The Green Has It

Happy Easter to all the believers, questioners and ones who just humor their families and go to church today.

Russ and I met my Mom at church. The Beischer’s had generously given her a ride. I was the lector for the jam packed service. The good thing about being the lector is I have a guaranteed seat up front. One of the best things about Easter at Westminster is the Brass band led by Jim Ketch. Listening to them play would make anyone believe.

I am a regular lector, which was a good thing today. There were lines missing in my lector notes about asking the congregation to join me. Thankfully I knew they should have been there and gave the standard instructions.

Then we had an unplanned change in the service when one of the ministers jumped up to do birthday Sunday before I could do the affirmation of faith. While the congregation was hearing from all those with birthdays in April, the other ministers and I were signaling each other about how to recover from this change in program.

Right after the birthday song, Chris waved the minster over, preventing her from going on to the next thing and I jumped up to the lectern. I told the gathered that we were just trying to keep them on their feet by changing the order and asked they they stand back up to read the affirmation of faith. No one was any worse for the change.

After church we gathered in the court yard. Lynn and I noticed we were wearing matching Green. Carter then texted from Darien, where she was celebrating with Claire and her family. She too was wearing green that matched me and Lynn. It made me feel like we were together at least psychically.

We came home for our Easter lamb dinner and watched the South Carolina Women win at basketball ball before I took mom home. It was a joyous day for the risen lord.

Getting our own Exercise

A few years ago, when my Dad was still on this earth he volunteered to bring his farm man Bill and a tractor to come plant about 30 shrubs I needed planted. My Dad could have just sent Bill with the truck and the tractor on a trailer, but my Dad came too. He sat on my garden bench and supervised and took Bill to lunch each day, since it took them two days to complete the job.

Bill lives in the country. Everyone in Bill’s family works hard for a living. He was not used to a neighborhood like mine. As he worked digging holes and planting shrubs he noticed many women walking by my house. Sometimes he saw the same woman walking the same direction multiple times.

At lunch on the second day Bill asked my Dad a question he had been pondering. “Where are those women going who walk by Dana’s house all day.”

My Dad replied, “They are just taking a walk.”

“But where are they going? They seem to be going the same direction every time they walk by, but they don’t come back the other way.” Bill puzzled.

“They are making loops,” my Dad told him.

“But where are they going?”

“No where in particular. They are just getting exercise.”

“Can’t they get exercise at home?”

At Bill’s house, they get exercise by working on his property. I took his observation as a good lesson. I can get exercise by doing work on my own property.

So today Russ and I spread about 25% of the mulch. I had spread some yesterday and Russ spread most of it today. We did the hardest part, spreading around the mondo grass. We still have 15 yards to go. There will be no way we can get it all done, but we have easier places to spread.

It’s best to do our own work and get exercise at the same time, rather than paying someone else to do our work and get the exercise we need.

Great Friday For My Sister Janet

Of the three girls in my family my youngest sister Janet is the smartest and the most industrious. She has had multiple businesses and has been a huge success. Today was officially her last day at her beauty box business. A couple of years ago she sold this business to a group who required her to stay with the company through the transition.

She liked that company so going from being an owner to an employee wasn’t too horrible. Then that business sold her business to another group and she had to stay on with them. They were not her choosing, but now that she was an employee she had not choice but to stay or walk away from her final payout.

Janet, being Janet stayed. But today was her final day and she is officially retired from the beauty box business. I am sure that beauty buyers across the country are going to miss her no nonsense way of creating unique products for them. I am going to miss seeing her fabulous advent calendars.

I know today is the day she has been waiting for. I hope she gets lots of rest and a chance to slow down. I hope that I get more time to see her now that she is not working 18 hour days.

It was hard work, but such a success. Congratulations Janet. You are still the smartest and the hardest working. Now you and Sophie get some time off and just have fun.

Mulch and Mah Jongg

Well my back is better. Just in time for my car-sized delivery of mulch to arrive. When I ordered the mulch I had not hurt my back. I ordered it to arrive at a time when Russ and I would be home together. Our annual spreading of mulch is a family affair.

It has rained here an ocean of rain in the last few days. The forecast is good for the Easter weekend so it looks like I will be up to my waist in mulch. I am going to have to take this job slow so I don’t aggravate my newly healed back.

Russ is in good mulching shape. I hope he does not have too much work this weekend. We need to get this stuff shoveled into wheel barrows and moved all over our god’s little acre.

My rest between loads will be working on my new card class slides for my Super Bowl of Mah Jongg. The new card is wild. Lots of new kinds of hands that we have never seen before.

Mulch and Mah Jongg. What a perfect weekend. Oh yeah, The bunny is coming too.

New Card is Out!

In the middle of teaching beginner mah Jongg in Smithfield today my watched beeped alerting me to a text. One of my students asked how many Texts I get a day that are Mah Jongg questions. I told her usually about a dozen. She thought that was low, but I explained that people don’t need to text me once they learn how to play. So questions taper off after students get to be proficient players.

She asked me if the text I just got was a mah Jongg question. I looked at it. It was not a question, but it was about Mah Jongg. My friend had gotten an image of the new card and she shared it with me. Woo Hoo the new card is out!

I can’t share it here as it is copy written, but this means you need to be on the lookout for your card any moment now.

On my way home I called the friend who sent me the new card. She asked me how soon Real Mah Jongg would have the new card as an option to play. I guessed by tomorrow. I was wrong. It was updated before we got off the phone. We hung up so she could play.

I will get right on analyzing and writing the new card class presentation. Some of the things I predicted would and would not be on the card came true, but there are many new exciting hands. I can’t tell you if it is a good card or not yet. I need a few days of playing before I pass judgement. Happy New Card week! The faithful will be excited.

Whiting Out the Inconvenient Truth

In news you just can’t make up, a former occupant of the White House has gone online to hawk God Bless America Bibles for $59.99. The man is not known as a biblical scholar, but I guess he might have demanded some edits in this particular version of his Bible.

Don’t go looking for any word about treating your neighbor as yourself. He has not quite understood that everyone is your neighbor. He is reordering the verse, “the first shall be last and the last shall be first.” To his mantra of, “I am first and you are last.”

He has inserted a photo of himself at Revelation 19:16 “King of kings and Lord of lords.”

But the big one was the reduction of the Ten Commandments. He personally is just whiting out the ones he doesn’t like, but he started with that pesky, “You shall not commit adultery.”

My Students Are The Best

My back has n been improving ever since I woke up last Thursday having injured myself in my sleep. I really wonder what I dreamt about that hurt me so badly.

I laid low all weekend which was easy since Russ was away, but today it was time to get back in the real world.

I had a class at the cute Sarah’s house in Raleigh. Her husband generously carried my giant new folding white board in its handy dandy carrying case down to their basement where we were having class.

As it was a beyond beginner class I brought my beautiful mah Jongg demonstration cards. My back is not quite good enough to walk around and put cards up and take them down off the board for a whole class. So two fabulous students, Louise and Kelly, volunteered, one at a time, to play Vanna White and keep the board up to the minute with the hands were were playing.

It was so helpful to have big visual aids and not for me to have to have my back to the class moving the cards. Kelly said it helped take the pressure off having to come up with the right answer. I hope she still learned as much.

I am so appreciative of the kindness of my students.

Shay and TV

Poor Shay has had to watch basketball all weekend with me. Russ was on the west coast. Shay despondently kept looking down the stairs to the garage door. “Where is he?”

Basketball does not exactly keep Shay’s attention like nature shows do. If given her choice she would like a day of CBS Sunday Morning Moments of Nature. She likes Birds, or deer or seals, just any animals.

This is so funny since she dislikes other dogs so much in real life. Maybe dislike is not the right word. Maybe disdain, or indifference. Does not matter if they are friendly dogs, or aggressive dogs, she ignores them all. If they were on TV she might like them, but in person, or rather in dog, she turns her nose up and walks the opposite direction.

For now she is cheering for Duke, who is killing JMU. She was despondent about UNC women’s game. She thought Middle Tennessee women made a valiant effort against LSU. The reason she likes South Carolina and LSU is they are game cocks and tigers. They make great moments of nature.

March Madness, Needlepoint and a Bad Back

Of all the weekends to have a bad back and for Russ to be away, this is the best one. I have so much needlepoint to do I have no guilt to be watching basketball game after basketball ball game.

To make it feel like I am doing something I have watched five different games on three different TV’s. I could have moved to another one, but it was too many stairs.

I split my time between men’s and women’s games. I have to say I might have enjoyed the Iowa women’s game the most.

After years of sitting on the bleachers watching Carter I forgot how much I enjoy women’s basketball. I am thrilled that it is gaining popularity. Caitlin Clark is a great role model, even if she did not have a record breaking game she was still outstanding.

If I don’t don’t show up for church tomorrow it will not be because I am watching basketball, but because I still won’t be well enough. I’m not hoping for my back to still hurt, but if I have to stay home it will be alright. So things that go together, March Madness, needlepoint and a bad back.

Pray For Princess Kate

I was not one who paid any attention to all the Princess Kate speculation. I took it at face value that she was recovering from something and did not think twice about the photo shopped photo.

Today she announced she had cancer. I hope that everyone will give her space. For those who thought nefarious thoughts I hope you feel foolish.

the Princess does not owe anyone anything. Just like celebrities owe you nothing. If you care about her just pray for her healing or send healing thoughts.

The last thing anyone dealing with cancer needs is to worry about what strangers re thinking about them. Privacy and prayers. That’s it.

Laying Low

I woke up at 4:45 this morning and could not go back to sleep. Nothing so terrible about that.i did some work, played some games, did some needlepoint all in bed. I think that was my mistake. I went to get out of bed and I must have turned funny and tweeted something in my back.

I don’t have any idea how or why, but I still was able to get up and take a shower. Walking wasn’t great, but I did it. I had a birthday lunch to go celebrate.

While sitting at lunch I had no pain, but walking still hurt. I came home and lay down on the bed as flat as I could and took a three hour nap.

That helped about 20%. I plan on laying low and pray to be better tomorrow as I can’t imagine I did anything terrible with such a small movement.

Having a Day Off is Bad

I didn’t teach today. It’s the end of the Mah Jongg year and everyone wants to wait for the new card. This means I had most of the day to work on something non Mah Jongg related. Consequently I hardly did anything. The highlight of my day was ironing over 100 napkins that I washed during the Christmas Holiday but had not ironed. How sad that was the big thing of the day.

I did go to a meeting for a committee I have been on for over 20 years. I am thinking I may not be needed on this committee. There are plenty of other people who can do what I do. I am mostly there for historical knowledge, but I am probably just making people mad when I bring up technical rules or point out how that two months does not a trend make. If people want to worry, I should just let them. I think 20 years service is enough.

I have been doing better about calling people to just tell them I love them. I also got some calls from people telling me, but I have not called them back yet. Tomorrow I am calling you all back!

I really need to make a list of everything I need to do so I can have the satisfaction of checking things off the list. I did order mulch and had a plan that for the next few days I would be shoveling and moving it around. Sadly it can’t be delivered until next week unless they get a cancellation. At least I know what I will be doing late next week.

For now I am hand washing dishes again as the same sensor that went out on our dishwasher has gone out again. Maybe I did do somethings today. Just felt like nothing.

Hello Spring, My Old Friend

Growing up in Wilton, Connecticut Spring was my favorite time of year. We lived in a giant house crated out of two barns that were put together to be the Party House, carriage house and servant quarters for another more traditional home next door.

Starting with barns meant that half of the house was made out of barn siding. There was no insulation and I have a strong recollection of holes in the wood where you could see the out doors. The higgledy Piggly nature of the building meant that normal heating just could not keep up and therefore winters in that house were excruciating.

We had no air conditioning, it was Connecticut after all. But there were summer nights when we lay on top of our sheets, naked, with box fans running, praying for a big storm. So summers had some pitfalls.

Falls were beautiful, but since that meant back to school, that gave fall a mark in the negative column.

That left Spring. My birthday is in the spring, but the real reason I liked spring best was the daffodils that were planted all over the banks of the stream that ran through our property and down to our skating pond. The banks were steep on the far side, up a little mountain and the daffodils peaking up from the fallen leaves and rocks were glorious.

In Connecticut, spring came right around the time of the vernal equinox. In North Carolina spring really came in early February. Currently our daffodils are long gone and the forsythia’s yellow flowers have been covered by the green leaves.

Still the first day of spring makes me happy. Perhaps because I feel like the school year is on the down side and my birthday is around the corner. (In fact it is more than a month away.)

Spring in Durham means pollen, something I never really thought about as a child, but then again I never thought a car needed to be washed since my father had both cars washed every Saturday.

Nonetheless, today I am happy. Welcome Spring and the fluffle of bunnies who are likely coming for my garden. Even today I won’t be mad about them. The sunshine is growing. The flowers are blooming. Life is good.

“I just didn’t know you would be so nice.”

Of all my first cousins I am the oldest, by a long way. When we were kids my family and my father’s brother’s family would all go to Pawleys Island together during the summer and we had a bunch of second cousins there too. I was older than all of them. We had years and years together, not just a Pawleys, but holidays up at the farm when both brothers retired there.

At Christmas this year my cousin Leigh, who is ten years younger than me, asked if I would teach her and her friends Mah Jongg. So we set up a class at my house.

Tonight was the last class. Everyone did well. Leigh had a big win, which her mother will be proud of.

After everyone left Leigh was talking to me about how much fun the class was. She said everyone had texted between classes about how much they liked it.

As she was going out the door she said, “You are such a good teacher. I just didn’t know you would be so nice.”

Now Leigh is a great cousin and wonderful person, but obviously her early years spent with me as her much older cousin, she must have thought of me as not nice. I am certain I was not nice plenty of times with family, especially when I was a teenager and I was stuck with little kids.

I am just happy that perhaps my reputation has changed. I am a strict teacher, but also a fun one. It’s a change to be considered nice in the family.

St Patrick’s Day Shenanigans

No actual shenanigans today, but when St. Patrick’s Day comes around I am always reminded of the time I marched in the New York St. Patrick’s day parade. The year was 1979. St Patrick’s Day fell during my spring break. Since my school spring break did not fall the same week as my sisters’ I was getting to spend a cold week at home in Wilton, CT.

Some of my Walker’s friends were equally bored at their homes in the New York suburbs so we made plans to meet in the city on St. Patrick’s day. New York in 1979 was still seedy around Times Square, and bars were incredibly lax about checking ids, especially since the drinking age was 18.

The friends I met that day were Jenny Hetzler, better known as Hetz, Anne O’Reilly, the only truly Irish one among us, Suey Lierle, and Katharine Dusenbury, better known as Dusey.

As friends in an all girls boarding school we often had to find ways to entertain ourselves on cold winter weekends at school. Jenny, being the biggest comic of the group, often wrote songs for our entertainment. She tended to group them by subject matter into their own song books. One favorite was the Trigger song book, named for our trigonometry teacher, aptly named Peggy Trigelius. She could write on the black board with both hands at the same time, a trick which should have gotten her a spot on Johnny Carson.

My favorite song book of Jenny’s was the Green box song book. Green boxes where the small metal trash cans in our dorm bathrooms. Being a girls school you can imagine what went in those cans. Without ever actually spelling it out, the songs were brilliant in their tongue-in-cheek humor. They were all written to popular and familiar tunes.

On this particular St. Patrick’s day we met on fifth Avenue. We had a bed sheet painted with large green letters, Green Box Society. At some point in the parade their was a space between marching bands and police walking in unison, so we just jumped into the parade stretching the sheet between us, singing from the green box song book.

Due the to tune recognition people assumed they knew the songs we were singing, but thankfully the parade moved quickly enough that they did not quite get the lyrics, before we were already gone.

Back in 1979 there were no such things as metal barricades, or cops watching the crowd, so jumping into the parade was just not that hard. Plus, by the time we joined enough people had been imbibing that they were unconcerned with four teenage girls dressed in green carrying a homemade banner.

I wish I had photos from that day. It was such a highlight as a St. Patrick’s Day I have never actually celebrated it since because nothing could top marching in the NYC parade illegally. Jenny definitely missed her calling as a song writer.

Mountain of Mint

Russ and I had a few hours alone today so we started cleaning out the garden in preparation for planting next month. A large crop of volunteer mint had worked its way into the garden. Mint will take over if you are not constantly ripping it out. So I asked Russ to rip it all out knowing it will still come back.

He put the tender stems in my garden basket until it was almost too full to carry. There were also roots and dirt among the good leaves, but the basket held a mountain of spring green.

I brought it in to process it, which entailed washing it twice and then stripping the good leaves from the stems. I placed the leaves in a salad spinner, rinsed, spun and repeated.

I let each batch dry and then put smaller bunches back in the salad spinner and washed and spun three more times. I counted seven washings just to make sure no dirt or debris clung to the tender leaves.

Into the cuisineart they all went with a few tablespoons of sugar. I pulsed those babies up in a fine mince, just before purée. The entire garden basket when processed only came to about a cup of minced mint.

I warmed rice vinegar in the microwave and poured it over the mint and sugar and placed the jar in the fridge. We are now ready for Easter.

If you have never had a perfectly cooked lamb chop with English mint sauce you have not lived. Next time you go to a gourmet store and see the price of mint sauce just consider how much trouble it is to strip and clean 10,000 mint leaves to make that one small jar.

Tell Me What You Want and Who You Are

Tell Me What You Want and Who You Are

Humans are incredibly egocentric beings. This coming from a person who writes a daily blog about my day is proof enough. Because of my attention on myself at the end of everyday I try and make sure that I am less egocentric during the day, but lord knows that rarely happens.

There are two examples I can share about how egocentric people are that happens to me multiple times a day. The first is when one of my mah Jongg students texts me. Nine times out of ten they do not tell me who they are in the text. When I give out my number I always say, “I don’t have your number in my phone, so when you text me start with your name.”

Even after that instruction, people launch right into their question with no introduction. I usually text back, “Who is this?”

An apology follows with the name, but only the first time they text. The second time, I have to scroll back through the thread to figure out who is writing me. If I like the person I will make a contact for them so their name comes up, but not always. I really like just about everyone, but sometimes I just don’t have the time to be making all these contacts.

The reason I don’t have time is I am busy chasing down the second egocentric thing that happens. When students sign up for Mah Jongg classes I get a message with their name and in the memo it just says “mah Jongg,” or “class,” or if they go way out there, “Mah Jongg Class.”

On any given day I am signing up people for 25 different classes. If I get ten sign ups a day I have to message them all back and ask, “which location or date are you signing up for?” No one ever thinks that if you are signing up for a class that is three months away I might have a few other classes before yours.

So just to put a point on it, I have on average 200 to 250 unique students a month. If 90% of them don’t say which class they want I have to send 180-225 extra messages.

That’s an average month. April is coming and it is my Super Bowl. I have over 500 students in April so if 90% of them don’t put a memo in their sign up I have having to send 450 extra messages, just to make sure I put people on the right class list.

I know, right now, I am preaching to the choir, because if you read my blog I probably know you. If you sign up for a class you know what to tell me. But take this as the advice it is meant to be. Don’t assume everyone knows you or knows what you are thinking. Always introduce yourself, especially virtually, until you have become real friends. And always tell people exactly what you want.

I have met very few actual mind readers in my 62 years. So I just don’t expect most people I meet to be a mind reader. If I need something from someone I am going to tell them and not expect them to guess. Expecting people to do for you exactly what you want, without being told, is the most egocentric thing you can be. It is also setting yourself up for disappointment.

Please people, say who you are and what you want. I am telling you exactly what I want.

False Summer

It was summer today in Durham. Got up to 80°. This is no surprise because it is Spring break for DA and historically we would go away for spring break and it would be beautiful in Durham while we were away. Here’s the kicker, it will get cold again at least one more time. You can not let this false summer trick you into planting things.

I did order a big bag of Zinnia seeds today. My father used to order them in bulk and give me a few handfuls every year. I do miss him doing that for me. I know not to plant any seeds except for maybe arugula right now. Too bad I don’t have any of those seeds on hand. I guess it’s time to go to Stone Brothers and stock up.

If anyone wants any mint, especially good in Thai salads right now, I have an abundance that I am going to ripping up tomorrow and Saturday. It’s also good to chop up and make mint sauce with sugar and vinegar. If you re having lamb for Easter now’s the time to get some mint from me.

If we have a lot more days like today I am going to have a hard time not planting something. At least I can prep my soil and turn my compost and that will feel like gardening.

Four Years On

It’s been four years since the world shut down for the pandemic and it feels like it was either just yesterday or 60 years ago. At this point four years ago people were baking bread, doing puzzles and learning how Zoom worked. Outside all those people dying, the staying home just with my family was not such a bad thing.

It would have been nice to have an idea how long we were going to stay home because then I would have made a list of chores I absolutely wanted to get done while I was stuck at home and gotten them done. I did build a garden and I am happy I still have that to show for the pandemic. But I never cleaned out my attic or garage and amazingly I still have not gotten around it it.

Now I have incentive because I know there are things in the attic from my college days I want to find. I am not sure when I am going to fit this job into my non-pandemic life now. I should go up to the attic if only for ten minutes everyday right now before it gets to hot. Why didn’t I think of this after Christmas?

I am not looking for another lock down, but maybe a week at home where I don’t have anything else to do. Wait, what would that be like. I always have at least a dozen things I am working on at one time and another 100 waiting to be worked on.

I think I have over 125 white napkins waiting to be ironed from the Christmas holiday. I know my garden needs to be prepped because I saw a mint invasion in there today. Don’t get me started on closets. When I went to pack this Friday I found clothes that are fifteen years old that need to go. What’s another fifteen years in the closet?

I looked at my blog from four years ago and I saw a photo of a fun puzzle I was working on in lockdown life. Oh, how badly would I like to be working on a puzzle.

I really wish I had written a book during the pandemic. I don’t know what it would have been about. I could have done a Cookbook with my eyes closed. But did I use my time wisely? No, and now four years later I am kicking myself. Those were not the good ‘ole days, but I do miss the empty calendar.

My Heart Felt Better Thanks To You

Well, my blog yesterday elicited a lot of very sweet messages, phone calls, texts, posts and all other forms of communication from friends far and wide. Friends in Kinston called early this morning and just left “Love you,” messages. I’m sorry my phone was on do not disturb so I missed the chance to hear them say it in person, but I loved the message.

I got a note on the blog from a Canadian Client, turned friend, from the mid nineties, with just his phone number. I will be calling. I wished I had called before his wonderful wife had passed away.

If I just call the people who indicated they want a call, my first month of calling one person a day is filled. I may have to call more than one person a day.

I only called one person today because it turned into a very long, but sweet call. I had to call my friend Janet who was unable to make it to Hugh’s funeral. She wanted to be there so I wanted to give her all the insider information right away.

I had one long text back and forth from an old friend from church who moved away years ago. She sent me photos of her sons, now grown with their wife and fiancé and a photo of her and her husband, who look exactly the same. It was lovely to catch up even over text.

My plan to reach out to people certainly is working when you don’t wait for me to contact you, but you contact me. It made my heart feel better today. Thank you.

I’m Calling Everyone I Love

In the life goes on column I had Mah Jongg class at my house tonight. The group is one put together by my wonderful cousin Leigh. She asked me about my weekend as soon as she came in, as she knew where I was, but none of the other students know me or know anything about what I did this weekend.

I felt like I wanted to tell them a few Hugh stories as that is all I have done for the last few days. I wanted to tell them how sorry I am that they never knew him, but of course I didn’t.

I’m not really ready for life to go on. I did get messages and a phone call from my friends I was with this weekend. We all have the same feeling of loss. Suzanne sent a text warning us not to listen to rocket man, one of the songs Hugh’s kids sang, unless we wanted to start balling again.

I may not have been in touch with Hugh as much as I would want, but apparently most of his friends said the same thing. Regardless he still meant the world to us, even with intermittent contact.

I want to make sure the people I cherish to know how I feel about them, so everyday I am going to contact one person I haven’t spoken to in a while just to tell them I love them. If you think you should be on my list, let me know, by calling me and telling me you love me.

I want to create a giant cloud of love all around the people I care about. I don’t want anyone to say, “I haven’t talked to Dana in years.”

I have no idea how many people I need to call, but I am just going to start. So if you see my name in your caller ID I hope you will answer. If you don’t I’ll call back. If you don’t want to talk to me you might have to change your number, because I don’t want there to be any question about how I feel about you.

If I never call it means one of two things, I couldn’t find your number or I don’t really like you. You may never know which one, so just assume I couldn’t find your number.

Signs from Hugh

Sitting in the tired Terminal C of the Philly airport waiting to board my flight home the glow of the weekend is certainly fading fast. Last night after the marathon celebration of Hugh, Suzanne, Doug, Dave and Doug’s great son Bryan went to dinner to do the “How aboutin’,” as the Braithwaite’s called talking about a party after it was over.

Bryan was with us because he had interned for Hugh in college. He was a great addition to our gang and held up well as we continued the endless stories about Hugh.

Hugh’s sister Angie and brother Tony had told us yesterday about signs they both got from Hugh. Our group too, had two things happen that we attribute to Hugh. The first was when we got in Doug’s car after the service his radio immediately started playing Springsteen singing “Thunder road.” Suzanne said, “Oh Doug, perfect song of choice,” as this was one of our college anthems.

“I didn’t put that on,” Doug exclaimed. “We did not even have any music on during the ride over here.” The song finished playing and another one did not follow it. Doug really didn’t have the radio on. We all looked at each other and said, “Hugh.” In one song he gave us a group sign we could share together.

It was a sweet, but eerie sign. But it was not the only one we got. Hugh was always trying to punk Doug and if he could use Dave as his patsy even better.

After the “How aboutin’,” dinner we all ran out in the pouring rain back to Doug’s car. I was the designated driver and as soon as I got in the driver’s seat I noticed that the passenger side window was open. Not just open a little, but all the way, during a two hour dinner in the pouring rain.

Dave had been sitting in that seat and immediately was blamed for the open window. He swore he had not put the window down. Why would he, it was pouring when we arrived.

This was Doug’s brand new BMW. Dave apologized profusely as he tried to shovel a half gallon of water out of the floor. Doug was calm, but not exactly happy.

The window being open can only be a prank from Hugh. It was certainly something he might orchestrate if he were with us. “What are you going to remember?”

It was so wonderful to be in the embrace of great friends while we collectively grieved. The bonus was Suzanne and I got constant time together as we shared a room together in our most Lucy and Ethel way.

One last meal as a gang at breakfast this morning continuing the “How aboutin’.” The slap of day light savings time can not be blamed on Hugh, but we still felt cheated out of one precious hour together.

Suzanne and I set off on a little tour of her childhood, as she was born in the area. We found her childhood home which she remembered in yellow as a four year old self. As she narrated the tour of her sister’s and her friend’s homes I said, “I wish we had known each other since we were four.” I am ever trying to get more time together, even if it were magically.

I could feel my chest tightening up as we were due to part at the airport where she dropped me. The balm of togetherness leaves me alone to deal with the wounds of loss. Thank goodness I go home to my loving Russ and sweet Shay Shay.

The Day of Hugh

What a day, oh what a day. Hugh Braithwaite had the send off to end all send offs. As if he was producing the show to gain every perfect effect, it was pouring down rain and cold all day. Our gang arrived at the Abbey five minutes after the visitation started and the place was already packed to the gills with a receiving line that snaked through out the sanctuary.

We were greeted by wonderful college friends from all different groups. It was quickly apparent to us that even if we waited in the line to see Carolyn and the kids we would never get to them before the service started. And what a service it was. They could have charged admission and people would have gotten their money’s worth.

Hugh’s fantastic wife Carolyn welcomed everyone and thanked people for lifting up her family so much. And then they returned the favor and lifted us up ten fold. Suzanne and I were sitting next to each other with Dave and Doug and the rest of the Dickinson crowd cocooning us. Hugh’s Nephew Jake, a priest, gave wonderful opening remarks, but it was the playing of Gabriel’s Oboe, from the movie The Mission that seemed to unleash both my and Suzanne’s tears. We tried to not gasp too loudly as the sobs came. But that feeling was quickly replaced with joy as the rest of the service proceeded.

To say the Braithwaite family is talented is an understatement. Hugh’s three children, Will, Owen and Andie, each talented stars in their own right, sang and gave remembrances of their adoring father. Each one painted the picture of their own relationships with the man all 700+ people in that room loved. The over arching theme that these children had was that their father emanated love in the most profound way. When they finished speaking the crowd was so overcome that we burst into applause and stood for a good three minutes clapping.

Hugh was cueing up the orchestra from wherever he is, watching with great pride his dearest family. The singing that the Braithwaite kids did in the service made the family Von Trapp look like singers who could not be an opening act for them. To have the poise to sing for the assembled mob a week after the sudden and surprising death of your father was extraordinary.

When we left the Abbey after three hours there Suzanne, Doug, Dave and I said that we are not allowed to die because our kids can’t sing well enough to put on a service like Hugh’s.

Following the service we went to the Philadelphia Country Club for a lunch that rivaled most wedding receptions. It was a big giant love fest of seeing Hugh’s family, his real Philadelphia friends and our college friends. There were speeches, with all of Hugh’s wonderful siblings sharing the best Hugh stories. Remember they are all Braithwaite’s too so the laughter never stopped.

Our group told a very abbreviated version of the many stories we had thought to share. We had to hold Dave back from telling a Hugh bathroom story. The theme of what most people said is that Hugh was their best friend. And the magic of Hugh is he let everyone think they were his best friend.

I met so many friends I did not know, but who had read my first blog from the day I learned of his passing. They said, “You stole my story. Or, I felt Hugh in every word.” He had a unique way of making us all feel special. He was a man full of sparkle. His wit, humor, brilliance and love was evident to all.

We left the club exhausted, but jubilant from the eight hour love fest that was the day of Hugh. I see he will live on in his children and wife Carolyn, but also in the lives of all his family, friends and the people he touched. He was a swell guy in every way. We love you Hugh. We promise to go forth and continue to spread the love as you did everyday in every way.

The Gathering

Losing a friend who was the lynch pin of a strong group is extra hard when your group is scattered across many states. For the last week our gang has, called, texted, sent photos, written stories, which we emailed each other, all in preparation for tomorrow’s service but mostly because we all were in disbelief that Hugh was gone.

Today we drove and flew and Ubered to all finally be in the same place just to finally have one big group hug. We are a group that embraced each other in the strongest possible way 43 years ago and created a lifetime of stories and a dictionary of our own language in a short period of time. We are still telling those stories and speaking our own special language, but without our chief linguist.

Suzanne had a standard way of always saying our names, Dana, Doug, Hugh and Dave. She is having a hard time reordering the group as we are incomplete without Hugh.

As underwater as we all feel without him, today was a wonderful day. We shared so many stories, laughing until I needed to change my underpants and Doug felt like he had done a thousand push ups. We have not cried as a group, but we have poured out our heartfelt love.

I think tomorrow is going to be extra hard, but so memorable and will be added to the litany of stories we share over and over again.

I am happy to be with my tribe. It may not be whole, but we are all safe together. It looks like we are having so much fun in the pictures, but our hearts are all broken. We are keeping Hugh alive with us by doing exactly what we have always done when we are together. Telling stories, laughing, falling into antics that turn into new stories and sharing a group love that is magical.

We are sad that some of our other close friends are not here with us. And just know we talked about you and your stories too.

Hugh often would miss gatherings we had over the years, so for now I feel like this is just one he is missing. I might have to believe that for the rest of my life and keep him live through our shared stories.

Getting Ready

In the category of life goes on, I played Mah Jongg and I taught Mah Jongg today. I should have cleaned the bath room floor, but I felt like the fact that I folded the laundry was good enough.

I packed my suitcase and made a list for the morning to look for waterproof mascara in my makeup and to bring an appropriate purse.

I can’t handle much else. I am so looking forward to being with my group, but sick about the reason we will be together. Another trip to say good bye. What are you going to remember?

Everything.

Healing Community

There are small silver linings in most tragedies. Because I write this blog I am often an early “alerter” on things. Such was the case in the passing of my friend Hugh. His official obituary in the Philadelphia Inquirer took a few days, and it was beautiful and worth the wait. You a read it here.https://www.inquirer.com/obituaries/hugh-braithwaite-obituary-communications-philadelphia-marketing-20240305.html

In the absence of that professional announcement many friends read my blog and I have heard from so many people far and wide. One theme that everyone shared is the desire, no need, to stay in closer touch or reconnect or to get to know each other more deeply.

Certainly the early passing of someone so vibrant shakes us all up. I so appreciate the messages I have gotten and I am someone on the outer rings of this tragedy. When things like this happen we just want to talk with someone about it and we are often at a loss about who to do that with.

I remember when Elvis died, my mother had some friends call her to give condolences, not because my mother knew or even loved Elvis, but just because she was from Tennessee and they couldn’t think of anyone else to call.

I had a close friend call me today just to say they loved me and wanted me to know how important to them I am. This is someone who didn’t even know Hugh, but reading about his loss precipitated this outpouring of love.

Lord knows in the world today we all need to love on each other a lot more. We need to stop being divided over politics. We need to care for each other and tell people how much they mean to us.

I have lost two very dear and very long time friends in the last two years. I am running out of time to make new lifelong friends. I want to keep the ones I have.

I also don’t want to write any more blogs about losing friends. (Please stop asking me to pre-write your obituaries, as a few of you have done.)

For now, I love hearing from you. Sharing the stories is healing. Laughter is my bandaid on a bruised heart. You are my healing community.

Teaching People I Know

Most of my time is spent traveling around to new places teaching people I don’t know Mah Jongg. Eventually I get to know them as I come back again and again and teach people who were once strangers and now are friends.

I used to just teach beginner Mah Jongg, but students wanted to take more courses and my whole curriculum developed to help people learn how to think about the strategy of the game. Also the advent of teaching a New Card Orientation class in April and May brought be back to most of my regular clubs.

I have some New Card classes coming up that have spaces in them.

Durham April 9 6-9 PM

Raleigh April 10 9AM – Noon, 1PM-4, & 6PM-9

Zoom Class April 11 6PM-9 EST.

Kinston April 18 9AM-Noon

Rocky Mount April 24 4PM- 7

Greenville May 6 9:30AM- 12:30

Morehead City May 7 7PM-10

There is a beginner class in Kinston April 16, 17 & 18 1-4 PM.

Tonight I had a neighborhood class full of friends. I rarely teach in Durham because I taught most people in Durham 20 years ago. Now that Mah Jongg has gotten to be the “in” thing people who didn’t bother before, or who have not played in years and want to relearn. It was so fun to have a class full of old friends. At last my friend Lynn is learning.

Teaching people I know is no different than teaching people I just met, except I don’t have to make a seating chart. What is more fun is the anticipation to play with people I know.

Irrational Things Happen when You are Exhausted

Last night I didn’t get to bed until 2. Our flight from Atlanta was delayed four hours due to power being out in Tampa. Getting an Uber that late at night is slow and then I was just so riled up it took a bit to go to sleep. I finally took too strong a sleeping pill and I had crazy dreams.

One of them was that my friend Hugh did not actually die, but faked his death and then walked into the lunch after the funeral, after we had all said wonderful things about him. I would not be one bit mad if this is how it went. I would just like to tell one more story with him, have him sing one more funny song and tell one more hilarious joke. What a disconcerting sleep that was.

It has been a crazy day. I had to do the normal return from being away things, like go to the grocery and pick up Shay from the sitters. It was also the day we celebrated Kathi’s birthday and I really needed that friend time.

I had to rally tonight to teach Mah Jongg to my Cousin Leigh’s group. They are having class at my house. This means no commute, but I did have to set the tables up. I am maximizing Mah Jongg at my house by having classes here all week.

Thankfully I have some free time in the morning so I can unpack, do laundry and upload all the photos of Hugh for the video after the service on Saturday. I am so thankful that the service is this weekend when I was free to go and be with my gang. I really need to be with them at this time. I am hoping my dream comes true and Hugh pulls a big joke on us all and shows up. I know that is not , but on no sleep it seemed possible.

Not Just My Arm Candy

It’s travel day. After eight glorious Bahamian days Russ and I had to go home. As we were boarding our first flight to Atlanta a mother with the biggest stroller on earth, with a folder in the front and a baby in the back asked Russ for help.

I had been cooing at the baby so she thought we must be trust worthy. Russ agreed right away to help this mother out. He thought he might fold the stroller up or something like that. No. When we got to the end of the jetway she said, “You Ok with Babies?”

Russ enthusiastically said yes and she handed him the baby. He took to Russ and enjoyed his Birds Eye view of the airplane as Russ walked him down the aisle. He handed me the baby while he put his bag up and he was a cutie. The mother took him from me when she and the toddler eventually made it down the aisle.

She was very grateful. I have no idea how she would have gotten the kids out of the stroller with her bags and folded up that giant stroller for gate check. Traveling as a single person with kids is tough. I guess she just looked around and decided Russ looked the most trustworthy. She was right.

Nice Work, If You Can Get It

If I ignored the absolutely horrible awful news I got this week about my friend Hugh, I would have said it was a most fabulous week. Russ and I have had a working vacation at Lyford Cay. He was my arm candy while I imparted Mah Jongg wisdom on a record number of new and old friends. We had 34 for beginners, 56 for strategy and 31 for the tournament today. I would say it was a huge success.

Today’s tournament was so much fun. Some players were nervous, but did admirably. They had to play games in an average of twenty minutes, which they did.

Ruth E. provided some very generous prizes and when she came in second she bowed out of accepting a prize. Ricki “Nebraska” Scully came in first and got her pick of the prizes. Gail Hampton-Davies, Laura Sweeny and Christa Dunn tied for third, but Gail got second shot at the prizes and was thrilled to take home a new Mah Jongg set.

The Houston crowd made a very big impression and as of this afternoon I am scheduled to come to Houston to teach at the Bayou Club in October. I can’t wait to see you all again.

This afternoon Ruth E. took us out on her boat and we got to see a small Manatee that was hanging out by her house. As Ruth E. says, “They are the sloths of the sea world.” This little guy hardly moved, except for putting his snout out of the water for air every few minutes. It was a treat to see the houses from the water as we toured the canals.

We ate our last dinner at the Yacht Club. It was hard to get out because I had goodbyes to say to so many. It is good work, coming to the Bahamas to teach, if you can get it. I am ever appreciative that this is what I get to do with such nice people.

Still at a Loss

I’m in the most beautiful place, having the best time teaching eighty plus people to play the game I love. I have been having a great time and I got the worst news about my dear friend Hugh Braithwaite’s untimely and sudden passing yesterday. Thankfully Russ is here with me, but I really wish I could be with Suzanne, Doug, Dave and Janet so we could just tell stories about Hugh.

I have not had enough time to talk with my common friends of Hugh, but have gotten lots of messages from friends, but grieving like this is not helping my heart. Suzanne is feeling the same pain and exhaustion.

I went back and looked at emails chains from our group after college reunions. The common thread is that we all knew in college that our friendship was special, but felt it more and more deeply as the years went on. We were lucky that our spouses also liked each other and the group and were understanding of our bond.

Hugh was always the most elusive. He would come in and sing the best songs, tell the best stories and then would be the first to leave as he was always in demand. Now we are left without him.

When we first got out of college and were all missing each other I had a weekend party in Washington DC along the theme of the Big Chill. The movie had come out that summer and we all related so well to it. Even though we were not thirty something’s like the members of the cast, we all took on roles in the movie. I wanted us to watch the movie during that weekend so I bought a $79 VHS since Block buster could not guarantee I could rent a copy.

The one part about the movie that we never considered is that one of us would die first. We were much more into the reunion, the music the dancing the reminiscing of a group of college friends.

So now one of us is gone. All I want is to be together, but I want Hugh to be there. Unrealistic thoughts.

Please tell your friends and family how much you love them. Tell them how they impacted your life. Tomorrow is never promised.

Love to you all.