Deered Off

I am not running a drive thru for deer in search of a happy meal. So if you happen to be driving, walking or biking by my house and see any Bambie family members hanging around looking for the squawk box to place their orders for tomato plants, green bean bushes or sweet potato vines you make sure to let them know that I have been closed down by the hoofed animal fast food council. Not that anyone can prove I have poisonous plants waiting to be scarfed down by those poor unassuming animals, but I would like the deer to think that.
Now if you are planning a visit to my house please text me when you get to the driveway. I will be happy to open the garage door and let you in that way. If you venture to my front door you might pass out from the aroma of Deer Off that is wafting about what is left of my summer flowering pots.
I know that the lack of rain has left few thirst quenching plants for the deer to eat, but how in the world are they finding the only things I am watering. I came out of the garage on Monday and noticed that my tomato plants that just the night before had held hundreds of green tomatoes on healthy vines had been striped to a third their size with many bits of green fruit let on the ground with one small bite in each. Dumb ass animals don’t even learn that if they don’t like the first green tomato they are not going to like the 55th. 
I know I need a twelve foot high fence to really protect my vegetable garden, but I just don’t like the fortress look. I complain every year about the deer, but somehow they are still here. I’m shocked the famous Hope Valley coyote has not taken down a doe or two. What do I have to do to encourage that to happen.  
If you are a major deer fan I am happy for you to contribute new plants, fully grown and ready to bear fruit to me so I can keep feeding the deer. For the time being I am going to have to keep offending the UPS, FedEx and Mailmen bearing packages with the offending smell of deer retardant. I’m sure that when I come back from vacation I won’t have a plant left between the drought and the deer I guess it’s time to put in a Japanese rock garden.