Preemptive Worry About My Drinking

I am a big time drinker. When I say big-time I mean that I down almost a half-gallon a day. I am addicted. I wake up in the morning and it is the first thing I have. I do it all day long until by late afternoon when I just have to stop so that I can sleep at night. Everyone who knows me well knows about this addiction and many aid me in getting my fix.

My addiction is iced tea. Thank goodness it is unsweetened. I am fairly picky about how I take my iced tea. I like Lipton regular ‘ole tea bags that have been steeped fairly strongly. I like crushed ice, sweet ‘n low and lots of limejuice, but lemon will do. All and all it is a cheep and calorie free drink if you believe that artificial sweeteners don’t make you gain weight. I think that they actually act just like sugar but since it is my last vice left on earth I am going to keep it for now.

In Durham and most of the real south this is a common drink, easily found in exactly the way I like it almost everywhere. The only real issue in iced tea around here is how an establishment may cut the lemons. I want a wedge that is one sixth of a fairly big lemon, or as mentioned before, a lime. Don’t give me a half moon sliver of lemon. Just the mere cutting it that small has caused most of its juice to end up on the cutting board. Also I have to have a good friend with me when drinking tea in public since I am allergic to touching lemons. That is a whole other story.

Now to my worry — When I was in Washington DC this past weekend I had a hard time finding my regular, not green, not sugared up, not peach, not Nestea, not from a fountain, iced tea. Washington used to be south of the Mason-Dixon line and thus was full of people who knew how to make tea properly, but not now. The influx of Yankees and folks from other lands has so diluted the real iced tea lovers so now establishments no longer know how to make the highest profit margin item in the place.

Soon I am going to be taking our annual driving trip to Maine where only about 3 percent of the population has ever even tasted the perfect iced tea, let alone even know how to make it and sell it. Bad iced tea makes me crankier than no tea at all, which is something close to living through a nuclear meltdown.

I have searched the web for iced tea ratings and maps of where to buy my preferred drink and that site does not exist. The problem is that iced tea is not regulated like Coca-cola. Chick-fil-a in North Carolina might make a good drink, but the ones in Maryland use the wrong kind of tea and theirs stinks. If I pull up to a drive through and ask the person at the other end of the speaker what brand of tea they use they have no idea. Also, just because someone uses Lipton does not mean it is good, it could be three days old and then is starts to taste rancid.

In order to ensure my family has a good vacation I am gathering all the supplies I need to make my own tea for two weeks away. I feel like I need some kind of doctor’s note to say that for medicinal purposes I should be allowed to bring my own drink into a restaurant. I would be happy to pay for a big cup of ice, but if everyone wants to have a good day please let me make my own tea and not be disappointed, disgusted or furious with your lack of skills.