Advice From an Old Parent 

As the parent of a brand new Durham Academy graduate I have some words of advice for parents just starting out with their kids in school, or even some who are in the middle of what feels like a very long journey.
First, it is the shortest trip you will take. One day you are sitting in the Pre-school great room waiting for your little one to run into your arms and suddenly you are watching her walk across the stage to receive her diploma. When the days are long, take a breath and enjoy them no matter the drama, tears or cheers.
The best thing you can do is volunteer to help at school when asked and don’t volunteer your opinion when it is not asked. Be a supportive parent of teachers. Unless you secretly want to home school, remember that these professionals usually know best and are willing to spend their days with your darling, even when they are twelve or thirteen. It is not the most important thing for a teacher to be good with me, but with my child.
Put all important and seemingly unimportant school dates in your calendar at the beginning of the year. Do your best to show up. I will never forget the poor child in Carter’s class one year of lower school who was the only one whose parent was missing for a big day. He sat sobbing quietly as all the other parents, grand parents and special friends feigned over their child’s newspaper that they had worked on all year. I went to sit with him and asked him to tell me about what he had written and had to hold back my own tears as he gulped out the words. No meeting, business trip or tennis game is more important, even if you are a Williams sister. If you can’t be there, find a surrogate and tell your sweet one before hand.
Learn the rules of car pool. You do not want to be that parent who everyone hates because you block the moving lane, or you are reading your text while you should be paying attention. This goes for your surrogate picker uppers, so train the nannies, babysitters and grand parents who pick up for you. Trust me, people will figure out who you are and will brand you forever.
Every year let your child have more and more control over their decisions, work and responsibilities. In the beginning you spend a lot of time reading to them, then them reading to you, then quizzing them on math facts, or vocab, then not so much. Don’t read their papers, don’t ask if they have completed assignments, don’t manage their lives. That is what they need to learn how to do.
Make friends with their friends and their parents. A strong parent friend group is your best resource. Seek out a parent who has had an older child to ask them tips like, “What do the kids wear to grandparents day?” Or “What kind of backpack fits in a middle school locker?” Don’t worry if your children’s friendships wax and wane, they often come back round. When your girl comes home and complains of a friends mistreatment, don’t hold a grudge about that child. Your own sweet one will fast forget a slight so you don’t need to remind them. You also never know when your own child is the one doing the mistreatment. Let your kids fight their own battles.
Keep your child’s and their friends confidences. Knowing they have an adult who they can talk to without fear of reprisal is the best way to help them learn to make good choices. Maybe at some peoples rehearsal dinners will I reveal small childhood misdeeds, but certainly not before.
Take lots of pictures and videos and update them as formats change. Going back and listening to those little voices is a joy you will cherish.  
Let your child find their own path and follow their own passion, even if you don’t understand it. There are lots of ways to be successful, happy people and your best measurement as a parent is that your child found their own.