Key to Sales Success

Last night I was lying in bed, watching TV, needle pointing a Christmas ornament.  Right now I would like to claim that needle pointing a Christmas ornament in July would help you lose weight.  If you call right now, I will send you a complete weight loss kit and you are sure to drop the pounds if you follow the simple instructions inside.  This for just $249.95 plus shipping and handling.  Don’t wait, call now, kits are limited.

How can I make this claim?  There are a very limited number of foods you can eat while actively needlepointing and most of them are lollipops.  I know this must sound a little familiar to anyone who watches at least one hour of TV a week because I am overwhelmed with the number of ads for non-food items that make weight loss claims as their number one sales proposition.

Perhaps you have seen the Ashley Furniture commercial for mattresses that claim that if you get a new mattress from them you will lose weight.  Brilliant.  All you have to do is sleep more and lose weight.  Sure, just like with needlepointing if you are asleep you are not eating.  That is of course as long as you are not taking Ambien, which has been linked to Night Eating Syndrome (NES which is also amazingly related to Restless Leg Syndrome, and I just thought they made that one up.)

Sketchers got is a butt load of trouble for claiming that their Shape-up sneakers which had an curved bottom would help you lose more by wearing them.    Sketchers settled their lawsuit for $40 million, but you know they made so much more than that on the shoes that making a dubious weight loss claim was worth the risk.

There are weight loss creams, patches, and Wi-games, which have all sold billions just because they appealed to our lazy nature to lose weight fast and without any pain.  All I can say is buyer beware.

But if you are interested I have a few new products besides the needlepoint kits that can certainly help you if dropping those stubborn lbs is your goal.  Just send me your money, lots of it, it really doesn’t matter what I send you back.  It will work as well as all the other products advertised on TV.