The Pain of Re-breaking the Sugar Addiction

I’m an addict.  There, I have said it.  Taken what is supposed to be the hardest step in over coming addiction and admitted that I have a problem and I am powerless to it.  Granted I am a recovering sugar addict, but an addict none-the-less.  I know that I have a weakness in the areas of sugar and white flour, this is not news, and so I have done my best to avoid them since I started my weight loss challenge on May 8^th.

Getting off sugar and white flour was hard at first, but once I had not eaten them for about two weeks I lost my cravings.  Though my brain still whispered sweet temptations every once in a while, I was able to withstand the devil and not succumb to the smell of a chocolate chip cookie, or the crust of a pizza.

November first was the end of my money raising challenge and if there was ever a day I might have rewarded myself something forbidden that was the day, but I did not do it.  I knew that it is a slippery slope when you fall off the no sugar wagon.  But after almost eight months I decided that for Christmas Eve I would give myself the gift of getting to eat whatever I wanted for just one day.

And so I did.  Nothing too crazy, but bread was consumed at two meals and dessert at another.  I think I also ate a snack that day and not a healthy one.  It was great.  Like all addicts all the wonderful happy feeling of being high came rushing back.  Oh how I missed those tastes.  I knew it had to be a one-day thing.  I tried.

Christmas day I went back to eating my normal cereal for breakfast, no kringle or stolen for me.  At my parents I had just veal and spinach for lunch, no pasta, rolls or cake.  I was feeling a little triumphant.  But when we got home late at night I ate a piece of toast with my dinner.  I was so close to being back on track, but somehow slipped off at the very last moment.

Yesterday, Carter and I went to see Les Miserables at noon, which was a big mistake because half way through the movie I realized how hungry I was and reached into the popcorn bucket and had a few greasy handfuls of movie popcorn.  Later that night I ate a Christmas caramel.

There is the slope; I am sliding down it headlong.  I got on the scales and sure enough I was up a few pounds.  There is no way I had eaten 7,000 extra calories to really gain two pounds, but once my body got a taste of the sugar and carbs it had missed so much, it said, hold on, we are keeping these calories around for a while.

Before any more damage can be done I must re-brake my addiction.  I was successful today at eating my regimented allotment of veggies, fruits and protein.  But I know that it will take another week of fighting the cravings again to get myself back to loosing real weight.

Unlike an alcoholic or a drug addict who can stay away from their substances all together, a food addict has to eat something.  All I can say is fighting this addiction  is a life’s work.