Reality Happens

It is a glorious day. I am so thankful to have the best job doing the thing I love with people I so enjoy. My friend Ruth E. continues to be the kindest host and makes sure I am well taken care of. Tonight we went for dinner with the family and had such a lovely time. We were treated by her sister-in-law Olivia which was above and beyond.

I came back to my to room and finally got to look at my phone and read my email and messages from the day. Rather than answering important emails I looked at Facebook and read my friend’s Holley post. Holley has been suffering with ALS for the last two years and it is a cruel and relentless opponent. Holley has met it head on with humor and grace and all the sparkle she can throw at it.

Still, it is exhausting. Exhausting for Holley, her family, her friends, her care givers, but she rarely complains. Holley is not only her own best cheerleader, she is ours.

So when she posted tonight about how she loves clapping and what clapping for others means. She went on to admit that she is thinking about what her end might be like and let us into the scary thoughts that come with that. And just as the pain of thinking about how hard this has been on her, she gives us joy in telling us exactly what she wants her last days or hours or moments to be. She then charges us with what we should do when we hear she is gone… stand and clap.

Even in her waining moments, she is thinking of us. We don’t know what we should do with out her, but now we know at least we should clap. Because she says it is “ Just a little 10 finger boost to say, Well done, well done.”

I cherish all these instructions and opportunities to tell Holley I love her and thank her for giving us ways to handle grief. It does not happen this way most of time. For now I pray for there to be nothing but joy for Holley and to be bathed in the light of the love she has sent out in the world. Please be free of pain and fear.

I am clapping now while Holley is still here. She knows I think she has done well indeed. But when she “gets called up to the big show” as she calls it, I will always think of her when I clap or hear clapping. And if there happens to be a disco balls reflecting all the light in the most sparkly way, I will know she is right there with me, shining light and clapping too.