Downton Lessons

The best part about having a blog is that I can use it as an excuse to re-watch last night’s Downton Abbey episode. There was something Cora said to her husband the Lord that I wanted to make sure I quoted correctly. So Spoiler alert, if you have not watched last night’s season premier of season five stop reading and go watch it.

The scene was at the 34^th wedding anniversary of the Lord and Lady Grantham. A young teacher that Lord Grantham disliked was invited as a guest. After a tense dinner when the young woman spoke her mind about politics that rubbed the landed gentry types the wrong way the whole group went into the drawing room for coffee. As she was getting ready to leave the outspoken teacher came up to Lord Grantham to say thank you and good night and say she wanted to go down stairs to thank the staff. That was just not done back in the day, but Lady Grantham was very gracious about it.

Lord Grantham who was just bristled said to his wife, Cora, “I assume you heard how she spoke to me at dinner.” Cora responded, “Of course, but how does it help to answer rudeness with rudeness?”

I didn’t really need to re-watch the whole show to get that bit of wisdom. It struck me the first time. It is a phrase I hope I can sear into my brain because I have a bad habit of answering rudeness with sarcasm and often a biting quip that makes the person I am speaking to have to think a moment and just as I am making my getaway they realized I said something so much meaner to them.

I don’t act this way often, but when I was younger I rarely hesitated before I took someone down who was rude to begin with. Now a day I realize that most of the time when someone is being rude they really are just ignorant and it is wrong for me to pick on the indefeasible.

But to those who are passive aggressive I have had little patience. Just say directly what you want to say and I will do my best to not be rude back. I am going to try and have Cora’s calm voice in my head saying, “How does it help to answer rudeness with rudeness?” Or as we say it in America, “Kill them with kindness.”

Of course this bit of wisdom from my favorite TV show will not outshine my favorite parts when the Grandmother played by Dame Maggie Smith says the most horrible things with the most innocent of looks. She would never subscribe to Cora’s way of thinking. I am afraid that I really aspire to be here, but I am neither old nor rich enough to act that way so I am going to try the nice way. Ha!