Web Analytics – Not All That

The more I try and remove myself from e-mail lists so that I can cut down on the amount of junk e-mail I get the more weird and less accurate the e-mail spammers get with me.  Just now I was delete, delete, deleting junk to get to my actual mail and here are some of the headlines I got:

Seven Days of skinny jeans from Nordstrom

5- star Pesto Lasagna from Friday Feed

See Who’s on Match.com

Meet Food Network Star Jamie Dean from Southern Season

You could be entitled to Social Security Disability Income from Assistance Network

You’ll never wear the same bra size again from Jockey

With all the fear about big brother and internet search lack of privacy with cookies and analytics about things we click on I would think that one bit of junk mail might actually be something I was interested in, but noooo.  The junk I am getting is so far from hitting the mark that it is annoying me more than usual.

Yes, at some point in my life, perhaps 35 years ago, I might have been interested in skinny jeans, if they had been the fashion then, but now, not so much.  If the ad had been for Skinny Jeans capable thighs I might have opened it, but even if I had skinny thighs I’m too old for skinny jeans.

Absolutely no Lasagna, Pesto or otherwise is happening here.  Friday Feed how about a good Green vegetable side dish?  Even if I could eat pasta I could make Lasagna in my sleep and certainly don’t need a recipe.  Isn’t there an ultra advanced cooking analytic that would only send me recipes for things like Soufflés?

Match.com.  I’ve got a good match.  I can’t imagine what I clicked on that leads these people to believe I’ve got time or interest in another.  I guess the good thing is I did not get any penis enlargement or Viagra ads.

Jamie Dean… well he is trying to make healthier versions of his Mama’s recipes, but I don’t really have any interest in waiting to meet a “star” and I use that word liberally.

There is no way I am entitled to anything and I really hate the idea of ads fishing for people to get what they probably don’t deserve.  If you are really hurt you already know you might qualify for social security.  The government does not have enough money to pay people to read fraudulent claims.

Bras and bra sizes.  I just don’t care what my bra size is as long as it is correct and it does its job.  Based on the dozen of people who click daily on my joke blog called “Dana’s bra strap shortening station” I am sure this ad would have the highest open rate because bras are one serious issue, but not for me today.  I am perfectly happy just the size I am.

So hey Internet you were batting a zero.  None of the junk you charged your clients to send me helped them out at all and it just filled up my inbox.  At least the real junk mail brings things like the Vermont Country Store, which is always good for a chuckle and some really ugly bras too.