Now, Was That So Hard?

I have to say I was a little skeptical that the NMJL would actually send new cards out by June. And for the single card I ordered under Russ’ name they did get a new corrected card to him today. For the record that is my card. Russ does not play.

I ordered one in his name after I ordered my bulk order because last year my bulk order took weeks and weeks to come despite being ordered January 1. And this year the single card order came on time and the bulk came two weeks later. Not happy about that. So I will be ordering a single one again next year.

The reason I was so skeptical is so many of my students have still not received the cards they ordered in February or March, let alone a new corrected card. So if the League was able to reprint and re-mail all new cards in less than two months why can’t they do the same for regular orders?

The offending part to me is that the league charges your credit card when you place the order even though it is months before they are going to send it. Then if you don’t receive your paid for order they don’t have an easy way for you to alert them that you did not get your card.

I encourage all my thousands of students to order their cards from the NMJL and not to buy them on Amazon where they could be counterfeit. But I would like the league to do better.

First. Hire a professional editor. Making two different mistakes on the two different sized cards is inexcusable. There is no way that is a printer’s error. Printing hasn’t worked that way in the last 30 years.

Second. Hire a better mail house to fulfill your orders.

Third. Hire real staff and pay them, not volunteers.

Fourth. Upgrade your website and online system so customers (that is what they are.) can communicate with you.

Fifth. If you have a phone, answer it. Get rid of the recording device that does not take messages.

Mah Jongg is hotter than ever. Don’t be the down fall.

Needlepoint Olympics

I have been working on a giant chair seat. The third in a series of four. To stitch a chair seat you have to add many inches all around to go over the sides of the cushion. It is boring and tedious work. A man who sits next to me at church, where I stitch every Sunday, is always amazed at my sticktoittiveness.

I had to take a quick break from my chair seat this week to stitch up a quick ornament. June will be here Sunday and I fear turning in an ornament past May if I expect to get it back in time for Christmas. So I have been doing nothing but needlepoint when I was not teaching this week.

I had a momentary lasp when my shoulder started to ache. No…not needlepoint shoulder. I adjusted my stitching to move the canvas and not the needle so I could keep my shoulder stationary for a few hours. It worked. I was able to stitch and rest one side of me at the same time.

I figure I can finish this little ornament in the morning and get back to my chair, which has no deadline.

Now I have to get to my other work which does have a deadline. If you were waiting for a mah Jongg email from me, it’s coming. Then I have to clean the wood floors. So much shoulder work ahead. At least I will be out of needlepoint Olympics by then.

Wonder Where Your Wife Is?

Tonight I was teaching my class at the Junior League in Raleigh. Such a wonderful group of women. I overheard one table discussing their love of Mah Jongg. She said that when her husband asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday she said, “Oh it’s all planned. I am going to be playing mah Jongg with my friends.”

One of her table mates said, “That’s what I did for my birthday. I went to the lake with my Mom and sister and we played mah Jongg all weekend.”

A third woman at the table said, “My husband has no idea I am even taking this class even though this is my third night in a row.”

Husbands, if you can’t find your wife, have no fear. She is not out having an affair. She is out playing or learning mah Jongg. Be happy for your wife. She is doing something that is good for her brain and her heart.

Guess what, you can do it too.

Mah Jongg for A Cause

In the Mah Jongg community there are experts and there are wannabes. I have crossed paths with plenty of them. There are one I highly respect as they are consistent, patient, smart and most of all kind. Two I happen to really like are Dara and Donna of Modern Mah Jongg. They live in South Florida so our paths don’t cross much. Because of my respect for them I am happy to promote a special event they are doing in New York City.

If you are there and would like to meet them, play a little Mah Jongg and help Alzheimer’s you can do it next month. Make sure to tell them you are my friend. I am sure you will enjoy them.

http://modernmahjong.com/products/mahjongandmanhattan

Flashing Lights on a Truck

It was pouring down rain late this afternoon when I was driving down Hillsborough st. In Raleigh on my way to Mah Jongg class. I don’t mind driving down Hillsborough in the summer as without the NC state students it is practically empty.

The rain made it very dark even though it was just after five. I noticed a truck following very closely behind me with annoying flashing lights in the grill. At first I thought I was being pulled over, but I looked more closely and saw it was a work truck with a ladder on top. I also knew I had not committed a moving violation.

I tried to ignore the truck, but the lights were flashing right in my rear view mirror and the guy was right on my tail. What was the purpose of this, there were hardly any other cars on the street. As we went around the roundabouts I was able to see the writing on the side of the truck. I was trying to acess if it was an emergency vehicle that had to get by me.

The first round about I couldn’t quite read the lettering. The second one I figured it out. GOOGLE FIBER. You have got to be kidding me. It’s like they are stalking me, even in a different city.

What gives with those flashing lights? Why were they needed? Oh wait, where you on a run to fix something you screwed up? That is my only answer for those lights.

So far I have heard of five other houses just in our neighborhood where they hit the gas line. Someone is going to blow up. Those flashing lights won’t help you then.

Holley on Film

Tonight we went to see a screening of the new documentary “Stitching Strength” about Dr. Richard Bedlack, the head of the ALS clinic at Duke. Dr. Bedlack was Holley’s fabulous doctor and there could have been no one better to care for her as they were quite a pair.

Dr. Bedlack is known for his colorful clothing, as was Holley. He is in the business of giving people hope who have gotten the most hopeless diagnosis. There was no one more positive or hopeful than Holley.

It was just perfect that Holley was able to be part of this documentary and we are just sad that these screenings came too late for us to see it with her. One of the last public things Holley did was go to be interviewed on UNC public radio with Dr. Bedlack for this documentary.

It was good to be with Laura, Nancy, Lee and Jan to see this. Nancy told us a story about how days before Holley was due to go to see Dr. Bedlack she would start worrying about what she was going to wear for her appointment. Holley has been notoriously bright and sparkly her whole life. Never one to pass by a chance to wear a boa. So having a doctor who also wore sequins on a weekday was a match made in heaven.

ALS is a terrible disease so having someone like Dr. Bedlack dedicated to studying it to find a cure is very important. This documentary is just in the beginning stages of being shown. I will post when and where you might be able to see it as it begins to get out in the world. Hopefully it will get picked up by a streaming service so everyone can have access to this important story.

Sadly Holley had already lost her voice when she was filmed, but her words are still hers and I am thankful we will have this record of her. I am certain that when I see a rainbow now Holley is close by. If it also sparkles that is her winking at us.

No Advantage for Cuteness in Mah Jongg

I had a special beyond beginner class at my house this week. Half of the class was made up of friends from church who all play together and the other half were women who had found me through my website and other previous students.

It was so wonderful to teach at home. I have to thank my students for being extra patient as I was dealing with the Google Fiber nightmares all during two days of classes.

The best part about teaching at home was having my teaching assistant with me. Shay demanded lots of attention during class, including asking for two dog biscuits right in the middle of working on a hand. Betty took this picture of the TA monitoring the students while I taught.

If Shay wasn’t so demanding I would teach at home more. It made it so nice not to have to pack the games up after class and carry them to the car. I am thankful Shay likes Mah Jongg so much that she pays rapt attention to all the lessons. I think she thinks she can beat everyone at the game. Little does she know, being cute does not get you anywhere in Mah Jongg.

50th Anniversary for Jim and Susan

When Russ and I first joined Westminster we met this family we loved. Jim and Susan Ketch and their daughter’s Katie and Megan. Katie was at NC State, but Megan was still in high school. When I was in a class at church with Susan I mentioned I was looking for a summer Nanny for Carter. Susan said Megan was looking for a job. It was a match made in heaven.

Megan became part of our family and we came to love all the Ketch family. To this day we sit in the same section of church as long as there are no interlopers. We jokingly call it the lector sector. It is slightly less full of lectors now that Jim sings in the choir, but that just means I get more time with Susan.

When we got the invitation for Jim and Susan’s 50th wedding anniversary we knew we had to be there. First it meant that Megan and her husband Max and darling boy Leon would be there. Second, it was going to be great fun with Katie and her husband Mark and kids, Lilly, Graham and Oliver. And of course it’s quite the accomplishment for Jim and Susan.

Our minister Chris came with his wife Carrie and it happens to be their 22 anniversary. So it was a celebration all around.

The Ketch offspring all gave speeches with each person choosing a word to describe Jim and Susan, Megan chose light, Katie chose faith and the son in laws and grand children all had words of their own. There were many tender moments especially when Lilly, now a college sophomore choked up with tears and then so did her Dad. Such a good son in law. Max, closed the family speeches by saying Jim and Susan’s only failing was their daughters had married down, which could not be farther from the truth, but it gave a moment of levity.

Megan said that at their 40th anniversary Megan asked them each for a word and they said independence and trust. Two excellent words to live by if you are looking for a long and happy marriage. Thanks to all the Ketch, Donoways and Ketch- Deacons for a lovely party for a favorite couple.

Bad Mah Jongg Advice is Everywhere

With the giant increase in Mah Jongg comes along a lot of people who claim to be Mah Jongg experts. For the record, there is no certification for mah Jongg teachers. There are no Mah Jongg teacher colleges and certainly no PhD’s in Mah Jongg.

There are lots of teachers who have been teaching for many years. Many years still don’t make them good or bad teachers. What we seem to have a lot of now are Mah Jongg tile manufacturers who have created “ambassadors” or “mentors” who sell tiles. Selling tiles is great, but just because who have played a little mah Jongg and have been deemed a “mentors” by a company whose product you are selling does not make you a teacher, or an expert.

Ambassadors or Mentors are more like Mary Kay sales girls who teach you how to do your make up and then sell you that make up. They aren’t make up artists, they are sales people.

Now I grew up selling stuff. I love sales people. I think it’s great for women to represent a product they love and am happy for them to sell it. What I don’t like is these sales people making videos as teachers giving advice that is just not correct.

In their defense, they might have learned this advice from a not very good teacher, but that does not mean anyone should listen to them. Right now the internet is flooded with these people. So many “experts” giving wrong advice.

I know that people want to learn as much as they can. It is an exciting and addictive game. But it is difficult to decipher the real experts from the Mary Kay girls. My advice is if the reel, intsa, tic toc, you tube you are watching is tagged with a tile company brand you are not watching a teacher who teaches for the love of the game, but a sales person and should take what they say with a grain of salt.

There are some online folks I consider true experts like Modern Mah Jongg. I don’t make videos despite the pleas from my students. The exception is my new card class which was recorded when I did the zoom session. I like to spend time with real people and that is what makes teaching fun for me. I get energy from being in the room with the students. So making videos would be boring for me.

I also don’t search out mah Jongg videos, but sometimes when I am scrolling they come up. This is how I see all the incorrect information and it makes me crazy.

My advice is find a real teacher who has been doing it a long time and for a lot of people. A bad Mah Jongg teacher can turn off more people than they excite because learning mah Jongg is hard at first. If someone does not have a very systematic way to teach you it will be so much harder to learn.

Ask around about teachers. Good teachers will have lots of students who will be happy to tell you what learning from them is like. Time is important. Don’t waste yours with a non-expert. It will take you five times as long to learn.

If you have questions I am happy to answer them. If you are unsure you got the right advice ask me. The one thing everyone who has taken from me knows is I will always have an answer and I will give you the reason behind the answer.

If you want to further your mah Jongg knowledge I have a Beyond beginner Class May 27-29 in Raleigh from 6-9 pm that still has room. I don’t represent any companies so I will not try and sell you any tiles.

Three Days, Three Strikes

I was hoping that yesterday would be a better day than the start of my week. After enduring the cutting of my cable line, the cutting of my gas line and the cutting of my water line in a 30 hour period I felt like I was due for a break.

Yesterday started great. I had a beyond beginners class class in the morning at home. Russ was away and Shay had stayed close by me the whole time he was gone. It was her 14 Birthday on Tuesday and we did not properly celebrate it.

I drove to Raleigh in the afternoon for my class at North Ridge Country Club. They are a delightful group and we had a great class yesterday. Russ was flying home while I was at class so as soon as it finished I called him during my drive home. Shay was happy to have him fawning all over her while we talked. Then, while still in Raleigh, I got a call waiting Interruption from my mother’s phone.

It was 9:15 PM and I told Russ I would call him back. My mother never calls at night. People die and she still doesn’t call.

Without giving out her personal info the call was to tell me she was going via Ambulance to the hospital. I told her I would meet her there. I told Russ.

We both met my mom at the Duke er. It was packed full of people in wheelchairs with blankets. What was wrong with my mother was not so bad that it qualified her to be seen anytime soon. After a bit she decided that she would do better to be home in her own bed.

I took her home and Russ went and got her some supplies and delivered them to me at my Mom’s. She was still alive this morning. Hopefully her regular doctor has figured out what is wrong and she will be recovered soon.

Needless to say it was not the end to the day I was hoping for. So much for a better day. I am writing this blog early before I go to Raleigh to teach tonight because when I get home I am going right to sleep. Fingers crossed there is nothing to report.

No ER

No time for real blog tonight. But here is the headline. Don’t go to the emergency room at 10:00 at night for any reason.

Google Fiber Nightmare Day TWO

In the “you can’t make this shit up” department my living nightmare with Google Fiber continues. Just to understand. I am not a Google Fiber customer. I am not having these problems because I ordered Google Fiber. This is Google Fiber running lines down the 300 ft. Frontage of my property so they can potentially sell Google Fiber to someone. We already have AT&T fiber. We have Spectrum Cable. Apparently there is another Fiber company wanting to come in and lay lines. We have T-Mobile 5G. All these companies are competing for the same customers. There are no new customers in our neighborhood.

Last night I sent my blog to some city officials, who it happened to be in a city council meeting at that time and they read my blog. At 7:45 I got an email from the city inspector in charge of these kind of infrastructure builds that he would be coming to my house this morning and would be dealing with the installers.

OK, to today’s saga. I looked out the window this morning at at 7:45 I saw guys digging up my yard again to try and run the fiber they couldn’t do yesterday because they ran out time waiting for my gas line to be fixed after they cut my gas line. They also cut my cable line and the AT&T fiber line.

About 45 minutes later I went to run the water in the kitchen sink and there was no water pressure. F@#$. It trickled down to nothing fairly quickly.

I went out to the street and told the same guys from yesterday that they had CUT MY WATER LINE! The crew chief, who is the only one who speaks English, was no where to be found. I asked these guys to call him. He eventually showed up as the water was overflowing in the hole and running down the street.

I asked him if he would like to cut off my water. He said they were trying to dig it up my water meter. I told him he was not even close to where it is and asked if he would like for me to show him where it is? NO. I told him anyway that the water cut off was on the other end of my property. He didn’t bother to pay attention to me.

He got on his phone to call and report to his boss the water line cut, but not the water department yet. All the while the water is running out of the ground. For the record the water kept running for 3 hours and forty five minutes. They could have stopped it, but would not listen to me.

At that time I had a large group of women arriving at my house to take a class. I went in and taught the class, but not without being Interrupted multiple times.

Eric the inspector from the city arrived. He came to the door and said he would take care of these guys. He is a prince. Then he got the water guy, who did listen to where the cut off was and he crawled under bushes to cut it off. He determined the cut they made was on my side of the meter so I was paying for all that water. That also meant the city would not fix the break.

As I talked more with Eric I came to learn that yesterday when they hit the gas line the first things they were supposed to do after stop digging, was alert ME AND ALL MY SURROUNDING NEIGHBORS so we could evacuate. That did not happen!

I eventually had to let my class go early (time I will have to make up with them later) so I could deal with getting the water line fixed. The nice man from the water department said they were not allowed to fix it, but he would make sure it got fixed correctly.

It took from 8:15 when I discovered the water line was broken, until 2:00 pm before I got my water back on.

In summary. Google Fiber Installers cut my cable line and did not tell me. They cut my gas line and didn’t tell me until I went out and asked why they stopped working 20 minutes earlier. They cut the AT &T line that goes to my neighbor’s house and didn’t tell me, or her, but when she came out and told me she lost AT &T I showed her where I knew it was buried and sure enough there were the cut lines in the hole they dug. No one from Google Fiber said they cut through lines when it happened, even though it was in plain sight. Google Fiber did not tell me they cut my water line, I had to tell them.

Yes, I could live without cable and I could live without gas, as long as it didn’t blow up, but I can’t live without water. We are not done yet. The fiber is not all laid and I still have giant holes in my front yard. What do you think Google Fiber owes me for 30 hours of hell?

If I Blow Up It’s Google Fiber Construction’s Fault

I thought the excitement for my day was over. I took my mother for a Tooth extraction that she had been dreading. That all went great. They gave her gas and she was as happy as she could be.

I got home at 11:30 to find google fiber construction people digging up my yard. I thought we had dodged that bullet when they installed on the other side of the street last week. I never thought they needed to run down both sides of the street.

One man was digging on the corner of my property near my mail box. Since we have cobble stones as the apron from our driveway to the street I asked him not to dig through the cobble stones, but to go through the gravel. He had to call the supervisor who spoke English and he pulled up in his truck with his dog. I asked him to not dig through the cobble stones.

He had his dander up and told me that everything would be fine that they never made mistakes. I told him everyone makes mistakes and I am just trying to prevent this one. I told him I was not accusing them of making a mistake, but he already was thinking I was a pushy white lady. Well, I am loud and bossy, but I just didn’t want my apron ruined.

He eventually got out of the truck and saw what I was talking about and he instructed his guy to dig exactly where I asked. That was all I wanted. I went inside as half a dozen men dug two foot trenches all along the frontage of my house.

I was working inside my internet went out. I checked my cable. It was out. I called Spectrum. Yes my line was dead. I went outside and sure enough they had dug right through my cable and it was sticking out in the dirt.

All six guys, none of them the supervisor, came and looked at it. Sure enough they had cut the line. It was obvious, it stuck out on both sides of the hole, but not one person thought they should come knock on my door and ask me if my cable was out.

I asked for the supervisor to come back. I might have asked for the supervisor to come back to my fucking house. They called him and said, “she wants the fucking supervisor.” In Spanish. Not exactly what I said, but then the supervisor asked to be put on speaker phone and demanded an apology and respect. (Just you wait.)

So he didn’t come back. I did call the google complaint line and they started a trouble ticket for me and 45 minutes later a nice guy named Mike showed up and agreed that this whole thing was handled badly.

Dave from Spectrum (my cable and internet company) showed up and I was showing him around the various places that the cable runs to and around and in my house. In the meantime the machine that shoots the cable underground stops running. It makes that loud “bam, bam, bam” sound so you notice when it stops.” I also have a giant hole in the middle of my driveway preventing me from driving out of my driveway.

Dave and I come around my house. They have not been running the cable shooting machine for at least ten minutes. So I ask them. “When are you going to be done burying the cable under my driveway?” None of the people there spoke English. They were waiting for the one who demanded respect to show back. Then I smelled it. They had now hit my gas line.

The respect demander arrived and called the fire department and the gas company. No one had thought to knock on my door or find me and get me out of my house when they hit the gas line.

“We hit your gas line. We can’t do anything.”

“Why didn’t anyone come tell me?” THIS WAS THE WORST OFFENSE. If you cut a gas line tell the homeowner right away!

So Dave moved his truck from in front of my house to the side road, but I was stuck. Eventually the fire truck came. They did check inside my house to make sure no gas was in there.

It took the gas company another bit to get here and then an army of them came. They dug up my yard and my across the street neighbors. It took an hour but they fixed the leak. The gas guys said the google fiber contractors had hit at least four gas lines this month.

I still had the giant hole in my driveway and I went to see when they would finish. That is when I came upon New supervisor talking to neighbor because they had cut her electric fence that was well inside the easement line.

Then my neighbor Amy came out as they had just cut her AT&T line. They tried to talk their way out of that but I showed them where that line came from on my property and sure enough, a giant hole right there.

So one crew took out four services and they still had not run the fiber on my property. Oh Joy, they come back in the morning.

To top it all off I had to miss my own needlepoint birthday celebration. Michelle brought by cake for me and said it smelled like gas outside. The gasman was still there and said that would disappear. But if I blow up, you know who to blame.

I’m Stayin’ At Your House

Summer is coming…and you know what that means…I’m drivin’ all over and staying with friends. I realized yesterday when I was writing about my Dad that I got that trait from him. Not because he ever stayed with anyone. No. Because he and my Mom left me in America alone when they moved to London and I was 18.

Now to be fair I was in school, but I did not go to London for every vacation. I only went to London for Christmas and Summer. So any other time I was not in school I had to find a place to stay.

Now my parents raised us to be very self sufficient. They did not worry that I wouldn’t have a place I could go. They never even asked particulars about where I would be going. No. I had a car and they knew I would figure it out. My father did give me one bit of advice. “Go and buy a case of Robert Mondavi Chardonnay and keep it in your car so you always have a gift when you go stay with people.”

Now when I was 18 the drinking age in Connecticut was 18, but I went to school in Pennsylvania where it was 21. And let’s not talk about driving liquor across state lines, as well as how bad it was for the wine to live in my car changing temperatures.

Anyway. I did follow his instructions and always brought wine wherever I went.

So now that summer is coming I am thinking about all the places I am going to be going, Atlantic Beach four times, Figure Eight, and up and back to Maine and all the times I am going to need to find someone to visit.

I realized yesterday that I was trained early to just impose on people and stay with them when I am in their town. I am brazen. I tell people I am looking for a place to stay. I have friends I come right out and ask, “Can I stay with you?” They all know they can say no, and they do if it is inconvenient. But here is the thing I promise if I come stay with you I am not bringing you a bottle of American wine that has sat in my hot car for three months.

Happy Heavenly Birthday to my Dad

If my Dad were still walking the earth he would be 87 today. He made it to 83 which I consider quite a feat for him. See, as a child he often started a story or lesson with this sentence, “I have to tell you this before I die.”

To a young child that is a terrible way to start a story. It just made me think, “Are you about to die?” And not hear another word after that.

Ed was a man of big gestures. When I went to summer camp he sent a care package to the whole camp of “sweet honesty” tee shirts and merchandise. “Sweet Honesty” was a teen fragrance that my Dad invented at Avon where he worked. I have no remembrance of the fragrance but the shirts were really cute in pinks, greens and baby blues. I was very popular giving out the loot my Dad sent to every camper and counselor alike.

When my Dad worked at Avon in NYC he would take me into his office a couple of times a year. I loved going on the train with him, even if he did make me stand in the bar car on the morning trip in where he would spread his paperwork out on the bar and work, since the bar was closed in the morning. He also made me stand in the bar car on the ride home as it was open.

He had a corner office on the 27th floor of 9 W. 57th st. over looking the Plaza and Central Park south. It was so glamourous. When Avon moved to the building they let each executive decorate their own offices and my Dad hired their Wilton Decorator, Warren Fett who was mainly an antique dealer.

My Dad knew that the antiques he would buy for his office would be depreciated as office furniture and when he left Avon he bought them for cents on the dollar. My breakfast room English Yew chairs still have the Avon inventory tag on the underside of them and the leaf green leather that Warren of Wilton, as my father called him, had put on the seats.

Even though my Dad started a lot of lessons with the “before I die” line, I did learn so much from him. I know that my data and analytical skills come from those lessons. Also, my interest in other people.

My father spoke to everyone wherever he went and usually started out the conversation with them the same way, “Where are you from and how long have you been doing this?” CEO’s to Taxi drivers all got the same treatment. Consequently I remember people by where they are from.

I was lucky to have so many good years with my Dad, although not all of them were good. I try and not think about when he was difficult, but he could be. One thing that was very hard was he usually was smarter than everyone else and sometimes that would frustrate him. But when he wanted something he could really turn on the charm and usually win people over, as long as he had not already called them a dope to their face.

I hope he is in heaven having a grand old time in the smart section and the dopes are in a different section. I would hate for him to be considered difficult in heaven, but chances are…

Dear Friends are Important

Jan and I went to lunch today to celebrate my birthday, quick before her birthday gets here next week. We tried Common Market up by East Campus since neither of us had been there. We had an enjoyable lunch mostly talking about our dear friend Holley.

Holley was just such a one-of-a-kind and we know we will never meet another like her. We also talked about how sad we are for Holley’s family and her very close friends. The thing about having a known illness is you have a lot of time to say everything you ever wants to say. Holley made it easy for us to do that. It was just such a long goodbye.

After lunch we had to go back to my house for the HVAC guy to come and do some maintenance. Since he parked Jan in we played many hands of Siamese mah Jongg. It was great fun and a wonderful way to celebrate my birthday with my dear friend.

I am just thankful that her knee replacement is healing well and her hair from her cancer treatment is growing back. After what we went through with Holley I need to keep my old friends around.

In the last couple of years I lost three dear long term friends. I know that I can’t live long enough to make new thirty-year friends so I have to keep the ones I have alive. Stay well dear friends. I need you. .

Farewell Holley B.

If I had to cast a person to play the roll of Sunshine my number one candidate would have been Holley Broughton. Sadly, I am too late to create a production with her as the star personifying brightness and light in the world because she lost her battle with ALS on Tuesday. But a battle she put up. Who she was had nothing to do with ALS and she never let us forget that.

I met Holley very soon after Russ and I moved to Durham. My first memory of her was at a party when she came up to me and said, “We are moving to your neighborhood.” Since I was not sure we had met previously I just went along with it. Turns out we had met a lobster night and I am so thankful that she made the connection with me because I quickly recognized her as one of the most fun and positive people I have ever met.

Holley was sparkle and substance. She loved fun, but was also tender. She was spiritual and a good time. Everything about Holley was creative. Holley absolutely had more friends than any human because she was genuinely interested in all people and she met each one with kindness and generosity.

Many years ago she had a girls party at her house. The theme was “high school prom.” That was funny since it was just girls. Some people came in their actual prom dresses. I thought, one – who still has their prom dress and two – who can still fit in it. Well, a couple of people, who took Holley’s theme very seriously. I came in my Lanz nightgown since I went to an all girls boarding school and Prom what not exactly a thing there. Holley embraced my choice as “fabulous.” Because Holley always was affirming everyone else.

Holley and I shared many parallels as we are exactly the same age. When she was in her early twenties she lived in Washington DC at the same time I did. We know our paths must have crossed many times because we haunted the same places in Georgetown at exactly the same time.

She and her husband Paul and four children, George, Penn, Julia and Weezie vacationed many many years at Pawleys Island as my family also lived there and spent many times there.

We have lived in the same neighborhood, belonged to the same clubs and been friends for thirty years. We have played games, cooked and eaten good food, planned and gone to many parties, fundraisers and meetings together. We have handed out ribbons at swim meets together, made flower arrangements, chaired garden club meetings, celebrated birthdays, done arts and crafts and up-cycled all kinds of stuff Holley dragged home.

Holley was a constant in my world. She was best friends with others, but she always made you feel like she adored you just as much. She always greeted me with a “Hi Honey.” I can still hear her saying it even though I have not heard her speak an actual word is almost a year.

When Holley first let us all know she was diagnosed with ALS, she could still speak and eat and walk, but her voice was affected. Holley was a professional talker so this was hard. She didn’t let any grass grow under her feet as she met this diagnosis with same “I can do anything,” attitude. Her positive spirit and generosity helped lead us through dealing with her ultimate demise.

Her will to live was greater than anything I have ever seen. And her gratitude for each day was hard to argue with. If there was a master class for how to exit the world, Holley could teach it.

So even though she prepared us well, the light in the world dimmed when her tiny ravaged body finally gave in and she crossed over into the heaven she believed in.

Holley leaves behind more loved ones and friends than can fill a stadium. My heart is broken for all who knew her, because if you met her you loved her.

Holley instructed us to clap when she left. Just like a star exiting the stage, I clap for her lifelong performance as sunshine embodied. Holley B was a true original and there will never be another. I am so thankful I was lucky enough to have my life touched by her.

Voice Threatening Device

I was gone from 7:45 this morning to 9:45 tonight, teaching in Cary. By the time I got home it was pitch black out. I pulled in the driveway and opened my car door to the worst crying sounds of coyotes. The sound was right at the end of my driveway.

My neighbor had told me she had heard them a couple of weeks ago, then another friend had posted that one came after her while walking her dog early in the morning. She had screamed at it and it did not deter the animal. The sound this animal or animals were making was awful.

So I did what I do best. I screamed. No, I did what Carter calls, “voice threatened them away like the operator on the ADT commercial.” I screamed so loudly and so low it almost scared me.

The crying stopped immediately. I hope I scared the shit of it. I screamed again and again so I could get in the house without it thinking about crossing my path.

You know, with the government we have right now I feel like we have enough to worry about out. Wild animals do not need to become a thing. We will not be letting Shay go outside alone. Not without her “voice threatening companion.”

Sad Day

It’s a sad day. I can’t go into the particulars as it is not my story to tell today, but will be more transparent soon. I just want to say Bye, Bye Miss American Pie. We are all clapping and sending love. I promise to write more tomorrow.

Birthday Month Continues

My friend Shelayne is always good about celebrating my birthday. Today she took me to lunch and gave me a gift. Traveling and teaching keeps me from getting to spend enough time with friends so I appreciate how hard Shelayne works to find a day that both of us are free.

Since she had five grown kids and ten grandchildren 7 and under she is crazy busy too. Thank goodness she retired or I would never see her.

When Russ got home tonight I told him Shelayne gave me an Apron with boobies on it. He was quite excited.

Points For Mother’s Day

Russ and I took my Mom out to a new restaurant for Mother’s Day lunch today. Thankfully Gradutions were taking place during lunch time so we were able to snag a reservation at a new place, TeTaco in downtown Durham.

My Mom is always happy to be taken out to lunch, especially on Sundays so she can eat half her lunch and take the other half home for dinner. When I was away a couple of weeks ago Russ took my Mom to some hole in the wall Mexican place and he thought she liked it. So he suggested this New Mexican place.

It’s not that she likes Mexican so much. She just wants to go anywhere. She made more than one comment that this place was so much nicer than the last place. Russ needs to read the cues, just because she is happy to go out does not mean she liked the place. Thankfully she did like TeTaco.

My favorite thing she said was, “Mother’s Day must be a new thing. I don’t remember ever doing anything for Mother’s Day before.”

She might be right. I don’t think we ever made a big deal about Mother’s Day when I was a kid. I remember other women coming to church with orchid corsages, but none for my my mother.

My Dad always cooked breakfast on weekends so Mother’s Day was no different than any other Sunday. We always brought my mother coffee in bed on everyday, so Mother’s Day was no different. She had us well trained to wait on her on regular days. No wonder she didn’t think it was celebrated. She was smart, get us to do things for her all the time.

Well, now we have messed it up and taken her out on Mother’s Day. Guess I know what we are doing next year.

Graduation Chaos

It’s graduation weekend here in Durham and Chapel Hill. Both UNC and Duke hold graduations this weekend. Why these two schools can’t come together and negotiate holding graduations on different weekends I do not know. To top it all off they are always on Mother’s Day weekend.

This means we have to stay at home and hunker down because the roads, restaurants, hotels, stores, sidewalks, parks and every other inch of our two towns are packed with joyous celebrants.

Thankfully it was a rain free beautiful cool day here today. This helps so much. Sadly the forecast for tomorrow is rain all day so I am unsure if they can even have the big stadium graduations. That is sad, but by the time they get to Sunday morning everyone is partied out and just exhausted. Time to pack it up and go home and celebrate the mothers who made these graduates.

We stayed home all day, gardening and cleaning the furniture on the terrace. I also got in a huge amount of needlepointing.

I am looking forward to the student and parent departures and having Durham quiet for a bit. Congratulations to all the graduates. I hope you all have jobs soon. Welcome to the real world. It’s not half as much fun as college.

Pink Throne

I was cleaning our Pink bath room today. It’s all original to our almost 80 year old house. The grout is original and in perfect condition, the tiles are all perfect. They may not be in style, but it is so well built I hate to change it. When we redid our primary bathroom our contractor told me that he had never seen such a well built bathroom and hated tearing out our old tub because it had an eight inch cement base that he said could hold a tank.

So as I was looking at our pink, low toilet I noticed that the seat could use replacing. I have not begun the search for a new matching one. I just remember our good old plumbers telling me once that we might want to replace the toilet just to get a higher one.

I have never understood why in the world anyone needs to replace the porcelain part of a toilet unless is is cracked or has a hole. How can the porcelain go bad. Yes, the workings inside the tank can need to be replaced or the wax ring, but why the throne?

Now styles change. Like higher and longer toilets now. And then there are the fancy toilets with heated seats and built in washing contraptions. Those are just things that can break. But the basics of a regular toilet should not change.

I am not in the market to change out my pink toilet, only the seat. As far as flushing goes it works great. It is basically over a hundred year old technology and I don’t anticipate getting what goes in it out of the house in a new and different way in my lifetime. If it ain’t broke…

Pope Leo

While I was in the middle of my last day of teaching the fabulous ladies in Wilmington my wrist started buzzing and my phone was blowing up. A new Pope had been elected…An American!

My Dickinson Book club group was weighing in. Rose, the catholic among us reported that newly renamed Pope Leo had gone to Villanova in Philly, where her boy friend is a professor. I was getting insights from one’s who know.

It is quite exciting to be alive when the first American Pope was elected. Especially since it happened fairly quickly in terms of Vatican voting. The reports that I got from the insiders is he is a social justice guy. Feels good to me to help right some of the social disorder coming from this part of the world.

I feel like perhaps it is a divine hand of God saying, “Hold on now.” This gives this old Presbyterian great hope. God bless Pope Leo.

Wilmington is Tops

I love coming to a new club and blowing a whole new group of women’s minds by showing them new ways to think about Mah Jongg. These women in Wilmington are just a really fun group and I have been having a blast with them. Thanks to Margaret Robinson for keeping after me to come here.

This afternoon after class I returned to Jon and Lane’s house and met Jon’s friend from college, Tim and his husband Daryl who are visiting from Hawaii. I got to hear all about Jon in College. We went to a great seafood restaurant and then to Jon’s favorite ice cream spot. Where is Lane when ice cream is on the agenda?

My time in Wilmington has been jammed packed. Classes tomorrow and then I drive home to be with Russ and Shay. Need to rest up for one more big day tomorrow.

Wilmington Mah Jongg

For months and months I would get a regular message, “don’t forget about coming to Wilmington to teach Mah Jongg.” Nice Margaret wanted me to teach at Cape Fear Country Club and was determined to find a date. Finally last fall I suggest this week in May and it worked for them. So at last I am here at Cape Fear.

I had two giant classes today and then came up to my friend’s Lane and Jon’s house on the water to stay. Sadly Lane is home in Raleigh, but Jon is here taking his wooden boat building class.

Jon and I went out to dinner and now I am ensconced in the room upstairs that Russ and I always stay in with the best view of the Intercoastal. Day one is always the longest day since I drove down early this morning to set up for the 9am class. I am ready to crash so I can get up and do it all again tomorrow. I am just so happy that I have finally worked Wilmington into my rotation.

Some Friends Know You

Birthdays are a good excuse to be with friends. Aging with friends makes it so much better. My friend Michelle gave me a card that says it perfectly.

Thanks friends !

Young at Heart

Shay is going to be fourteen in two weeks. Her eyesight is not great. Her hearing is not as good as it used to be. She has never been much of blood hound in the sniffing arena.

I was standing in the dining room and saw a mother bunny jump out of our secret garden which is surrounded by three walls of our house. I didn’t think anything of it. Moments later Shay asked to go outside. She ran from the front door around the house, jumped up on the patio and ran into the tiny secret garden. I didn’t think anything about it.

I looked out the dining room window a few minutes later and saw Shay rooting round the corner of the graden by the down spout. A few seconds later I saw some small brown furry animal run away from Shay. I screamed as I saw her with another small furry animal in her mouth.

Russ ran outside and threatened Shay to drop what ever she was holding. I watched the first escapee run to another corner. It was a tiny baby bunny. Then I saw Shay drop her newly acquired friend and it ran the opposite direction.

How in the world did Shay find this buried nest of baby bunnies? They were no bigger than her small toys and every bit as squeaky. Since that incident she has continuously returned to the secret garden looking for her live toys. Thankfully those babies have not returned to the secret garden.

Yesterday Hannah gave me a tea towel from London with a bunny on it. Now Shay wants that. She is bunny obsessed, but we have our eye on her.

Thanks for the Great Birthday

“Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m 64?”

Apparently, the answer is yes. I had a lovely day. Russ helped we with some gardening. And I am hoping it is going to rain tonight to help me even further with the seeds I planted today.

I got so many nice messages and calls from so many friends. I played games. Russ vacuumed and did five loads of laundry. The only bad things is he took the sheets off the guest room bed and they were still in the washer when we left to go to Michelle and Richard’s for a Debby Day party. Shay was not happy we left her home and she went in the guest room and ripped up the foam topper on the bed.

While she was doing that we were having a great time at the party. Richard baked me a coconut cake for my birthday! That was above and beyond.

Russ took me out for my annual hamburger at Bin 54. I ate a couple of bites and brought it home. It will still be my annual hamburger tomorrow.

Thanks for making it a wonderful birthday.

33 and Still Going Strong

Thirty-three years ago today Russ defied his mother’s advice and married me. Thankfully he says it was the right decision. Thankfully I did not know she told him he could change his mind. She had terrible cancer at the time so I don’t hold it against her. I am sorry she did not live long enough to see what a good match we are to each other.

I count my lucky stars that he kept after me even when I did not pay any attention to him. How did I miss that six foot five guy who kept hanging around me at trade shows? Once I did talk to him I quickly discerned he was the smartest person at our company and funny too. Turns out he is smarter and kinder than almost anyone else I know. What a perfect combination.

It’s been the most wonderful 33 years, which seems like three, except for that 26 year old daughter we have. I am looking forward to the next 33 years. If the trajectory continues they will be pretty great.

What Happens When Daddy Is In Charge

When it comes to Shay’s grooming I am usually the one in charge. Not of the grooming itself. The pandemic grooming already proved that is not easy.

I am in charge of finding a groomer, arranging the appointments, taking Shay, instructing on how we want her to look, picking up and paying. This week Russ volunteered to take Shay and pick her up from the groomer. Since I had class I was thrilled he could do this.

Shay has been going to see Rae at Bull City Groomers since December. The first time I brought her she was long over due for a cut and so she had to get trimmed way down. Last time her cut was not as short.

I did not discuss exactly what I wanted this time either with Rae or Russ. So when Russ dropped her off he had no idea how to the answer the question, “how do you want her?”

“Regular?”

So Shay came home very clean and very short. It’s probably a good cut for warm weather, but she looks very French. Russ loves all things French. He would love it if we just up and moved to Paris, even though he does not speak a word of French. He does like bread and cheese and small French dogs. Too bad ours is Australian.