Still No Drinking For Me

Posted: July 23, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Diet- comedy | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

I awoke this morning at camp in Maine to the sound of rain on our cabin roof. I snuggled down under my wool blankets and went back to sleep, feeling no guilt about missing morning walk. After breakfast, yoga and a marathon bananagram tournament It was still raining so Russ convinced me that we should go visit a local distillery, Sweetgrass, where they make not only award winning gin, but wine and other libations.

Why not, I thought and off we went while Carter stayed back at camp. Most business in Maine are small operations so every visitor helps. Sweetwater was only three miles from camp in the hamlet of Union, Maine. We pulled into a very idyllic farm like building and were surprised at how beautiful the tasting room was.

I myself have given up drinking alcohol thirty years ago. After a particularly long night of great consumption in Miami, where I was not even supposed to be. I passed out in the hallway of the 24th floor of the Hyatt with my dress over my head and my underpants missing. I only know this because my friend Suzanne took a picture which she has thankfully never published. When I woke up the next day with the worst hangover of my life I swore I would never drink again, at least not until I found those missing underpants.

Despite much underpant searching I still don’t drink, but every once in a while I taste. I figure that I owe it to the guests I serve that I keep up with the best wines and beers to serve and I have been known to create some yummy cocktails. So today’s field trip to the distillery was one of those tasting opportunities. After some very clean gin, a delicious vermouth, some peach wine and something called a cranberry smash I began to remember why I don’t drink anymore. I barley had a sip of each, but I could feel my current underpants sliding off. Russ made a purchase and I said I needed to get back to camp. I’m learning how to milk a cow this afternoon and I don’t want to be late. Milk is much more my speed these days.

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Teenage Boys

Posted: February 15, 2013 | Author: | Filed under: Diet- comedy | Tags: , | Leave a comment

The gender differences in calorie consumption just are not fair.  There are two teenage boys at my house right now and at 3:00 in the afternoon they were about to expire so they ordered pizza.  When three boxes arrived at the door I asked how many other kids were showing up.  None, two pizza and one cheese sticks were just for them as the afternoon snack.

 

Growing up I lived next door to the Prahl family of four boys.  One a year older than me, named Halfdan (pronounced Hallffdan), Crispan was my age, Duncan one year younger and Amos was three years younger.  The timing must have been off on the last one.  Our bus stop was at their house so when we were let in the afternoon the Prahl boys and I would go in their house for our snack.  Each one of them would sit down at their kitchen counter and eat a whole box of cereal and a half-gallon of milk.

 

I would get a cookie and talk with their mother Lottie who was just happy to have another female to talk to for a moment.  I used to ask her how in the world she could bring enough milk home to keep these four boys going?  She said that the afternoon snack mil was only about half of their at home daily consumption.  The difference in the amount of food they needed, especially when they were teenagers, than that of my family of girls was over whelming.

 

How did boys survive in a world before there was a constant food supply?  I guess the human race really only needed a few men.  I don’t know that I ever heard of boys starving more than girls, but based on what I have seen boys eat I would think that the slightest famine would render the massive calorie requiring boys practically useless.

 

I think big pharma needs to study the metabolic makeup of fourteen-year-old boys and put that in a pill to sell as the weight loss miracle.  I know there comes a time when even people of the male persuasion need to reign in their eating, thank goodness, otherwise there would not be enough food on earth.  Imagine how many diary cows would be needed in every man continued to drink as much as the teenage Prahl boys did.