The No Tattoo Diet

Having spent the last week in the Pacific Northwest I have been able to study all the latest trends in what younger people call body art.  Some of the people I have observed are part of a subculture that used to be called grunge; those for whom hair washing was optional and multiple piercings were just the beginning.  Tattoos were certainly an entry drug into the grunge segment.

Today tattooism has blossomed out of just grunge and spread like some sort of leprosy to every type of person, except those in utero. No longer are tattoos a sign that one was in the navy or perhaps got too drunk one night with some people they no longer consider friends.  Although I do think that some first tattoos might have come about that way and once a person had been deflowered they continued the trend trying to fix their first mistake by adding to it.

Beauty certainly is in the eye of the beholder because I have been some sad for the young women I have seen with faces that could grace the covers of vogue with painted arms so full of body art that looks more like flocked wall paper of a London curry shop.

The first thing that comes to mind is, “Don’t you get tired of wearing the same shirt everyday?” because of the density of the tattoos covering so much skin.

Besides, my middle-aged mindset believes these youthful whims will someday be regretted.  I worry about how the once young and tight skin will change and morph those beloved imagines into something more grotesque and deformed even if grotesque is what they were shooting for in the first place.

The major observation I had came when I looked at the arms of a tiny Asian woman on one of the many ferries we were riding.  She had a grey tank top on and one of her arms was covered from collarbone to wrist with a giant colorful tattoo and the other arm was a pale virginal white.  The colored arm looked to be twice the size of the blank canvas side.

While her back was turned I studied her arm anatomy to measure if perhaps she was a single arm body builder or did some other work that caused one arm to grow larger than the other, but no.  In actuality both arms were the same size, just the tattooed one appeared much and I mean dramatically larger.

I have no idea if this tiny woman needed to appear bigger to cause some sort of intimidation in order to survive, but that would really be a stretch.  I have a feeling that appearing larger was not her main reason for getting herself colored in as if she were a child’s drawing.

So my diet tip for the day is remain tattoo free.  Unless you just cover yourself with vertical lines or add large dark swaths on the outside of your hips so while standing naked in a dark room they look thinner.  All other art will appear larger than actual size, especially as you age.