Big Ass Weekend

Sunday night at last and I have survived my weekend from hell. Not only are the PSAT’s behind us, but so is the State Fair horse show. I know that my daughter loves it more than anything else she does all year, as much as I hate it. Getting up at an ungodly hour to get to the smelly barn to sit around and wait and wait and wait. Then to have her horse act up, cause anxiety to the humans and have a judge who we wish to never meet again.

In the end Carter was happy. A big championship ribbon was brought home and life lessons were learned. For me I got to spend some quality time with my child and the adults from her barn who I really like, but still I am glad this fair is behind us.

Behind should be the key word for the state fair horse show. As the children who are competing come dressed in their finest androgynous show clothes, all buttoned up in fancy jackets and starched shirts with rat catcher collars and jodhpurs and tall leather boots in the height of old English fashion they are quite the opposite of some of the mothers and trainers.

This year sparkly big ass butts were the grown up fashion of choice. I am not sure how many of these middle aged women had three way mirrors, but I think a little butt selfie in the dressing room to see how the jeans with rhinestone pockets and glittered flaps made their already spreading posteriors shine might be a good idea. Of course the skinny and younger ones could pull off the sparkle butt look, especially if they were from the “country”. But most of those Mamas need not make the sunshine reflect and magnify their backsides in such a blinding way.

One woman with particularly poor command of the queens English not only had “Hey guys, look at my giant ass” sparkle pockets on her jeans, but then had a shirt on advertising her “big ole racks” She had to hang her truck keys on her belt loop because her jeans were too tight to accommodate them on the inside. I have no idea who her child was, but all the girls who were in the ring she was watching were dressed in the epitome of perfect English riding attire. “Hey Mama, take some fashion lessons from your child.”

I have a whole year before I have to spend my weekend with these, shall I say, a color and a body part type women again. I hope that there is a more subtle type of jeans in fashion next year.