly.”  Then she took my picture and I posted it with the blog.

Not one minute after posting, just a half an hour before I needed to leave for the auction the zipper broke and my naked bits beneath the dress made an explosive appearance.  Holy Molly (Not my actual words or thoughts.)  Carter’s first reaction was, “It your dress flies open at the auction I will never be able to show my face at school again.”

Carter was unable to fix the zipper with me in the dress so I wriggled it over my head and was able to pull the tab back down to the bottom and try again.  Luckily it was just a faulty zipper (No wonder that Saks guy was so happy to sell the dress to me cheap) and not a ripped dress.  I knew my only option was to get sewn into the dress, but time and expertise were short.  Carter has never sewn anything except needlepoint so she was not the answer.  My friend Lynn was due to arrive at my house just to see how I looked in dress, but domestic work is not her strong suit.

I called my professional drapery maker neighbor Mary Clayton and she came to my rescue in less than five minutes.  By that time Lynn had arrived so she witnessed Mary’s Navy Seal like dress saving surgery and was so thankful that she did not have to learn to sew on me.  Being the expert seamstress that she is, Mary informed us that in the olden days before zippers women of means were always sewn into their finery.  That elevated my status, but I still feared the stitching bursting out as I stood on the theatre in the round stage with spots lights glaring.

I told the audience last night that this was a possibility and if it did indeed happen I hoped they were bid bigger and higher for the unwanted show they were getting.  But thanks to Mary’s master handiwork the stitching held.  All my womanness was bound tightly inside my dress and the bidding went on for just the regular items.  Perhaps a wardrobe malfunction would have gotten people’s attention better, but at least I have no worries that Carter can’t hold her head up high at school on Monday.