Dog Smart

When I am at home Shay does not jump up on my bed. No, she walks in and looks at me until she gets my attention. Then, while holding my gaze, she backs up into my bathroom like a truck backing up with a “beep, beep, beep” sound to alert others, “hey a big ass truck is backing up and you better get out of the way because he is big and is not responsible if he drives over you.” So as Shay backs up into the bathroom, once she hits the bath mat outside the shower she sits her ass down and looks up at me.

This is my cue to get up and pick her 23 pound body up and lift her onto my bed, where she stretches all 23 pounds out diagonally in the middle of the bed, legs pointing out as if she is flying through the air, thus rendering the rest of the bed unavailable to any grown human.

She acts like there is no way she can jump on that bed. “Carry Me is her motto.” She was stand her ground next to the bed, no matter how enthralled I am in a TV show, or needlepoint or playing mah Jongg online. She gives me the evil eye until I look at her. Then the beep beep beep back up dance.

When I leave the house and she is standing on the landing at the top of the steps giving me that look, “you aren’t really going to leave me here all alone.” And I do. And before the garage door is even down I can hear the crying as if she just watched Old Yeller and found out the dog died. That’s when I wonder how long is she going to cry or is it just a guilt trip until the car is out of the driveway?

I eventually come home. The house is silent. No crying. I call out to her, “Shay?” She does not come running. I come up to my bed room and there she is. On the bed and she is giving me this look. “I’m stuck up here and need you to come and pick me up and put me on the floor.”

I look at her and say, “If you can get up on the bed without me when I’m not home then you can get off the bed without me when I am.” And she just looks up at me and gives me that look, “But I thought I would snuggle with you when you pick me up.” That is when I know she has me exactly where she wants me.