The Offensive Naked Roll

The other day while I was attending a party at a friend’s house I had to wait in line to use the powder room. When my turn came to enter the very beautiful and well appointed throne room I was greeted by a pleasant smell and soft lighting coming from an expensive candle and beautiful linen hand towels as well as paper guest finger tip towels for those who are resistant to use the cloth ones. A bowl of small soaps as well as a glass liquid soap dispenser sat on the vanity. Everything a guest could want was provided for.

Then, while seated I noticed that a new roll of toilet tissue, that’s what fancy ads call toilet paper, was perched sideways on the spent old roll still attached to the wall holder. In the trashcan directly below the toilet paper holder sat the paper that had recently covered the new roll.

My poor hostess I thought. She had gone to great lengths to get her house ready for so many guests. She had cleaned and cooked and lit candles and put out her best china and linens. She warmly greeted her friends at the door. Made introductions all around so that people could get to know new friends. She poured drinks and passed food.

Her one mistake was she had not hired a bathroom attendant who could check the facilities after each guest had visited them. She had no idea that she had invited someone who was too lazy to actually change the roll of toilet tissue. Someone who had either used the last bit of paper and left an empty roll for her next guest or had needed more paper and found the graciously left spare roll, but could not be bothered to pinch together the roll holder and remove the naked core and replace it with a new fresh roll of paper.

Appalled and embarrassed that while waiting in line I had seen two previous visitors come out and not one of them mentioned having trouble replacing the roll. What country had these people been raised in? Certainly not one where the user of the last square of paper or even close to the last square is obligated to actually replace the roll and not just rest it on the old one.

The new roll that sat sideways on the old roll was very large so it obviously had just recently been placed there. I seriously doubt that my hostess had set it up that way before the party started. And what if she had? Wouldn’t it have been kind of any guest who first encountered it that way to go to the trouble of fixing her paper by hanging it on the wall roll holder?

I know there can be some debate among the fussiest of house keepers about which way the roll should roll; either paper coming over the top or from behind, but not knowing which way a hostess likes her roll is no excuse for not spending the ten seconds it take to put the new paper on the roll. If I wasn’t such a lady I might have whispered in my hostess’ ear about this horrific situation, but I held back. Just be assured I removed the offending old core and replaced the fresh roll. Points in heaven for me.