What We Need is a Hormonal Traffic Signal

One night when my daughter was about night years old I heard her crying in her bed.  I quickly opened her bedroom door to see what was wrong and there I found her sitting up in bed sobbing uncontrollably.  “I don’t know whats wrong.  I just can’t stop crying,” she squeaked out.

Unfortunately I knew it was the beginning of the girl up and downs.  I looked her square in the face and said, “Oh honey, its just hormones.”

With the wisdom of a much older woman she asked between sobs, “Why do hormones always win?”  It was one of the greatest truths ever uttered and it came from a child who was yet to really understand how powerful those hormones really are.

I am in no way as astute when it comes to hormonal cycles as either my daughter, or my husband.  One of my husband’s best traits is being able to track with NASA quality preciseness when a hormonal swing is about to take place.  When I am beginning to act insane somehow even after all these decades of having hormones I do not immediately know the cause for my insanity, but my husband does.

It would be so helpful to me if he would just go ahead and erect a hormonal signal that would clue me in.  Green would mean all clear, Yellow would mean insanity was on it’s way and Red would give me a warning that my full on B%tch is here.

My daughter is still better than I am at reading the signals.  One day I got a tragic text from her about something that had gone terribly wrong at school that morning.  That triggered my hormonal reaction and worry.  By the time I got to school for afternoon pick-up I was a mess waiting for her.  As she got in the car I asked her if everything was all right and she said without a care in the world, “Oh yeah Mom, no problem.  It was just hormones.”  Disaster adverted, but just for her, my maternal hormonal reaction had yet to clear.

Not only do I want a traffic signal, but maybe even an indicator light right in the middle of every woman’s forehead, that way I would know if it was a good time to ask someone a huge favor, or perhaps I should just give her a piece of chocolate and wait for a green light day.

For me I would like the light system so when I want to eat something more than my “I’m being really good food” I could weigh whether I was really hungry or just hormonal.  Currently I figure out the hormonal part only after I have eaten something forbidden, which is just too late.

For now, I just feel sorry for my husband who lives with two women on opposite ends of the hormonal teeter-totter.  I don’t know how he does it, but thank God he does because otherwise I might never know what is going on with me.