Mirror Math
Posted: December 20, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment
I have a light up mirror. It has a regular mirror on one side and a 10x mirror on the other. I also wear readers. They are very strong readers — 3.0. I can’t see anything smaller than a 25 font without my readers so I wear them on a chain around my neck.
If I have to look at something on my face that is smaller than my nose I have to look at the 10x side of the mirror. When I use the 10x side I don’t wear my glasses because the mirror is doing the work that my classes usually do, but even better.
I have a question about the 10x mirror and my glasses. If I were to wear my glasses and look in the 10x mirror am I seeing everything 30 times greater, that’s 10x multiplied by 3 or am I seeing it 13x greater, that 10x plus three?
Just wondering how magnification works? If you know the answer please message me. Not that I need to see 30x better, but now that I have thought of this question it is driving me crazy to learn the correct answer.
One bit of advice for all my friends with 10x mirrors. It’s fine to use that to find the stray hair you are trying to pluck, but please don’t obsess about wrinkles you are looking at with your 10x mirror. Just remember that no one has 10x eyes. So the things you see in the mirror, no one else can see.
Great Raleigh Friends Come to Durham
Posted: December 19, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentThe best part about my job is the new friends I make in Mah Jongg classes. If you take just one class from me it’s not quite enough time to become friends. When you take two, and I like you, then we are approaching the friending area. If you take more than two, well we are starting to know each other.
When I teach multiple classes at the same club for years and years, then I have a great opportunity to make some tried and true friends. When those same friends also belong to multiple clubs I teach at, well now you are talking a real relationship. When you invite me to come and stay at your houses, now we are like sisters.
The only bad thing is, when I teach at your same clubs for years, eventually I run out of people at your club to teach and I show up there less often. This is the case with some of my favorite Raleigh friends.
Since I have spent less time in the neighborhood I decided I needed to invite these wonderful friends for a Christmas lunch to catch up. I wish I could invite all my mah Jongg friends from Christmas lunch every year.
Today Holly, Bit, Jill, Martha and Mary Jo came for lunch. They brought dessert, which in fact were two giant desserts. Their club makes these special peppermint ice cream pies. Apparently they are hard to get because everyone wants them. They brought one for us to have for lunch and a second one as a gift.
Each pie has sixteen very large pieces. Since there were only six of us we hardly made a dent in these yummy Christmas treats. I will be serving this at a couple of events so don’t be surprised if you get a bite of this dessert. You will know I did not make this.
Mostly it was just fun to get a chance to see my friends, who I wish I saw much more often. Hazards of being a Mah Jongg teacher is I don’t have time to just play Mah Jongg with all the new friends. I hope they know that I miss them. I really appreciate them driving all the way over here and that they will come again sometime soon.
Need Soap?
Posted: December 18, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 2 Comments
I am posting this terrible photo of myself just to give a visual reference about the difference in my home to my friend Lynn’s. We had our annual Christmas party at her house this year. After most everyone left I got to washing her wedding china by hand. She wanted to put it in the dishwasher and I objected. I worried the gold rimmed edges would get ruined.
I asked Lynn for dish soap as there is never anything related to cooking or cleaning on her counters. See, not much cooking goes on in her kitchen, therefore not much cleaning is needed. And her marble countered kitchen must stay pristine white.
Lynn instructed me to look under the sink. I should have been able to figure that out for myself. There in the tidiness of Lynn’s cabinet under the sink was one tiny bottle of dawn. So tiny I thought that perhaps it was a sample mailed to her to clean ducks who had gotten in an oil slick. (Lynn, whose nickname is “baby squirrel rescue,” is a notorious animal lover.)
I picked up the tiny bottle as if it were a delicate flower. It weighed as much as a whisper, nothing like the Costco gallon sized jug of dawn at my house. “This is your dish soap?”
Then I realized I was washing the dishes in the kitchen sink, which was purely for show, like Architectural Digest show. So perhaps the tiny bottle was also a prop. I went to the butlers pantry, where the big refrigerator lived and the working sink. I found the bottle of dish soap there.
Just as tiny and delicate as the show sink. Yes, she has a butler’s pantry, but still no cooking and therefore no cleaning. Green tea lattes come in the house fully made and once consumed, the cup is disposed of. No need for soap, no washing to be done.
I wanted to put a little mark on the bottle of dish soap to show how full the bottle was, like your parents might have done on their liquor bottles when they had teenagers in the house. I wanted to do this because we will be having this party at Lynn’s house in two years and I wanted to see if any soap was used between this year’s party and the one in 2027.
Cheese Cauliflower
Posted: December 17, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentI made one of my favorite British standards, cheese cauliflower for Chinese Auction yesterday. It is not the same as cauliflower au gratin which is decidedly French. I think they both are yummy ways to eat cauliflower since I believe everything is better with cheese.
Turns out many of my friends have not enjoyed the joy of the British version and found the dish to be a revelation. Why not? It’s like the best of Mac and cheese without the pasta guilt. So I promised the recipe. One friend said, “Well, it will be a pinch of this and a handful of that.” I know when I tell you how to make something that is what it sounds like since that is how I cook. So I will do my best to translate my hand sized cooking to actual measurements.
I have to divide everything by four, since I made yesterday’s with 4 heads of cauliflower. This makes my translating extra hard.
1big head of cauliflower, broken into florets
4T. Butter
4 T. Flour
1 T. English ground mustard like Coleman’s
2 1/2 cups of whole milk
1/4 t. Cayenne pepper
1/2 t. White pepper
Salt to taste
1/4 t. Nutmeg
1 cup unexpected cheddar (Trader Joe’s) shredded cheese
1 cup fontina grated
1 cup Gruyere grated
2 t. Dried thyme
1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
Bring a big pot of water to boil and add the cauliflower and cook until tender, about 5 mins. Drain. Place in a shallow casserole dish.
Make the sauce by melting the butter in a sauce pan. Add the flour and stir to cook the roux. Add the dry mustard as you are stirring the roux. Cook the roux on medium heat about three minutes, but not so long that it gets too brown. Add the milk a little bit at a time, stirring the whole time. Bring to a boil and then reduce and keep stirring as you thicken the sauce. Add the cayenne, nutmeg and white pepper. The sauce is done when it coats the back of a spoon. Remove from heat. Taste and add salt if needed. (Depends on how salty your cheese was.)
Mix the three cheeses together in a bowl. Take about half the cheese and add to sauce. Stir to melt, not on heat. Pour the sauce over the cooked cauliflower.
Add the thyme and bread crumbs to the bowl with the other half of the cheese. Mix well and sprinkle it over the top of the cauliflower.
Bake in 350° oven for about 25 minutes until the top is golden brown and the sauce is bubbling. Cherrio!
Chinese Auction Happiness
Posted: December 16, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentLynn and I have been having this Christmas Party for decades. It is top on my list of favorites every year. This year we held it at Lynn’s beautiful home. That made my life as the cook easy. I made the cheese Cauliflower yesterday and prepped many parts of the salad then too. That only left cooking the salmon and chopping the rest of the things for the salad to do this morning. Lynn decorated and set the tables and made her Carmelita’s for dessert.
I arrived to set up and found Logan home downloading Spotify for Lynn. Lynn had a plan that we would sing “This Christmas” by George Micheal at the end of the party. The whole musical portion of the party was our only challenge.
Beloved guests arrived and we served them Chamord and Champagne cocktails as they quickly hid their gifts for the exchange under the tree. After mingling we started the game of opening gifts and stealing them from each other. The boxes were larger than usual and many gifts had extra gifts attached, like ornaments, to entice ladies to open them first.
There were so many great gifts so there was lots of stealing. Not one person after the first, just went ahead and opened an wrapped gift. I very badly wanted Kristin Teer’s cheeky wreath creation. I had number 10, right in the middle of the pack. I stole it once. It got stolen from me. I had an opportunity to steal it again. It got stolen from me. Finally in the last round the candy cane glasses I had got stolen from me and I was able to secure the wreath!
During all the stealing the music kept playing Wham tunes of the 80’s and nothing else. The volume went up and the volume went down, despite Kathi’s trying to control the system. Sadly Lynn never got her song played for us to sing. That was probably a good thing.
We enjoyed our lunch with the cheese cauliflower being a revelation to many. I was surprised how few people had eaten that before. (I promise to write the recipe in the blog on Thursday.)
After most everyone left Jan and Sara helped carry all the dishes to the kitchen for the big clean up. After most of the plates were in the dishwasher and everyone was gone, Lynn and I started the really big job of opening the hostess gifts that our friends bring to the party.
Going to a party with two hostesses is a pain. I am always touched that people who bring something, give us each a gift. Something happened to people his year because our hostess gifts were way over the top. I am happy with some cocktail napkins, but this year these gifts were like something your husband might give you when he is on his A game.
I looked at Lynn and said, “We are going to have to up our offering for this party next year, to meet the level of hostess gifts people are bringing.”
Lynn’s immediate response was, “Well, maybe we should get a DJ for next year.”
Don’t be surprised if there is dancing next year, and it will be all your fault because you gave such good gifts.
More Needlepoint Christmas
Posted: December 15, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentMy small stitching group had our annual ornament exchange cocktail party tonight. It is a very festive affair and one I look forward too every year.
We pick names at the party to know who we will be making an ornament for next year. The pressure is great to come up with a new and original ornament to honor the friend you chose.
This year’s ornaments were a very cute group and also very green. I made the pink one that says “Dinner? Cooking? Oh Darling…” it was for a friend who neither eats nor cooks. She took great delight in it.
The one I was gifted was the beautiful wedding cake which I absolutely adore. I can’t wait to show it to Carter.
Each ornament is made with such love and care. Since we stitch regularly together we always have to be careful not to be working on our exchange ornament in front of each other.
I now have the names of the people who I will be stitching for next years. It is going to be hard to come up with something new and original. Time to put my thinking cap on.
Baking Day Done
Posted: December 14, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI should say baking days done. Four kinds of cookies and one spiced nuts. Thanks to Carol Simon for the recommendation of the Ina Garten recipe. I also made my contribution to a party I get to go to tomorrow night. It was a long day in the kitchen.
I am not done in there. Tomorrow I have to make all the food for my Chinese Auction lunch which is Tuesday. At least it is not at my house this year so I don’t have to clean anything. But that won’t last long.
I have another lunch to host on Friday and it is at my house, so cleaning is in my future. Then I have four chicken dinners to make. I offered one dinner at my Garden club auction. Things got out of hand and one donation turned into three. Then the next day one more person asked to get in on the action for a large donation to garden club. So I said yes.
I also found out a friend needs to gain some weight before undergoing an operation. Something I can’t imagine ever needing to do. So I volunteered a fattening meal.
Then I have to come up with our Christmas Eve menu for our annual dinner with the Tom’s. I did find out that the same soloist is going to be singing at church on Christmas Eve. This was the highlight of the season last year so we have to make sure we get to church early for this performance. So dinner will be secondary.
It looks like I will be spending the rest of the holidays in the kitchen. At least Russ will be happy because that means he gets the overage. He does not care much for cookies, but real food coming tomorrow will be welcomed.
If you can’t find me, come look in my kitchen. If I’m not there I will be at the store buying supplies. Happy feasting.
New Christmas Activity
Posted: December 13, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI’ve never been much of a cookie baker. Baking Christmas cookies was definitely not something that was done in my childhood home. My mother did not believe in baking, mostly because she did not believe in eating baked goods.
We did bake the occasional Betty Crocker boxed mix cake for a birthday. When I say we, I mean me for my sisters or for myself. If I wanted a birthday cake I was in charge.
So here I am six decades later and I am baking Christmas cookies. Not necessarily all cookies, but Christmas goodies for gifting. I made Christmas crack yesterday. That made Russ very happy. Then I prepped the dough for Cherry Pecan Rugelach, which I baked today. Finally I made the chocolate crinkle cookies which tomorrow I will ice with peppermint icing. And I will finish with snicker doodles made with the recipe from Nancy Mack’s mother Jane. At least I knew one baking Jane growing up.
I am considering a savory offering to fill out my gifts, but have not come up with that item yet. I welcome suggestions. I don’t have any cute tins or boxes so I guess that will be my next step on this new Christmas cookies extravaganza.
I have no idea why I felt the need to do bake this year. Maybe the Great British Bake Off influence or the feeling that people don’t need more stuff and consumables are the only gift. Of course most of us don’t need cookies, but if you can’t have one at Christmas I don’t know when you can.
I did eat broccoli for dinner to make up for the fingers licked today and the broken cookie tasted. I can’t possibly give away a broken cookie.
A Home of Their Own
Posted: December 12, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentCarter and Claire got engaged just over a year ago. At first they thought they were going to have a big wedding like all the many weddings where Claire had been a bridesmaid. Then they considered an alternative. Instead of spending all that money on one big party, they could buy a house instead.
So they went to look at properties in Boston. Actually, just in Dorchester. They fell in love with a three bedroom, three bath condo that was just about completed in a total renovation of the triple it was in.
It was double the amount of space they had in their apartment. Two floors, two parking spaces, front and back porch. It was on a one way street with houses only on one side. Even better there was a big community garden the next street over that had availability. So in March they made an offered that was accepted. They planned on moving in July.
They let their current landlord know and they applied for a mortgage, which they were already pre-approved for. Since the unit was almost done the timeline seemed fine. Except for one little hiccup no one anticipated.
Since their building was going to officially become a condo for the first time it had Condo docs that had to be approved through the little known, pre-colonial era land court. Apparently only 10% of Massachusetts properties fall under the “land Court” system and Carter and Claire’s did.
As the date of their closing approached the owners were getting nervous that the docs had not been approved. They pushed back the closing. As the date Carter and Claire had to be out of their apartment they got nervous. Thankfully they had a kick ass female attorney.
The sellers did not want to lose the sale of the unit as the market was cooling. So the girls’s attorney proposed that the sellers let the girls move into the unit and live for free until the condo docs were approved. It was a win for the girls.
What was thought was going to be mere weeks turned into five months. The girls changed light fixtures and wall papered all in anticipation for closing on the house. Finally at Thanksgiving they got word the docs were nearing approval. Good thing as the unit upstairs also had a buyer.
So today was the closing. The girls went to their attorney’s office to sign all the paperwork after the money had already been transferred. They went to celebrate and went home to the house they had already made their own.
I am so proud of them for making this big life decision. I know that buying your first house is a big commitment, but the right step, especially instead of blowing that same amount of money on a one day party.
We are looking forward to their small Wedding in June in Maine. For now I am happy to know they are officially homeowners. Congratulations Carter and Claire (and Norman).
Marty Dluzansky
Posted: December 11, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentI went to a liberal arts college. That meant I had to take a variety of courses to graduate. I believe in being well rounded, so I was down for learning all kinds of things. Learning was the key word, not perfecting all kinds of things.
One area of academia I never perfected was foreign languages. So to fulfill my language requirement I did what I thought was the most fun way to get a credit. I went to a summer school program in Nantes France with a Dickinson program. The program was with two Dickinson Professors, a week in Paris, the others weeks in Nantes and weekends spent traveling the northwest region on France.
I looking forward to the traveling, the food, the friends, but not so much the classes. I never considered that most of the students were going to be French majors. Most of the students were from Dickinson, but two were from Bucknell and one from another school I can’t recall.
Very quickly upon the groups arrival in Paris a small subgroup formed made up of Wendy, Steve, Herb, Marty and Me. It might have been just Wendy, Steve, me and Herb, but since Marty was the only other man he gravitated to us as he might have felt overwhelmed by the half dozen other all girl group.
We explored Paris together. We walked to and from our various French homes to school together. We went to record stores and listened to records on our lunch breaks and we sat in the same van together as we went from vineyard to chateaus.
Marty and Wendy were very good French students. I was not. Marty took my French education very seriously. He would tutor me and correct my poor homework. In spite of my poor speaking skills I was better at communicating with the vendors at the markets and better at picking out the best choices on menus. So Marty, who had his own gold American Express card, funded by his Urologist father, would treat me to nice meals at fancy restaurants no one else could afford to visit.
I am certain that I never would have passed the class if Marty had not invested so much in my passing. I think he took it as a personal challenge. He did go on to be a French major.
Herb, Wendy, Steve and I remained close after we returned from France. Marty not as much. Although I would greet him in French when I would see him around campus.
Sadly Herb passed away a few years back in a very untimely death. Steve, Wendy and I took it very badly. Steve, Wendy and I would still see each other every few years. One time when we were having dinner together in Washington DC we called Marty. He had not heard of Herb’s passing.
Then this week Wendy called me. She asked if I had seen the most recent Dickinson Magazine. I had not. Marty passed away in July. Also very untimely.
I had last spoken to Marty a few years ago when he was living in the Boston area and Carter was there for college. We talked about seeing each other sometime when I was visiting Carter. We tried, but the two times we planned work got in the way.
Marty was not a life long close friend, but for one summer of my life he was a very important friend. We drank lots of wine and stayed in youth Hostels and cooked many meals together. We were young and just exploring who we were going to be. He was always kind and generous and I was lucky he was my friend.
Wendy and I talked today of seeing each other and Steve this summer. Our little band of five is down to three. Au revoir Mon Ami.
Return of the Friendship Lunch
Posted: December 10, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentIt’s taken a while since Covid canceled so many beloved traditions for things to get back to normal, but today was the return of Friendship lunch. This holiday party was started by 12 women, sometime in the 80’s. One is my friend Judy Woody who I sat with today and she was trying to recall exactly what year it began. If Diane Wade reads this she might remember and let us know.
The idea behind the lunch was, for friends who often bought gifts for each other, that they obviously did not need, to instead just get together for lunch and all double to cost of the lunch. They would each put the name of a charity in the hat and then one name was drawn and all the extra money from the lunch was donated to that charity.
Leslie Garrison decided that it would be a good idea tor revive the tradition so she put together a committee at Labor Day and got it going. There were at least 125 women at Hope Valley for lunch.
It was great to see so many friends I have not seen in a long time. I had a fun table with Jan, Judy and Deanna, and a new friend of Judy’s Dale and then Deborah Hertzog and her friends Barbara and Almasa. Deb has gone to church with us for years so she introduced me to her friends as “Her family’s favorite scripture reader.” She told me they like when I do the voices and act out the stories when I read. I told her people usually said they liked when I read because I am loud.
Renée Hodges, who was in charge with Leslie, called Angela Sanderson up to draw the names of the two charities we were going to be donating to this year. Hellen Tharington was the first winner and she had chosen Emmanuel Iglesias Food Pantry, which is supported by our church so we were thrilled. The second winner was Elizabeth Wiener and her charity was the second Century fund of the Rotary Club in Durham.
It was a happy occasion at a time when so many charities need help and none of us need more stuff. I was happy to spend time with friends.
Garden Club Auction
Posted: December 9, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentThere are certain things that happen in December year after year. Garden club auction is one of them. So when we got invited to go to Scotland I had to make sure our trip fit between big needlepoint exchange lunch and garden club. That meant I had to be home yesterday.
If I were just a regular garden club member I might be able to miss the auction. (I have missed too many meetings this year.) I just can’t miss the auction because I am the auctioneer. Poor Anne Lloyd, this year’s president, was concerned that I might not get back. She texted me a couple times to make sure I was going to make it.
Of course I did! And since it was my first day back my jet lag was not bad. I did get up at 4:15, but thankfully this is a lunch time auction. We held it at Hill House so there was plenty of space to display the items right where I was auctioning. We had an overflow of guests. Apparently 10 more people showed up than RSVP’d.
Missy had asked people to report in what they were bringing in advance so the check-in was smoother. My item was called “winner, winner chicken dinner.” It was a chicken dinner for 6 in the month of December. It turned out to be much too popular because instead of making one dinner I am now making three because they were willing to pay a crazy amount.
The auction went fast. And there were lots of good items. I tried to even buy some myself. Someone asked me how I could keep the amounts of bids and the names of the bidders in my head so fast. I told them it was all because of Mah Jongg. Always building new neural pathways.
After the auction we sat down to a lovely lunch cooked by chef Paris. This meant no one had to cook or do dishes. It was a great way to raise a lot of money.
Thanks to all the donators, the bidders and the winners. I am very excited to get my Hope Valley Garden club needlepoint canvas that Nancy generously provided multiples of for the 7 people who won that.
It was our first year without Holley B. and the fabulous decorations she would make. I did miss her extra today, but know she and Connie know we miss them at Garden club as they look down at us.
I could say now I can have jet lag, but I have the Christmas friendship lunch tomorrow so I will have to be tired the next day.
Anne just sent me his little video of the auction.
The Ghost of My Father
Posted: December 8, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a commentYesterday we woke up too early in Scotland after the previous magical birthday of Boris. It was our farewell breakfast before we set off on the coach back to the Aberdeen airport. Our time with our Friends of Boris was much too short. There were still people who’s stories I had yet to hear and friends to still bond with.
I sat on the bus with Rhonda, who I have known at least 10 years. We had a chance to catch up and I learned of the passing of sweet Nestor, an amazing man who was a trainer at Empower, the studio I used to train at that Rhonda used to own with Jess.
Nestor had a glioblastoma ten years ago. Dr. Friedman, the world’s Leader in the field trained at Empower too and cured Nestor. It was miraculous, until it wasn’t. But Nestor had ten more years to raise his son Kai and touch the lives of many people.
I cried as Rhonda told me about his last days, having passed just a week ago. Nestor was always very encouraging when I would see him at the gym. I know the world was better for his being in it. I was so glad Rhonda and her husband Kelly came on the trip and got to have a break after such a sad loss.
When we got back to London we said goodbye to the crew who flew back with us, which included Michelle and Boris. Their gift to us all will stay with us all of our days. I had just been reminded how none of us know how long that will be.
We begged off the dinner invitation because we were staying right in Paddington, which had been our old neighborhood when we lived in London in the nineties. We wanted to go visit our local Pub, the Victoria and go look at our old house around the corner on Hyde Park Garden Mews.
So we dropped out bags at the tiny hotel we were spending the night at and walked down the street to the Pub that looked exactly the same way it did when we left in 1998.
My Dad was a great lover of Pubs. How could he not be, beer was his primary liquid. Russ and I not only worked with my Dad in London, but we all lived together in the same mews house. It was a lovely three bedroom house with a garage for our silver VW station wagon we drove to Grant Thornton House next to Euston station where we had a floor in the building for our offices.
Our bedroom and bathroom in the mews house were on the ground floor, next to the laundry room and the garage. The second floor was the living room, dining room and kitchen and the third floor had two more bedrooms and bathrooms. The Victoria was about six houses away and around the corner, which made the perfect place for my father to hang out when he was not at work or asleep.
Walking in the pub last night I half expected to see him at a corner table with two beers. He always ordered two at a time, to save steps, he said. The one difference in the Victoria is that it no longer smelled of the smoke which my father contributed greatly too.
Being Sunday meant you could get a Sunday Roast. They still had the same choices, beef, chicken, Lamb, but now they also had a veg only option. I got what my father and I always got, which was the lamb. It came with roasted carrots, potatoes, cabbage, cheese cauliflower, Yorkshire pudding, gravy with the lamb, and the best part, the mint sauce.
When the waitress brought our plates I told her it was exactly the same as 28 years ago when we lived around the corner. She could not have been born then, but she said, “You ordered the best thing we have. I love the Sunday Lamb roast.”
It tasted exactly the same as it did 28 years ago. It was as if my father was there. In his favorite place, eating his favorite thing. I just skipped the beer.
I was lucky that as an adult I got to spend so much time with my Dad. It wasn’t always fun, but I always learned a lot. Even though he has been gone these last few years I still have moments when I feel like he is right by me.
After dinner Russ and I walked down to our house. Eerily, sitting out front was a silver VW station Wagon, the newer model of our exact car. The gararge was gone, now converted into living space making our bedroom twice as big as the tiny version we slept in.
Otherwise the antique Mews house looked the same the cobble stones that made the mews were undisturbed and I’m certain the horses that were stabled down the street still clomped down the mews on the way to exercising in Hyde Park as they did everyday when we lived there. How did I know that? There was still the faintest whiff of Horse poop that the stables girls would miss when they came through everyday sweeping up after the last horses were back in the stable.
The sights, the tastes, the smells, it was as if the ghost of my father was right there with me. Not with me, but never gone.
THE Birthday Party of the Century Part 2
Posted: December 7, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentIf your wife spends a year keeping a giant secret from you it might make you worry, but in the case of Boris and Michelle he should not spend a moment worrying. But as you discover that all your best mates also have been lying to you for a year it can be disconcerting. As all the surprises of the weekend unfurled Boris was saying, “What other lies have I been told?”
I looked at him and in my regular blunt way I said, “You have two choices, Be mad about the lying and just don’t come to the party, or accept that all that lying was for the love of you and enjoy the party.” Boris chose the party!
What a party, well weekend full of love it was. Our first night together we got a chance to meet or reacquaint ourselves with all the Friends of Boris (FOB). Some people I have known from their wedding, or other parties, but some friends were new to me.
I said to Boris today as we were waiting for out flight back to London, “All your friends are both brilliant and fun.” Then I gave one qualifier, “at least all your friends that Michelle invited are.” Good friend Nick, said it another way, “There are 1.5 personalities for every person here.” And he didn’t mean it in the Sybil sort of way.
For the purposes of memorializing this epic weekend I will go back and start from the beginning. Michelle, the consummate planner, gave us all a year’s advance notice that this party was happening. She actually had started planning this party six years ago for Boris’ 50th birthday, but Covid put an end to that plan. And when that venue was a pure asshole about not refunding her deposit she reconnoitered and came up with a new plan.
Since Boris had spent his youth living outside Aberdeen it seemed like the highlands would be a good location to celebrate this milestone. Michelle secured the whole Fife Arms inn for the entire weekend so it acted as a sort of Manor house for the assembled FOB.
Michelle and Boris arrived days before most of us and friends trickled in revealing a bigger and bigger group. It made sense when UK friends turned up, or even life-long childhood pal who now live in France, or Benjamin and his girl friend Juju coming from Houston and Elena from Durham, but when the boys from Seattle suddenly turned at he Fife Arms the scope of this surprise was growing to an unimaginable size.
Russ and I were with a group deemed “the fun bus.” Sixteen of us all took the same flight from Heathrow so Michelle arranged a luxury coach (luxury was really the operative theme of the birthday) to pick us up and drive us through the dark on the single-width country lanes to Braemar. We were supposed to be 18, but Mick and Hannah had a snafu at Heathrow, which delayed them from arriving with us, so their eventual appearance was the final surprise. (The fun bus could have been even more fun if Mick and Hannah had been on it.).
It was nice to see Boris’ rowing partner Elizabeth, but it never fails there is not enough time to talk about all this things she knows that I am so interested in. Rhonda and Kelly were also on the fun bus, but it was not until the return bus trip that I got to really catch up with Rhonda. (More about that tomorrow.) Polly made the fun bus, thankfully after almost missing the flight due to her train hitting a heard of deer on her way to Heathrow. Thankfully when the train stopped and announced it could go no further, Polly called up friends nearby and they came in a second and drove her the two hours to Heathrow. I don’t know about you, but how many of us could get stranded in a random place hours from home and have a person nearby who would do that for you?
Friday’s dinner was lovely, but since some people had literally flown overnight and had not slept in over 36 hours the party ended at a reasonable hour for most. I will not offer any comment on how many whisky’s were consumed from the whisky bar that held over 450 different offerings. I have no idea if anyone jumped at the chance to taste the one that cost over $10,000 for two fingers. (That was practically the only thing Michelle was not providing.)
Saturday morning started with the Fife Arm’s famous breakfast. Russ and I were seated at a beautiful table for four that looked out on the Clunie river that ran next to the inn. FOB Adam and Vicks joined us for breakfast. We had met them the night before as they were the appointed Masters’ of ceremonies for the whole weekend. Vicks and Boris were mates from University and she preformed a hilarious poem regaling her feelings and history with Boris Friday night. From that point on Adam did all the stand-up performances that kept the cats herded in the right directions at the right time for the rest of the weekend.
A word about the food. Breakfast was a day’s worth of food and I didn’t visit the table of pre-laid pastries, cheeses, fruits, oatmeal, yogurt, juices and the like. Being in Scotland I went for fish for breakfast. The description of a smoked haddock, spinach and eggs dish with Hollandaise and toast was not described as it turned out to be.
What arrived was a proper cooper casserole dish laden with a sea of Hollandaise, topped with Scottish Cheshire with an underpinning of fish, veg and eggs. The thick slabs of whole granary toast could feed a small nursery of wee ones. It was a meal that was meant to be enjoyed by someone venturing out for a day of hill walking with no chance of rations.
Fearing what was still to come, Russ and I donned our outdoor gear and took umbrellas and went out to explore the village. At once we encountered Mick and Hannah so we trekked the village, visiting first the site of the famous Highland Games. We were slightly under whelmed by the size of arena but loved seeing the royal box.
We walked out of the village along the River Dee, but not as far as the Linn of Dee, which means the gorge. On our way back Hannah and I felt drawn to stop in the Gallery of Braemar which was run by a delightful Scot woman. She had an exceptional display of Christmas ornaments of which I might have partaken in liberally. Russ and Mick were doing their husbandly duties holding the umbrellas outside, but Russ took glee in photographing the sheer joy Hannah and I were having inside the shop.
We returned to the Fife in time to have a too-soon next meal. Tea sandwiches, sausage rolls, pies and tarts were laid out in the snug. Well, in spite of still being full from breakfast most of us had to sample the offerings. Who can’t resist a cheddar and chutney finger? Deb asked for a box so she could get some lunch for later instead of trying to eat at that moment. Deb, was a very smart lady.
We might have delayed lunch save most of us were headed to the luxury coach for our afternoon outing. There were three options on the trip. If you were sports minded you would have chosen the two and a half hour guided hill walk to see the stone Carins above Balmoral Castle. If you were slightly less sporty, a leisurely stroll around the castle grounds and gardens might have been your lot, but if you were up for full on debauchery, you took the whisky distillery tour and the Balmoral Castle walk.
Which group did Russ and I join? Well the distillery tour of course. I may not drink normally, but I am going to go be with the bad kids every chance I get. I also love a good factory tour as I am a person who likes to know just enough about a lot of things to sound knowledgeable without actually knowing anything.
For the record I did sip the two whisky’s offered at the tours end and like the more full bodied one. Michelle did tell me something I never knew, that Whisky without an E is what is Scotch is and whiskey with an E is what is Bourbon. Michelle is an even bigger keeper of useless and useful knowledge than I am.
Since we had now consumed two unneeded meals we did need more walking and so we meandered down the lane to view Balmoral. The grounds were so lovely and the views from the castle grounds spectacular. Graham, the hired photographer for the weekend, was with us for the whole tour and walk so I am looking forward to seeing the fun shots he got of us all.
Miraculously all three different tour groups made it back on the coach at the right time and we headed back to the Fife just as the northern sun was setting at 3:30. As it was getting dark, that must mean it was time for more libations.
A piper was playing outside the Inn to greet our return. He piped us into the lobby where it was time for espresso martinis and birthday cake. How could we go another hour without putting the trough on? I had a bite of cake, but an even more needed just plain espresso as the lack of sleep from the night before was just starting to catch up with me and we had hours of partying to go.
I snuggled into a down filled sofa next the the large Christmas tree and had a lovely conversation with Marie. We shared similar points of view and I lamented with her the awful and short-sighted severing of USAID, where she had spent much of her career.
Two by two people peeled off to their suites to freshen up for the evenings festivities. I had just gotten undressed when Michelle summoned me to help tie Boris’ bow tie so off I went in my robe in slippers only to arrive after son Benjamin had, who had the job firmly in hand. I returned to my suite, only to be met by Mick, who also needed his new Campbell Tartan bow tie tied. Russ at least waited until I was showered and dressed in my fancy dress before he asked me to tie his bow tie.
A note about fancy dress. Michelle branded this party as a James Bond 007 black tie affair. One guest, in our What’sapp group, remarked upon packing at home, “As I am having to pack a tux, do you think I can wear it three days in a row?” So when the assembled masses who had all traveled from far and very far off places dressed to the nines it was quite a beautiful site.
Sandy had brought one dress from North Carolina, but found an even better one at a small designer’s shop in London two days before, where the designer personally hemmed it for her while she waited. Jamie wore her mother-in-laws wedding jewels that her Indian husband Amit inherited. Christine had a pair of long black gloves that brought her all black sleek dress into full bond mode. I was able to wear a dress I found in my closet- of-dreams from some by-gone era I thought I would never fit in again. Thanks goodness I never got rid of old fancy dress clothes.
We all assembled in the lobby for cocktails and nibbles. I instructed not just a few how to properly eat the beautiful raw oysters that were being passed. The waiter asked if I would accompany him as he made his rounds. It was time for a few more speeches about Boris. His childhood mate Phil, read an informative poem about their early years together. Russ was seated next to Phil’s wife at dinner and asked her if he wrote poetry for her. She told Russ that was the first poem in 23 years of marriage she had ever heard him read, let alone one written by him. It was both funny and heartfelt.
Before we were invited into the dining room for the reveal of the final secret to Boris of the theme of this 007 dinner we had to have two group photos taken. One of the whole party and one of just the women. I think this is why I was included as a guest for this party because my one super power is assembling people quickly and efficiently for a Photo.
Using my most bossy, (which if you know me is “very”) and my most loud (which is you know me is “very”) voice I instructed people to gather on the and around the staircase, ensuring that the Berry/Smith/Wombles were all together front and center of the adoring crowd. And I got a look at the shots in Graham’s camera before dismissing the men. My years as a magazine editor trained me well for this task. Always make sure you have the shot first before dismissing the models!
After he got one shot of just the women the dinning room was opened and we all got to see the casino set up for the post dinner fun, the gorgeously laid tables and the life sized James Bond Cutouts, including the Boris version which had been made by sweet Benjamin.
Russ and I were seated on opposite sides and ends of table six. I was between Phil and Dawn who were lovely conversation partners. Benjamin’s girl friend Juju was at our end of the table along with her Dad and Jamie. Russ was between Benjamin and Constance.
Russ and Benjamin were deep in conversation through most of the dinner with Russ announcing at the end that Benjamin was a most extraordinary young man. Something I already knew. Since he first came to hang out at our house when he and Carter were both six years old I have always adored Benjamin. It is so wonderful when a nice child, remains a nice teenager and them becomes an even better adult. Constance too wowed Russ with her stories of taking in foster teenagers in France. Again, friends of Boris are no slouches.
Dinner started with a lovely smoked salmon. Something I had been craving since arriving in Scotland. Sadly Russ had learned from one of the staff members that the Scottish salmon population has been greatly affected by global warming. Warmer rivers and lower depths of river from lack of rain is not conducive to Salomon survival. The government is trying to plant more trees on the banks of rivers to help shade the water and cool it down, but that is a long term solution to a problem which might be unfixable by the time trees grow large enough to provide shade.
After the starter we had our main course depending on what you ordered. I did what Russ and I tend to do, each order something different so we can share, but that only works if you are sitting next to each other and I like mixing it up at tables so you are not sitting with your partner. So I had the halibut and Russ had the beef Wellington. But Constance had the halibut and wanted the Wellington so Russ traded with her. It all worked out since we loved the halibut.
The pudding course was our favorite sticky toffee pudding. True to Fife Arms portion control system each dessert plate was really enough from a small Scottish family on Christmas Day. It was incredibly delicious with some crispy bits in the sponge and a caramel sauce to die for.
One cheeky table mate asked if anyone was able to finish their pudding and we all looked around at the plates and discovered that only Russ had eaten his whole family sized portion. This was shocking as Russ normally eschews sweets. He innocently Asked, “I wasn’t supposed to enjoy it so much?” You were, Honey.
After dinner it was time for gambling. I got to the black jack table late and had to wedge myself in between Nick and Raj. Nick was an exceptional gambler and he advised both Jamie and me well. At first I was getting too many 3’s, 4’s and five’s as my first card. Then as the time wore down and I still had $200 in chips to waste or multiply I made a few big bets that paid off.
In the end at our table Nick ended with $1,700 and I was second behind him with $1,100. I was sure he had won the night. I came to find out someone beat him who made a big bet late in the gaming at the roulette table and won big. It was definitely a casino Royale.
One of the things about this weekend which was most fun was getting to know people I knew peripherally much more deeply. Both Jamie and Sandy confessed to me separately that they had been afraid of me when the kids were in school, but not now. Thank god, no should be afraid of me, but I understood where they were coming from.
I really enjoy so many of Michelle’s life long friends, Suzanne, Marie and Elise who don’t live in Durham, just to name a few. Michelle and Boris both are tried and true friends who make great effort to keep up with people. And as Jamie so perfectly put it, “Believing in the transitive properties of friendship,” they also believe if I like you and I like this other person, then both of you will like each other.
As always, Nick and Amy are just a delight to get to be in their universe. There is never a question that can not be answered by one or both of them. If Michelle is planning anything fun I know that means Amy is there.
After gambling I spent some time sitting at the quiet bar talking with Sandy and Marie. It was getting late, but I still had not visited the disco with the live band singing all the hits of Boris’ youth. I was not planning on dancing long since that usually means I am dancing alone. Russ is no dancer, but I also thought he was not a dessert eater. Well one out of two ain’t bad.
I stayed and danced for five or six song then we had an Irish goodbye as the hour was almost about to strike 12 and I had yesterday’s blog to quickly post. Having a daily blog means I have to post something everyday, no matter what.
We got to our room about 11:45 and I quick threw up the photos I had pre-downloaded, promising this blog today to fill in the details. So this is where I will stop, a whole day behind in reporting. I did find out today that the party went on until 3 AM. No surprise to me, but I will never be the one to stay up that late.
Even missing the last three hours of the party, from my perspective it was the birthday party of the century. If you could not have fun yesterday you were destined to be a stick in the mud forever. I know there were people at the weekend who I did not get enough time to talk with. And I know I am missing so many details about interesting conversations I had, but at some point I need to post this blog. It would be lovely to hear other’s stories about the weekend as each one of us had a different, but equally fun, loving and poignant time celebrating the life of our friend Boris.
He is going to have a terrible time matching this level of love from Michelle and quite frankly from Tara, “Miss Moneypenny” who is the most extraordinary event planner. None of the hard work went unnoticed and all the FOB will be talking about this weekend for the rest of his life.
Thank you for the memories. Cheers!
THE Birthday (First Half)
Posted: December 6, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentThere is no time to write a proper blog to do today justice. So I am doing a photo download of the first half of the day and will write a fully detailed blog and the second half tomorrow when I have more than ten minutes left in the day.
Sufficient it to say. This was the most fun day and night for the most wonderful birthday party for dear Boris. The assembled friends and family were each charming, fun, brilliant and tender hearted in their own ways.
We all owe a great debt to the best hostess on the planet, Michelle and her miss Money Penny – Tara Who planed every detail so perfectly that no human need went unfulfilled. Details to follow.
True Confessions
Posted: December 5, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 2 CommentsMy blog the last three days has been very cagey. I wrote kind of innocuous stuff because I was having to keep a secret exactly where I was. Russ and I flew to London Tuesday night because we were coming to Scotland for a surprise birthday party for our friend Boris.
For a year we have been keeping this birthday party a secret. Boris’ wife Michelle has had a giant What’s App group where we have been talking about this trip for months. The planning and care that have gone into the making of this party are extraordinary. It would have been terrible if by chance Boris saw my blog that we were in London when they were also in the UK. So in the utmost of confidence I did not let on where we were. So to the people who asked me what restaurant I was writing about two days ago, it was in London, sorry. The Santa’s outside our car, were in London.
It was a good plan to come to London two days ahead of the party because now we are primed and ready for the birthday party of the century. We met up with a huge group of our fellow revelers at Heathrow. We flew to Aberdeen and were met by a lovely coach which drove us through the dark at 4:30 in the afternoon to the Fife Arms in Braemar, Scotland.
Using our What’s App connection we alerted them that we were just minutes from pulling up to the Inn. There were already a good group of friends who had arrived earlier surprising Boris, but he had no idea more people were coming. He was just inside the lobby with a fabulous surprised look on his face as each friend came in.
We quickly went to our rooms to freshen up and regather for cocktails and stories. Friends from Primary school, university, young working times to old working times and friends gathered along life’s journey along with the family he has made with Michelle and Elena and Benjamin are all here. People came from Seattle, Houston, North Carolina, Atlanta, Africa, France and all over the UK for the best surprise.
We had a big fondue dinner giving us a chance to sit and get to know each other even better. Then the drinking continued in another room. Michelle had rented out the whole inn so everyone here is a friend and is part of the party.
We retired about 11:00 to our fabulous little suite. We need to rest up for tomorrow when the celebration is going on all day and night. I can’t reveal the secrets, but suffice it to say it is the birthday party of the century.
Joy and Reassurance
Posted: December 4, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 2 CommentsI was riding in the back seat of a car today. The traffic was terrible and we weren’t moving. Nothing I could do about it since I was not driving. (If I were, you might know I could have done something about it.)
The inside of the car was warm And the outside was cold so the windows had fogged up with condensation. I went to swipe away the water on the windows and was met with a sea of Santa’s weaving between the cars stopped on the road. The joy these Santa’s brought was real.
I forgot all about the traffic and just felt the love of Christmas that was surrounding our car. Sometimes the holiday makes you crazy, but if you sit back and let it wash over you it can transport you back to that childhood feeling of excitement that Santa was coming. (As long as you had no fear about which list you are going to be on.)
That reminds me of my favorite Santa memory with Carter. She was probably about five and we were up at the farm so we decided to go to the Danville Mall to see Santa. When it was Carter’s turn she sat next to Santa and said, “I only have one question.” I leaned in, worried about that one question was. “Which list am I on?”
That Santa looked at me and I gave him the thumbs up. He reassured Carter that she was on the good list. She felt the Christmas joy right that minute. She didn’t ask for anything specific, just reassurance. I found this very funny at the time since she was such a good kid. Perhaps I should have realized that anxiety can show up young.
We all need joy and reassurance. The best way to get it is too spread it.
The Simple is the Best
Posted: December 3, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentRuss and I went to a little hole in the wall middle eastern Restaurant. We didn’t have reservations, but I did read some comments about it so we did a walk up and thankfully got the last two bar stools at the window.
From what I read online I knew I should order the Apple salad. It was the simplest of salads. Red apple slices, pomegranates, toasted pine nut, mint and green chilies. It had to have some lemon on it, this being a middle eastern restaurant. Normally if I saw this on a menu I would say, “nothing special, I can make that at home.” And I would skip over that item.
I am so happy that I read reviews and listened to what other diners said. This simple salad, was the most perfect of flavors. The mint was chopped into tiny flakes, the chilies were so small you might not have known they were there until you had that tiny kick. The pomegranate brightness with the silliness of the pine nuts all brought together in service of the perfect apple.
I write this so I remember this combination. I hope that I can recreate it because it was just extraordinary.
I don’t recall the first time I had pomegranate, but it is quickly becoming one of my favorite flavors to add to my dishes.
When you read reviews and everyone raves about one item, get it. No matter how simple the dish sounds, there is a reason people write about. Sometimes the simplest thing is the best.
Things I Didn’t Know I Needed
Posted: December 2, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentI drove Russ’ car today. He has the limited edition of his little Rav-4. Not that he would ever get a car that was the “limited edition,” but that was the way the one on the lot came. It has two features that now I want.
The first is a video rear view mirror. The video option was not on when we test drove the car. Somehow Russ discovered it when he was playing with all the buttons. I wonder if our salesman even knew this car had it?
The video shows you a much larger and enhanced view of everything that is going on around the back of you. It is is also much brighter than the actual lighting outside.
The second feature that was very new to me was the heated steering wheel. Russ told me that it existed and he said, “that is something I will never use.” That was before we had a cold snap. He came in the house from work yesterday and said, “the heated steering wheel was the best thing ever. No gloves ever needed.” How quickly one adjusts to luxury.
When I drove the car today I too fell in love with the heated steering wheel. Since my car is only a year old I will not be getting a heated steering wheel anytime soon. I can dream.
The Official Start to Christmas
Posted: December 1, 2025 Filed under: Uncategorized 1 CommentThanksgiving was late this year, but Christmas started right on time with Needlepoint Christmas Exchange on December 1. For the last 11 years I have been part of a cherished group of stitchers who each stitch an ornament for another friend. We draw the names a year in advance and lovingly make a treasure for a fellow stitcher. You keep the secret all year about who you are stitching for and the giver is only revealed when the gift is opened.
This party always takes place on the first Monday in December, you can put it on your calendar for the next tens years as it never changes. For me it signals the true start to the Christmas season.
The group has changed some over the years as people move, age out or sadly pass away. But each member is never forgotten and their past contributions are still discussed with joy.
Kate has always been our faithful photographer. Amazingly this year she showed up without her phone, so she borrowed Nancy’s and still took all the pictures. One member of our group had a last minute conflict, and was missed, but will be back.
Nancy stitched my ornament this year, a customized Mah Jongg Joker tile with my monogram, in beads no less. I absolutely adore it and it is displayed in a place of honor.
After we have our exchange and eat lunch we have a little white elephant gift exchange, just to keep the fun going. The best thing that happens is the volunteering of washing the dishes, which I greatly appreciated. The kitchen was totally clean before the last five people departed.
Merry Christmas to you all dear stitching friends. I love that we kick off the season together.
Less Dana, More Good 