Failure is an Option

I spent the better part of today at Carter’s school where the parents came for a wellness activity.  Most of it is confidential so I don’t want to reveal too much, but one theme that came from some of the ninth grade kids is the stress they feel about getting into college.  One child was worried that a bad grade on a quiz first semester freshman year is a death sentence.

What have we done to kids?  First, we have taught them math well enough that they understand averages and how hard it is to average out a very bad grade.  Good on the math front, bad on the psyche.  We all need to fail every once in a while.

When I had my first job out of college selling mail opening and extracting machines we used to do a group exercise reviewing all losses.  Yes, it was painful to discuss with all your peers and your boss why you did not close a particular sale, but we all learned way more from those reviews of failure than we ever did from the accounts we won.

One reason is you had to analyze every step in the loss and really come to Jesus about your own performance.  Did I do everything I could have done to sell that company our mail opening machines?  Did I create the right relationship, communicate well, overcome objections, show value, and prove to be a partner they trusted?  Obviously not or else I would have made the sale.  Doctors in hospitals do the same thing with patients they lose.  More learning happens when you dig deep to discover how you would do something differently next time.

Do kids in high schools and college today ever feel like they can try something and fail?  And if they do fail, do they have a review to learn from that defeat?  I know in sports there are lots of opportunities to learn, especially if a coach is good and cares about developing people and not just winning, but what about out side of sports?

I want to live in a world that encourages experimentation and creativity not just success.  It is a long life and if we just keep limiting ourselves to doing the things we already know we are good at it is going to get fairly boring.  No matter your age, you should try to learn how to do something new every year or so.  Some things you will not be good at, others you might be fine at, but just don’t like that much, but I think you will find many more things that you are good at and that you love more than you thought.  Trying, learning, failing and trying again is the best example you can be for your children.  They don’t need to think that you are perfect; they need to know that we are human.