Who Shouldn’t Fly- And It’s Not Who You Think

Last week Carter and I flew to NYC and tomorrow I am off to Texas.  This frequency of air travel is reminiscent of my life before Carter was born and I flew over 100,000 miles a year, but that was pre-9/11.  Thank goodness all this flying is not my normal life anymore.

Recently I have noted there are certain segments of the population that should never attempt to go anywhere via commercial airliners.  First, hoarders.  With most airlines allowing only one small carry-on before charging you outrageous fees to check a bag, a hoarder has a hell of a time deciding what not to bring home from a trip, what with all the sample size shampoos and lotions available at hotels and the half–eaten lunches, that are still perfectly good and deserve to be brought home to be eaten at a much later date, perhaps 5 or 6 years in the future.

The second segment is the technology non-savvy.  I can’t even imagine how in the world someone who is not a computer whiz can even purchase a ticket on an airplane, let alone get a seat or a boarding pass.

The third group is the out of shape, at least if you don’t have a direct flight.  Now a- days airlines don’t seem to give a hoot that they are selling tickets where passengers have to make a connection in less than 45 minutes.  Heaven forbid you are seated in the back of the plane on your first leg, with a full flight of people who all carried on all their bags because they had to, and those bags are really heavy with stolen shampoos and lotions.  So you are spending 25 minutes trying to get off the first plane parked at gate A24 only to discover that your next flight takes off from D99.  As you deplane the “I can’t be any more bored with my job” gate agent’s helpful words are, “You better RUN.”

The fourth group, are the dieters.  The good news is that airlines no longer serve you bad food that is also fattening.  One might think that no food would be good for dieting, but not for six hours or more.  And the TSA really frowns upon you trying to bring anything liquid or wrapped in foil through the security line, so none of the food the hoarders doggie bags are going to make it pass the screening machine.  So you are left to try and hunt down something healthy, as you run between flights and if you are not technology savvy you are unable to pull a list off the internet of the food vendors available along your route between gates, even if you did have time to stop and buy something it is all more fattening than the horrible stuff they used to serve on the airplane back in the good ‘ole days.