The Last AP

I went to boarding school in the seventies, so I had two things going for me, we did not have Advance Placement classes and therefore no AP exams and we did not have parents who asked us about studying for anything. School work was the responsibility of the child. There was no questioning if I had studied. Some might say that I could have used a little more pressure, but overall I turned out OK.
Tomorrow afternoon is Carter’s very last high school exam. She has the pleasure of taking her Modern Euro as the very last AP offered. Today was her stats AP and she reported the multiple choice questions were tough. I have tried to be laid back this year about her work, it is after all her job, not mine, but in some last hurrah of parenting I asked her Monday about her plans to study all week for these tests.
“Why are you getting crazy now?” She rightfully asked me. It was a very good question. She is into college, she has done well in her classes, why was I interjecting into her work? I have thought about it this week. I realize that the moments I have to be influential are waning. They really were over around fourth grade, but in some last ditch attempt I think I am trying to hold on to her.
That time has long past. Carter is who she is going to be and I am great with that, but as an only child I have no one left around here to mold. What am I thinking, kids come out the way they are going to be and parents don’t really mold anything.
I know in my brain that my job is just to keep her alive so she and grow into whomever she is going to be. Not that she might not grow and change herself, but that has nothing to do with me. Letting go and letting children fly on their own is easier said than done, even for a fairly non-helicopter mother like me.
I will be happy when the pressure of exams are done and she can go off and do her senior project which is much more real world than school. When I was in school I was much better at real world things than classes so I am excited to see how Carter likes the work world. For now I just want to say, “Good Job Carter, sorry if I got a little nuts at the end. All this change is new for me too.”